When Jon Stewart takes a vacation, he usually returns to find that some eminently mockable story has broken while he was away. He was on break when Dick Cheney shot that guy in the face, for instance, and when Sara Palin quit (as governor, that time). But returning from this most recent two-week break, Stewart […]

Hi. I am a Jew. Are you? Great. Then you probably already understand what I have to say, but you’ll at least want to stick around for the dirty joke.* And if you’re not, you can stick around for the dirty joke too. So. Let’s get a few facts out of the way first. American […]

Better fire up your modems and log into your AOL account (or Prodigy for you hipsters). Time for another look at the ruinous near-decade of prosperity under Bill Clinton, as refracted through the Truthiness Lens of rightwing Christian textbooks. This week, foreign affairs! (And next week, we’ll get to the other kind.)

Could someone check Ben Shapiro’s meds? He seems even crankier than usual, and today he’s pretty much decided that Barack Obama is Josef Mengele or something. We’re accustomed to frothing spittle-spraying outrage from Shapiro; it’s pretty much his default setting. This is, after all, a man who celebrated the arrival of his baby daughter into […]

This Hamas teevee show for kids, Pioneers of Tomorrow, is pretty hardcore compared to American kids’ shows. No messing around with letters or numbers or the Magic of Friendship; instead, this loveable Bee Guy explains the joys of attacking Jews to little Palestinian children. ¡No es bueno! And it’s a pretty outrageous example of what […]

Louie Gohmert, always on the lookout to prevent the doom of our nation, is extremely upset with John Kerry for having suggested that maybe it is a bad thing the way they treat the Palestinians and that maybe they should stop and sign a peace treaty before it goes further and they have Apartheid. Which […]

Like a lot of your rightwing fundagelicals, Michele Bachmann is a big believer in the old Chick tract “Support Your Local Jew,” so she knows that the most important country in the world, next to maybe America, is Israel, because that’s where Jesus will come to end the world. And so if Israel is unhappy […]

Oh, Israel. You are the focus of conservative End Times fetishists everywhere, because the Christian end of the world narrative runs right through you (sorry!) and that makes you beloved by a certain brand of weirdo. Also, too, you’re our new best friend because we broke up with England. WE BROKE UP WITH THEM FIRST […]

Monstrous America-hating monster Barack Obama touched a communist today at the memorial service for Nelson Mandela, leading to fairly predictable speculation that the handshake with Cuban President Raul Castro was either evidence of warming relations between the two countries, or proof that Obama shares Mandela’s love for communism, terrorism, and hating Israel. Plus, maybe Obama […]

This weekend, Iran and the five permanent members of the UN Security Council plus Germany (P5+1 if you like things that look like math) struck a preliminary deal under which Iran will do less nuclear stuff in exchange for everyone being less mean to them with sanctions. CNN has a decent explainer in listicle form […]

Hi, Wonkaloonies! Yr Doktor Zoom really enjoyed “sleeping in” this week! But we are back from vacation now, and ready for another Derp Roundup, our weekly Sloppy Joe of news trimmings that were too stoopid to ignore altogether but not quite enough to make a full post out of. We have to use ‘em before […]

Welcome to another edition of our Derp Roundup, that collection of virtual floor sweepings that are too stoopid to completely ignore but not worth a full-length post. To start with, let’s give an Excellence In Trolling medal to the sometimes-funny Andy Borowitz, whose New Yorker piece this week was characteristically meh, but managed to fool […]

Your Wonkette comes bearing sad news: Helen Thomas, “White House Crone,” died today at age 92 after a long and eventful tour through the halls of the White House. Younger Wonketeers may only know her from that 2010 video where she made anti-Semitic comments , but she was also the first woman assigned to a full time position as […]

It’s another day on Capitol Hill, so you know what that means: time for the GOP to find new ways to dick over the poor. Apparently growing bored trying to deny health care to poor Americans, the GOP is setting its greedy black-hearted sights on a larger market: the global poors. According to The Hill: […]

Our ten-foot pole has arrived, which means we are finally ready to touch the dual shitstorms of Syria and Iran! The latest news on Syria is that our duly-elected warlord, Field Marshal B. Barry Bamz, has decided to steer a middle course of moar gunz, but not-too-big gunz, for the Free Syrian Army. This decision […]