Tag Archives: italy

  Is Barack Obama Killing Christianity? We Are Only Asking.

Fox News ‘Democrat’ Kirsten Powers: I Can’t Believe Obama Drowned Those Christians!

Some things just never go out of style!
Fox News’s token Democrat on Outnumbered, Kirsten Powers, has had just about enough of Barack Obama’s silence on the persecution of Christians in the Middle East. For instance, when Obama held a joint press conference Friday with Italian Prime Minister Matteo Renzi, Obama just stood there and didn’t even condemn the murders of a dozen Christian refugees who were thrown from a migrant ship by Muslims on April 15: Read more on Fox News ‘Democrat’ Kirsten Powers: I Can’t Believe Obama Drowned Those Christians!…
 

The Snake Oil Bulletin: Can The Paleo Diet Cure Autism? Why No! No It Cannot!

of course, cavemen all died by 30
Howdy-doo, folks! Welcome back to your Snake Oil Bulletin, the weekly round-up of pseudoscience, nonsense, and assorted quackery this side of the Mississippi. It’s been a pretty painful week so far, but with the weekend comes good news that far worse off than you are all the anti-vaccine autism-exploiters out there. Let’s read on and feel the warmth of schadenfreude wash over us all, shall we? Read more on The Snake Oil Bulletin: Can The Paleo Diet Cure Autism? Why No! No It Cannot!…
  The Derp Before Christmas

Derp Roundup: Zombie Baby Jesus Edition

And that's what Hearth's Warming Eve is all about, Zombie Brown
It’s a special Ho-Ho-Huh? Edition of Derp Roundup, the feature where we bring you the stories that don’t quite deserve their very own posts, but are too stupid to ignore altogether. So light the candles and gather round the hearth, and start drinking  first thing in the morning if that gets you through this mess. Absinthe is Christmassy, isn’t it? Read more on Derp Roundup: Zombie Baby Jesus Edition…
  canon fodder

No One Is Sure What Happened When New Pope Called This Divorced Lady

Reports are sketchy and confused, but either New Pope just tossed out centuries of dogma and tradition on divorce, or somewhere in between Argentina, Italy, England and several different publications in at least three languages, somebody or several somebodies really got some details wrong. It’s kind of fun, at least, that with this Pope, nobody’s quite sure. (Our money is on “confusion.” The smart money is always on confusion.) Read more on No One Is Sure What Happened When New Pope Called This Divorced Lady…
  mamma mia!

Around The World With Lloyd Dangle: Tea Party Lessons For The Whores Of Rome

(Rome) I just finished a perfectly-prepared sardine antipasti, caprese salad, and a plate of grilled calamari. The wine was a Pinot Grigio from the area. Nice. It’s hot as hell here, but a breeze is blowing off Palatine Hill, where Romulus and Remus suckled the she-wolf. When I close my eyes I can almost hear the ancient Romans in the Coliseum cheering as a Christian is eaten by lions. But the only thing being devoured around here these days is the country of Italy itself, in an economic free fall, its middle class chewed up like prosciutto on a dry panini and its hope for the future spoiling like tiramisu in the sun. I’ve been talking to people all over, gondoliers, bartenders, street barkers, nuns. I don’t speak Italian but I find if I talk loud and use a fake Italian accent they understand me perfectly. I keep telling these poor uneducated bastards what we in America have learned from the Tea Party. A country, I explain, is just like a family sitting around the dinner table figuring out its household budget. If the family is spending more than it’s taking in then it’s time for some good, old-fashioned belt-tightening. I tell them, stop being such whiners and get behind the ECB-IMF-Merkel-Tea Party solution of austerity, structural adjustment, and “internal devaluation.” My words are often received with a rousing cheer of, “bafangool!” which means “thank you for the wisdom!” Read more on Around The World With Lloyd Dangle: Tea Party Lessons For The Whores Of Rome…
  flotus files

Queen of Italy Michelle Obama Will Receive Free Olive Oil Forever

So we all know by now that our First Lady Michelle Obama hates Oprah and taunted her with pie, or whatever, who cares. Our FLOTUS really has no time for ridiculous accusations, because in case you haven’t noticed, we have an obesity crisis on our hands. Michelle Obama is hard at work trying to stop this disgusting epidemic, and this week, invited another group of children to the White House, this time to talk about America’s least favorite sport: soccer! That underwear model David Beckham was there, as well as his team, whatever it’s called. Well, the Europeans must have really liked this soccer nonsense, because today, a province in southern Italy decided to dedicate a tree to our FLOTUS. Of course, in our country we prefer to name stadiums and highways after our most treasured icons, but they don’t have those things in Europe. It’s just Vespas and cigarettes, as far as the eye can see. Read more on Queen of Italy Michelle Obama Will Receive Free Olive Oil Forever…
  attention whores

