Wonkette

Johnny McClassy has been running versions of this ad all over the Internet, in which Obama is giving Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad the sexy bedroom Muslim devil eyes before holding a “summit” in his pants at an undisclosed Motel 6. [John McCain]

George W. Bush has two great ambitions in life: to be the president of Major League Baseball, and to bomb Iran. He will accomplish the second in his waning days in public office before retiring and turning his attention to the very important task of running the sport of baseball into the ground. MORE »

Here’s how our boy WALNUTS! (yes, we called him “boy” so we are racist) explained to his loving reporters why Obama is a fairy: “I believe that it’s not an accident that our hostages came home from Iran when President Reagan was president of the United States. He didn’t sit down in a negotiation with the religious extremists in Iran, he made it very clear that those hostages were coming home.” Well, that’s the Misspeaking of the century. Reagan officials “made it very clear” by covertly selling Iran weapons, which perhaps may not be “sitting down” but was effective in its own way. [The Caucus]

What the hell’s wrong with Bob Gates, the Defense Secretary no one ever talks about? Recently he’s been running his yap with all sorts of liberal Democrat treasonspeak — just like Barack Obama, a known member of Hamas and Hezbollah and the Weather Underground. Apparently he *doesn’t* want to bomb Iran or Syria, or even France! Not only that, he says it’s counterproductive to even consider bombing these countries that need to be bombed. MORE »

John McCain yesterday said that we need the “League of Nations” to deal with pressuring Iran. The League of Nations was an international organization founded after World War I and disbanded after World War II. Today, John McCain was speaking at Wake Forest University and called it “West Virginia.” Tomorrow, John McCain will likely be so old that his skin won’t even work anymore. [via Jonathan Martin]

Our favorite dumb presidential candidate, John “WALNUTS!” McCain, delivered a “major foreign policy address” today, and it was about war and diplomacy, the latter of which he will never use. Since the media is distracted by Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton, McCain can say (and has said!) all sorts of raving dementia-babble and no one will care, because he is a Maverick. But just for kicks, what hilarious things did he say in his speech? MORE »

While some people “stuck in the past” are protesting the Iraq War’s Fifth Birthday today, Dick Cheney is always thinking about the future — specifically, he’s thinking about how he can personally start a war with Iran. And he’s not just sitting in his Naval Observatory lair dreaming up horrible schemes. Dick Cheney is actually in the Persian Gulf right now, on some Sultan’s super-luxury yacht. You know, for a “fishing trip.” MORE »

Nobody understands the military and the Middle East like John McCain does, because he invented them. He also invented calculus, and the Cleveland Steamer, and the French poetry form known as the villanelle. But today we will be talking about Sunnis and Shias, which John McCain also invented, back when he was a young pup hanging out with Mohammed. It’s been so long that McCain has forgotten which is which! MORE »