Tag Archives: iphone

  iSnooze

Apple’s New iWatch Even Tells Time Sometimes

Apple is once again looking to take over an entire sector of consumer products with its introduction of the new Apple Watch. Shipping early next year at an introductory price of only $349, it has the potential to redefine what we think a wristwatch can do — or be one of the company’s biggest failures since the Newton. Read more on Apple’s New iWatch Even Tells Time Sometimes…
  #fuckups

‘Hey, Why Can’t I See Wonket On My iPhone Or iPad?’ An Important And Thrilling Programming Note

Some of you have been bitching for a while about this here website, TerribleNewsforTerriblePeople.Com, and how it is doing a weird fake-mobile thing intermittently. That is because we did a thing! We were trying to divest ourselves from Onswipe, which we think is really pretty but many of you complain about shrilly and incessantly. “Hey, we will have our developers do this ‘responsive design’ thingummy so that no matter what operating system our readers are on they will get the desktop version of our beyoootiful site, and it will just scale itself by magic so they can read it with their eyeballs and such,” we said, and yes, that is how we talk. Read more on ‘Hey, Why Can’t I See Wonket On My iPhone Or iPad?’ An Important And Thrilling Programming Note…
  haw haw he's so dum

Obama Briefly Perplexed By Unfamiliar Phone, Tech Stocks Tumble

In what is surely the most scandalous case of presidential technology bafflement since that one time when George HW Bush asked some polite questions about a UPC scanner at a trade show, the leader of the Free World was “befuddled” when trying to dial a number on a phone handed to him by a campaign aide in Port St. Lucie, Florida. The Moonie Times’ Dave Boyer has the shocking details: Read more on Obama Briefly Perplexed By Unfamiliar Phone, Tech Stocks Tumble…
  the next diane arbus

Congratulations, Your ‘I’m With Mitt’ Photos Are Shameful Filth

Whoops, it turns out that when you wheedle your Editrix into doing a Wonkette contest she expects you to judge the contest! What a meanie. Because your Comics Curmudgeon does not like saying no to people or making them feel bad! And lots of you submitted funny Mitt Romney I’m With Mitt Instagram iPhone Photos Of Hilarity, and we would love to showcase them all but there were too many so we picked seven. One was from heroine reader “MissTaken,” showing that birth control is a liberal lie because she used all those ABORTION TOOLS in the picture but still ended up a Mom For Mitt anyway. What are the other six pictures, and will any of them feature testicles? Find out after the jump! (SPOILER: Yes, of course there will be testicles.) Read more on Congratulations, Your ‘I’m With Mitt’ Photos Are Shameful Filth…
  god blersh amercia

Send Us Your Dumb Romney-App Instagram Pix, If You Want To Be Cool

OK, yes, ha ha, we’ve all had a good laugh about the fact that version 1.0 of Mitt Romney’s world-beating With Mitt iPhone app proclaimed that he would proudly lead his real home nation of “Amercia,” but I think we’re missing the important point here: the only thing this app does is overlay a series of dumb Mitt-themed graphics over whatever you want to take a picture of, and you can take a picture of literally anything, and then upload it to the Internet or whatever, which opens the door to eleven kinds of hilarity! Remember in the Wonkette days of yore, when everyone got so excited because the Bush re-election campaign let you put text on a campaign sign, and you could add stuff about buttsex and the like? With With Mitt: The App, you could actually take a picture of buttsex and make it into a fake Mitt campaign ad! Well, technically the user agreement says that you agree “that any images you use, upload, or display do not contain material inappropriate for children … [or] that is offensive or in bad taste,” so, anal is kind of a grey area, but surely no one could object to this adorable picture of your Comics Curmudgeon’s cat, could they? The image denotes what President Romney will be doing on Day One Job One, which is to say: cowering under his desk. But wait, can you do better? Read more on Send Us Your Dumb Romney-App Instagram Pix, If You Want To Be Cool…
  m4m

CPAC Once Again Full of Self-Hating Gay Men Hunting For Gay Sex

Like every year at CPAC time, the “no strings attached” sex Internet is busy busy busy with self-hating closeted homosexual Republican men who like to take a break from cheering on homophobic bible clods by going back to the hotel with a discreet dude who wants to give/receive some oral, “maybe more with the right guy,” etc. Republican homosexuals are so predictable! Read more on CPAC Once Again Full of Self-Hating Gay Men Hunting For Gay Sex…
  occupy apple

