U.S. Army Establishes Robot Caliphate
Monday, October 22nd, 2007
The U.S. Army has been ignoring advice from countless dystopian, CGI-enhanced Hollywood blockbusters and is speedily developing “combat robots,” which are wired to kill brown people on sight and let humans ask questions later. According to Philadelphia’s CBS 3, five thousand mercenary death robots are on the ground in Iraq, “finding booby traps or searching for the enemy.” Rumors are already swirling that when these sexually repressed robots pillage a town, they have their way with the local lady robots in the village cantinas (one of them being Johnny 5’s wife!) Their human controllers are too caught up with the possibilities of metal death machines to care about robotic sexual abuse. According to Jim Braden of the Army’s Joint Robotics Program, “The real trend right now is the infantry and maneuver forces looking at, ‘what can a robot do for me.’”
Oh, I know. A robot can TURN SIDES AND ELIMINATE YOU, MR. ARMY ROBOT CRAFTSMAN! MORE »
The U.S. Army has been ignoring advice from countless dystopian, CGI-enhanced Hollywood blockbusters and is speedily developing “combat robots,” which are wired to kill brown people on sight and let humans ask questions later. According to Philadelphia’s CBS 3, five thousand mercenary death robots are on the ground in Iraq, “finding booby traps or searching for the enemy.” Rumors are already swirling that when these sexually repressed robots pillage a town, they have their way with the local lady robots in the village cantinas (one of them being Johnny 5’s wife!) Their human controllers are too caught up with the possibilities of metal death machines to care about robotic sexual abuse. According to Jim Braden of the Army’s Joint Robotics Program, “The real trend right now is the infantry and maneuver forces looking at, ‘what can a robot do for me.’”
Oh, I know. A robot can TURN SIDES AND ELIMINATE YOU, MR. ARMY ROBOT CRAFTSMAN! MORE »