Wonkette

People who follow European politics know that Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi is a crooked wingnut who only stays in power by sending packets of money to every member of parliament. He has been charged and tried for a variety of comical Italian crimes such as bribery of cops and judges, “mafia collusion,” and every known variety of corruption. But he has never been convicted, and this is why the White House shouldn’t have handed out that Berlusconi biography calling him a scumbag “”known for governmental corruption and vice.” [BBC News]

Everyone in Europe is a socialist Liberal arugula-swilling white wine-eating gay elite terrorist statist freedom-hating fairy, except for one man: Silvio Berlusconi, who said today that he favors John McCain, and did so by mocking him: “I suppose I could express my own personal preference for one of the candidates, the Republican candidate, and this is for a very selfish reason, and that is that I would no longer be the oldest person at the upcoming G8.” So far, this is the most reasonable explanation any individual has offered for supporting John McCain. [WSJ]

Every four years, Europeans get mad at Americans because only stupid ignorant U.S. citizens get to elect their president (who is always George W. Bush). So this year our friends overseas were delighted to participate in a meaningless poll conducted by the Telegraph, which showed conclusively that your average bewhiskered European hausfrau is just as hot for Barack Obama as millions of recently graduated American college seniors. But who digs Obama the most? The answer may shock you! MORE »

Europeans’ favorite hobbies include drinking tea and “Fanta,” smoking *our* tobacco, sexing tight-jeaned hobbits, and being outrageously catty. Due to at least three of these factors, the outgoing Italian government — distraught over its failures — posted every Italian’s tax information online, with no warning, until the site crashed due to excessive voyeurism. MORE »

If Americans know one thing about the Foreigns (and sometimes that’s a near thing), it’s that they live in Foreign countries, which, obviously, are hellholes of awfulness and despair. Guess if they didn’t want to be crapped on day and night by a malevolent universe, they should have lived in America! This week, the Foreigns introduces you to some happenings overseas that we can safely laugh at only because they only happen to Foreign types, but otherwise they’d be pretty depressing. MORE »

* Clarence Thomas doesn’t want the EPA to act on global warming, cause he likes it hot. [WP, NYT, LAT, USAT]
* Antonin Scalia doesn’t want to address the legality of holding detainees at Guantánamo, cause he hears cries of innocent men in his dreams at night, and likes it. [WP, NYT]
* No one hates America more than Harry Reid. [WP]
* Mitt Romney is an “aggressive fundraiser,” John McCain has “a host of shortcomings.” [WP, WSJ]
* Even intelligence reports in Italy are luxuriously handcrafted, accurate. [WP]
* NASA Inspector General Robert Cobb could end up fired — into space on the back of a photon torpedo. [WP, NYT]

…in Italy! MORE »

An Italian tv show secretly tested the sweat of Italian lawmakers (comedy ain’t pretty, etc) for drug use within the last 36 hours. The results: 12 potheads and 4 coke fiends. Considering that this is the Italian parliament we’re talking about, we’re shocked at how many of them are governing sober. And hell, the US of A could beat that record with one house tied behind our back — our guys are popping pills, crashing into stationary traffic barriers, punching out cops, texting journalists drunk, checking themselves into rehab left and right, and fucking pages. The entire Illinois delegation is probably freebasing right now. MORE »

• Bush stresses need for US to remain in Iraq, he fears, “We will have lost our soul as a nation” if forces are removed. [WP]

• Scotland Yard charges 11 in “liquid bomb” plot, yesterday’s press conference more CSI than Sherlock Holmes. [NYT, WP]
• Italy to lead peacekeeping force in Lebanon, provided standing around in stylish blue helmets is the extent of the “leading.” [BBC]
• Obama now carrying hopes of Democratic party and all of African continent on shoulders. [LAT]
• Uptight, “Washington Type-A” parents fear humiliation from what their kids write on these new “blogs.” [WP]

The Nation’s blog (called, irritatingly, “The Notion”) has a charming little piece about the Italian Elections, a fitting political obituary for Silvio Berlusconi: MORE »

* Names & Faces: Bono says he feels “exploited” by the use of his photo in campaign literature for Italy’s Silvio Berlusconi. [WP]
* Washington Whispers: Playboy and Penthouse are banned from State Department newsstands at the request of Condoleezza Rice. . . Josh Bolten recently cut work to watch a few Washington Nationals games. . . Fidel Castro could die within the next few years, American officials contend. . . Frank Luntz has a favorable view of Mark Warner. . . Rep. Nancy Pelosi misses the chocolate she gave up for lent. [USN&WR]
* Page Six: Site indicates Sen. Robert Menendez (D-NJ) may have kept a “love nest” with his former chief of staff. . . Jenna once woke Bush up and made him call her then-boyfriend Blake Gottesman after they fought. [NYP]
* Lloyd Groves’s Lowdown: Gore blames Bush for failures surrounding Katrina and 9/11 in the “green issue” of Vanity Fair. [NYDN]
* The Scoop: Susan Sarandon wants national elections to be monitored by a third party: “The last one was an embarrassment. Everybody knew there was fraud, but nothing was done about it.” [MSNBC]

Update: Correction Appended MORE »

Oh, Silvio. Silvio Silvio Silvio. MORE »