The American Israel Public Affairs Committee — you know, the lobbying group that secretly writes all of our legislation — recently made headlines when allegations surfaced that Rep. Jane Harman (D-Warblog) had promised to ask the Bush White House to go easy on a couple of AIPAC guys accused of spying. Anyway, this notion that Harman is not just in bed with AIPAC but is literally having sex with it deep into the night and making loud erotic noises that disturb the neighbors was probably not helped by a new announcement. MORE »

Way back in 2006, everybody wondered why newly appointed Speaker Nancy Pelosi didn’t let Jane Harman run the House Intelligence Committee, since Harman had been its ranking Democrat through the long Republican Reign of Terror. People assumed it was just ladies hatin’ on other ladies, as is their wont, being so hormonal. But maybe it actually had something to do with this juicy bit of news: that Harman was caught on an NSA wiretap having a very crooked-sounding conversation with a suspected Israeli agent about how to get espionage charges against two AIPAC officials reduced. In other words: catfight. Probably went something like this. [CQ Politics]

A terribly immature homophobe sent us this childish nonsense earlier about what he and his girlfriend (Princess Leia) were typing to each other on the Internet: “Me and my girlfriend have been discussing it intensely over gchat for the last 20 minutes and we’ve come to the conclusion that we’ve finally found definitive evidence that David Brooks is gay in today’s nytimes column.” Nonsense, David Brooks is white. It means nothing that his driver in Israel, a “young, hip-looking, alt-rocker dude,” protected him after their car raped another car from the rear. MORE »

New York Times “lightning rod conservative” columnist Bill Kristol was among the group of East Coast elite conservative pundits who supped with communist Barack Obama last week at George Will’s oxen farm in Maryland, so we were “interested” to see what he would write in today’s edition of his war column. Alas, he simply offers a perfunctory mention of the dinner before this terrifying twist: “…I’ve found myself thinking these last few days more about the man who has shouldered the burdens of office for the past eight years, George W. Bush.” Thus begins a rant about his fellow Jews and the anti-Semitic PBS host Bill Moyers, who probably loves the Holocaust. MORE »

Ha ha, how awesome would it be if Joe “Sam” Wurzelbacher really didn’t have the money to get home from Israel and he had to stay there, forever, until the Israelis deported him for being such a horrible douche? (Or until he got esploded by a Hamas rocket, of course.) In honor of this fine Web site, your Wonkette will be starting a fraudulent PayPal collection scheme where we’ll be “raising money” to keep Joe in Israel/Gaza. All proceeds will be diverted to support Wonkette’s Patriotic Inaugural Ball. [Joe the Journalist aka Joe the plumber]

Ladies and dudes, it’s Joe the Plumber, reporting from Sderot, Israel! And … wow. This miserable slob can’t even bother to put on a collared shirt when he does his “reporting,” which is really just bitching about how he “liked it back in World War I and World War II” when you would get all your war journalism at the movie theater. Is Joe the Plumber truly the world’s largest known example of a human dildo, or is he a brilliant performance artist sent to us by Jesus/The Onion, for laffs? [YouTube]

Ha ha, the entire journalism/media/publishing industry is collapsing, there are no jobs, more and more of America’s best writers and reporters are permanently unemployed, and there’s not any reason for this typhoon of fiery “creative destruction” to roll back, ever, meaning it’s really just “destruction,” since the American economy does not “create” so much as it does “restructure, hide, and disguise short-term corporate debt.” Where were we going with this again? Oh yeah, Joe the Plumber got a reporter job with Pajamas Media to go cover Israel and the Muslims’ war on a small, shitty landstrip thousands of miles away. Suck on that, you mid-major American newspapers that’ve been forced to shut down your foreign bureaus! MORE »

UMM isn’t Bill Kristol’s mockery of a one-year contract with the liberal New York Times over by now, after one year, and he should not be writing anymore? Wait, what? “Stay the course” you say? Well then that’s good by us. Let’s check out the latest prose poetry from America’s “lightning rod conservative” about… Israel and Hamas, in which he argues that nothing short of an Israeli “victory” (undefined, as per usual) will lead to American war with the Iranians. MORE »

Like so many McCain campaign disasters — choosing Phil “Poor People Suck” Gramm as financial adviser or announcing a press conference on an oil rig during a hurricane — it probably seemed like a terrific idea at the time: Harass Barack Obama into embarking on an international fact-finding mission thing, which would obviously provide so many embarrassing gaffes and make Americans scared to death of the Boy Muslim President. MORE »

A JEW LIKES OBAMA! Except for Sour Joe Lieberman and maybe a dozen wingnuts and their blogspots, American Jews are liberal Democrats — it’s the Party for the Smarties. But one of the 2004 wingnuts now says Barack Obama is cool for Israel! The remaining eleven wingnuts will be FURIOUS, and Lieberman will need an extra thousand pounds of prunes tonight. [Jerusalem Post]

Yesterday Joe Lieberman addressed Christians United For Israel, the dumb thing headed by Pastor John Hagee, Lieberman’s best friend. Hagee used to be John McCain’s best friend, and they spent many a evening talking about how Hitler was a messenger of God, the message being “European Jews, what an oxymoron!” Joe Lieberman introduced himself to the creepy group with this appropriately creepy message: “I am your brother Joseph.” Then: “I don’t agree with everything Pastor Hagee has said… I will tell you tonight the bond that I feel with Pastor Hagee and each and every one of you is much stronger than that and I am proud to stand with you tonight.” Ha ha, Connecticut voters. [NYT/The Caucus]