Tag Archives: iran

  We like this Obama

President Obama Politely Suggests Republicans Are Bunch Of A-Holes

Just pointing out the obvious
Now that President Barry H. O’Bamz is this close to being SO outta here and SO done with all of our bullcrap, he really does not give a good goddamn. And he will say anything he wants to say. He will say the N-word, even though you pasty white mofos on Fox don’t get to, unfair! — and then he’ll say the P-word, the Q-word, the silent H-word, and all the other words, too. Read more on President Obama Politely Suggests Republicans Are Bunch Of A-Holes…
  Oh yeah? YOU'RE Pontius Pilate!

Sen. Tom Cotton Appalled How John Kerry Went To Iran To Crucify Jesus

I look like A Expert.
Wee young Sen. Tom Cotton of Arkansas, who seems to be under the impression he is president of both U.S. America and Iran, is making opinions with his mouth again. Because see, Barack Obama and John Kerry went to Iran and said, “Hey, would you like to bomb Israel and the United States, because you are Iran and you have started so many wars in the past few decades, unlike the United States and Israel, nations that are fainting flowers, too shy to start wars?” And Iran said, “Can you stop crippling our nation with sanctions and let us save a little face here, if we promise not to make nuclear bombs?” And Obama and Kerry replied, “Only if you promise to do nuclear war to everyone,” and a deal was made. At least that’s the wingnut version of it, we think, because they are very stupid, scared people. Read more on Sen. Tom Cotton Appalled How John Kerry Went To Iran To Crucify Jesus…
  Are you Distracted? We Certainly Are

Sen. Joni Ernst Worried Obama Lowered Flag To Half Staff For Secret Muslin Reasons

Tinfoil flags are best
You may be astonished, as we were, to learn that conservatives are furious with Barack Obama for waiting Five Whole Days to order the flag to be flown at half staff in honor of the victims of last Thursday’s shootings in Chattanooga, which killed five members of the military. Obviously, Obama hates the military, since he only called the killings “heartbreaking” the day they happened, and didn’t immediately lower the flags himself. (By contrast, Obama ordered flags to half staff the day after the 2009 Fort Hood shooting.) But Sen. Joni Ernst thinks she may know what Obama’s up to: He’s trying to distract us all from Benghazi the Iran nuclear deal. Read more on Sen. Joni Ernst Worried Obama Lowered Flag To Half Staff For Secret Muslin Reasons…
  Classier than Ann Romney's horse probably

Marco Rubio Thinks President Obama Is No-Class Bitch

Answers is tough and is not my favorite.
La di da and fiddle dee dee, who knew Miss Marco Rubio was such a delicate little flower? But he is, it turns out, because while sitting on the Stupid Sofa of Stupid on “Fox & Friends,” the soon-to-be-unemployed senator from Florida pearl-clutched so hard about just how Not Classy the president is. Why? you may ask, as if it’s not obvious. Well! Did you know the president went on “The Daily Show” — which, Rubio will have you know, is a “comedy show” — where he made light of “something as serious as Iran”? It is true! Here is the president, casually and unseriously talking about Iran, how dare he, so uncouth! Read more on Marco Rubio Thinks President Obama Is No-Class Bitch…
  S-M-R-T plan

President Scott Walker To Bomb Iran, Like, Yesterday

He has ALL the confuse
Check out the giant nutsack on Gov. Scott Walker! (But not in a gay way, that’s bad for the children.) At the Jesuspalooza known as the Family Leadership Summit, in Iowa this weekend, Walker whipped it out for the media and double-dog dared his fellow Republican presidential contenders to do the same, by explaining how he will bomb the ever-lovin’ fuck out of Iran the second after he is sworn in as president: Read more on President Scott Walker To Bomb Iran, Like, Yesterday…
  The Derp Horseman Of The Apocalypse

