Wonkette

RON PAUL MUST HELP BLACK VAMPIRE TAX HERO! The Feds threw the book at American cinema/tax hero Wesley Snipes! Three Years for just evading income taxes and escaping to Africa. FREE WESLEY SNIPES! [New York Times]

Movie hero Wesley Snipes is beloved by Americans for killing vampires and helping Arnold Schwarzenegger and Bruce Willis colonize space planets for the American Dream, but now the Evil American Government is trying to destroy him for protecting your tax rights! The celebrity star is in Florida today so a federal court can sentence him for tax evasion. The feds want to put him in jail for three years! But Denzel Washington and Woody Harrelson have arrived in Florida and they are going to bust him out of the joint, hooray! UPDATE: Nooooooo! Three Years! [CNN/Ocala.com]

The greatest American hero since forever, Sinbad, is actually a traitor to his country because he does not pay for it. If you’ll recall, he was the leading provocateur in “Sinbadgate” (named after Sheryl Crow, an important participant), the whistle-blowing scandal about Hillary’s Clinton’s fake trip to Bosnia. But now the funniest comedian of some decade is one of the most high profile tax delinquents in the United States, according to the I.R.S. Similarly heroic politico Dick Morris is also a tax delinquent, but he’s also not a human. MORE »

Presidents and vice presidents file tax returns — they’re just like us! George and Laura Bush filed and guess how much they made in 2007? Just shy of a million! That’s not really so much money. Dick and Lynne Cheney easily beat the fake president’s adjusted gross income of $923,807. But by how much? MORE »

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Nina Olson, the U.S. Taxpayer Advocate at the IRS, releases a report every year filled with all the ways the IRS screws you over (other than making you pay taxes) and how that ought to be fixed. She’s a really lovely, smart woman and pretty much no one ever listens to her. This year, she’s got a brilliant idea: if the IRS audits the shit out of you and can’t find anything because you’re totally innocent, they should give you some money to make up for that. No, seriously, that’s what she said!

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As the longest-serving Republican Senator ever, Ted Stevens has obviously committed enough crime to make Dutch Schultz blush. He’s less ostentatious than your Duke Cunninghams and less perverted than all those under-70 whippersnappers who keep fucking whores and little boys, though, so we never thought we’d see him go down in our lifetime. Which means it’s a pleasant surprise to see the FBI and IRS raiding his huge ski resort home. MORE »

Hey, the IRS and the FBI are raiding Ted Stevens’ house! [KTVA]

* Soon-to-be former congressman John “McSmacky” Sweeney proves he’s more of a vindictive, conspiratorial asshole then we gave him credit for. [TPM Muckraker]
* Plan to shame Americans into voting fails as people too lazy to vote are also too lazy to read. [Freakonomics]
* The SCOTUS murder plot: Ann Coulter’s fault, natch. [Above the Law]
* Karl Rove may leave the administration in “weeks, not months.” Tells Democrats, “You won’t have me to kick you around any more.” [Think Progress]
* Cynthia McKinney’s successor is a no punching, pacifist pussy. [Election Central]
* Swing by Constitution Ave. and pick up your $963. [Congress Blog]
* Ted Stevens afraid to buy green bananas, not scared of running for Senate again in 2008. [Wizbang Politics]
* Rick Santorum, however; won’t run in ‘08 - insuring world is safe for buttlove through at least 2012! [Political Wire]

• President Bush signs border fence bill that neither himself nor Democrats think will actually get built, or if built, do any good. [WP, NYT]

• Opponents of gay marriage cheer pro-gay decision from New Jersey court, hope it will motivate large numbers of anti-gay voters whose homophobia had been dormant. [WP, NYT]
• IRS commissioner’s dubious ethics largely ignored by White House’s ethics lawyer who is his wife. [NYT]
• Hedging their bets for the next Congress, some corporations make last minute contributions to Democratic candidates. [WSJ]
• In a campaign season with record ad spending, you still only remember the ridiculous ones. [WP, WSJ]
• Gas prices may be down, but Exxon-Mobil’s profits aren’t. [WP]
• Black voter turnout negatively affected by ” past shenanigans,” positively affected by hatred of the Bush administration. [NYT]
• Donald Rumsfeld takes criticism from Republicans who don’t have a pressing campaign requirement to be against him, they just are. [WP]

• Bush gave speech in Salt Lake City yesterday that, “painted the war on terror as an epic struggle between good and evil.” [NYT]

• Iran’s refusal to halt nuclear program prompts Bush to call them a “grave threat” and declare “there must be consequences.” Sound familiar? [WP]
• Congressional Democrats plan to, “go for a no-confidence vote on Rumsfeld,” when they return to session next week. [WP]

• IRS concludes 2-year investigation into remarks by NAACP leader, allows them to keep “tax-emept” status. [WP]
• NASA issues Lock-Mart a 13-year, $8.1 billion contract to do some outer space stuff. [NYT, W$J]
• Many of the closely contested congressional seats are held by Republicans, including some of our favorites. [USAT]

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• World Cup affiliations as a touchstone for the pitfalls of inter-party dating, and some asshole that actually carries a ” George W. Bush Freedom Credit Card.” [LuLu Dates DC]

• At IRS headquarters any work employees do will not make them free. [City Mouse]
• DC voting-rights activists trudge on, undeterred by the knowledge that plans based on shaming Congress into action are 0-for-the history of time. [Wanderings In DC]
• Washington Times reporter bothers to show up for a DC Council meeting and gets tossed out for taking the last cranberry muffin. [DCist]

So Chuck Grassley wants the IRS to audit pimps. He wants them to file wage statements for those under their employ. Which, sure, will maybe catch a couple more pimps, but won’t anyone please think of the hoes? We want to withhold payroll taxes from them now? MORE »