Tag: iphone

is this thing on?

Apple Gets Patent To Destroy Its Own Creation

Former startup Apple is valiantly sticking up for the entertainment industry with a new patent designed to thwart obnoxious iPhone recordings. Have to say, we can't think of anything that could go wrong with this technology in the hands of...
land of the free drink with order

Patriotic Foreign Tech Firm Won’t Bug Your iPhone Unless There’s Good Stuff On It

We spend a lot of time blasting our planet-melting, employee-hazing, and buzzword-creating Corporate People. But like Aerosmith songs, they're not all bad. Isn't it about time we gave out some gold stars? Expanded Access To Abortion Pill Somehow Punishing Poor...

Lyft Drivers Reach Triumphant Settlement, Somehow End Off Even Worse

It's Lawsuit Saturday! So who's harassing our beloved Corporate Persons with frivolous allegations of misrepresentation and wage theft this week? Probably just some commoners unable to achieve on the same playing field as our successful corporate exemplars without the...

How Do You Find Medical Marijuana In Faraway Lands? There’s A Website For That!

Greetings Wonkerinos, we bring you glad tidings of great joy, and also legal medical marijuana, which, SCIENCE FACT, is a thing, at least in certain parts of the country! But what happens if you are, say, a human creature...
let them eat cake. seriously just distract them with some cake.

Target’s Union-Busting Robots, And Other Updates On Our New Robot Overlords

Life is good but it's not all roses, puppy dogs and Pope memes. And while the Robot Revolution may have dropped onĀ our Threat List (currently found between "Dennis Miller" and "unnecessary paperwork"), please don't think our Corporate Persons have...

Apple’s New iWatch Even Tells Time Sometimes

Apple is once again looking to take over an entire sector of consumer products with its introduction of the new Apple Watch. Shipping early next year at an introductory price of only $349, it has the potential to redefine...

‘Hey, Why Can’t I See Wonket On My iPhone Or iPad?’ An Important And Thrilling Programming Note

Some of you have been bitching for a while about this here website, TerribleNewsforTerriblePeople.Com, and how it is doing a weird fake-mobile thing intermittently. That is because we did a thing! We were trying to divest ourselves from Onswipe,...

Obama Briefly Perplexed By Unfamiliar Phone, Tech Stocks Tumble

In what is surely the most scandalous case of presidential technology bafflement since that one time when George HW Bush asked some polite questions about a UPC scanner at a trade show, the leader of the Free World was...

Congratulations, Your ‘I’m With Mitt’ Photos Are Shameful Filth

Whoops, it turns out that when you wheedle your Editrix into doing a Wonkette contest she expects you to judge the contest! What a meanie. Because your Comics Curmudgeon does not like saying no to people or...

Send Us Your Dumb Romney-App Instagram Pix, If You Want To Be Cool

OK, yes, ha ha, we've all had a good laugh about the fact that version 1.0 of Mitt Romney's world-beating With Mitt iPhone app proclaimed that he would proudly lead his real home nation of "Amercia," but I think...

CPAC Once Again Full of Self-Hating Gay Men Hunting For Gay Sex

Like every year at CPAC time, the "no strings attached" sex Internet is busy busy busy with self-hating closeted homosexual Republican men who like to take a break from cheering on homophobic bible clods by going back to the...

Apple iPhone Censoring Birth Control, Help For Rape Victims

Because Apple designs computing devices that aren't as hideous and abysmal as other computing devices on the market, people who possess aesthetic values (liberals) have long loved the company and its products. But Apple is still a multinational corporation,...

Wonkette Told You About iPhone/AT&T Spying On You, Back In 2007

Here's a crazy thing, as opposed to all the other crazy things: We read those reports about the iPhone tracking your every move and then saving the entire geographic/time details of your daily activities, and we thought Hmm that...

iPhones Are Poisoning Our Babies!

"You must weigh in on this whole IPHONE BABY thing, as I know in my heart that you've read all this stuff, and have Concerns (or No Concerns)," wrote Editor Ken, which was completely untrue: Your former morning editor...

‘This Is an iPhone,’ Jim Lehrer Announces

Jim Lehrer is going to live FOREVER. Please, Internet, make an animated GIF of him shaking that iPhone. These people are literally the future. The NewsHour is so on top of this technology thing! Pretty soon, Robert MacNeil is...

Oh Here’s Your iPhone Nutz, NOW STOP SENDING IT, NOT EVEN FUNNY JESUS CHRIST COME ON

Thanks, six-hundred-and-forty-four readers who sent links to the wacky new novelty item, "Truck Nutz things for your iPhone." Thanks! Got it! Oh, you wanted us to post this? Why, exactly? Was it supposed to be funny? It's not funny. When...