Well fuck all. The Politico's Mike Allen held an interview with President Bush today in which the Commander-in-Chief announced how he is showing his gratitude to the troops. "I don't want some mom whose son may have recently died to see the commander in chief playing golf... I feel I owe it to the families to be in solidarity as best as I can with them. And I think playing golf during a war just sends the wrong signal." Can't... what the... some game vs. death... [Jonathan Martin]
Thousands of dockworkers from Seattle to San Diego didn't show up at work today, forcing the closure of all 29 ports in the Western United States — including the busiest American ports at Los Angeles and Long Beach. What the hell?
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The liberal terrorists at MoveOn.org are launching a $1 million ad campaign (heyo!) against John McCain, because who the hell else is gonna do it, JESUS H. CHRIST (Mike Huckabee)? The first ad is running in some states where McCain has been running his own ads unopposed, and it features a birthday cake. Or an anniversary cake. It's an Iraq Birthday-Anniversary Cake, celebrating 5-100 years of fun in the sun! Stupid liberals always miss the point — if you make cake analogous to a vote for John McCain, everyone will vote for John McCain. Check out the Elitism ad below.
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It was a pretty bad Condiweek! She went all the way to the Middle East and accomplished little more than photo-ops with the morbidly obese; she bickered with kindly old man Jimmy Carter; and then she came home and participated in one of the most gruesomely cynical Bush Administration publicity stunts EVER. Catch up with America's Princess Diplomat after the jump!
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DUMB OLD GEORGE W. BUSH LOATHED BY TELEVISION COMMUNITY: Remember when George W. Bush appeared on NBC's Deal or No Deal program Monday night and joked that he's "thrilled to be anywhere with high ratings these days," before honoring a decorated war veteran? Well this particular episode of Deal brought in the lowest ratings the show has ever had. [NYP]
Llewellyn Werner is a California investor who doesn't like death, but does like Disneyland. Most of us don't draw the distinction, but Werner wants to replace the former with the latter in Baghdad with "The Baghdad Zoo and Entertainment Experience," a developing "American-style amusement park that will feature a skateboard park, rides, a concert theatre and a museum." Christ, wasn't the plan to get the oil first and then destroy them with Americanization? Priorities, people.
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David Petraeus is the only General in the military anymore, so when any new General's Job opens, he has to take it. Defense Secretary Bob "I Exist?" Gates today promoted Petraeus to head U.S. Central Command (a.k.a. CENTCOM, BWAH BWAH!), leaving Iraq in the hands of Lt. Gen. Raymond Odierno. Expect MoveOn.org to rename this new guy something like "Odier? NO!" in the coming weeks. [Reuters]
Kind of a weird week in Condiland! She had to threaten her staff again, had an awkward moment with Madeleine Albright, and endured the embarrassment of standing idly by as the Pope got kissed by — ew! — Nancy Pelosi. And that was really kind of it! So let's flesh things out the way real journalists do: by making things up! See the pictures and feel the magic, after the jump!
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Veteran Condiwatchers thought the ridiculous vice presidential rumors were over and done with, but oh no, there was to be one final, glorious flare-up last week to finally burn them to cinders. What else has America's Princess Diplomat been up to for the last seven days? Well, it all involves paperweights, cutesy baseball references, Jimmy Carter, and torture! Yay! Find out all about it after the jump.
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The U.S. military must be in worse shape than we thought. Once content to harvest recruits from the ranks of the criminal, drug-addicted, and borderline retarded, they then moved on to calling up sad Southern muppets and asking them to serve. Now that our President has called an indefinite halt to post-July troop withdrawals from Iraq, America's children might want to take a second look at this creepy Sesame Street video in order to find out why Elmo's dad still can't come home.
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