Godly Grifter Jim Bakker Says Iran Deal Means End Times, Please Send Money

'Every frame of this movie looks like somebody's last known photo' -- MST3K, Manos, The Hands of Fate
We learn all sorts of fascinating things working here at Yr Wonkette, and here is one of them: Jim Bakker, the disgraced ’80s televangelist who served time for doing big-time financial fraud for Jesus, is actually still on teevee somewhere in the scary recesses of cable where we never go! We were awfully sad when his ex-wife, gay icon and mascara addict Tammy Faye, died in 2007, but we’d forgotten that Jim was still out there running his old End Times grift, at least until RawStory brought us this gorgeous video of Bakker getting the latest Bible prophecy News from up-and-coming Alabama pastor John Kilpatrick, who has found all sorts of clues in the Bible that exactly match America in 2015, which means of course that the end times are here, and it’s all Obama’s fault for signing a nuclear deal with Iran. Also, abortion is causing the California drought, which frankly is just plagiarism of that one California Republican assemblywoman. Read more on Godly Grifter Jim Bakker Says Iran Deal Means End Times, Please Send Money…
  For All The 'Sacrificial Veterans'

Sarah Palin: Iran Bad, Obama Bad, Let’s Build A Wall, Something Something You Betcha

No sir, she doesn't like it!
Just in case you were worried (or hoping) that after losing her big Fox News gig and walking out on her already foundering pretend teevee channel, you might be seeing less of Sarah Palin, you’ll be delighted or nauseated to know that she can still throw a bunch of words into a blender and get them published at Dead Breitbart’s Internet Refuge for Drooling Vipers. Such was the case Wednesday, as the legendary foreign policy visionary who foresaw the Russian occupation of Ukraine looked once again into her crystal doorknob and warned that this week’s nuclear arms agreement with Iran is going to be big trouble, because it’s not merely a plan to put Iran’s nuclear program on ice — it’s actually a complete surrender of both the United States and Israel to the Islamic Republic. And she is not one bit surprised: Read more on Sarah Palin: Iran Bad, Obama Bad, Let’s Build A Wall, Something Something You Betcha…
  wait what?

GOP Senator Enraged Obama Giving Arms To Iran, Wait That Was Reagan

Barack Obama and one of his Persian lovers.
To say that Republicans have become unhinged over President Obama’s Iran deal would be a generous understatement. But “moderate” (hahaha) Sen. Mark Kirk, Republican of Illinois, may (at least for the moment) be the most unhinged of all. Did you know that Obama reached this agreement so that we can give all the nukes to Iran so they can murder everyone in the Middle East? IT’S TRUE! At least it’s true if you live in Mark Kirk’s brain. Read more on GOP Senator Enraged Obama Giving Arms To Iran, Wait That Was Reagan…
  What Good Is A Deal That Won't Let Us Bomb Iran?

Scott Walker Joins The ‘Tough On Iran Like Reagan Was’ Club

In 1980 and 1984, especially. By landslides, even.
Scott Walker is a man who knows what he believes in, even if some of it is kind of weird, like how he can beat ISIS because he told public employee unions to go get bent. And his foreign policy hero is the great Ronald Reagan, who didn’t let foreign enemies like air traffic controller unions boss him around. So it shouldn’t be too surprising that in his announcement speech, Scott Walker explained we can never have a nuclear deal with Iran, because under Jimmy Carter, Iran took 52 Americans hostages, and only freed them on Ronald Reagan’s first day in office. Read more on Scott Walker Joins The ‘Tough On Iran Like Reagan Was’ Club…
  A Piece In Our Time

Iran Nuclear Deal Will Either Usher In New Era Of Peace Or End Of Civilization As We Know It

Thanks to whoever already did this with Ahmedinejad instead of Hitler; we've updated to Rouhani
An agreement to limit Iran’s nuclear development has been reached between Iran and the United States, plus five other nations that were so important to the negotiations that the New York Times named them all in the 33rd paragraph of its story on the deal. While President Barack Obama said the agreement is “not built on trust, it is built on verification,” many representatives of Israel in the U.S. Congress have complained that the deal is terrible and will lead to Iranian domination of the Middle East, the destruction of Israel, and probably gun confiscation and abortions, because everything Obama does will lead to those. The agreement is the result of a framework that Iran and the U.S. agreed to in April. Read more on Iran Nuclear Deal Will Either Usher In New Era Of Peace Or End Of Civilization As We Know It…
  lol

