Tag Archives: IRS

  we can say it out loud now

Yep, Ex-Speaker Denny Hastert Paid Hush Money To Cover Up Kid-Diddling. ALLEGEDLY.

Not actually Denny Hastert
So yeah. The dark secret not detailed in the indictment against former Republican House Speaker Denny Hastert, for allegedly agreeing to pay “Individual A” $3.5 million to keep his dark secret a secret and lying to the FBI about it? The details of which U.S. Attorney Zachary T. Fardon agreed to omit from the indictment for reasons we cannot begin to imagine? Well, according to the L.A. Times, Hastert’s secret is that he a sick son of a bitch whose “prior misconduct” was sexually abusing someone who’d known Hastert most of his life (a former student, maybe?), back in his coaching and teaching days, before he became a member of Congress: Read more on Yep, Ex-Speaker Denny Hastert Paid Hush Money To Cover Up Kid-Diddling. ALLEGEDLY….
  It's always the cover-up

Let’s Remember That Time Speaker Denny Hastert Covered Up A GOP Sex Scandal!

Oh Denny, you sick bastard
Back when Republican Denny Hastert was Speaker of the House — before he became a lobbyist and before he was indicted for paying someone a whole lot of hush money to cover up “prior misconduct,” whatever that means, we are terrified to find out — there was this whole other thing Hastert tried to keep all hushed up, and it was a gross Republican sex scandal (our favorite kind). Time to flashback thingy! Read more on Let’s Remember That Time Speaker Denny Hastert Covered Up A GOP Sex Scandal!…
  Allegedly

Ex-Speaker Denny Hastert Indicted For Paying Hush Money To Cover Up Something REAL Bad

Good point!
Once upon a time, while the Republican Party was trying to recover from its self-inflicted wounds after its disastrous impeachment trial of President Bill Clinton for getting an extramarital hummer, conservative evangelical Illinois Republican Dennis Hastert became Speaker of the House. He wasn’t the first choice; Speaker Newt Gingrich had decided to retire, after making a mess of Congress, and the party’s second choice, Bob Livingston, also resigned in disgrace — for sexytiming someone who was not his wife — before he could even assume the position. Runner-up Hastert eventually landed the gig because of his clean-as-a-whistle reputation. Certainly he would not bring hypocritical shame to the party that had just thrown a constitutional temper tantrum over a blowjob. Until now. Read more on Ex-Speaker Denny Hastert Indicted For Paying Hush Money To Cover Up Something REAL Bad…
  It's different when it's YOUR state

Ted Cruz Still Wants To Murder Federal Government, But After It Cleans Up Texas

Christ what an asshole
Sen. Ted Cruz (R-United States of Texas) hates the federal government, and he is going to kill it so hard, right in its stupid federal face, when he becomes the president of it. He has a plan to abolish the IRS and deport all of its agents to the border; he’s gonna “repeal” Common Core, which is not a law and can’t be repealed, but don’t argue with him, he has a law degree, in LAW STUFF, from HARVARD; and then he’ll disband the Supreme Court and appoint his dry drunk daddy to be in charge of banning all The Gay and saving all The Jews, for Jesus! Because the federal government is THE WORST and serves NO PURPOSE, and that’s why he will get rid of it. But first: Read more on Ted Cruz Still Wants To Murder Federal Government, But After It Cleans Up Texas…
  Just One More Reason To Abolish The IRS

The NRA Has Some Lessons For SarahPAC On How To Cheat At Campaign Finance

America, fuck yeah.
You will probably find this very difficult to believe, but it’s possible that the National Rifle Association is a big lying liar. No, not just about how guns are the only thing standing between freedom and tyranny, or about the how everyone needs a gun to safely get through breakfast, or even about how the Second Amendment was handed down from Jesus so that America would always be God’s favorite country. No, it seems that the NRA may also have lied a whole bunch, for years, to the IRS. And also may have violated several federal campaign finance laws, too. Fortunately, the NRA probably doesn’t have to worry too much — if there’s one organization that’s exempt from following piddly little laws, it’s the NRA, because your average charity doesn’t have a bunch of armed radicals ready to start shooting if they think the feds are going to take their guns away. Which is what making the NRA follow campaign and tax laws would be, you just know it. Read more on The NRA Has Some Lessons For SarahPAC On How To Cheat At Campaign Finance…
  We Watch So You Don't Have To

