Tag: iraq

Donald Trump Hearts Saddam Hussein

Donald Trump thinks Saddam Hussein was an admirable role model for dealing with terrorists, because he got the job done. Why would anyone have a problem with a simple factual statement like that?

John McCain Furious Obama Shot Up Orlando, Created ISIS, Bought Last Bag Of Werther’s Originals

John McCain blamed Barack Obama for the mass shooting in Orlando, because his brain just works like that sometimes.
A couple of amateurs

Mark Kelly And David Petraeus Started New Gun Safety Group Before Orlando. See? It Didn’t Work!

Former astronaut Mark Kelly and retired Gen. David Petraeus have formed a group to fight for stronger gun laws. We're looking forward to the Usual Suspects yelling these vets don't know anything about firearms.

Donald Trump Did Not Say That Thing About American Soldiers That He Said

Donald Trump may have accused American soldiers of stealing 'millions and millions' of dollars in Iraq reconstruction money. Or he may have accused Iraqi soldiers of doing that. Or he may be a floor wax and a dessert topping.
The smartest man in the room

Sen. Tom Cotton Dreams Of An America With Even More People In Prison

Sen. Tom Cotton offered a contrarian take on prison reform: we need to put a whole lot more people behind bars, ideally forever.

History’s Greatest Love Affair: Donald Trump and Geraldo Rivera

Donald Trump and Geraldo Rivera have a complicated relationship. They theoretically have undying love for one another (but not in a gay way, because no homo bro) yet is that love really possible when they each adore themselves so...

Mr. Tuff Guy Sen. Tom Cotton Didn’t Drink Gay Sparkle Water When He Was At ‘Army’

Y'all, the child senator from Arkansas, Tom Cotton, is mad enough to tittyfuck a swallow right now! Surprise, it has to do with how Cotton still thinks he's the president of Obama's Iran foreign policy. Surprise, Tom Cotton is...
Dirka dirka jihad Muhammad jihad!

Southwest Airlines Keeping Skies Safe For Scaredypants Jackasses

Southwest Airlines made a strong bid for an Equine Posterior Award recently by kicking a UC Berkeley student off the plane for having the temerity to speak Arabic in the Post 9/11 World (aka Pantsloadland). The Washington Post reports Khairuldeen...
It wasn't his case, but 9/11

9/11-Humper Rudy Giuliani So Mad At Hillary For Starting ISIS

Hillary Clinton is guilty of many things. She does emails to Sidney Blumenthal about what a gas it would be to do Benghazi a whole bunch maybe after brunch next Tuesday. She does secret speeches to Wall Street where...
He's kind of a pussy.

Donald Trump Used To Think Iraq War Was Terrific, Just Terrific

Donald Trump has been all over the campaign trail lately, yelling about how he was against that stupid disastrous war in Iraq, that he had said this so many times all the time, and this proves that he will...

Jeb Bush Very Proud Of That Time He Replaced Florida Schools With Jesus

For absolutely no reason whatsoever, Jeb Bush is quite proud of a lot of the things he did when he was the governor of Florida. Like remember that time his Florida National Guard boys did a bang-up job running...
Can we fix it? No, it's fucked.

Jeb Bush So Proud Of How His Florida Boys Did Abu Ghraib

BREAKING NEWS, Jeb Bush opened his mouth and his dick came out and then he stepped on it: “I was commander-in-chief of the National Guard. I visited Iraq and Afghanistan. The National Guard in Florida took the responsibility of running...

Finnish Clowns Give Marauding Bigots Exactly The Respect They Deserve

That headline is going to take some explaining, so stick with us here. Alright, so, Finland. You guys know Finland, right? It's the third biggest Scandinavian country, after the ones you always remember first. Its chief exports are alcoholism and...

White House: Sarah Palin Might Be A Idiot, But Domestic Violence Is Serious Business

Wednesday afternoon, Sarah Palin explained that her son Track beated up his girlfriend because Barack Obama gave him PTSD. At the time, we said, "OMG WTF ARE YOU GODDAMNED KIDDING US, SARAH?" (Or something like that, with a lot...

Breitbart Does Great Job Fact-Checking Obama’s SOTU, Except For All The Facts

Shortly after the president concluded his final State of the Union, Breitbart -- the internet's shrieking, shit-throwing chimpanzee colony -- decided to "fact-check" the speech. It went as badly as you'd expect. Because we really love rubbing salt in the wounds of human beings as...

We Sure Yelled At The Media A Lot This Year, For Sucking

We here at ye olde Yr Wonkette are not A Journalist. Which does not mean we do not know how journalism is formed. We (yr editrix Rebecca Schoenkopf) went to journalism school, for journalism, and then taught college journalism...