Tag Archives: iran

  tits on the brain

Mike Huckabee Worried All The Military Ladies Will Want Fancy New Sex Boobies Now

Gonna talk about the female anatomy now.
Mike Huckabee took some time out from smuggling the Jews off Barack Obama’s Iranian Auschwitz train this week to make some more weird comments about boobies. He’s worried that if transgenders get to be in the military and go into battle for our fine nation, then the ladies in the military will be like “UNFAIR, I want a boob job, where’s my boob job?” Because that is a thing all women do, when confronted with the reality of the transgender experience. Here are Huckabee’s mouth words: Read more on Mike Huckabee Worried All The Military Ladies Will Want Fancy New Sex Boobies Now…
  'Slumber 101' Instruction Book Not Included

Ted Cruz Tells Obama And Clinton To Stop Rubbing Their Lithe Bodies All Over Islamic Tyrants

Why is Obama so afraid of this man?
Ted Cruz has apparently had enough of all the Hitler rhetoric over the Iran nukes deal, and is now suggesting that Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton, and John Kerry want to have a hot swinger foursome with Iran and maybe even a big ol’ sex-pile with other Enemies Of America. Read more on Ted Cruz Tells Obama And Clinton To Stop Rubbing Their Lithe Bodies All Over Islamic Tyrants…
  Could Someone Please Use A Stalin Analogy For Variety?

Auschwitz Museum To Rename Itself ‘Nothing Compared To Obama’s Iran Deal’ Museum

Don't assume the Iran deal is a Shoah thing
In the days since Mike Huckabee’s fascinating, totally new strategy of calling Barack Obama Hitler for negotiating a freeze on Iran’s nuclear arms program (which can never work because Iran is Nazi Germany), the Republican Party has rediscovered just how heady that metaphor is, with an enthusiasm not seen since the halcyon Teabag Summer of 2009, when Obama was Hitler for making people get health insurance. Only now, as Huckabee himself explained, it’s totally different, because there are Real Jews who will get Holocausted by Iran! And never mind whether actual Jews are offended by the comparison, because after all, the Jews went and let themselves get killed in 1939-1945 anyway, so they probably need a Baptist preacher to explain things for them. It should be no surprise that Republicans are running to jump on the bandwagon — or maybe it’s more of a Panzerkampfwagen — to sagely proclaim that yes indeed, Barack Obama is pretty much Hitler, Chamberlain, or maybe both of them plus Adolf Eichmann, just itching to send all the Jews to Auschwitz, now that he’s given Iran the Sudetenland and the Bomb. Which they were going to get if there hadn’t been a nuke deal, but somehow actually limiting their nuke program is worse. Read more on Auschwitz Museum To Rename Itself ‘Nothing Compared To Obama’s Iran Deal’ Museum…
  Here a Hitler there a Hitler

Verified Jew Person Sarah Silverman Is Biggest Hitler Since Barack Obama

Not what she said exactly but whatever!
So many Hitlers in the news this week, so little time! Barack Obama is doing Hitler stuff by making a deal with Iran to try to keep them from getting a bomb, which is very different from Republicans’ request of can we please just bomb that Muzzie country what scares us so much, and probably set off World War Three in doing so? Either you’re down with that plan or you’re totally Hitler. And now Sarah Silverman, a Twitter-verified Jewish, is one-upping Obama’s Hitler-ness by saying that Planned Parenthood is okay and doesn’t actually sell baby parts, even though it’s obvious that it sells so many baby parts. Coming soon to a mall near you! The Planned Parenthood Baby Parts Store! Right between Claire’s and Wet Seal!  (They do not sell baby parts, and if you believe that you are a fucking dumbshit.) Read more on Verified Jew Person Sarah Silverman Is Biggest Hitler Since Barack Obama…
  Sorry You Can't Handle How Right I Am

Mike Huckabee: Maybe Holocaust Metaphor ‘Not A Good One.’ Or Maybe It Was AWESOME!

Mike Huckabee feels right bad about having ruffled some feathers with his comments about how the Iran nuclear deal is exactly like the Holocaust, with Barack Obama preparing to “take the Israelis and march them to the door of the oven.” Except that he isn’t sorry at all, because it was a terrific metaphor. That maybe he shouldn’t have used in exactly those words. But it’s really accurate. That’s the gist of his stumbling, sorry-not-sorry discussion of the comments in a Yahoo News interview with Katie Couric, in which Huckabee flops around like an impressive presidential-candidate flounder that’s brought along its own gaffe. Read more on Mike Huckabee: Maybe Holocaust Metaphor ‘Not A Good One.’ Or Maybe It Was AWESOME!…
  Hide yr dergs!

