Tag Archives: israel

  In Which Obama Manages To Be Both Chamberlain AND Hitler

Mike Huckabee: Obama’s Actually Holocausting Jews For A Change

Thank god these Nazi analogies will go away when the next president is inaugurated.
Are we all tired of Obama-is-Hitler analogies? Well of course we are! But Mike Huckabee isn’t, because he found a really novel variation on the theme: Instead of Obama being just like a Nazi by forcing Americans to have healthcare or taking their guns away or –one of our favorites — letting them get student loans, Huckabee actually found some real Jews for Obama to do a Holocaust to! In an interview with Dead Breitbart’s Really, A Sirius Channel Is Too A Real Radio Station, Huckabee explained that the recent nuclear deal with Iran is exactly the same as the Endlösung: Read more on Mike Huckabee: Obama’s Actually Holocausting Jews For A Change…
  The Derp Horseman Of The Apocalypse

Godly Grifter Jim Bakker Says Iran Deal Means End Times, Please Send Money

'Every frame of this movie looks like somebody's last known photo' -- MST3K, Manos, The Hands of Fate
We learn all sorts of fascinating things working here at Yr Wonkette, and here is one of them: Jim Bakker, the disgraced ’80s televangelist who served time for doing big-time financial fraud for Jesus, is actually still on teevee somewhere in the scary recesses of cable where we never go! We were awfully sad when his ex-wife, gay icon and mascara addict Tammy Faye, died in 2007, but we’d forgotten that Jim was still out there running his old End Times grift, at least until RawStory brought us this gorgeous video of Bakker getting the latest Bible prophecy News from up-and-coming Alabama pastor John Kilpatrick, who has found all sorts of clues in the Bible that exactly match America in 2015, which means of course that the end times are here, and it’s all Obama’s fault for signing a nuclear deal with Iran. Also, abortion is causing the California drought, which frankly is just plagiarism of that one California Republican assemblywoman. Read more on Godly Grifter Jim Bakker Says Iran Deal Means End Times, Please Send Money…
  For All The 'Sacrificial Veterans'

Sarah Palin: Iran Bad, Obama Bad, Let’s Build A Wall, Something Something You Betcha

No sir, she doesn't like it!
Just in case you were worried (or hoping) that after losing her big Fox News gig and walking out on her already foundering pretend teevee channel, you might be seeing less of Sarah Palin, you’ll be delighted or nauseated to know that she can still throw a bunch of words into a blender and get them published at Dead Breitbart’s Internet Refuge for Drooling Vipers. Such was the case Wednesday, as the legendary foreign policy visionary who foresaw the Russian occupation of Ukraine looked once again into her crystal doorknob and warned that this week’s nuclear arms agreement with Iran is going to be big trouble, because it’s not merely a plan to put Iran’s nuclear program on ice — it’s actually a complete surrender of both the United States and Israel to the Islamic Republic. And she is not one bit surprised: Read more on Sarah Palin: Iran Bad, Obama Bad, Let’s Build A Wall, Something Something You Betcha…
  wait what?

GOP Senator Enraged Obama Giving Arms To Iran, Wait That Was Reagan

Barack Obama and one of his Persian lovers.
To say that Republicans have become unhinged over President Obama’s Iran deal would be a generous understatement. But “moderate” (hahaha) Sen. Mark Kirk, Republican of Illinois, may (at least for the moment) be the most unhinged of all. Did you know that Obama reached this agreement so that we can give all the nukes to Iran so they can murder everyone in the Middle East? IT’S TRUE! At least it’s true if you live in Mark Kirk’s brain. Read more on GOP Senator Enraged Obama Giving Arms To Iran, Wait That Was Reagan…
  What Good Is A Deal That Won't Let Us Bomb Iran?

Scott Walker Joins The ‘Tough On Iran Like Reagan Was’ Club

In 1980 and 1984, especially. By landslides, even.
Scott Walker is a man who knows what he believes in, even if some of it is kind of weird, like how he can beat ISIS because he told public employee unions to go get bent. And his foreign policy hero is the great Ronald Reagan, who didn’t let foreign enemies like air traffic controller unions boss him around. So it shouldn’t be too surprising that in his announcement speech, Scott Walker explained we can never have a nuclear deal with Iran, because under Jimmy Carter, Iran took 52 Americans hostages, and only freed them on Ronald Reagan’s first day in office. Read more on Scott Walker Joins The ‘Tough On Iran Like Reagan Was’ Club…
  A Piece In Our Time

