Tag Archives: iran

  How dare you quote his own words to him

GOP Senator Loves Iran, Hates Obama, Wants You To Shut Up About That Now

Sen. Ron Johnson (R-Traitor)
Check out this giant steaming pile of Iran-shaped elephant manure Wisconsin’s Republican Sen. Ron Johnson stepped in: “Now, a President who was awarded the 2013 Politifact Lie of the Year, if you like your healthcare plan you can keep it, period. If you like your doctor you can keep it, period. They lied boldfaced to the American public repeatedly with Obamacare,” the Wisconsin senator said at a recent town hall in Cerdarburg, Wisconsin. Read more on GOP Senator Loves Iran, Hates Obama, Wants You To Shut Up About That Now…
  I'll take "false equivalency" for $500 Alex

Ted Cruz Wishes America Would Focus A Little Less On Buttsex, A Little More On ISIS

Definitely nothing sexy on his brain.
America, you have GAY SEX ON THE BRAIN. You are thinking about it right now, in fact! How else can Ted Cruz explain why everybody keeps asking him about things like “gay marriage” and “equality?” It’s obviously because The Liberals (read: everybody to the left of Ted Cruz’s dad and Genghis Khan) are just too busy thinking about guys boning each other to focus on the important stuff, like ISIS: Read more on Ted Cruz Wishes America Would Focus A Little Less On Buttsex, A Little More On ISIS…
  Still not president

Sen. Tom Cotton Turding Up Fellow Republicans’ Iran Punchbowl

He still thinks he's president
Tom Cotton, the freshman tea party senator from Arkansas who’s already made quite a name for himself (and that name is “Traitor”), is making friends and influencing people ALL over the place. Just when Senate Republicans and Democrats were about to enjoy one of those rare moments of agreeing on something — in this case, legislation saying that Congress has a REAL BIG DICK, so it gets to have a say-so in any agreement on Iran’s nuclear program — Sen. Cotton had to fuck everything up, with the help of Sen. Marco Rubio, who doesn’t even give a damn anymore because he’s quitting the Senate anyway to go not be president: Read more on Sen. Tom Cotton Turding Up Fellow Republicans’ Iran Punchbowl…
  Fuckabee if you're nasty

Mike Huckabee Will Be President Of Making All The Ladies Stop Saying Gay Cusses!

Gonna teach America some manners again!
Former Arkansas governor and current traditional values hall monitor Mike Huckabee announced his candidacy for the Republican nomination for president today in Hope, Arkansas, because he is from there, just like Bill Clinton! The theme of the day was “going from Hope to Higher Ground,” because using “hope” as a theme has never been done before, by a presidential candidate from Hope, Arkansas. There was nice uplifting music, like that Tony Orlando stuff Huckabee loves, and quite unlike that whore Beyoncé music the Obamas love, which Mike Huckabee knows is from the devil. Unfortunately, Ted Nugent was not there to help Huckabee sing about bitches’ pussies, BY WHICH WE MEAN KITTY CATS. Read more on Mike Huckabee Will Be President Of Making All The Ladies Stop Saying Gay Cusses!…
  Yay Alan Keyes found something to do

Alan Keyes’ Army Of One Will Declare WAR On Gay-Marrying Supreme Court, Time To Panic!

Surely this man is not crazy.
Poor Alan Keyes. He just cannot get over things. He knows his arch-nemesis Barack Obama (who probably would be hard-pressed to remember Keyes’ name) is out there, making sweet love to our enemies in Iran, so that they may bomb America, together. That keeps him awake at night. And he can’t stop thinking about that time, during the GOP primary debate when he was “running for president,” that he derp-barfed the word “RACIST!” when the moderator asked him about his biggest regret. But sometimes life’s earlier pains and struggles must be put aside, because a new war must be declared. Yes, the new enemies are the gays and their Supreme Court-enablers. If Alan Keyes does not stand up and heed this call to arms, our America will cease to exist! Read more on Alan Keyes’ Army Of One Will Declare WAR On Gay-Marrying Supreme Court, Time To Panic!…
  pussy

Sen. Tom Cotton Picks Twitter Fight With Iranian Foreign Minister, Gets BURNT!