Oh No, Barack Obama Is Going To Do The Puppy Holocaust Now, For Allah!

DON'T BELIEVE HIM BO.
You know that thing during the Super Bowl, where there is the Puppy Bowl for all the girls and homosexuals who are only there for the spiked punch? And know how, as per Mike Huckabee, Obama is doing the REAL HOLOCAUST to Israel, by making a deal to keep Iran nuke-free? Well, apparently Obama’s got time for a puppy Holocaust for Allah, during the commercial breaks of the real Holocaust, according to wingnut radio host Michael Savage, who we actually didn’t know still existed: Read more on Oh No, Barack Obama Is Going To Do The Puppy Holocaust Now, For Allah!…
  It's like 'We Are The World' Without Singing

No F*cking War With Iran, Says Everyone Including Morgan Freeman And Your Mom

Listen to your science fiction president, America
Here is a fun little ad about how to not do war with Iran. We really like it! It features Morgan Freeman, Jack Black, Queen Noor, a lady from that Oranges In Prison show, and the guy from that one movie where Ben Affleck saved America, plus an actual spy (Shhh! It’s Valerie Plame!) and a real ambassador guy who was never in a movie. Put together by an outfit called Global Zero, which has the utopian goal of eliminating nuclear weapons — surely as impossible a dream as ending the Cold War — the ad spoofs the alarmism of the crowd opposing the Iran nuclear deal, and soberly reminds us that the real risk isn’t that we’ll all get zapped by Iranian nukes, but that we’ll end up in another goddamned Forever War in the Middle East. It works! Read more on No F*cking War With Iran, Says Everyone Including Morgan Freeman And Your Mom…
  Schmuck Of The Year 5775

Weird, Jews Don’t Accept Mike Huckabee As Lord And Savior Either

Fuck this guy
Oy, there sure has been a lot of blowharding about The Jews lately, eh? Because President Obama made a deal with Iran about its nuclear power program, which equals Hitler and Hitler appeasers too, somehow, plus also now all The Jews are going to be Holocausted. Literally. To death. In the ovens. This, from some Not The Jews, who like to say how much they love The Jews, and they “have a lot of Jewish friends.” But actually, these Not The Jews are anti-Semitic fucknozzles who can hardly wait for The Jews to hurry up and die so the Not The Jews can get raptured up to Heaven and eat all the bacon-wrapped shrimp, with Jesus. Read more on Weird, Jews Don’t Accept Mike Huckabee As Lord And Savior Either…
  We like this Obama

President Obama Politely Suggests Republicans Are Bunch Of A-Holes

Just pointing out the obvious
Now that President Barry H. O’Bamz is this close to being SO outta here and SO done with all of our bullcrap, he really does not give a good goddamn. And he will say anything he wants to say. He will say the N-word, even though you pasty white mofos on Fox don’t get to, unfair! — and then he’ll say the P-word, the Q-word, the silent H-word, and all the other words, too. Read more on President Obama Politely Suggests Republicans Are Bunch Of A-Holes…
  Oh yeah? YOU'RE Pontius Pilate!

Sen. Tom Cotton Appalled How John Kerry Went To Iran To Crucify Jesus

I look like A Expert.
Wee young Sen. Tom Cotton of Arkansas, who seems to be under the impression he is president of both U.S. America and Iran, is making opinions with his mouth again. Because see, Barack Obama and John Kerry went to Iran and said, “Hey, would you like to bomb Israel and the United States, because you are Iran and you have started so many wars in the past few decades, unlike the United States and Israel, nations that are fainting flowers, too shy to start wars?” And Iran said, “Can you stop crippling our nation with sanctions and let us save a little face here, if we promise not to make nuclear bombs?” And Obama and Kerry replied, “Only if you promise to do nuclear war to everyone,” and a deal was made. At least that’s the wingnut version of it, we think, because they are very stupid, scared people. Read more on Sen. Tom Cotton Appalled How John Kerry Went To Iran To Crucify Jesus…
  Are you Distracted? We Certainly Are