The Fartknocker Report: Sarah Palin Will Murder The ATF And Its Jackbooted Thugs

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report, Presented By Fartknocker
Emboldened by last week’s victory for the rights of gun-humpers to be able to ALSO be able to hump bullets, Field Marshall Sarah Palin presses forward. She has offered the Kenyan tyrant Obama clear and simple terms: abolish the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives (ATF), and we will spare you our screeching. And, instead of listening to her, the Kenyan tyrant sits alone in his empty palace, a place that collaborators and the weak-willed still call the White House, and he does NOTHING. Read more on The Fartknocker Report: Sarah Palin Will Murder The ATF And Its Jackbooted Thugs…
  We Watch So You Don't Have To

The Fartknocker Report: Help, Help, Sarah Palin Is Being Repressed!

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report, Presented By Fartknocker
In one of her three new videos this week — seven minutes and 34 seconds of total run time, for those keeping score at home — Sarah Palin decided to squawk about Lois Lerner, because apparently that horse is not yet dead and requires further beating. Her screed goes deep, deep into the realm of alternate history, and the whole thing is worth a look. Let’s Wonksplore! Read more on The Fartknocker Report: Help, Help, Sarah Palin Is Being Repressed!…
  the commentczar's in town

Deleted Comments Of The Week: How Can You Libs Like Rachel Maddow When She’s Always Wrong?

Twilight Sparkle and Rachel Maddow would be buds, for sure.
Oh, dear, it’s been a couple of weeks since we last did one of these features, and the comments queue may be spawning new forms of matter, like the sink full of unwashed dishes in Withnail and I. Let’s see what’s been stewing, shall we? Or who’s been stewing over what, more accurately. Read more on Deleted Comments Of The Week: How Can You Libs Like Rachel Maddow When She’s Always Wrong?…
  the commentczar's in town

Deleted Comments Of The Day: You Youngsters Know Nothing Of Ronald Reagan’s Work

Scootaloo is neither a gun owner nor Jewish, as far as we know. She worships Rainbow Dash
It’s been a little while since we’ve skimmed the foam off the top of the waste lagoon that is our Comments Queue, and so let’s see what’s bubbled to the top. Please make sure you’re wearing OSHA-compliant eye and cerebral cortex protection. Read more on Deleted Comments Of The Day: You Youngsters Know Nothing Of Ronald Reagan’s Work…
  Oxymorons

GOP Plan To ‘Fix’ Obamacare And ‘Save Workers’ Will Cost $18 Billion, Insure 1 Million Less, Hooray!

Hush, now, it's for your own good
Republicans are wasting precisely zero minutes saving America now that they are in charge of all the parts of Congress, thanks A LOT, voters. Destroying Social Security, giving oil lobbyists the Keystone pipeline they’ve always dreamed of, saving unborned babies from their slutbag mothers, spending more money doing more investigations into how Hillary Rodham Obama murdered Benghazi — and now they’re going to save Obamacare too. Are they not THE BEST? Read more on GOP Plan To ‘Fix’ Obamacare And ‘Save Workers’ Will Cost $18 Billion, Insure 1 Million Less, Hooray!…
  Going-Away Present

Reindeer-Farming Congressman Acts Sane, Counters With Impeachment Bill

We'll always have reindeer
Wonkette readers have been kept well-informed about reindeer-farming Michigan congressman Kerry Bentivolio — from before he even officially won his 2012 election, when this site identified him as a potential heir to Michele Bachmann‘s Krazy Krown, to the raving retrospective when Bentivolio lost his primary this August. Read more on Reindeer-Farming Congressman Acts Sane, Counters With Impeachment Bill…
  Dare To Be Irrelevant

Darrell Issa Still F*cking That IRS Chicken

Congressman Darrell Issa (R-Richest Man in Congress) became a regular feature on the Conservative Top 40 charts this year with his songs of IRS malfeasance. Now, with the holidays fast approaching, Issa’s releasing a Christmas album — no new content, just the old favorites in a shiny new package, and it can be yours for just $14.95! Read more on Darrell Issa Still F*cking That IRS Chicken…
  Mock Stalk & Bellow