Your favorite brand-new, wet-behind-the-ears senator from Arkansas, Tom Cotton, is doing his ankle-biting, yappy Pomeranian thing at Iran again. After his love note to the Persian nation — the one what said Barack Obama isn’t REALLY president, therefore their nuke deal was DOA — didn’t work out so well, you’d think one of his trainers would have popped him on his nose enough times that he would have learned his lesson, but some pooches are untrainable. It’s usually because they’ve been abused by a previous owner, don’t judge. Read more on Sen. Tom Cotton Picks Twitter Fight With Iranian Foreign Minister, Gets BURNT!…
  Trigger warning for GWB

George W. Bush Emerges From Spider Hole To Trash-Talk Obama’s Middle East Strategy. Really.

Fuck this guy
Ever since leaving the White House, the worst president in America’s history has mostly kept his stumbling idiot wordhole shut, because he is a man of integrity, and he would never stoop so low as to criticize President Obama, as he explained in 2009: Read more on George W. Bush Emerges From Spider Hole To Trash-Talk Obama’s Middle East Strategy. Really….
  Fab Five Freddie told me everybody's high

Michele Bachmann Super Excited We’re All Gonna Die And Go To Jesus Heaven Real Soon, Hooray!

Wheeeeeeeeeeee!
Now that Michele Bachmann is retired, having saved America by giving it cheap gas, she has a lot of free time on her hands. And she certainly doesn’t want to spend all of it shopping with Marcus for doggie sunglasses. So she’s been hanging with her gal pal, radio host Jan Markell, talkin’ ’bout girl stuff, like how God is cursing us with droughts and snowstorms and economic disasters because Obama is causing the End Times. SAD FACE. Read more on Michele Bachmann Super Excited We’re All Gonna Die And Go To Jesus Heaven Real Soon, Hooray!…
  wtf?

Republicans Actually Say Out Loud They Are Not Loyal To America, To Pollsters, With Their Mouths

Just plain sad
After all these years of hearing So. Much. BULLSHIT! about Barack Obama — he’s a secret Muslim, he’s a secret Kenyan, he’s a cokehead, he’s a gay, he’s the devil, he’s the anti-christ, he’s Hitler, he’s a this that the other thing ARGGGHHHH! — we have no right to be shocked anymore by anything any Republicans say or do to let us know just how much they hate the president. Read more on Republicans Actually Say Out Loud They Are Not Loyal To America, To Pollsters, With Their Mouths…
  It Could Happen

Alan Keyes, Not Crazy: Obama Colluding With Iran To Bomb U.S. Like Hitler, Probably (Not)

What more evidence do you need?
Someone is still bitter about that time Barack Obama kicked his ass, and we’re not even talking about John McCain this time! Nah, we’re mocking wingnut wackadoodle dingbat Alan Keyes, the guy who carpetbagged on over to Illinois three months before the 2004 election, after Republican Senate nominee Jack Ryan had to drop out because sex scandal and also because Illinois. Despite Keyes’s claim that even Jesus Christ his own self would not vote for devil incarnate Obama, pretty much all of Illinois (73 percent) did, and that is how Obama began his journey to illegally usurping the White House, by winning elections. Read more on Alan Keyes, Not Crazy: Obama Colluding With Iran To Bomb U.S. Like Hitler, Probably (Not)…
  bless his heart

Mean Girl Lindsey Graham: Even Hillary Clinton Could Fix Iran Better Than Stupid Rand Paul

A little eye-cream could spruce up that side-eye, just saying.
The Confirmed Bachelor Prince Of The Low Country is throwing some MEAN shade at official 2016 presidential loser Rand Paul! Who’s smarter than Rand Paul when it comes to keeping Iran from getting nukes, according to Sen. Lindsey Graham? The answer is EVERYONE, including that liberal Hillary Clinton. Talking to the Face The Nation teevee program, Graham said that the only 2016 candidate who would do worse than tyrant Obama in negotiating with the Iranians is that loser Rand Paul, who hilariously announced his presidential run on Tuesday. Read more on Mean Girl Lindsey Graham: Even Hillary Clinton Could Fix Iran Better Than Stupid Rand Paul…
  Why won't Obama lead us into war?

