Tag Archives: iran

  lawsplaining

Mitch McConnell Writes His Own Letter Telling Everyone To Ignore ‘President’ Obama

Well as long as he says it's ok
We all know what a success it was for Senate Republicans to sign Tom Cotton’s love letter to Iran’s leadership explaining how, according to the U.S. Constitution, the president does not have any real authority. Everyone took them seriously, especially Iran, and no one called them traitors or suggested that openly declaring the president has no power is maybe not very America Fuck Yeah! of them. Read more on Mitch McConnell Writes His Own Letter Telling Everyone To Ignore ‘President’ Obama…
  From The Latest Newsreels

Tom Cotton Dedicates First Senate Speech To Hitler

Any resemblances to an actual 9-year-old boy purely coincidental
Brand new Arkansas Senator Tom Cotton has been a busy boy! After the rousing success of his dumb letter advising Iran that it shouldn’t bother negotiating a nuclear deal because President Ted Cruz is going to bomb them anyway, Sen. Cotton finally got to give his First Official Speech to the Senate Monday night. And in what appears to be a Republican tradition, he warned that it is the mid-1930s and America is woefully unprepared to fight Hitler. It was an especially impressive performance, since he actually managed to get the Hitler analogy into the speech within the first minute, which is believed to be a new record for a freshman senator (John McCain still holds the overall record, having shouted “It’s just like Chamberlain at Munich!” when awakened from a nap in 2013). Read more on Tom Cotton Dedicates First Senate Speech To Hitler…
  in the land of cotton

Tom Cotton Regrets Nothing, Except Not Paying Attention In Geography Class

Still a dick
Cement-headed poop ogre Tom Cotton reached the pinnacle of his Senate career this weekend when he made an appearance on a Sunday morning chat show to talk about his light-hearted mash note to Iran and the ongoing negotiations over that nation’s nuclear weapons program. Read more on Tom Cotton Regrets Nothing, Except Not Paying Attention In Geography Class…
  MOAR NICE TIME!

Here Are Barack And Michelle Obama On Television, So Probably Someone Is Mad About That

Barack “Barry Bamz Obummer the Kenyan” Obama went on the Jimmy Kimmel program to do that segment Jimmy sometimes does, where celebrities read all the mean and nasty things Twitter says about them, even though really, the ones they picked out are not all THAT mean, probably because Obama thinks he’s president or something, despite Tom Cotton’s clear explanation to the Iranians that Obama is NOT PRESIDENT. Read more on Here Are Barack And Michelle Obama On Television, So Probably Someone Is Mad About That…
  Here have some news n stuff

Conservatives Aren’t Happier Than Liberals After All, But They Are Liars. It’s Science!

Typical conservative
We all know what the studies say, right? Conservatives get dumber every time they watch Fox News. Liberals get unhappier every time they roll out of bed in their mom’s basement and smoke a bowl for brunch. If conservatives would stop praying for whores outside abortion clinics, they might know some things that are actually true. And if liberals would embrace Ronald Reagan as their personal lord and savior, they’d be all smiley faces and happy dancing. But oh! What is this? It’s another study, and it does not bode well for our conservative “friends,” bless their sad shriveled hearts: Read more on Conservatives Aren’t Happier Than Liberals After All, But They Are Liars. It’s Science!…
  Tom Cotton for president

GOP’s Letter Totally Worked, Iran Will Do Whatever They Say Now

We sure showed 'em
Good job, Senate Republicans (and honorary Senators Rick Perry and Bobby Jindal, of course). You did it! You full on told Iran what is what, with your “cheeky” HI-larious letter Sternly Worded Letter, and now Iran is going to do whatever you say, since you warned them they’d better not do any deals with President Obama or else you will say some mean words! Read more on GOP’s Letter Totally Worked, Iran Will Do Whatever They Say Now…
  dehydration makes you stupid

Marco Rubio Says Dumb Words About Iran, Is Dumb And Stupid. Huh!