Iran Nuclear Deal Will Either Usher In New Era Of Peace Or End Of Civilization As We Know It

Thanks to whoever already did this with Ahmedinejad instead of Hitler; we've updated to Rouhani
An agreement to limit Iran’s nuclear development has been reached between Iran and the United States, plus five other nations that were so important to the negotiations that the New York Times named them all in the 33rd paragraph of its story on the deal. While President Barack Obama said the agreement is “not built on trust, it is built on verification,” many representatives of Israel in the U.S. Congress have complained that the deal is terrible and will lead to Iranian domination of the Middle East, the destruction of Israel, and probably gun confiscation and abortions, because everything Obama does will lead to those. The agreement is the result of a framework that Iran and the U.S. agreed to in April. Read more on Iran Nuclear Deal Will Either Usher In New Era Of Peace Or End Of Civilization As We Know It…
  Won't You Pour Me A Cuban Breeze Gretchen?

Fidel Castro Wins Cold War, Hooray!

Thought about 'shopping Obama's face in there, but nahhh
In news that probably ought to seem a lot more exciting to Cold War Babbies like Yr Wonkette, President Obama announced today that the U.S. and Cuba have finalized arrangements to reopen embassies in each other’s countries. And while we are indeed pleased by the news, we’re mostly just wondering what the hell took so long — and also whether we should yell at Red China about Quemoy and Matsu while we’re at it. As Steve Martin said about Nixon way back in 1977, it’s like making Ike jokes. But hooray, the president has followed through with another step in his groundbreaking agreement to normalize relations with Cuba, and now it’s just a matter of time until everyone starts asking about when they can import cigars (short answer: no time soon). It’s probably just as well; they’re just goddamn cigars, and they’ll taste like goddamn cigars, for godssake. Read more on Fidel Castro Wins Cold War, Hooray!…
  Point and laugh at the Arkansas idiot

Arkansas Senator Dude Tired Of Homos Parading About During Sunday Church Services

Jason Rapert points at homosexuals.
Arkansas state Sen. Jason Rapert has had thoughts again! We last heard from him when he was helpfully trying to get a Ten Commandments monument constructed on the grounds of the Arkansas state capitol, for “historical reasons,” because, like, all of our judicial system is based on those ten suggestions. (DUH.) Well, this week, he’s pissed off about the fags and fag-adjacents (read: lesbians) who decided, for the 12TH YEAR IN A ROW, to hold the Conway, Arkansas, gay pride parade on a Sunday, because he knows those gays picked that day in order to persecute godly Bible-believers like Rapert, who simply wish to get to church on Sunday unscathed by glitter or joy. Rapert logged on to the Facebook to tell us all how the gays hurt him in his no-no parts. Let’s mock him: Read more on Arkansas Senator Dude Tired Of Homos Parading About During Sunday Church Services…
  Two-Hate Solution

Don’t Accuse Louie Gohmert Of Callin’ Obama A Terrorist, ‘Twas An Innocent Question

Is Louie Gohmert a Ferengi? We're only asking!
This one seems a little out there, even for the mighty mental power that is Texas congresstoad Louie Gohmert: In a floor speech in the House of Representatives, Gohmert wanted to ask — just ask, mind you — whether the president is not merely soft on terrorism, but an actual terrorist himself? After all, Gohmert has already established that, in the Middle East, Obama is always on the side of our enemies, whoever they are. Read more on Don’t Accuse Louie Gohmert Of Callin’ Obama A Terrorist, ‘Twas An Innocent Question…
  this will totally work

GOP Would Like A Shot With The Blacks Once They’re Done Making Love To Barack Obama

Unfortunately Carlton Banks is not running.
It is of course a Science Fact that black people only voted for Barack Obama because he was black. This is why Alan Keyes and Allen West have also been president of America for several decades each, because all the black folks, even the dead voter fraud kind that mostly do not exist, turned out in droves to vote for them. Oh wait, that did not happen, we must have accidentally mainlined some WorldNetDaily this morning. But the GOP does tend to believe that black people blindly voted for Barack Obama. Well, once HE is out of the picture, Republicans sense an opportunity! Can they woo some black voters away in 2016, when the Kenyan Prince will be relegated to ex-boyfriend status? Read more on GOP Would Like A Shot With The Blacks Once They’re Done Making Love To Barack Obama…
  How dare you quote his own words to him

