We haven’t thought about Blackwater in awhile, probably because they changed their name to Xe, which sounded like some sort of Scientology thing. That only lasted a couple years, and now they’re Academi, which just makes it look like they can’t spell. Anyway, we’re thinking about BlackXeMi today, because those guards that murdered a fuckton […]

Fresh off his explanation of how Obamacare is the worst thing since slavery and also claiming that food stamps helped his mom get out of poverty but government assistance just makes other people lazy, Dr. Ben “I know as much about economics as Paul Krugman does about neurosurgery” Carson scored another rhetorical triumph in an […]

There is no problem that cannot be solved by more war. Sure, that may sound kind of dumb to you, but you are not Bill Kristol, the spittle-filled sack of stupid who has never been right about a thing ever in his entire lifetime. You think that’s hyperbole? It took him until 2013 to figure […]

Uh-oh, you guys. It looks like Costco has made White American Jesus shed some tears from his shiny, manly blue eyes. In an obvious move to persecute Christians, Costco set up a lion pit and began throwing Christians into it. Not really, because that would actually be persecution. Rather, Costco accidentally labeled some Bibles as […]

The Daily Show Get More: Daily Show Full Episodes,The Daily Show on Facebook Looks like the lamestream media is on another witch hunt for decent non-racist politicians. It’s so sad how all this Political Correctness is oppressing people and keeping them from speaking freely, just because some people don’t like the stuff that comes out […]

Hallo, Comrades! Did you wake up this morning feeling extra-communisty? We sure did, but we weren’t quite sure why we had a deep urge to fling our rich clothes to the poor, a la St. Francis of Assisi. Of course, there’s a reason we didn’t know why: We’re pinheads!!1! And if our heads are the […]

Are you having trouble keeping track of all the stupendously mind-numbingly bad Obamacare analogies? Yes, it is just like Hitler. No, it is not an iPhone. It is sort of like Green Eggs and Ham. Well, thanks to National Journal’s Very Serious Columnist Ron Fournier, we have a new one to melt our brains like […]

Can we just say that it can be a little nauseating to see so many Republicans saying a lot of the right things about Syria for all the wrong reasons? Of course, if Syria had any substantial oil reserves, the totally-serious-this-time possible presidential candidate might be singing a different tune, like that one time, so […]

Are people STILL talking about Iraq, because OMG, that is sooooo 10 years ago! Only dirty fucking hippies who hate America and freedom are still obsessing about embarrassing lame-o Code Pinkish questions like, “What the hell was the point of that again?” and “Did we find those weapons of mass destruction yet?” and “Could we […]

Good news everyone! We have received an invoice for the Iraq war and it is only going to cost us around $6 trillion American dollars. Now, this may SOUND like a high price tag, but let’s keep it in perspective by remembering that we liberated the Iraqis using freedom bombs, and the cost of that […]

Since this month marks the ten-year anniversary of the War to Soothe George W. Bush’s Daddy Issues, and because our blood pressure has not skyrocketed to the point where it blew out the cuff the nurse strapped around our arm at our last physical, your Wonkette thought it would be fun to take a look […]

This month marks the ten-year anniversary of the invasion of Iraq and Operation YARRRGHHHH FREEDOM LIBERATORS DERPDERPDERP. Do you remember where you were when you first heard our brave troops had crossed the border in their insufficiently armored vehicles? We were in a cubicle in Burbank, CA, reading CNN and facepalming, but as much as […]

Are you sick of hearing about Chuck Hagel? We are sick of hearing about Chuck Hagel too, but there are so many pearls of wisdom and hidden insights in this New York Times article about him that we cannot resist sharing it with you. For example: did you know that being a war hero does […]

A guest post from your comrade “Glasspusher.” Remember when liberals had Dick Cheney’s Halliburton to be OUTRAGED about, like common wingnuts have a black president? Well, jump in your time machine and set it for “2002,” because Halliburton and its subsidiary, KBR, are whispering your name from across space and time! Yes, now we find […]

Rep. Tim Scott (R-SC), who is the Other Black House Republican Besides Allen West, is your newest Senator from South Carolina, after Jim Demint left to grift money at the Heritage Foundation!  YAY!!! Many people think that Tim Scott is somehow better because he is more moderate than Allen West, which is sort of like a fried […]