Silvio Berlusconi Offers To Rename His Party After Women’s Genitals

World’s most overcompensating de facto dictator hump-monster Silvio Berlusconi made a dumb joke that he would like to rename his sagging political party Forza Gnocca, or “Go Pussy” in English, to prove his central lifelong argument that he has a penis. Most everyone in Italy long ago grew bored of this insecure toad and wearily told him to go sod off, but notably, he got support for the joke from one camp: Read more on Silvio Berlusconi Offers To Rename His Party After Women’s Genitals…
  countries that know nothing about art

Silvio Berlusconi Attaching Penises To Ancient Italian Statues, With Magnets

Italy’s culture ministry on Friday defended Premier Silvio Berlusconi for giving ancient marble statues in his office replacement body parts, to the horror of art restorers. The ministry, which is led by a close ally of the premier, said in a statement there’s no cause for alarm: The hand added to Venus and the penis added to Mars are attached by magnets and can be removed without damage. Read more on Silvio Berlusconi Attaching Penises To Ancient Italian Statues, With Magnets…
  flotus files

World’s Most Powerful Lady Mingles With Peasants, Cures Disabled

Our sassy FLOTUS stirred up some controversy last week when she stopped on the South Side of Chicago to cast an early vote, and then whispered to a bunch of people that they better vote Democrat, or else. This made some people angry, because they thought maybe it violated an Illinois state law (or not),) and also because everyone knows that Michelle Obama can, with her words and her giant accessories, force Americans to do all sorts of things they would otherwise avoid, like voting a certain way, or exercising. She has super powers, our FLOTUS, and she used them just a few days prior to the voting non-incident to freak out a bunch of strangers. Read more on World’s Most Powerful Lady Mingles With Peasants, Cures Disabled…
 

Potenza: Eat Superb Food Here

Potenza is the perfect place to go to if you like to eat great food of the pasta, meat and cheese varieties. It’s also the perfect place to go to if you enjoy hearty portions, ordering from a menu that makes sense, and if you don’t care for fusion-y food that tries to out fusion itself somewhere in your digestive track. Oh, and it’s also a great place to go to if you want the newest DC gossip — it is down the street from the White House, after all. Read more on Potenza: Eat Superb Food Here…
  la dolce vita

Hooker Four-Way Not Even Silvio Berlusconi’s Biggest Problem Right Now

If the leader of one of the world’s eight largest economies was rumored to have engaged in group sex with three prostitutes, that’s “news,” right? What if the leader in question was Silvio Berlusconi? These are the sorts of philosophical conundra you run into in the blogging business. The Silvio-whore connection is well established, which is why this latest news is exciting less for quality than for quantity. And it isn’t even the thing that will result in him maybe losing his job tomorrow! Read more on Hooker Four-Way Not Even Silvio Berlusconi’s Biggest Problem Right Now…
  pompey is rolling in his grave

New (Alleged) Berlusconi Sex Tape Released!

Comical Italian hump-monster Silvio Berlusconi is always getting into scrapes — sexual scrapes, that is! The latest involves an audio tape, released to an Italian newspaper, purporting to be the prime minister and a 42-year-old escort talking about sex things, such as masturbation, immediately after they had sex together. She taped the whole thing with her cell phone, the naughty minx! Italian speakers, enjoy. [The Guardian, L’espresso] Read more on New (Alleged) Berlusconi Sex Tape Released!…
  what's black and white and red all over?

Appeaser Obamas Meet With Former Nazi

What enemy of America is Nobama meeting now? Oh, just former Nazi Youth and New World Order socialist Joseph Ratzinger, Italy’s latest “bad pope.” How lousy is this pope? He even let Chicago Muslin lady Michelle Obama inside His boys-only clubhouse! [CBC] Read more on Appeaser Obamas Meet With Former Nazi…
  rowr

G8 Countries Secretly Trying To Kick Out Italy, For Sucking

Italy was a pretty important country or whatever about 2,000 years ago, but since then it’s gradually deflated to its current status as a wacky do-nothing ice-cream colony of back hair and male capri pants and trash and rats. Pompey was lucky to die when he did! Now the person running this ancient land-phallus is a naked orange clown who spends all of his time ringleading orgies with young non-wife girls or fiddling around with the roster of the soccer team he randomly owns. Which is great for him! But unfortunately for this Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi, he signed Italy up as the host of tomorrow’s latest G8 conference a while back without realizing that he and his minions would have to “do preparation stuff” in advance, so they just did nothing, and now “Washington” is trying to kick this embarrassing pizza-bagel of a country out of its Rich Nations Club once and for all. Read more on G8 Countries Secretly Trying To Kick Out Italy, For Sucking…
  friday afternoon video gross-out

