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Tag: israel

Check out the Zionist Plot!

Deleted Comments Of The Week: Why Is Wonkette So Full of Zionist Jooooz?

We heard from a reader who was wondering why our coverage of the 2016 presidential race was so completely obsessed with Israel. It's almost as if the obsession wasn't really ours.

Hillary To America: I Am A Grown-Ass Adult, And Donald Trump Is A Idiot

It's a pity Hillary won't say what she really thinks about Donald Trump.

Gather Round, For Breitbart’s David Horowitz Is To Tell Us All About Blackness

First David Horowitz came for the Jews, and I said nothing, because eh, it's David Horowitz. Then he came for the black people, and I was like seriously, you sure you wanna do that, buddy?
We hear some Republicans are running, too

Maryland Has Two Awesome Democrats Running For Senate. Can We Have Both?

This week, our Senate preview will be a little different from the usual format: We're off to Maryland, where the two parties' candidates haven't yet been chosen. Barbara Mikulski, who served in the Senate for five terms, announced last...

Michele Bachmann Says Brussels Attacks Were God’s Little Way Of Giving Obama A Wedgie

How grateful are we that Michele Bachmann refuses to go gently into that good night? She rages, rages, at the dying of her political career, and we are the recipients of that gift. Michele opened up her AOL Tuesday...
Oh good, more opinions from this guy.

Ted Nugent Knows Jews Are The Real Nazi Holocaust-Doers, Because Obviously

It is a day, which means somewhere in the recent past, or maybe right this second if he's awake, NRA board member Ted Nugent has been spotted doing public bigotry of some sort. Now, far be it from us...
Where is your Godzilla now?

Michele Bachmann Not About To Let Obama Become Antichrist At The United Nations, No Way

Former Congresspastor Michele Bachmann has been playing the ol' "The Bible Is A Roadmap For History" game again, and she has some pretty fascinating predictions about what's going to happen in the Middle East any day now, as we...

Dearest Mike Huckabee: So Long, Farewell, Aufwiedersehen, Burn In Hell

By now, you may have heard the saddest news ever to come out of the big dumbocrap whatchamahoozit known as the Iowa caucuses: Mike Huckabee will no longer be pretending to "run for president," and will instead have to...
and also too energy, we forgot to put "energy" when we made our meme

Is It Time To Put Ben Carson Out Of His Misery? (Electorally Speaking, Of Course!)

Dear friends, we are worried about our smartest brain surgeon to ever cut open brains and also run for Republican president of America, Ben Carson. We have been saying for a long time that we are pretty sure his...

Oregon Militia Dongweasels Too Good For Free Dildos, We Guess

Awwwww, those jacknugget Bundy militia boys are upset! They've been begging for snacky cakes and Miracle Whip and Tampax and instead everybody's sending them complimentary sex toys, to put inside their fannies and their mouths or maybe to just...

Ben Carson: Running For President Is Haaaaard

Ben Carson sat down with the Washington Post a couple days before Christmas to let them know running for president isn't the nonstop party train of fun the average American might assume it is. But even though he's been...
He Declared Bankruptcy For Your Sins

Donald Trump Coincidentally Cancels Trip To Israel After Israel Tells Him To Suck It

Donald Trump might be popular with the subliterate xenophobic chest-thumping jingoists of the Republican Party, but in the rest of the world, he's about as unwelcome as a Muslim in (LOL) Donald Trump's America. More than 360,000 Britainese signed a...
Ew gay.

GOP Candidates Jewsplain Jewing To Jewishes. Goes Well As You’d Expect, Only Worse

We all of us know Republican presidential candidates are far more comfortable addressing Jesus-Americans -- what with our country being a Christian nation, for Christians only, especially in the Oval Office. But on Thursday, they explored their bicurosity about The...
He's such a

President Obama Knows Americans Aren’t Dumb Enough To Elect Republican President

President Obama took a moment during a press conference in Paris, where he's saying global warming lies in a French accent with his other presidenting buddies, to give U.S. America a desperately needed vote of confidence: Your president would like you...

Team Trying To Upgrade Ben Carson’s Brain Admits Operation Has Failed

World-class brilliant neurosurgeon Dr. Ben Carson is having a real hard time understanding foreign stuff. Like, he gets that, "In the United States, we have Republicans, Democrats, and independents." But when it comes to other countries, like Israel, which...
That's the face he makes when he Trumps in his pants.

Let’s Order Chinese Food And Watch Donald Trump’s Brain Essplode

Donald J. Trump does not like losing. He's not losing yet, but his stranglehold on American wingnuts is faltering, and he knows it. And Trump definitely doesn't have the temperament for losing, as we can see in his literally...