Apple iPhone Censoring Birth Control, Help For Rape Victims

Because Apple designs computing devices that aren’t as hideous and abysmal as other computing devices on the market, people who possess aesthetic values (liberals) have long loved the company and its products. But Apple is still a multinational corporation, one of the world’s biggest, and it is certainly evil in terms of its slave-labor work force in Asia, its utter lack of philanthropic giving, and its new iPhone’s censorship of women’s health issues. Need Viagra? “Siri” is ready to help with a list of nearby drugstores. Drive fast! Need emergency contraception, birth control clinics or maybe the police, because you’ve been raped? Apple’s iPhone is programmed not to understand! Read more on Apple iPhone Censoring Birth Control, Help For Rape Victims…
  today's news four years ago

Wonkette Told You About iPhone/AT&T Spying On You, Back In 2007

Here’s a crazy thing, as opposed to all the other crazy things: We read those reports about the iPhone tracking your every move and then saving the entire geographic/time details of your daily activities, and we thought Hmm that sounds familiar guess it’s old news and then the editor of Metro Jacksonville wrote and reminded us that we had written about this, on Wonkette, four years ago. But we didn’t actually know for sure, it was just kind of an edumacated guess, based on AT&T’s long record of clandestine surveillance of its customers, so that it can give the government info on you, to put you in FEMA moon camps forever. Read more on Wonkette Told You About iPhone/AT&T Spying On You, Back In 2007…
  obama babies

iPhones Are Poisoning Our Babies!

“You must weigh in on this whole IPHONE BABY thing, as I know in my heart that you’ve read all this stuff, and have Concerns (or No Concerns),” wrote Editor Ken, which was completely untrue: Your former morning editor had not read this thing, because she was too busy looking after an actual baby. Read more on iPhones Are Poisoning Our Babies!…
  free downloads

BECAUSE THE FART APP ALONE CANNOT DEFEND FREEDOM: “Those who dismiss the Tea Party movement as a bunch of rednecks may be interested to know that the Tea Party Patriots now have a new iPhone app.” Indeed! Originally designed as a GPS device for locating Thomas Jefferson’s expertly hidden geocaches, “The Tea Party Finder” can also backwards-fax Scott Brown an annotated copy of the Articles of Confederation with a preface by Ayn Rand written in glitter-sharpie. It also lets you Chatroulette with random Tea Party Leaders and their respective dangly bits. [HuffPo] Read more on …
  liberal telephones

You Can Be In The White House From Your Telephone Now, Oh Boy

This is what $100 trillion in party donations gets your company: an official White House product endorsement! (PEOPLE WHO USE BLACKBERRIES GO TO GITMO FROM NOW ON.) (EXCEPT OBAMA.) So for those of you who are into “new telephones” — the American economy’s last remaining growth sector. TELEPHONES. — there is a new porno deal for the app button or some such. “Fuck you Ed Schultz,” also. [White House] Read more on You Can Be In The White House From Your Telephone Now, Oh Boy…
  rumors on the internets

Matt Taibbi Gets Angry, Thrills The Internets

From the unfortunate musings of wingnut cartoon land: Keith Olbermann has no choice but to reluctantly gobble up Scott Hardbody’s warm, brown, salty tea bags. [RedState] Introducing: The White Basketball League! It’s like the NBA but without a Negro dialect. [Think Progress] Read more on Matt Taibbi Gets Angry, Thrills The Internets…
  cartoon violence

Happy Thoughts, Happy Thoughts

By the Comics CurmudgeonSince you’re reading Wonkette, I assume you’re some kind of news-reading nerd, since without a deep and thorough understanding of the American political system and world events you can’t appreciate the many philosophical layers of our hilarious dick jokes. Which means, of course, that you’ve probably had your fill of tales of grim earthquake-struck horror. Why can’t we all enjoy some happy good times, from cartoons? Or at least be distracted by their insanity? That, good sirs and madams, is precisely what I intend to deliver to you today. Read more on Happy Thoughts, Happy Thoughts…
  daily briefing

Vague Maybe-Terrorism Is Headed Toward, Or Possibly Away, From You RIGHT NOW

The FBI is doing that thing again where it suggests that everyone to get the seriously get the fuck away from any hotels or stadiums, while at the same time claiming that there have been no “specific” threats against specific places like “stadiums” and “hotels.” [CNN] Read more on Vague Maybe-Terrorism Is Headed Toward, Or Possibly Away, From You RIGHT NOW…