Italian PM Fake-Humps Meter Maid, For Laughs

Here is the libidinous fartsack Silvio Berlusconi, who still lives with his mom, assaulting some poor woman who just wanted to write a goddamn parking ticket in peace. Thank you to the inimitable shortsshortsshorts who posted this years-old but still fantastically awful bit of filth on his blog. [YouTube via ShortsandPants] VERY IMPORTANT UPDATE: Read more on Italian PM Fake-Humps Meter Maid, For Laughs…
  best friends

White House Sorry For Handing Out Rude Berlusconi Biography

People who follow European politics know that Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi is a crooked wingnut who only stays in power by sending packets of money to every member of parliament. He has been charged and tried for a variety of comical Italian crimes such as bribery of cops and judges, “mafia collusion,” and every known variety of corruption. But he has never been convicted, and this is why the White House shouldn’t have handed out that Berlusconi biography calling him a scumbag “”known for governmental corruption and vice.” [BBC News] Read more on White House Sorry For Handing Out Rude Berlusconi Biography…
 

Italian PM Endorses McCain So He Can Look Younger In Relation

Everyone in Europe is a socialist Liberal arugula-swilling white wine-eating gay elite terrorist statist freedom-hating fairy, except for one man: Silvio Berlusconi, who said today that he favors John McCain, and did so by mocking him: “I suppose I could express my own personal preference for one of the candidates, the Republican candidate, and this is for a very selfish reason, and that is that I would no longer be the oldest person at the upcoming G8.” So far, this is the most reasonable explanation any individual has offered for supporting John McCain. [WSJ] Read more on Italian PM Endorses McCain So He Can Look Younger In Relation…
 

Barack Obama Is American President Of Europe!

Every four years, Europeans get mad at Americans because only stupid ignorant U.S. citizens get to elect their president (who is always George W. Bush). So this year our friends overseas were delighted to participate in a meaningless poll conducted by the Telegraph, which showed conclusively that your average bewhiskered European hausfrau is just as hot for Barack Obama as millions of recently graduated American college seniors. But who digs Obama the most? The answer may shock you! Read more on Barack Obama Is American President Of Europe!…
 

Bitchy Outgoing Italian Government Posts Everyone’s Tax Info Online

Europeans’ favorite hobbies include drinking tea and “Fanta,” smoking *our* tobacco, sexing tight-jeaned hobbits, and being outrageously catty. Due to at least three of these factors, the outgoing Italian government — distraught over its failures — posted every Italian’s tax information online, with no warning, until the site crashed due to excessive voyeurism. Read more on Bitchy Outgoing Italian Government Posts Everyone’s Tax Info Online…
 

The Foreigns: It’s Funny ‘Cause We Don’t Know Them

If Americans know one thing about the Foreigns (and sometimes that’s a near thing), it’s that they live in Foreign countries, which, obviously, are hellholes of awfulness and despair. Guess if they didn’t want to be crapped on day and night by a malevolent universe, they should have lived in America! This week, the Foreigns introduces you to some happenings overseas that we can safely laugh at only because they only happen to Foreign types, but otherwise they’d be pretty depressing. Read more on The Foreigns: It’s Funny ‘Cause We Don’t Know Them…
 

Daily Briefing: Climb, Mate, Change, and Go Home

* Clarence Thomas doesn’t want the EPA to act on global warming, cause he likes it hot. [WP, NYT, LAT, USAT] * Antonin Scalia doesn’t want to address the legality of holding detainees at Guantánamo, cause he hears cries of innocent men in his dreams at night, and likes it. [WP, NYT] * No one hates America more than Harry Reid. [WP] * Mitt Romney is an “aggressive fundraiser,” John McCain has “a host of shortcomings.” [WP, WSJ] * Even intelligence reports in Italy are luxuriously handcrafted, accurate. [WP] * NASA Inspector General Robert Cobb could end up fired — into space on the back of a photon torpedo. [WP, NYT] Read more on Daily Briefing: Climb, Mate, Change, and Go Home…
 

Senate Nonbinding Resolution Forces Resignation …

…in Italy! Italian Prime Minister Romano Prodi has handed his resignation to the country’s president after losing a crucial foreign policy vote in the Senate. Prodi resigned after his (non-binding!) motion to show support for the Italian government’s foreign policy failed by two votes. Now the entire government might dissolve, because Parliamentary Democracies are all crazy. Read more on Senate Nonbinding Resolution Forces Resignation ……