Tag Archives: iphones

  Ominican-Day Epublic-Ray

Rush Limbaugh Mad Teenage Boys Don’t Put Out Like They Used To

HERE IS SOME SEX ADVICE, YOU GUYS.
Yesterday, Grandma Kaili told you Wonkers about a new CDC study that says Kids These Days are real fuckin’ boring, in that they don’t go under the bleachers at school and play sex games on each other, and they don’t smoke drugs, because they are all dorks who spend all day in the math lounge saying math jokes to each other, about math. Of course many people think that this is good, as if somehow access to better sex education (not through abstinence sex ed, but through their iPhones, about STDs and stuff, you dumb wingnut twats) and kids waiting until they’re ready, and not having all the babies and abortions when they’re 14 is some kind of good thing. Read more on Rush Limbaugh Mad Teenage Boys Don’t Put Out Like They Used To…
  know when to hold em know when to fold em

John McCain: Poker? He Doesn’t Even … Oh Never Mind

Remember that time John McCain went on all the teevees to yell about how we really needed to be having some very important classified meetings about BENGHAZI!!!!11!!1, at the exact same time some very important classified meetings about BENGHAZI!!!!!11!!1 were actually happening? Well, fool him once, won’t get fooled again, because this time he actually showed up by God, just don’t think that that meant he was going to, like, pay attention or something. Syria what now?  Please, John McCain has gotten himself one of them crazy iphone thingies and man, there is POKER on there, and who cares about Syria any way???? Read more on John McCain: Poker? He Doesn’t Even … Oh Never Mind…
  enemies list

Sensitive Obama Bans Reporter Who Took Embarrassing Video of Him

Remember this? Well somebody must have turned very red! And then he got a little angry: White House officials have banished one of the best political reporters in the country from the approved pool of journalists covering presidential visits to the Bay Area for using now-standard multimedia tools to gather the news. Read more on Sensitive Obama Bans Reporter Who Took Embarrassing Video of Him…
  the homosexuals!

God-Fearing Gay-Curing iPhone App Destroyed By Homosexual Radicals

Well, well, well, you say, look who’s rolling up into the Wonkette like he never left!  That is right, it is your Reporter of the Homosexual Menace, who has been frankly quite busy lately with his full-time gig at another pro-America website. But he is here to gloat about his organization condemn the activities of Radical Homofascists, who have truly crossed the line this time, by taking away the only iPhone app (besides Grindr) which was ever any fun for the untold thousands of (apparently invisible) “ex-gays” among us. Read more on God-Fearing Gay-Curing iPhone App Destroyed By Homosexual Radicals…
  the opposite of hexting

Cellphone Shaman Will Help GOP Candidate Become Governor

Hawaii’s Republican gubernatorial candidate, James “Duke” Aiona, has a lot going for him: a cool nickname, cool hair, good looks, and years of experience as Hawaii’s lieutenant governor on his resume. But his biggest advantage against … whoever he’s running against is that he’s got a special preacher friend who can heal and anoint people, and cast out demons from their souls, using nothing more than ordinary hand-held electronic devices. God’s blessing is just a phone call away! Read more on Cellphone Shaman Will Help GOP Candidate Become Governor…
  rumors on the internets

Where Is Your Sippy Cup Solidarity, America?

Here is today’s obligatory “No Muslim Churches at Ground Zero” thing. It brings up a lot of great points (i.e. 9/11) so make sure you read it in its entirety. [RedState] Read more on Where Is Your Sippy Cup Solidarity, America?…
  also applies to the zune but nobody cares

Heroic U.S. Gov’t Allows Nerds To Void Their iPhone Warranty

Remember when the Obama Administration was going to undo all the attacks on civil liberties that were perpetrated under the Bush Administration? Guantanamo shut down, DOMA repealed, no more secret prisons or eavesdropping, etc. None of that has happened, obviously, but the most important institution within the executive branch — the Copyright Office — recently struck a blow for Freedoms everywhere, by allowing iPhone users to “jailbreak” their phones. (Breaking out of actual jails is still illegal, however.) Read more on Heroic U.S. Gov’t Allows Nerds To Void Their iPhone Warranty…
  family heartache and family methache

Levi Johnston Is Now a Puppet For the Palins, Important News Blog MercedeJohnston.com Reports

Hours ago, it was revealed that Levi Johnston, who is BACK ON with Trig or Tapper or whichever Palin he made a baby with, now says that some things he said in the past about the Palins are not true. His sister Mercede saw this and took to her blog with the news that LEVI IS NO LONGER TALKING TO HER OR HER MOTHER and SHE WENT FOUR-WHEELING THIS WEEKEND and SHE OWNS AN IPHONE and LEVI IS NOW A “PUPPET” FOR THE PALINS. Those things Levi said in the past seemed like the truth to Mercede when he told them to her, so they must have been true and now his brain has been drilled-baby-drilled with Palin brainwashing. Read more on Levi Johnston Is Now a Puppet For the Palins, Important News Blog MercedeJohnston.com Reports…
 

No one has any reason at all to talk to Dan Bartlett anymore now that he’s not in the White House so he spends all his time asking his wife to email him. And he replaced his now-useless BlackBerry with an iPhone so he could be lonely and hip. [WP] Read more on …