Stay thirsty, my friends
Florida Senator Marco “Polo” Rubio, your next president in his own head, is a self-styled Deep Thinker and Very Serious Person™, and as such, he has Concerns with the deal “President” Obama is negotiating with Iran. (Of course Rubio, a vacuous cypher, was one of the 47 traitors Republican senators who sent that har-har-just-kidding letter telling Iran that the fake president’s negotiations don’t really count, and of course he tried to raise money off of it.) Read more on Marco Rubio Says Dumb Words About Iran, Is Dumb And Stupid. Huh!…
  lighten up francis

Traitor Republicans: Can’t Obama And Iran Take A Joke?

Hmm, yeah, still not funny
Oh, those Republicans, just jokin’ around all the time about how President Obama was born in Kenya (still fresh!) and reads his speeches from TelePrompters (that never gets old!) and is not going to be president forever, so Iran should not even bother negotiating its nuclear program with this particular lame duck White House. Read more on Traitor Republicans: Can’t Obama And Iran Take A Joke?…
  Twitter diplomacy

Wait Up, Fellas! Bobby Jindal Wants To Be A Traitorous Senator Too!

Official Senate Portrait
Louisiana Gov. Bobby Howdy Doody Jindal wants to be president one day. That’s never going to happen, but just in case it does, which it never will, he’s promising not to do a single thing in the second half of his second term, because a REAL president would know better than to act like he’s still the president and, like, get stuff done. Read more on Wait Up, Fellas! Bobby Jindal Wants To Be A Traitorous Senator Too!…
  For his next trick he'll teach high school civics

Sen. Tom Cotton’s Iran Mash Note Not Working Out That Well For Him Actually

Sen. Tom Cotton (R-Traitor)
Sen. Tom Cotton, Arkansas teabagger and the world’s foremost expert on how to win friends and influence people, appeared on “Morning Joe” to explain why he is not a traitor for writing a letter to the leaders of Iran explaining that President Obama doesn’t really have any authority, so ignore him. Read more on Sen. Tom Cotton’s Iran Mash Note Not Working Out That Well For Him Actually…
  He's groping for the right words

Joe Biden Literally Cannot Believe What Dicks Republican Senators Are

On Monday we learned about a gang of 47 Senate Republicans who really respect the fuck out of the office of the president, so much so that they sent an “open letter” to “the leaders of the Islamic Republic of Iran,” helpfully hinting that Iran should not even bother negotiating with “President” Obama, because once the GOP gets another white guy in there, they’re going to repeal the bejesus out of Barry H. Bamz’s two terms, including any deals he mistakenly thinks he has the authority to make. Read more on Joe Biden Literally Cannot Believe What Dicks Republican Senators Are…
  GOP and Iran sitting in a tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G

Republicans Send Love Note To Iran That Obama Isn’t Really President, Wink Wink

Hey remember how I saved the country?
In an interesting maneuver of uber-patriotic diplomacy, Senate Republicans have decided to go rogue and educate Iran on how does the U.S. Constitution work, and how “President” Obama is, like, barely even the president: Read more on Republicans Send Love Note To Iran That Obama Isn’t Really President, Wink Wink…
  Democrats are the boss of them

Boehner, McConnell Bound, Gagged, Crawling To Democrats For Help, Punishment

Bourbon-swilling Republican Mitch McConnell has not been Senate majority leader for very long, but he has already learned an important lesson about how governing is kind of hard, actually. Who knew? Democrats had to tell him, four times, that they would not vote for a bill to fund the Department of Homeland Security that included a provision telling Barack Obama he is a terrible THE WORST president and cannot just run around issuing executive orders like all the other presidents, before he was like, “OK, fine, we’ll do it your way.” Read more on Boehner, McConnell Bound, Gagged, Crawling To Democrats For Help, Punishment…
  D'Whatever

Dinesh D’Souza Whines About ‘Lawless’ Obama Administration, From Jail

D’Felon Dinesh D’Souza, who makes “films” and writes “books” and pleads “guilty” to breaking “laws” and is still some kind of tea party hero for reasons we will never understand, used his yard time this week to ramble on about Obama this and that boo hoo. He appeared via Skype — because he is in a San Diego jail-type halfway house “community confinement center” for people who commit crimes but have enough money to hire real good lawyers so they only go to pretend prison, which is unfair to D’Souza … somehow, who knows? He is a whiny crybaby and also a felon. Read more on Dinesh D’Souza Whines About ‘Lawless’ Obama Administration, From Jail…
  so long and thanks for all the gefilte fish

Loathsome Warmonger Addresses Congress. (Not Dick Cheney.)