Bobby Jindal Is The Wingnut Presidential Candidate Nobody’s Been Waiting For

Not presidential material. Not Bobby Jindal either.
BREAKING NEWS! Gov. Bobby Jindal, who has basically ruined Louisiana, declared his candidacy for president of US America Wednesday afternoon, far too close to the city of New Orleans for anyone who actually loves that city. He had started off the week getting punched right in his junk by IBM, which had been nice enough to choose Baton Rouge for its new National Service Center. The company’s mood soured when Jindal decided he had to prove he was the gay-hatin’-est homophobe in all the land, by issuing an executive order giving Louisiana business owners the right to discriminate against gay people. That might work on the set of “Duck Dynasty,” but not in the grown-up world of big business. So IBM decided to cancel the big ribbon-cutting photo-op, the one Jindal could have used to show just how GOOD he’s been for Louisiana business. Read more on Bobby Jindal Is The Wingnut Presidential Candidate Nobody’s Been Waiting For…
  DEAR PREZNIT DUMBASS

Wonkette Writes Wingnut Letters To President Obama, About How He Is A Idiot

President Obama did a big interview with the “Extra” teevee program, and told correspondent Jerry Penacoli that he responds to ALL the letters his people bring him, even when it’s just wingnuts writing in to say, “You Are A Idiot.” The president said he tries to “address their concerns,” but considering the “concerns” people have about this president, we wonder what does he say to them? When they call him A Idiot, does he call them A Idiot back? Read more on Wonkette Writes Wingnut Letters To President Obama, About How He Is A Idiot…
  now it can be told

Email From Your Crazy Uncle: John Kerry Didn’t Wreck His Bike, ISIS Tried To Kill Him

Trust no one
Monday, we received an item in our email that was so mind-blowingly important that our minds were literally blown. It is rather messy in the office now. You may have thought that John Kerry was some kind of elitist sissy bicyclist who broke his effete right femur while cycling in the French Alps, but that just means that you’re another dupe of the lamestream media. Now the real story can be told, according to tipster “danielking4” at redacted dot redacted, in a message addressed to Wonkette and at least 30 other news organizations. Read more on Email From Your Crazy Uncle: John Kerry Didn’t Wreck His Bike, ISIS Tried To Kill Him…
  This Is What Happens When You Find A Danger In The Alps

Politico: Look At That Stuck-Up Elitist John Kerry With His Fancy Bicycle!

Eat my Lycra bike shorts...which I have the sense not to wear near a photographer
As you may have heard, Secretary of State John Kerry broke his right femur in a bicycle accident Sunday, and had to stay in a hospital overnight. Ah, but that accident happened in the snotty French country of France, while Kerry was riding a portion of the fancy la-dee-dah French Tour de France route in the Alps, where only rich snobs ride bikes. And it wasn’t just any hospital, it was a hospital in Geneva, Switzerland, which is where rich Eurotrash go when they fall off their elitist skis, too. This is obviously worth some bigtime Think Piecing, which is why Politico treated us Monday to a whole long analysis piece of how John Kerry’s career has been “marked by physical and political mishaps.” Or, in tl;dr form: Guy crashes bike, what a snob! Still, Politico sure has some damning evidence that John Kerry is America’s Greatest Wealthy Fuckup: Read more on Politico: Look At That Stuck-Up Elitist John Kerry With His Fancy Bicycle!…
  How dare you quote his own words to him

GOP Senator Loves Iran, Hates Obama, Wants You To Shut Up About That Now

Sen. Ron Johnson (R-Traitor)
Check out this giant steaming pile of Iran-shaped elephant manure Wisconsin’s Republican Sen. Ron Johnson stepped in: “Now, a President who was awarded the 2013 Politifact Lie of the Year, if you like your healthcare plan you can keep it, period. If you like your doctor you can keep it, period. They lied boldfaced to the American public repeatedly with Obamacare,” the Wisconsin senator said at a recent town hall in Cerdarburg, Wisconsin. Read more on GOP Senator Loves Iran, Hates Obama, Wants You To Shut Up About That Now…