Badgering Wingnut Moron Manages To Make Us Feel Sorry For Lois Lerner

She's lucky -- In some neighborhoods you get shot for knocking on doors
We aren’t huge fans of former IRS division director Lois Lerner. She began her IRS career under George W. Bush, dropped her “bombshell” about the IRS trying to silence conservatives (no, they weren’t), and then she took the Fifth like a total asshole, so those same oppressed conservatives could cry conspiracy forever. But then there’s Jason Mattera. We know Jason Mattera, the master of such ambush interviews as the time he yelled questions about taxes to a guy he thought was Bono but wasn’t, or his hilarious stunt in which he asked Hillary Clinton to sign a book to murdered ambassador Christopher Stevens (we just don’t “get” rightwing humor, because we are wimps maybe). Read more on Badgering Wingnut Moron Manages To Make Us Feel Sorry For Lois Lerner…
  Big Oppression

Tyrant Obama Sics IRS Goons On Poor Dead Andrew Breitbart (Still Dead)

Exactly how it works
Oh dear. Moar tyranny! Breitbart News is getting audited by the IRS, which can only mean one thing: The company is yet another victim of Barack Obama’s relentless vendetta against conservatives. Look, Barry, wasn’t personally ordering Andrew Breitbart’s murder (by “clogged arteries,” the preferred assassination technique of the health food nut in chief) enough for you? Now you have to send your IRS goons after the most respected media group in America? Read more on Tyrant Obama Sics IRS Goons On Poor Dead Andrew Breitbart (Still Dead)…
  Darrell Issa Sucks

More Proof That IRSgate Was F***ing Stupid

It’s Throwback Thursday Friday here at Wonkette, so let’s check in on one of our favorite scandal-not-scandals of last year, IRSgate. In the latest news, it turns out that the special inspector guy in charge of investigating the IRS, the guy whose report started this whole media circus, is a TOTAL PARTISAN HACK WHAT SUCKS AT HIS JERB: Read more on More Proof That IRSgate Was F***ing Stupid…
  Thugghazi

Laura Ingraham Explains That Thugs Gonna Thug

Think tank is so thinky
In times of civil unrest and racial tension and cops killing unarmed black teenagers, the number one expert you want to explain it to you is wingnut radio gum-flapper Laura Ingraham. That’s just obvious, at least if you are a Fox & Friends bobblehead: Read more on Laura Ingraham Explains That Thugs Gonna Thug…
  lucky us

Finally, Dennis Prager Is Here To Share His Dumb Feels About The Redskins

One of the weirdest things about the whole Redskins brouhaha/fiasco/nightmare is how so many people on the right are willing to make this their line in the sand, the hill they will die upon. Haha that is not weird at all, because it gives them an opportunity to be straight up racist assholes but cloak it in FREE SPEECH, which is most likely their favorite thing to do in the whole world, save perhaps for being straight homophobic and/or sexist assholes but cloaking it in FREE SPEECH. So we probably shouldn’t be surprised that illustrious big thinker Dennis Prager finally got around to weighing in on how if you can’t call a football team by a Native American slur, then what good is living anyway? Read more on Finally, Dennis Prager Is Here To Share His Dumb Feels About The Redskins…
  this week in gohmert

Louie Gohmert Has Million-Dollar Idea

Texas trailer hitch replica Louis Gohmert wants to get to the bottom of this IRS scandal so badly he’s willing to put the taxpayers’ money where his mouth is with a bill he introduced last week, the “Identify and Return Sent E-mails Act,” which would provide a cool $1 million to any whiz kid who can locate whatever emails disappeared from Lois Lerner’s computer when the hard drive crashed in 2011. Where Louie and the bill’s co-sponsor, Rep. Bill Flores (R-TX), think these emails might reside since the IRS, per its email retention policy, overwrote its backed-up server tapes every six months long before this “scandal” broke, was left to everyone’s imagination. Sayeth the walking penis of East Texas, You can do it one of two ways. You can have a Justice Department that’s actually involved in justice and they will use pressure and they’ll get it done. We don’t have a Justice Department. We have a ‘just us’ department, or an injustice department. So the only other way is to use the carrot method. Read more on Louie Gohmert Has Million-Dollar Idea…
  why settle for reality when you have fox news?

