July 22, 2014
Donald Trump is in Ireland — the CLASSIEST, YOOGEST ISLAND. How do you greet Donald Trump when he gets off a plane? Do you have Bobbsey Triplets playing violin, harp, and Ariel’s mermaid voice, in matching red cocktail dresses and five inch beige heels? No, because you did not think of it first, because you’re […]
A 66-year-old California woman lost $300,000 when “God’s Perfect Match” for her on a Christian dating site turned out to be a scammer. The unnamed woman could have lost another $200K, but became skeptical and called law enforcement before that wire transfer could be cashed. Santa Clara County Deputy District Attorney Cherie Bourland took the […]
Hello Americans. Today we are writing very slowly, because we know that you don’t read very fast. Or good. And we promise to stay away from complicated math, simple math, and any scientific theories more complicated than gravity, because apparently our kids isn’t learning very good. At all. According to a test administered to 15-year-olds […]
As you’ve watched the Texas Handmaids’ Tale- style abortion restrictions go into effect, we bet you’ve been wishin’ and hopin’ and prayin’ that Ross Douthat, the baby-faced sad-90s-beard-rocking culture scold would share his derp thoughts with you on the matter. Yr Wonkette has been wishing for this fervently and also, too, sobbing inconsolably at the […]
Corporations are people, my friend — only a very SPECIAL kind of people who are above vulgar affairs like, say, paying taxes, or being held accountable. This is why it’s not illegal for Incorporated Americans to evade avoid taxes, even if they are posting record profits, and also, because making corporations pay taxes is like class […]
We were worried that you, the Wonkette Reader, might not have quite enough rage coursing through you today, and so here is the story, via Dan Savage at The Stranger, of Savita Halappanavar, a 31-year-old woman who died in Galway, Ireland, last month after doctors decided that, although she was already miscarrying and there was […]
Some people have made some pretty bold claims about the 2012 election and our present-day electorate — “most polarized in history,” blah blah blah — ignoring the fact that America did once have an actual civil war, with hundreds of thousands dead, because many simply did not care for an election outcome (and also slavery). […]
This is magical: Barack Obama’s stupid giant million-ton Cadillac Tank Limo got stuck on a little bump in the driveway leading out of the U.S. Embassy. Listen to the Irish people laugh and cheer. It’s like they knew this would happen.
Wacky Joe Biden, who will you hurt with jokes now?
On this day when all Americans have “a case of the Blarney,” it is important to remember that the actual Irish were literally the Mexicans of their day, when they came to America. Why? Nobody remembers now, but apparently the Irish took all the shit jobs the white people didn’t want, and because of this […]
By the Comics CurmudgeonHappy Friday, liberal weenies! Or should I say “suicidally depressing Friday,” because all of you are almost certainly suicidally depressed, what with the naked Republican Ted Kennedies and the coming corporate control of all elections and the bankruptcy of your precious liberal radio station! Anyway, like your liberal weenie foreparents, you will […]
Oh ho ho, some wacky elected official in some other country’s legislature says “fuck,” twice! THIS IS PREPOSTEROUS! [Gawker]
By the Comics CurmudgeonAmerica might be a land of shouty illiterate fartsacks who will die of massive Hardees-induced coronaries in filthy hospital waiting rooms while trying to fill out insurance forms with numbing fingers, but at least we aren’t Europeans, am I right? I mean, Jesus, think about the awful nadir of degradation it must […]
David Vitter, who has racked up nearly a billion frequent whore miles, is On The Defensive, as Democrats are criticizing him for his earlier botched attempt to smuggle a bomb in his sneaker on an airplane. [CNN Political Ticker] Despite rumors and, arguably, logic to the contrary, embattled RNC Chairman Michael Steele and his little […]
David Denby, noted fruit-sack, has forever tarnished the name of Ted Kennedy. Once, we all knew Kennedy as a lovable, happy-go-lucky boozebag and a very capable senator. But now when you hear “Ted Kennedy,” you think of a tragically emasculated old invalid suffering the endless indignity of blogger insults. Why did David Denby have to […]