Tag Archives: ireland

  Erin Go Fabulous

Ireland Throatcrams Itself With Marriage Equality, Shoots Gay Rainbows All Over Dublin

Beats lightning bolts
Congratulations, Ireland, it’s looking like you’ve made history as the first nation to choose marriage equality through a national referendum. While the official announcement isn’t in yet, the early tallies have “Yes” winning by wide margins, with nationwide turnout over 60% for the referendum (American turnout for the 2012 presidential election was only 57.5 percent, for what that’s worth). It’s not only supporters of the measure predicting a win; David Quinn of the Catholic group the Iona Institute, which campaigned against the referendum, said it was “obviously a very impressive victory for the ‘yes’ side”. Apparently, not many Irish folks thought it was necessary to protect The Children from the “sounds of sodomy.” Read more on Ireland Throatcrams Itself With Marriage Equality, Shoots Gay Rainbows All Over Dublin…
  28 Gays Later

HI-larious Irish Marriage Equality Ad Warns Of The Coming Gaypocalypse

Night of the Loving Dread?
This terribly cute promo for the LGBT Noise March in Dublin, scheduled for this Sunday, riffs on horror movie themes, presenting the videotaped testament of John and Mary, hetero survivors of the Gaypocalypse, who have barricaded themselves inside their home ever since the legalization of marriage equality, for fear of … THEM. The Gay. And their freedom to love whomever they choose and all their scary equality, and how it changed EVERYTHING. Read more on HI-larious Irish Marriage Equality Ad Warns Of The Coming Gaypocalypse…
  hypnotized by you if i should linger

This Is How Donald Trump Gets Off A Plane (OMFG Video)

Donald Trump is in Ireland — the CLASSIEST, YOOGEST ISLAND. How do you greet Donald Trump when he gets off a plane? Do you have Bobbsey Triplets playing violin, harp, and Ariel’s mermaid voice, in matching red cocktail dresses and five inch beige heels? No, because you did not think of it first, because you’re a fucking dummy who don’t know how to properly welcome the world’s most important golf-course guy. Good job, DUMMY. Read more on This Is How Donald Trump Gets Off A Plane (OMFG Video)…
  it's only a paper moon

Nigerian Scammer Cons Christian Mingle Lady Out Of $300,000. Let’s All Get To Work, People

A 66-year-old California woman lost $300,000 when “God’s Perfect Match” for her on a Christian dating site turned out to be a scammer. The unnamed woman could have lost another $200K, but became skeptical and called law enforcement before that wire transfer could be cashed. Santa Clara County Deputy District Attorney Cherie Bourland took the opportunity to remind people not to let the hope of finding wove, twue wove blind them to the fact that everyone on the internet is a dog: “You get the love drug in you and you end up getting duped,” Bourland said. There’s a pretty good hook for a pop song in there we think. Hmmm… looped, cooped, stooped, pooped… Or not. In any case, we do hear that it’s like oxygen: You get too much it gets you high, not enough and you’re gonna die. Read more on Nigerian Scammer Cons Christian Mingle Lady Out Of $300,000. Let’s All Get To Work, People…
  is our children learning? no

American Kids Not Getting Dumber, But Not Getting More Smarter Either

Hello Americans. Today we are writing very slowly, because we know that you don’t read very fast. Or good. And we promise to stay away from complicated math, simple math, and any scientific theories more complicated than gravity, because apparently our kids isn’t learning very good. At all. According to a test administered to 15-year-olds all over the world, per The Hill, “U.S. students failed to reach the top 20 rankings in math, science or reading, according to the National Center for Education Statistics, which organizes the data.” We’re number 1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1+1!!! Let’s sexplore what who is more smarter than us.  Read more on American Kids Not Getting Dumber, But Not Getting More Smarter Either…
  sunday bloody nyt sunday

Ross Douthat Is Sure You Sinners Can Just Go To Europe Or A Blue State For Your Abortions

