This week we’ll start wrapping up the Glorious Reagan Years, in which the Gipper personally defeated Communism almost everywhere by Standing Tall and being the manliest. And for a change, on the topic of Afghanistan at least, it’s our 11/12th-grade history textbook from Bob Jones University Press, United States History for Christian Schools (2002), that […]

You love dancing to Pharrell Williams’s criminally ubiquitous song, “Happy.” Venerable civil rights hero John Lewis loves dancing to “Happy.” People all over the world love dancing to “Happy” and posting videos doing it. However, it is not cool to be Happy in Iran, even though Iran thinks it is all about that non-censorship life. […]

Never mind the post-2000 copyright dates on our two U.S. history textbooks aimed at the rightwing Christian school and homeschool market. The most important thing you need to know about them is that they are very much products of the explosion of Christian Right publishing that arose while Ronald Reagan was president and the Moral […]

Like a lot of your rightwing fundagelicals, Michele Bachmann is a big believer in the old Chick tract “Support Your Local Jew,” so she knows that the most important country in the world, next to maybe America, is Israel, because that’s where Jesus will come to end the world. And so if Israel is unhappy […]

Gentlemen, did you wake up this morning with a little extra pep in your Mr. Peepers? We sure did, because WE FINALLY GOT OUR PRESIDENT BACK! It’s like that awesome hopey and changey guy from 2008 snuck back out and sucker-punched the GOP right in the nards with like a million awesome words at the […]

Like most years when there’s a Democrat in the White House, 2013 was a year of things getting rammed, crammed, jammed, shoved, and/or forced down our (America’s) throats. How big were the things? So big. Were they hard to swallow? Oh yes. But somehow, freedom will endure, we guess. Here is a list of 13 […]

This weekend, Iran and the five permanent members of the UN Security Council plus Germany (P5+1 if you like things that look like math) struck a preliminary deal under which Iran will do less nuclear stuff in exchange for everyone being less mean to them with sanctions. CNN has a decent explainer in listicle form […]

Uh-oh, you guys. It looks like Costco has made White American Jesus shed some tears from his shiny, manly blue eyes. In an obvious move to persecute Christians, Costco set up a lion pit and began throwing Christians into it. Not really, because that would actually be persecution. Rather, Costco accidentally labeled some Bibles as […]

Hi, Wonkaloonies! Yr Doktor Zoom really enjoyed “sleeping in” this week! But we are back from vacation now, and ready for another Derp Roundup, our weekly Sloppy Joe of news trimmings that were too stoopid to ignore altogether but not quite enough to make a full post out of. We have to use ‘em before […]

It looks as if beloved “comedian” and derp volcano Steve Crowder is not the only hacky jokester hitting the unemployment line this week. Yesterday a reporter for the latest casualty in Tina Brown’s long war against successful media properties broke the news that the White House has fired one Jofi Joseph for the crime of […]

The other day we brought you the story of Texas Congresscritter John Culberson, who fired up House Republicans as they voted to kill Obamacare by cheering, “I said, like 9/11, ‘Let’s roll!’” After all, if you don’t rush the terrorists and crash the plane, people might get used to having health insurance, which means the […]

Oh, hello, William Kristol, who never met a thing you weren’t completely wrong about. Have you finished sobbing about your laughably recent discovery that Sarah Palin probably does not have a future in politics? Terrific, because we are just dying to know your thoughts on whether we should bomb the ever-lovin’ everything out of Syria. […]

You guys, what is even up here? The CIA is now admitting, after 60 years, oh yeah, we totally coup’d Iran. This comes on the heels of its admission that it had been domestic-spying Noam Chomsky back in the ’80s, because of all the terrible danger he posed as … well, as a linguist. Did […]

Our ten-foot pole has arrived, which means we are finally ready to touch the dual shitstorms of Syria and Iran! The latest news on Syria is that our duly-elected warlord, Field Marshal B. Barry Bamz, has decided to steer a middle course of moar gunz, but not-too-big gunz, for the Free Syrian Army. This decision […]

We all have family members who are fuck-ups, right? Uncle Larry who gives a creepy smile to the 14-year-old cousins at the family reunion, or Aunt Peg who has four DUIs. Back in Biblical times, the sins of family were sometimes used to punish innocent people. But that was long ago when people still believed […]