Sen. Joni Ernst Worried Obama Lowered Flag To Half Staff For Secret Muslin Reasons

Tinfoil flags are best
You may be astonished, as we were, to learn that conservatives are furious with Barack Obama for waiting Five Whole Days to order the flag to be flown at half staff in honor of the victims of last Thursday’s shootings in Chattanooga, which killed five members of the military. Obviously, Obama hates the military, since he only called the killings “heartbreaking” the day they happened, and didn’t immediately lower the flags himself. (By contrast, Obama ordered flags to half staff the day after the 2009 Fort Hood shooting.) But Sen. Joni Ernst thinks she may know what Obama’s up to: He’s trying to distract us all from Benghazi the Iran nuclear deal. Read more on Sen. Joni Ernst Worried Obama Lowered Flag To Half Staff For Secret Muslin Reasons…
  Classier than Ann Romney's horse probably

Marco Rubio Thinks President Obama Is No-Class Bitch

Answers is tough and is not my favorite.
La di da and fiddle dee dee, who knew Miss Marco Rubio was such a delicate little flower? But he is, it turns out, because while sitting on the Stupid Sofa of Stupid on “Fox & Friends,” the soon-to-be-unemployed senator from Florida pearl-clutched so hard about just how Not Classy the president is. Why? you may ask, as if it’s not obvious. Well! Did you know the president went on “The Daily Show” — which, Rubio will have you know, is a “comedy show” — where he made light of “something as serious as Iran”? It is true! Here is the president, casually and unseriously talking about Iran, how dare he, so uncouth! Read more on Marco Rubio Thinks President Obama Is No-Class Bitch…
  S-M-R-T plan

President Scott Walker To Bomb Iran, Like, Yesterday

He has ALL the confuse
Check out the giant nutsack on Gov. Scott Walker! (But not in a gay way, that’s bad for the children.) At the Jesuspalooza known as the Family Leadership Summit, in Iowa this weekend, Walker whipped it out for the media and double-dog dared his fellow Republican presidential contenders to do the same, by explaining how he will bomb the ever-lovin’ fuck out of Iran the second after he is sworn in as president: Read more on President Scott Walker To Bomb Iran, Like, Yesterday…
  The Derp Horseman Of The Apocalypse

Godly Grifter Jim Bakker Says Iran Deal Means End Times, Please Send Money

'Every frame of this movie looks like somebody's last known photo' -- MST3K, Manos, The Hands of Fate
We learn all sorts of fascinating things working here at Yr Wonkette, and here is one of them: Jim Bakker, the disgraced ’80s televangelist who served time for doing big-time financial fraud for Jesus, is actually still on teevee somewhere in the scary recesses of cable where we never go! We were awfully sad when his ex-wife, gay icon and mascara addict Tammy Faye, died in 2007, but we’d forgotten that Jim was still out there running his old End Times grift, at least until RawStory brought us this gorgeous video of Bakker getting the latest Bible prophecy News from up-and-coming Alabama pastor John Kilpatrick, who has found all sorts of clues in the Bible that exactly match America in 2015, which means of course that the end times are here, and it’s all Obama’s fault for signing a nuclear deal with Iran. Also, abortion is causing the California drought, which frankly is just plagiarism of that one California Republican assemblywoman. Read more on Godly Grifter Jim Bakker Says Iran Deal Means End Times, Please Send Money…
  For All The 'Sacrificial Veterans'

Sarah Palin: Iran Bad, Obama Bad, Let’s Build A Wall, Something Something You Betcha

No sir, she doesn't like it!
Just in case you were worried (or hoping) that after losing her big Fox News gig and walking out on her already foundering pretend teevee channel, you might be seeing less of Sarah Palin, you’ll be delighted or nauseated to know that she can still throw a bunch of words into a blender and get them published at Dead Breitbart’s Internet Refuge for Drooling Vipers. Such was the case Wednesday, as the legendary foreign policy visionary who foresaw the Russian occupation of Ukraine looked once again into her crystal doorknob and warned that this week’s nuclear arms agreement with Iran is going to be big trouble, because it’s not merely a plan to put Iran’s nuclear program on ice — it’s actually a complete surrender of both the United States and Israel to the Islamic Republic. And she is not one bit surprised: Read more on Sarah Palin: Iran Bad, Obama Bad, Let’s Build A Wall, Something Something You Betcha…