GOP Senator Loves Iran, Hates Obama, Wants You To Shut Up About That Now

Sen. Ron Johnson (R-Traitor)
Check out this giant steaming pile of Iran-shaped elephant manure Wisconsin’s Republican Sen. Ron Johnson stepped in: “Now, a President who was awarded the 2013 Politifact Lie of the Year, if you like your healthcare plan you can keep it, period. If you like your doctor you can keep it, period. They lied boldfaced to the American public repeatedly with Obamacare,” the Wisconsin senator said at a recent town hall in Cerdarburg, Wisconsin. Read more on GOP Senator Loves Iran, Hates Obama, Wants You To Shut Up About That Now…
  I see England I see France I can see Russia from my house

Scott Walker Will Be Best President Of America, Because He’s Been To Europe Like Twice

Less charisma than a sleeping basset hound, and nowhere near as cute.
Despite the fact that presidential candidate Carly Fiorina (R-LOL) has explained that going places on airplanes — like that know-nothing Hillary Clinton, who used to be Secretary of State — is not the same thing as actual foreign policy experience, her likely rival for the nomination, Gov. Scott Walker of Wisconsin (R-Zzzzzzz), apparently is not paying attention, because he told Bob Schieffer on Face The Nation that he will be so much better of a president than Hillary Clinton, because the places he went to on airplanes are nice, and the places Hillary Clinton went to on airplanes suckity suck, and are also Benghazi: Read more on Scott Walker Will Be Best President Of America, Because He’s Been To Europe Like Twice…
  Good plan or GREAT plan?

Jeb Bush Unveils Presidential Cabinet, Everyone In It Is George W. Bush

He's with stupid
Every Republican knows the absolute last name you ever want to mention in mixed company is, um, you know. That one president who came before Barack Obama. Hell, even that one president knows he is toxic, which is why he has said “you won’t see me” during the 2016 presidential election. Because his name is shit, his legacy is shit, his own party has distanced itself from him for years, not inviting him to conventions and insisting he was never really one of them anyway. But there’s one Republican who thinks saying GEORGE W. BUSH is a winning strategy. You’ll never guess who it is! Read more on Jeb Bush Unveils Presidential Cabinet, Everyone In It Is George W. Bush…
  Still not president

Sen. Tom Cotton Turding Up Fellow Republicans’ Iran Punchbowl

I AM THE DUMMEST AND I BREATHE OUT OF MY MOUTH
Tom Cotton, the freshman tea party senator from Arkansas who’s already made quite a name for himself (and that name is “Traitor”), is making friends and influencing people ALL over the place. Just when Senate Republicans and Democrats were about to enjoy one of those rare moments of agreeing on something — in this case, legislation saying that Congress has a REAL BIG DICK, so it gets to have a say-so in any agreement on Iran’s nuclear program — Sen. Cotton had to fuck everything up, with the help of Sen. Marco Rubio, who doesn’t even give a damn anymore because he’s quitting the Senate anyway to go not be president: Read more on Sen. Tom Cotton Turding Up Fellow Republicans’ Iran Punchbowl…
  Fuckabee if you're nasty

Mike Huckabee Will Be President Of Making All The Ladies Stop Saying Gay Cusses!

Gonna talk about the female anatomy now.
Former Arkansas governor and current traditional values hall monitor Mike Huckabee announced his candidacy for the Republican nomination for president today in Hope, Arkansas, because he is from there, just like Bill Clinton! The theme of the day was “going from Hope to Higher Ground,” because using “hope” as a theme has never been done before, by a presidential candidate from Hope, Arkansas. There was nice uplifting music, like that Tony Orlando stuff Huckabee loves, and quite unlike that whore Beyoncé music the Obamas love, which Mike Huckabee knows is from the devil. Unfortunately, Ted Nugent was not there to help Huckabee sing about bitches’ pussies, BY WHICH WE MEAN KITTY CATS. Read more on Mike Huckabee Will Be President Of Making All The Ladies Stop Saying Gay Cusses!…
  It happens to all guys seriously

Ben Carson Prematurely Ejaculates Presidential Announcement

Ben Carson is only doing this because people are BEGGING him to.
Dr. Ben Carson, who is very good at being a neurosurgeon but doesn’t seem to have other strengths, officially announces his candidacy to lose to Hillary Clinton in Detroit today, but whoops, guess he couldn’t keep the “secret” any longer, because he “leaked” the news to WHAM ABC 13 in Rochester on Sunday. In the interview, Carson sleepily says that he is “willing to be part of [that] equation,” presumably the equation required to save America from all the economic growth and healthcare wrought by evil Obama’s reign of terror. Therefore he will run for president! Hurray, is 2016 over yet? Read more on Ben Carson Prematurely Ejaculates Presidential Announcement…