Tag: israel

So...very...tired...

Ben Carson: Running For President Is Haaaaard

Ben Carson sat down with the Washington Post a couple days before Christmas to let them know running for president isn't the nonstop party train of fun the average American might assume it is. But even though he's been...
He Declared Bankruptcy For Your Sins

Donald Trump Coincidentally Cancels Trip To Israel After Israel Tells Him To Suck It

Donald Trump might be popular with the subliterate xenophobic chest-thumping jingoists of the Republican Party, but in the rest of the world, he's about as unwelcome as a Muslim in (LOL) Donald Trump's America. More than 360,000 Britainese signed a...
Ew gay.

GOP Candidates Jewsplain Jewing To Jewishes. Goes Well As You’d Expect, Only Worse

We all of us know Republican presidential candidates are far more comfortable addressing Jesus-Americans -- what with our country being a Christian nation, for Christians only, especially in the Oval Office. But on Thursday, they explored their bicurosity about The...
He's such a

President Obama Knows Americans Aren’t Dumb Enough To Elect Republican President

President Obama took a moment during a press conference in Paris, where he's saying global warming lies in a French accent with his other presidenting buddies, to give U.S. America a desperately needed vote of confidence: Your president would like you...

Team Trying To Upgrade Ben Carson’s Brain Admits Operation Has Failed

World-class brilliant neurosurgeon Dr. Ben Carson is having a real hard time understanding foreign stuff. Like, he gets that, "In the United States, we have Republicans, Democrats, and independents." But when it comes to other countries, like Israel, which...
That's the face he makes when he Trumps in his pants.

Let’s Order Chinese Food And Watch Donald Trump’s Brain Essplode

Donald J. Trump does not like losing. He's not losing yet, but his stranglehold on American wingnuts is faltering, and he knows it. And Trump definitely doesn't have the temperament for losing, as we can see in his literally...

Egypt Does Archaeological Dig On Ben Carson’s Brain, Discovers A Idiot

Brilliant neurosurgeon (OR IS HE?) Ben Carson is officially an international disgrace. Congratulations, doctor! You have now joined the elite ranks of several other Republican presidential candidates who have forced foreign nations to "Well, ACTUALLY" them, for their stupidity. Other...
Thy rod and thy staff, they comfort Heidi.

Ted Cruz Demands Next President Start His Day Praying To Jesus Or Giving Head

Another week, another Jesusfestapalooza of Jesus-Americans letting their Jesus-freak flag fly, in the name of the holy spirit of founding fathers, amen. This one was called the "National Religious Liberties Conference," emceed by rightwing radio preacher Kevin Swanson, homeschooling advocate...

Uh Oh, Is Hobby Lobby Going To Hell For Stealing All God’s Cool Stuff?

Hobby Lobby, the arts-n-farts store where stay-at-home mommy vloggers buy all their NO HOMO glitter and scrapbooking supplies, is the pinnacle of Christian values and American virtue, which are basically the same thing, if you squint at the First Amendment...
Empty-headed fool.

Ben Carson Sorta Sorry For Saying Jews Holocausted Themselves, Can He Be President Now?

It appears that someone suggested Dr. Ben Carson ask Jeeves about the Holocaust. You know, the real Holocaust, as opposed to the Republican fan-fic one, where that commie Muslim Adolf Hitler rose to power on a platform of marriage...
Karen Miller, Blount County commissioner

Tennessee County Begs God Not To Sodomize It

Blount County in Tennessee is just outside of Knoxville, and its Board of Commissioners is VERY WORRIED about all the impending doom God is going to bring upon it, for America's sin of hot male-on-male butt love, and also...
Sad Ann Coulter is sad

Of Course Jew-Hating Scum Queen Ann Coulter Is Terrible. But She’s Right (This One Time)

Wicked twat goblin Ann Coulter watched Wednesday's Republican debate from the rancid sulfuric swamp where she dwells, wistfully recalling her glory days of moderate relevance during the last millennium, before other hot leggy blondes in skimpy dresses usurped her...
Idea hat.

Louie Gohmert Says He’ll Quit Congress Over Iran Deal, Bye Dumbass!

All these Republican wingnut jokesters, making promises they never keep! So Rep. Louie Gohmert (R-Asparagus Aspersions) is very, very upset about the Iran deal, because it's not a treaty, which means Iran won't pay any attention to it, and...
On the up side, he never said 'Molotov'

Sorry, Jeb Bush Is Not The Savior Of The Jews

Jeb! Bush got caught stretching the truth just a teensy bit on his campaign website, claiming that he helped to organize a secret mission that saved thousands of Ethiopian Jews in the early ’80s. It's a heartwarming story of...
We sure showed 'em

Aw, Man, Does This Mean We Don’t Get To Do War To Iran?

Bad news for bloodlusters who've been wanting, for years, to Bomb bomb bomb, bomb bomb Iran. Despite all of the warnings from the very same stupid dicks who were completely wrong about Iraq's weapons of mass destruction that turned out to just be...
myfriends, my friends, my friends..FIVE AND A HLAF YEARS, ALAN!

Wingnut Heroes To Arrest John McCain For Doing Bad Things

A rightwing radio talker has announced what's sure to be a turning point in the movement to restore constitutional something-or-other to the taking-back of America, and also the freedom and such as, for our once-great nation, hooray! Calling the...