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Tag: iran

Why Can’t Man-Baby Donald Trump Use Nuclear Weapons, WHY WHY WHY??? A Wonksplainer

Trump reportedly asked a foreign policy expert THREE TIMES IN ONE HOUR why he's not allowed to nuke everything. THREE TIMES.

Hillary To America: I Am A Grown-Ass Adult, And Donald Trump Is A Idiot

It's a pity Hillary won't say what she really thinks about Donald Trump.

Barack Obama’s Excellent South Asian Vacation!

Barack Obama is wrapping up his gnarly Vietnamese vacation. Wish we were there!

Gather Round, For Breitbart’s David Horowitz Is To Tell Us All About Blackness

First David Horowitz came for the Jews, and I said nothing, because eh, it's David Horowitz. Then he came for the black people, and I was like seriously, you sure you wanna do that, buddy?

Mr. Tuff Guy Sen. Tom Cotton Didn’t Drink Gay Sparkle Water When He Was At ‘Army’

Y'all, the child senator from Arkansas, Tom Cotton, is mad enough to tittyfuck a swallow right now! Surprise, it has to do with how Cotton still thinks he's the president of Obama's Iran foreign policy. Surprise, Tom Cotton is...
Gaul is supposed to be a big deal, but it's very disappointing. Terrible golf. Sad!

Donald Trump Gives Serious Foreign Policy Speech Like A Big Boy

Now that Donald Trump has declared himself the Republican Nominee, High Pooh-Bah, and All-Father of the World (Dilute! Dilute!), it's time for him to start Acting Presidential, so he gave a Very Serious Foreign Policy Address today. How serious...
Maybe not that bright a guy. It's possible.

Pathetic Loser ‘Reporters’ Ask Donald Trump Questions, Expect Answers. Sad!

Some really weird stuff out in media land the last few days: Suddenly, several people interviewing Donald Trump have actually taken the time to interrupt his stream-of-gibberish talking points and say, Hey, Donald? You are saying words, but they...
Nope, can't come up with a joke about official portraits.

Will Tammy Duckworth’s Robot Feet Kick Mark Kirk Out Of The U.S. Senate?

Welcome to the second installment of our fun new weekly series on the 2016 Senate races. We have about as many weekends between now and November 8 as there are senatorial races, and so we're aiming to hit every...
Where is your Godzilla now?

Michele Bachmann Not About To Let Obama Become Antichrist At The United Nations, No Way

Former Congresspastor Michele Bachmann has been playing the ol' "The Bible Is A Roadmap For History" game again, and she has some pretty fascinating predictions about what's going to happen in the Middle East any day now, as we...
He's thinking of ideas right now.

New House Speaker Paul Ryan Has Some Ideas, You Guys!

Fresh-faced dumb baby House Speaker Paul Ryan woked up all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed this morning! He did his P90X, said his affirmations into the mirror, and then tweeted out an idea he had been having, about how it would be...
Blaspheme not the Name of Reagan

Iran Releases More American Prisoners. Thanks, President Trump!

Iran has released four Americans who were being imprisoned in the Islamic Republic, and boy oh boy are Republicans ever pissed off about it! It's almost as bad as that time last week when Iran killed quickly released those...

Pity Obama Let Those Sailors Die In Iranian Captivity, Oh They’ve Been Released?

Tyrant Barack Obama committed perhaps the most grievous sin of his evil reign Tuesday night when he danced around and gigglebanged Congress during the State of The Union, telling everybody what a badass president he was, at the very...
Never Forget

Rick Santorum Beated Up Whoopi Goldberg And ISIS, Will Be Toughest President

Rick Santorum, whose polling throughout the primary season hasn't risen higher than Rick Santorum's dick when he discovers sexts from his wife's hot abortion doctor ex-boyfriend, has sent out a fundraising email. No, we do not know how the Washington...

Happy Benghazi Day! Watch Hillary Clinton Admit She Did Benghazi, For The LOLs

It's here, it's finally here! Hillary Clinton is testifying before Congress, for the first time ever except for the other time she already did, to answer questions that have already been answered a million times. And maybe now we will...
Totally.

Indiana Governor: What About A Law So We Still Get To Hate The Gays?

Remember earlier this year, when the entire known universe (except, like, Iran and Alabama) did a Two Minutes Hate against Indiana and its very stupid governor, for signing a Religious Freedom Restoration Act ("RFRA" if you're nasty) that basically...
The exact face ol' Carleton was making when she said the thing she says she didn't say.

Liar Carly Fiorina Lying About New Thing

Let's check in with old Carly "Misspeaks A Lot" Fiorina. Is she misspeaking a lot, about a new thing? Or is she being not fully honest? Stretching the truth an eensy-weensy bit? Fuck no, she's just cold lying, the...