Sen. Tom Cotton Would Like Some Iran War, Like Bill Clinton Did

Stop being a wimp and get your war on
Republican Hero Sen. Tom Cotton, America’s greatest constitutional expert since Jesus wrote the document himself, has already taught us everything we need to know about the president’s authority To Do Stuff, which is zero. He can’t just go around making deals with other countries, DUH. However, when it comes to bombing them, especially Iran? That’s the president’s number one job. There’s even a song about it! Really, what is the hold up, Obummer? Especially because it would so easy: Read more on Sen. Tom Cotton Would Like Some Iran War, Like Bill Clinton Did…
  Iran Deal To Include NPR Tote Bags

Obama Teaches Republicans Lesson On Presidenting For Dummies

President Obama took a break from his golf game and general tyranny-ing to discuss with NPR the deal to contain Iran’s nuclear power program so we could perhaps avoid bombing the crap out of Iran in World War Whatever. It’s a deal conservatives started condemning even before there actually was a deal, but that didn’t mean they couldn’t all agree (except for Bill O’Reilly, wtf?) it was a bad idea because war is so much easier, isn’t it? Read more on Obama Teaches Republicans Lesson On Presidenting For Dummies…
  Here have some news n stuff

Confused Republican Senator Continues To Insist He’s President of America

Now you listen here Mister Sassy Iranian Foreign Minister!
A certain newbie senator is still running his mouth off about how he is not going to allow the president to act in his authority as president because he’s suffering the delusion that “freshman senator” is the most powerful gig in government: Read more on Confused Republican Senator Continues To Insist He’s President of America…
  make yourself a nice bloody mary and sit with us

It’s Sunday Funday At The Wonkette, Let’s Reminisce About The Week That Was!

Hola, Wonkerados! How is your Easter Sunday going? Ours is very nice! Won’t you sit and have some internet brunch with us, so we can reminisce about all the lovely things that happened during the week? It wasn’t all Indiana and gays and religious freedom! (Er, actually a lot of it was, but other things also happened, according to our admittedly hazy memory.) Read more on It’s Sunday Funday At The Wonkette, Let’s Reminisce About The Week That Was!…
  declar...(hic)...ations

Peggy Noonan Goes For A Walk, Stumbles, Hits Head, Writes Column Anyway

Mama really needs to get some air now, children.
Sometimes Peggy Noonan, long-suffering Mother Superior of the Order of the Nitrous Stupor, liked to take the air in Central Park. She would stroll along the Ramble and bring along some crusts of bread to feed the ducks at the lake. She might find a quiet bench to sit on, to watch the joggers and the cyclists and the mothers and nannies pushing baby carriages past on their endless constitutionals. She might look up at the grand buildings of Central Park West and imagine them all crumbling to dust in a holocaust of fire unleashed by Iranian nukes. The wind would howl along the avenues, destroying everything in its path. All those beautiful saloons and watering holes gone… Read more on Peggy Noonan Goes For A Walk, Stumbles, Hits Head, Writes Column Anyway…
  if ayatollah once ayatollah twice...

Wingnuts Thrilled With Iran Nuclear Deal, Have Nothing But Kind Words For Obama

Same, Beaker. Same.
On Thursday, the Prophet Obama (peace be upon him) won a great victory over the infidels. Or at least a framework for the final agreement of a great victory of the infidels. And the infidels were not pleased! Of course we’re talking about conservatives and the greater wingnuttgentsia, which took to Twitter and blogs and the airwaves to snark and howl like Ben Stiller when he got his dick stuck in his zipper. It was thoroughly entertaining. Here’s a small selection of the shitfit that will likely continue until Iran mercifully nukes America so we don’t have to listen to the conservatives whining about Iranian nukes anymore. Read more on Wingnuts Thrilled With Iran Nuclear Deal, Have Nothing But Kind Words For Obama…
  Nowhere to run nowhere to hide

Get To Baby-Making, Duggars! Muslims To Outnumber You In Only 55 Years!

Hold on tight, Patriotic American Christians, for a calamity approacheth! The Pew Research Center has released a study that finds, if things keep going the way they are, there will be more Muslims than Christians in the world in 2070. You will be glad to know the Drudge Report is not freaking out over this or anything, naaaaah, they’re just posting a link to the story at the very top of their page, illustrated with a picture of a concerned little white girl who might be about to cry: Read more on Get To Baby-Making, Duggars! Muslims To Outnumber You In Only 55 Years!…
  Non Sequiturd

Sen. Tom Cotton Says Gays Should Be Glad They’re Not Hung

We could just drop gays on Iran. Or Tom Cotton.
Arkansas Sen. Tom Cotton (R-Logan Act) has just about had it up to here with people fussing about “religious freedom” bills in Indiana and Arkansas, when we have far more important fish to fry, like undercutting the President on nuclear negotiations with Iran. Or, probably, Benghazi (Never Forget!). Read more on Sen. Tom Cotton Says Gays Should Be Glad They’re Not Hung…