Wonkette

In an age when most reporters for the American media are timid, pasty, milquetoast mumblers, Lara Logan stands head and balls above the rest. Sure, we’ve seen some stories about her romantical adventures in Iraq’s Green Zone and an exciting brawl in a safe house between two rival suitors — and our only question is, Just two? MORE »

Wonkette guest editor (and Reason sellout) Dave Weigel snuck into a screening of Gonzo: The Life and Work of Dr. Hunter Thompson last night, and reports that it’s “funny and raw as hell,” but spoiled by dirty liberal anti-Bush hippieness, because everybody knows how much HST loved the Bush Family, oil companies and imperialist wars. (It’s Reason; what do you expect?) But was Thompson’s 9/11 column really “thin and watery stuff” and “a catalogue of worries and ‘Bush is dumb’ jibes”? MORE »

Like a full goddamn week after Jesus flooded the entirety of Iowa, President George W. Bush will travel to our heartland to view the devastation today, and he will patriotically not play golf. But there’s a problem for the Republicans here: John McCain will also be looking at floods in Iowa today. Shit! You see, it’s extremely important to John McCain’s reputation as a Maverick Independent Hero that he not look at flooded homes with the president, because of Iraq. Alas, the McCain campaign fears that its flood-navigating canoes might intersect with Bush’s flood-navigating canoes, in Iowa, and the resulting paddle-splash sea battle will give Obama the White House. MORE »

Here’s the latest piece of propaganda from the creators of General Betray Us and other bits of self-righteous liberal wankery. Shortly after this dumb ad was filmed, John McCain bombed Alex and his mother from space and guzzled their brains, for Sustenance. [YouTube]

Here’s WALNUTS! on this morning’s Today show, fucking himself over. He says that getting our troops out of Iraq is “not too important” considering the fact that we have military bases in such places as Japan and Germany, still. You may recall this “permanent occupation” line of logic from the Republican primary season, as it was the single most horrifying thing a presidential candidate said all cycle. Ohhh, WALNUTS! [YouTube]

He may have spent his entire presidency jabbering about “the enemy” and mushroom clouds and evildoers, but now that he has just eight more months in office before he retires to his Paraguayan retreat for war criminals, President George W. Bush says his gun-slingin’ rhetoric was maybe not such a great idea — on account of how it made him sound like a war-obsessed warmonger. MORE »

Terrible Sen. Joe Lieberman mustn’t have “gotten the message” when Barry Obama beat him up on the Senate Floor yesterday. Instead of backing off Obama, Lieberman is now growing advanced human embryos that will mature into 18-year-olds over the course of 5 months, at which point they will have the option of either voting for McCain or being sent to Iraq. Two of these options will send them to Iraq.

Barack Obama wants to leave Iraq, John McCain wants to keep it as a vacation home for 100 years. This is an important decision we must make in our Election. Except it’s not at all(!), because — according to a British newspaper — George W. Bush & Pals are negotiating a Secret Deal that “would perpetuate the American military occupation of Iraq indefinitely, regardless of the outcome of the US presidential election in November.” Shocking! And once this deal is inked, Bush plans on declaring victory. Again! MORE »