As you’ve watched the Texas Handmaids’ Tale- style abortion restrictions go into effect, we bet you’ve been wishin’ and hopin’ and prayin’ that Ross Douthat, the baby-faced sad-90s-beard-rocking culture scold would share his derp thoughts with you on the matter. Yr Wonkette has been wishing for this fervently and also, too, sobbing inconsolably at the fact that Ross Douthat has a high-profile NYT column. But enough about us. What about Ross? What does Ross think about Texas ‘bortions? SPOILER ALERT: he doesn’t want ladies to have abortions but rich ladies will still get abortions because of Ireland so it is all good: Read more on Ross Douthat Is Sure You Sinners Can Just Go To Europe Or A Blue State For Your Abortions…
  taxes are for little people

Apple’s iTax: Think Different

Corporations are people, my friend — only a very SPECIAL kind of people who are above vulgar affairs like, say, paying taxes, or being held accountable. This is why it’s not illegal for Incorporated Americans to evade avoid taxes, even if they are posting record profits, and also, because making corporations pay taxes is like class warfare, which, while not illegal, is un-American. This is why Apple, lord and master of the free market and captain of the laptop, did not do anything illegal by evading avoiding taxes using a complicated “web of lies tax shelters.” From the New York Times:  Even as Apple became the nation’s most profitable technology company, it avoided billions in taxes in the United States and around the world through a web of subsidiaries so complex it spanned continents and went beyond anything most experts had ever seen, Congressional investigators disclosed on Monday. […] Congressional investigators found that some of Apple’s subsidiaries had no employees and were largely run by top officials from the company’s headquarters in Cupertino, Calif. But by officially locating them in places like Ireland, Apple was able to, in effect, make them stateless — exempt from taxes, record-keeping laws and the need for the subsidiaries to even file tax returns anywhere in the world. Read more on Apple’s iTax: Think Different…
  Lies From the Pit Of Hell

Irish Hospital Lets Woman Die Because Her Life Wasn’t ‘Endangered’ Enough For Abortion

We were worried that you, the Wonkette Reader, might not have quite enough rage coursing through you today, and so here is the story, via Dan Savage at The Stranger, of Savita Halappanavar, a 31-year-old woman who died in Galway, Ireland, last month after doctors decided that, although she was already miscarrying and there was no chance her 17-week-old fetus could survive, she didn’t quite qualify to have her life saved because the dying fetus still had a heartbeat. Ireland’s abortion law only allows the procedure when the mother’s life is in danger, just like the “moderate” position that Mitt Romney proposed, and which “pro-life” purists (including the 2012 GOP platform) oppose because, as Congressman Joe Walsh asserted in his final debate before losing his bid for reelection, “pro-life” people believe “There’s no such exception as life of the mother. And as far as health of the mother, same thing, with advances in science and technology, health of the mother has become a tool for abortions anytime under any reason.” And since they are quite sure of this, it is assuredly so. Read more on Irish Hospital Lets Woman Die Because Her Life Wasn’t ‘Endangered’ Enough For Abortion…
  erin go bragh

Bill Clinton To Unleash Irish Paramilitaries To Ensure Obama Victory

Some people have made some pretty bold claims about the 2012 election and our present-day electorate — “most polarized in history,” blah blah blah — ignoring the fact that America did once have an actual civil war, with hundreds of thousands dead, because many simply did not care for an election outcome (and also slavery). It’s honestly like Americans don’t even know how to run a civil war anymore! That’s why former president Bill Clinton has committed himself to whipping up racial paranoia among America’s most volatile and oppressed minority group — the Irish — in an attempt to unleash a wave of semtex bombings and assassinations by masked gunmen against any attempt to impose Romney rule! Read more on Bill Clinton To Unleash Irish Paramilitaries To Ensure Obama Victory…
  american cars suck

Barack Obama’s Limo Gets Stuck In Driveway, In Ireland

This is magical: Barack Obama’s stupid giant million-ton Cadillac Tank Limo got stuck on a little bump in the driveway leading out of the U.S. Embassy. Listen to the Irish people laugh and cheer. It’s like they knew this would happen. Read more on Barack Obama’s Limo Gets Stuck In Driveway, In Ireland…
  st. patrick sent the serpents to K street

Are the Irish To Blame For Lobbyists, Too?

