iran
Rand Paul Turns Down Veep Slot to Marry True Love (Iran)
Well looks like someone has decided not to fight Marco Rubio to the death for the chance to be the losing vice presidential nominee of the 2012 presidential campaign, as Rand Paul ibn Ron has now totally taken everyone’s war ball and gone home. Rand Paul is not going to let you just unanimously consent [...]
Iran’s Stubborn Refusal To Start Building Nukes Hindering Fun War Plans
Here’s a typical variation on the same disturbing/hilarious lede that we see every few months, each time rendering satire useless: “Reporting from Washington— As U.S. and Israeli officials talk publicly about the prospect of a military strike against Iran’s nuclear program, one fact is often overlooked: U.S. intelligence agencies don’t believe Iran is actively trying [...]
What Strange Terrorist Ads Will Air During Tonight’s Debate?
Are you one of those humans who watches the Super Bowl “for the commercials,” which are always uniformly terrible? This is why those of us who live in Washington watch presidential debates! Oh the interest groups, they love buying DC ad time during hilarious presidential debates. There’s usually an Israel Project/AIPAC thing about how scared [...]
Mere 1% of Americans Can Correctly Identify Nation’s Top Global Enemy
Favored pick “Iran” won this season’s Gallup poll for “America’s Top Enemy” by its highest-ever margin, wow! A full third of Americans picked Iran as their most dreaded bogeyman this year (up from a quarter last year) for, eh, some sort of reason. Perhaps a follow-up “why” question might have been interesting or informative here, [...]
One Month Later, Half of U.S. Forgets Iraq War, Wants New War (With Iran)
Oh, so the war in Afghanistan is supposed to end soon-ish, like next year, maybe? Sure, we’ve done a pretty good job leaving that country on the brink of yet another horrifying civil war, NEXT. It is now Iran’s turn to be liberationed! Forty-nine percent of Americans, which for you statistically-minded folk means “probably at [...]
Doomsday Clock 5 Minutes ‘Til Midnight; Iranian Assassinated
How are things? Bad? Oh. Well, there’s always “Angry Birds” or whatever. Oxycontin. And the fancy scientist people have moved the “symbolic” Doomsday Clock another minute closer to Midnight. This does not mean “another minute closer to Santa’s visit,” or whatever the popular superstitions are these days. It means the world will come to an [...]
Bombing Iran, Politicizing Turkey
New polling shows fully half of the nation would support an attack on Iran should the latest sanctions fail. Considering that the consensus at last night’s debate was that sanctions had already failed, we’re all basically living 2002 all over again. Occupy Wall St. had it’s biggest media week yet according to a study from [...]
Liveblogging the GOP Dingbats Debating This Mysterious World
It’s time for the least-informed people in America to debate the whole world, or something! Welcome, happy thanksgiving! We finally have the CNN livefeed working, and now it’s time to painstakingly document the Brutal Idiocy we are about to be subjected to, for America.
Bored Condi Calls For Attacking Iran, Because What Else Is There To Do
America’s most lovable war criminal, Condoleezza Rice, likes only one thing more than hawking her new book, and that’s warmongering. So now that she’s been removed from the White House (too late), and is back to being a regular old academic-type person, with a new book, what do you suppose she’s doing with all her [...]
Herman Cain Defends Theory That Presidents Are Supposed To Be Idiots
Okay, seriously, Herman Cain, just stop, stop right now, stop, STOP: “I’m not supposed to know anything about foreign policy. Just thought I’d throw that out,” he told a Journal-Sentinel reporter in the wake of the paper’s insane interview with him revealing that he is not entirely sure what “Libya” is. Because “knowing things” is not [...]
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