New Docs: IRS Targeted Liberal Groups The Most. Darrell Issa To Apologize Any Day Now, We Are Sure

You may recall hearing about some small fuss over the Internal Revenue Service allegedly targeting Tea Party groups for special scrutiny, because of the Obama administration’s relentless jihad against freedom? We’re pretty sure we mentioned it. And despite the overwhelming evidence that the worst that happened is that the IRS did some pretty sloppy work, especially in just using keyword lists to decide which groups would be looked at, it’s also pretty clear that the IRS gave extra scrutiny to both liberal and conservative groups’ application for 501(c)(3) and 501(c)(4) tax-exempt status. Even so, House Oversight and Government Reform Committee chair Darrell Issa keeps insisting that only conservative groups were given extra attention, because he is kind of a lying shitweasel that way. Well, hey, it turns out that a trove of actual IRS documents obtained through a Freedom of Information Act request substantiates the claim that both liberal and conservative groups got extra scrutiny, and if anything, liberal groups were actually more extensively targeted than Tea party groups were. What is one to make of this? Obviously, the facts must be wrong. Read more on New Docs: IRS Targeted Liberal Groups The Most. Darrell Issa To Apologize Any Day Now, We Are Sure…
  God's Dollar

Barack Obama Hates God, Gives Money To Charities Instead Of Church

This past Friday the President released his tax returns for 2013. Little ink was spilled over this momentous occasion, because it was boring. Mind-numbingly boring. Like pretty much everyone else’s tax returns. In fact, the most interesting thing about the Obamas’ taxes is that they aren’t interesting: the majority of Bamz income comes from his Presidential salary. His books made a nice chunk of change, but a lot less than they did in 2012, which probably explains why they only gave 12 percent of their income to charity instead of last year’s 25. (Joe Biden, God Love Him, managed to increase his frankly terrible charitable giving to about 5 percent.) So that’s all, right? What, are you new here? Of course that’s not all. Enter The Blaze. Did you know the President hates God? That’s right. The President only gave $1500 to St. John’s Church, thereby illustrating THE PROBLEM WITH AMERICA. The Obamas did give away $59,000, or about 12 percent, to totally God-hating causes like the Lymphoma and Leukemia Society and the Red Cross. But they don’t count because that isn’t “tithing.” Read more on Barack Obama Hates God, Gives Money To Charities Instead Of Church…
  mo money mo...oh just shut up

Josh Romney And Donald Rumsfeld Have Thoughts On Tax Day (They Are Giant Dicks About It)

Imagine you are Josh Romney. A couple of years ago your daddy ran for a big job, and that job was President of the United States. In the course of running for this job, quite a few people said mean things about Josh’s daddy, because that’s how political campaigns work. One of those people was Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, who snickered and sneered that Josh’s daddy hadn’t paid a dime in taxes in ten years. So many people were stricken with the vapors over this brutal assault on Josh’s daddy’s integrity, which he could have easily cleared up by releasing those tax returns, as presidential candidates traditionally do. But he didn’t, because he had already released two years of returns, which should have been more than enough for you people. Then he went out on Election Day and got stomped like the Serengeti grasslands in an elephant stampede. Poor Josh’s daddy, left alone with just his wife and his five kids and his dozens of grandchildren and his multiple homes with elevators to carry his cars up and down and his hundreds of millions of dollars. That Harry Reid, he sure fights dirty! Being a boxer, he’ll throw a punch. Yesterday Josh Romney, having nursed his grievances for a year and a half, punched back. Read more on Josh Romney And Donald Rumsfeld Have Thoughts On Tax Day (They Are Giant Dicks About It)…
  that's some bullshit

Social Security Administration Just Stealing Tax Refunds at Random, Basically

One time, we woke up and checked our piddling bank account and we were like, “Hmm, extra money, DON’T MIND IF WE DO!” And then our banking overlords quickly got in touch with us and were like, oooooh, sorry about that, we made an oopsie and are now taking that money back please. And we’d already bought a Hoverround, and now what are we supposed to do? Well, it seems the big bad fedrul gubmint is now doing the same, only not so much on the “quickly” part. Instead, the government that asks you to keep receipts of all your taxable thingies occasionally doesn’t do such a good job keeping its own paperwork in order. And sometimes it takes them a couple decades to figure that, okay, sorry we’re not perfect, DAD. The Washington Post tells the frankly infuriating story of Mary Grice, who as a wee little lassie got some Social Security survivors benefits, paid to her mother. Or maybe her dad’s first wife, whom she’s never met. But the feds say maybe, they’re not sure how, Mary Grice’s mom, or someone else entirely, might have been overpaid. Thirty-seven years ago. So they’re attaching Mary Grice’s tax refund now. Read more on Social Security Administration Just Stealing Tax Refunds at Random, Basically…