On this day when all Americans have “a case of the Blarney,” it is important to remember that the actual Irish were literally the Mexicans of their day, when they came to America. Why? Nobody remembers now, but apparently the Irish took all the shit jobs the white people didn’t want, and because of this the hard-working immigrants were characterized as degenerate trolls. (See illustration at right.) Read more on Are the Irish To Blame For Lobbyists, Too?…
  cartoon violence

Revenge Of The Wrath Of The Return Of The Foreigns

By the Comics CurmudgeonHappy Friday, liberal weenies! Or should I say “suicidally depressing Friday,” because all of you are almost certainly suicidally depressed, what with the naked Republican Ted Kennedies and the coming corporate control of all elections and the bankruptcy of your precious liberal radio station! Anyway, like your liberal weenie foreparents, you will respond to this setback as you have with all others: by sulkily claiming that you’re going to move to some more enlightened Foreign country. But of course, you’ll never actually do this, because it would be hard, and involve improving on those two years of Spanish you took in high school, but in case you ever get the urge to really, really make the plunge and become an ex-pat, you might want to check on the quality of the Foreigns’ political cartoons. They aren’t good! Do you really want to be looking at these in your newspaper every day? Read more on Revenge Of The Wrath Of The Return Of The Foreigns…
  cartoon violence

Hobo Euro-Mutants

By the Comics CurmudgeonAmerica might be a land of shouty illiterate fartsacks who will die of massive Hardees-induced coronaries in filthy hospital waiting rooms while trying to fill out insurance forms with numbing fingers, but at least we aren’t Europeans, am I right? I mean, Jesus, think about the awful nadir of degradation it must be, being one of those people. Wait, what, you don’t think Europeans are terrible mutant monsters? Oh, ho ho, do I have news for you, after the jump. Read more on Hobo Euro-Mutants…
  royal honors

Ted Kennedy Is A Knight!

David Denby, noted fruit-sack, has forever tarnished the name of Ted Kennedy. Once, we all knew Kennedy as a lovable, happy-go-lucky boozebag and a very capable senator. But now when you hear “Ted Kennedy,” you think of a tragically emasculated old invalid suffering the endless indignity of blogger insults. Why did David Denby have to go and do that to Ted Kennedy? Read more on Ted Kennedy Is A Knight!…
  hair hats

Ancient Irish Relative Of Obama’s Made Wigs

Researchers have discovered that Barack Obama has some Irish ancestors, and one of them was a wig-maker. This gentleman caroused with all the classiest people available in Dublin in the 1700s, which is probably not saying much. [Independent] Read more on Ancient Irish Relative Of Obama’s Made Wigs…
  youtube

George W. Bush Plays Basketball, In Ireland!

Hey remember this guy? He likes to dance and haul brush, and sometimes he plays basketball with Irish youngsters. We will miss you, President Doofus, and your rad jump shot. [YouTube] Read more on George W. Bush Plays Basketball, In Ireland!…
 

St. Patrick’s Curse On America

Way back in the Fifth Century, Eliot Spitzer took a “white slave” to Ireland. After many years of imprisonment, Little Saint Patrick escaped back to England, which was part of Rome at the time, and he remembered his Irish slavery so fondly that he vowed to return and destroy Paganism. It only took another 1,500 years for Ted Kennedy to drunkenly crash his car off a tiny bridge and drown his girlfriend. Learn more about St. Patrick’s Day, after the jump. Read more on St. Patrick’s Curse On America…