Go fuck yourself
Bibi Netanyahu came to Capitol Hill on Tuesday to deliver his much-anticipated speech to Congress. (No we will not embed it here because we love you.) Wonkette’s Los Angeles bureau rolled out of bed early to watch it, because there is nothing we like more than starting our day with a little bloodthirsty warmongering. It pairs so well with coffee and rage. Here for your pleasure is our retroactive liveblog of the speech. Read more on Loathsome Warmonger Addresses Congress. (Not Dick Cheney.)…
  All the Nooses That Fit

Tea Party Lady Just Wants To String Up Blacks Who Skip Netanyahu’s Big Speech

Is everybody amped for Bibi’s Big Bloviation today? Tea Party “radio” host and WorldNetDaily contributor Andrea Shea King sure is. She happens to know exactly how important it is for all members of Congress to attend Netanyahu’s speech, in fact: She’s determined that anyone who doesn’t attend is actually guilty of treason, and should be executed. We’re not sure whether she thinks that would be treason to the United States or Israel, but it’s definitely a hangin’ offense, especially for members of the Congressional Black Caucus, because apparently they’re the worst of the anti-Israel racists, what with looking like Obama and all. Read more on Tea Party Lady Just Wants To String Up Blacks Who Skip Netanyahu’s Big Speech…
  It's Jihad All The way Down

Michele Bachmann Has Had It With Obama Supporting Jihad By Bombing ISIS

When in doubt, use this picture
Former Congressidiot Michele Bachmann explained in a recent interview that even when Barack Obama is trying to get one group of Muslims to bomb the hell out of another group of Muslims, he is actually advancing worldwide Islamic jihad, because of course he is. Read more on Michele Bachmann Has Had It With Obama Supporting Jihad By Bombing ISIS…
  Your Morning Maddow

Morning Maddow: Remember That Time Iran Threatened To Kill A Writer And Some Editors? (Video)

Remember back in 1989 when Ayatollah Khomeini called for Salman Rushdie to be killed for writing The Satanic Verses? It wasn’t just Rushdie who had to die, he said — the book’s publishers and editors also were the subject of the same fatwa. And for that matter, there were even threats made against bookstore chains that planned to carry The Satanic Verses, and for a short while, it worked: B. Dalton, Waldenbooks, and Barnes & Noble all announced they would not sell the book and risk a terrorist attack. But then people decided not to let the Ayatollah dictate what books they could buy, and The Satanic Verses became a bestseller (although, like A Brief History of Time, it may have been among the least-read bestsellers around. Sorry, Mr. Rushdie). Read more on Morning Maddow: Remember That Time Iran Threatened To Kill A Writer And Some Editors? (Video)…
  he looks good with a beard! no an actual beard

Jerk Obama Laughed At Michele Bachmann’s Great Idea To Bomb Iran, What A Jerk

We will always love you, The Bachmanns
via Michele Bachmann’s Facebook page Man, we are really going to miss Rep. Michele Bachmann. And not just because of her fabulous fashion sense and even more fabulous husband sense, or her riveting speeches on how much she loves God and freedom, but also because of sparkly rhinestones like this. Read more on Jerk Obama Laughed At Michele Bachmann’s Great Idea To Bomb Iran, What A Jerk…
  Let's Focus On The Real Monster Here

John ‘God Did The Holocaust’ Hagee Thinks Barack Obama’s An Anti-Semite

Unclear whether Obama is God's Will or just bad luck
Wingnut San Antonio pastor John Hagee, who memorably explained that the Holocaust was God’s gift to the Jews so they could return to Israel, told the Zionist Organization of America Sunday that Barack Obama is anti-Semitic because he is too friendly with Iran. Read more on John ‘God Did The Holocaust’ Hagee Thinks Barack Obama’s An Anti-Semite…