Wonkette

This is why John McCain will win the presidency: All of his exciting sex scandals happened 50 years ago, and since then he’s pretty much confined his misdoings to dull and complicated campaign finance/influence peddling bullshit that nobody cares about. We defy you to watch this very informative attack ad without falling asleep 15 times. How boring is this ad? So boring that in spite of the fact that it’s called “Tainted” we could only manufacture one tiny joke about Ralph Reed’s monstrous, world-devouring taint. Please Jesus let Vicki Iseman be knocked up with a little walnut-cheeked hellion so the DNC can make better ads. [YouTube]

GOOD-BYE, CROOK! Dirty little Congressman John Doolittle is retiring from the House, GOP spies said today. But you can’t retire from being the target of a massive corruption investigation! [AP/Yahoo]

Congressman John Doolittle of California — Tom DeLay’s scumbag buddy who took a bunch of dirty money from Jack Abramoff — might be wussing out after all. Doolittle’s chief of staff denies it, but the re-election campaign is already almost broke and he nearly lost his 4th District “safe seat” in the ‘06 midterms that swept away his crooked sweetheart Richard Pombo, from California’s 11th District. [TPM Muckraker, Politico, OpenSecrets]

It seems like ages since Jack Abramoff and his BFF Bob Ney got sent to the slammer, which must be why Bush’s Department of Justice seems to have totally forgotten about Jacky-boy’s other crimes and bribe-takers, right? I mean, they’ve totally got, like, religious discrimination cases to prosecute and Democratic voter fraud to uncover and stuff, and that’s hard. But someone hasn’t forgotten about an incident at the end of the Clinton Administration in which Jacky was working to get these two boobs (Don Young of Alaska and Dana “Don’t Make Any Sudden Moves” Rohrabacher of California) to help him discredit a U.S. diplomat… on behalf of the country in which that diplomat was serving.

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Who will fight for Fraud and Abuse? Who will stop the 100 Billion Immigrants from having “more rights than you”? Who basically put George Bush Junior in the White House (with a little help from the Supreme Court)? Ex-Congresswoman and Super Christian horse rider Katherine “Kitty” Harris, that’s who! And now the Draft Kitty movement has a website! This thing is serious, people. If she’s not indicted and put in prison like the rest of Abramoff/Wilkes crowd, January of 2009 could be the greatest month in Human History: the month Kitty Harris becomes our president.

Draft Katherine Harris

Somebody blew themselves up with got blown up by a “backpack bomb” in a Las Vegas hotel garage this morning. Political experts say it was likely a desperate attempt to send a message to Nevada Governor Jim Gibbons, famous for his drunken assaults in Vegas parking structures. MORE »

Hey, John Doolittle’s house was raided by the FBI last Friday! As usual, the gears of justice have turned quickly and decisively in dealing with the crooked lawmakers who enabled Jack Abramoff. MORE »

Jack Abramoff, as you surely predicted, will be outta jail before Dick Cheney even gets in. That’s the benefit of being a snitch, as Jack has been since they caught him. MORE »

* Presidential hopefuls travel to Las Vegas this weekend to IM with voters. [Think Progress]
* If it costs $950 to have lunch with Valerie Plame and Joe Wilson, then it must cost at least two grand to not have lunch with them. [Charitybuzz]
* Movie-line jokes about Fred Thompson’s candidacy to wear thin rapidly. Laugh now. [Vodka Pundit]
* The Other 85 U.S. Attorneys keep truckin’ along in their partisan hackaday lives. [Robert Reich]
* Doing things like letting Jack Abramoff out of jail. [Guardian]
* Tom DeLay didn’t write or read his own book. [Political Wire]
* Bill O’Reilly’s hatred of NBC will be tested. [Intoxination]
* Why is James Inhofe such a dick? [Firedoglake]

Remember when Republicans ran Congress and everybody was so corrupt and then the midterms happened and the Democrats swept in with a bold plan to have ethics and all that? Well, they were just kidding. MORE »