THESE OBAMAS MUST RESPECT OUR QUEEN: “The president’s presumptuousness most certainly did not stop with the poison gift of the I-pod. Instead of holding tape recordings of quality music from Great Britain, rumor has it this device was filled with 30 gigabytes (or, a half hour’s worth) of sexual American music by the likes of Barry White or Boz Scaggs.” [AOL Political Machine]

Normal Americans celebrate Thomas Jefferson by pouring out a 40 on the sidewalk and saying mournfully, “Here’s to you, firecrotch” and then lighting $5 bills on fire. But Libertarians celebrate by dancing in solemn white-people fashion to their own personal iPods, in front of the Jefferson Memorial. And then they get arrested. Well, one of them does. [YouTube]

* Ready to give up and join the circus? They’re apparently holding tryouts in Meridian Hill Park. Photographic evidence included. [DCist]
* “We were on the metro together during the evening rush hour yesterday. You looked so hot with your hair and your clothes. You had an ipod. We made eye contact a few times. I was the guy with the ipod and the shirt. Remember me?” [Missed Connections]
* Why little girls like/are like ponies: an epiphany. [Poofy Goo]
* “My anti-Americanism has peaked. Like most Americans, I don’t care anymore. Give me the serenity for what I cannot control, etc.” [RooshV]
* So what if you waddle? At least you’re comfortable, if slightly unattractive. [Who am I? Why am I Here?]
* “WHAT??!? STING ISN’T DEAD??!?” [We Has a Winner]

Even super-villains like music! So let’s chip in and buy Dick Cheney an iPod. Sure, he could probably afford to buy all of Apple Computer, but chances are he’s been too busy destroying foreign countries to keep up with the latest gadgets. MORE »

* Virginians arm themselves, seek to end Yankee aggression. [WP]
* “Administrative Hearings Judge Roy Pearson filed a [$65 million] civil suit against Jin Nam and Ki Chung, the owners of Custom Cleaners, for losing a pair of pants and using signs that Pearson claims were deceptive.” Perhaps the deceptive signage read, “We happily serve idiots here.” [WTOP]
* “Police have arrested a 66-year-old Hagerstown man they describe as a senior member of the Pagan Motorcycle Club on charges of illegal possession of weapons and explosive devices.” [WTOP]
* Former Oriole-turned-teevee sports person Rick Dempsey cracks hilarious on-air wife-beating joke. Laughter, after all, is the best medicine. [Daily Motion]
* 2007 will forever be known as “Year of the Scourge,” as iPod theft runs rampant on Metro. Just like Islamofacism, there is nothing anyone can too but continue to fight for freedom in the streets of Iraq. [Express]

* Tom Daschle will see if he’s got what it takes to sink the Obama campaign. [Political Wire]
* Walnuts! campaign too broke to have separate interns for coffee and donuts. [On Call]
* Even testimony from a “natural family planning” advocate gets a director’s cut. [My Left Nutmeg]
* British hostages in Iran subject to the torture of captivity without iPod. [thisislondon]
* University of Florida soon to have a Jeb Bush School For Kids Who Don’t Read Good. [alligator]
* Australian humor mostly lost on Hillary. [PrezVid]
* Google Maps-Darfur genocide mash-up — is there anything it can’t do? [Reuters

Undeterred by losing the War in Iraq and the War on Christmas, Bill O’Reilly has launched a new jihad on people who have iPods. “I don’t own an iPod,” O’Reilly said on his radio show. “I would never wear an iPod.” MORE »

• Typical Hill staffer workday: Google themselves until lunch, check Yahoo! Results in the afternoon. [A Blog For The Rest of Us]

• Get your ass in character — it’s the Bush laugh that makes the costume, not the Bush mask. [Circumlocutor]
• Halloween 2006: The high water mark of wretched excess in Western Civilization. [Brunch Bird]
• Washingtonian mag unveils new website with Garret Graff’s party blog, same articles you browse in the supermarket line before putting back. [Fishbowl DC]

Check out the iTunes store’s front page and you’ll see something sure to bring a thrill to music lovers everywhere.

That’s right, Al Gore and Melissa Etheridge have finally teamed up to make an iTunes playlist! Take that, bunch of dead Beatles!

Enjoy the ex-veep’s mini-reviews — painstakingly re-typed because we can’t figure out how to cut-and-paste from the damned iTunes — after the jump. And just try to read them without hearing Gore’s voice droning deep within your skull.

MORE »

May we please have a major politician with even slightly interesting taste in music? Is that too much to ask? Another week, another politician’s iPod filled with the Stones (once again, we ask: No “Midnight Rambler?” “Under My Thumb” would be pretty funny, right? Can we please find out that Laura Bush has “Mother’s Little Helper” on her workout playlist?), the token Motown classics, and, of course, the fucking Eagles. And U2, cementing their position as the modern Eagles, but even more boring. MORE »

* Some friends of ours in New York went to the National Magazine Awards last night. One link for the liveblogged version, one link for the narrative description (on a blog), and one link reminding The Atlantic that they didn’t get to participate in the self-congratulatory excess. [Gawker; HuffPo; Fishbowl DC] MORE »

* We know what President Bush listens to on “iPod One.” So what about Vice President Cheney’s musical tastes? [Dick Cheney: What's On Your Walkman?] MORE »

* The monthly iPod Jukebox at Saint-Ex is running late for both its usual second-Wednesday slot and its anti-Valentine’s Day theme. Go express your disappointment with Hipster scheduling acumen, or go live out your wildest music snob dreams and force a bunch of strangers to listen to your perfectly-crafted playlist. [Upcoming]
* Robert Lighthouse at Chief Ike’s: A scrawny white guy of ambiguous nationality playing two sets of classic Delta blues? We’re there! Seriously, he’s a great guitarist, but just try to place that accent. [CityPaper]
* Wouldn’t it be weird if we recommended that you go to a college basketball game? Go Colonials! [GW Sports]