Tag Archives: iowa

  Have some more oops

Rick Perry Apparently Serious About Trying To Be President Again

You’d think, given the spectacular FAIL that was the presidential campaign of the now former but still indicted Texas governor, Rick Perry might want to reconsider another attempt at the White House. But nope! Yee haw, he is going to do this thing again, because he sure as heck didn’t buy those smart glasses for nothin’. Read more on Rick Perry Apparently Serious About Trying To Be President Again…
  Here have some news n stuff

Idiot Anti-Vaxxers Can’t Believe People Are So ‘Vicious’ About Them Being Idiots

Jut vaccinate your damned kids
Like it’s not bad enough that some trendy dumb parents are refusing to vaccinate their children, and helping to make all-but-extinct diseases like measles ALL THE RAGE. Because yeah, that’s bad enough. But now they’re complaining people who actually believe in science are being SO MEAN about it: Read more on Idiot Anti-Vaxxers Can’t Believe People Are So ‘Vicious’ About Them Being Idiots…
  Trump/Thing On Trump's Head 2016!

President Trump Recalls How Easy Beating Obama Was In 2012

The yoogest, classiest President
Donald Trump was in Iowa this weekend making noises from his mouth hole about the possibility that he will keep talking forever about running for president, and people at Steve King’s CrazyRama actually applauded him. We can understand that, because as we believe we have pointed out, they are crazy. Less explicable is the fact that the Des Moines Register, an actual journalistic newspaper enterprise, asked Trump to sit down for an interview just like he was a real political candidate or something! Read more on President Trump Recalls How Easy Beating Obama Was In 2012…
  meth is a helluva drug

Sarah Palin Yo, She Is Classy As Fuc

No, she is never ever ever leaving. Who would pay for her wigs? Sarah Palin had a busy weekend, going to Las Vegas to eye-fuc this dude, Congressional Medal of Honor winner Dakota Meyers, while holding a sign telling lefty troll Michael Moore to fuc himself right in the surveyor’s marks. (His anus.) Read more on Sarah Palin Yo, She Is Classy As Fuc…
  We Watch So You Don't Have To

The Fartknocker Report: Sarah Palin Rewrites McDonald’s Ad Real Good-Like

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report, Presented By Fartknocker
Sarah Palin went to Iowa this weekend. Is she running for President? She’s not not running for President, she can tell you that much! How not-uninterested is she, Washington Post? “I am. As I said yesterday, I’m really interested in the opportunity to serve at some point,” Palin said Friday, as former Pennsylvania senator Rick Santorum, a potential 2016 rival, looked on. […] Read more on The Fartknocker Report: Sarah Palin Rewrites McDonald’s Ad Real Good-Like…
  It's the Derp-Derpiest Time Of The Year

Iowa Freedom Summit To Gather Most Of America’s Rightwing Idiots In One Place

Bachmann kept trying to get the Riddler into Conversion Therapy
Oh, dear lord, Iowa is going to be like a superdense mass of Dumb this weekend, as Rep. Steve King and Citizens United host the “Iowa Freedom Summit” — kind of a Moronic Convergence of rightwing political hacks all coming together to hang out with the man who proclaimed that DREAM Act kids were mostly “drug mules with thighs calves the size of cantaloupes” [how quickly we forget!] and who fretted about the president hosting a “deportable” at the State of the Union. Read more on Iowa Freedom Summit To Gather Most Of America’s Rightwing Idiots In One Place…
  there can be only one

Scott Walker Addresses People Of Iowa? New Hampshire? Wait. Wisconsin? Yeah, Wisconsin

Good evening, Des Moines!
It’s a new year, which means government executives all over the country are in the midst of self-congratulatory presentations of cherry-picked accomplishments and passive-aggressively reading lists of future demands. It’s mostly trite and zzzzzzzz but some of them are worth your attention. Well, our attention anyway. You should spend time with the people you love. Read more on Scott Walker Addresses People Of Iowa? New Hampshire? Wait. Wisconsin? Yeah, Wisconsin…
  Time to start offending people who don't live in Iowa

Chris Christie Throws New Jersey Lady-Pigs Under 2016 Campaign Bus

Christie smash
Photo by Beth Ethier Chris Christie is a master of pre-presidential innovation. Having spent the 2014 midterm season hitting key states to campaign for Republican candidates, Christie has moved on to a bold new tactic: inviting Iowans to decide which laws are best for New Jersey where he is, at least nominally, still governor. Read more on Chris Christie Throws New Jersey Lady-Pigs Under 2016 Campaign Bus…
  Can she paint?

What If Joni Ernst Were More Like Max Ernst?

Ernst Ernst Ernst. Isn’t that a good name? Ernst Ernst Ernst. The Importance of Being Ernst. Ernst Borgnine. We bet it’s the onomatopoeia in some culture for a blaring truck horn: ERNST! ERNST! OUT OF MY WAY! Read more on What If Joni Ernst Were More Like Max Ernst?…
  If It's Sunday It's A Good Thing There's A 2:00 Replay

Scott Walker: Only ‘Fresh, Organic’ GOP Governors Can Beat Moldy Old Hillary

We have to admit, Wonketteers, that we did not stick to our Chuck Todd diet. We really did intend to get up every Sunday for Meet the Press to see Chuck’s tough questioning of the Biggest Names in News and stay in shape with his touchscreen map upper-body workouts, but it wasn’t until his first show after the Democrats were sent to live on the farm upstate that he enticed us to come back by landing an EXCLUSIVE interview with Scott Walker, King of Wisconsin. Read more on Scott Walker: Only ‘Fresh, Organic’ GOP Governors Can Beat Moldy Old Hillary…
  the commentczar's in town

Deleted Comments Of The Week: You People Lost An Election, So Shut Up Now

Equestria's political system is a matter of some speculation. Fandom is weird.
As you may have heard, there was an election this week, and The People Have Spoken. Or at least The People who bothered to vote have spoken, and they are the ones what matter. Not surprisingly, the results of the election have sent ripples into the fetid exploding foamy pigdoot lagoon that is our comment queue, and so in the spirit of sharing, we bring you this important note from “collioure1,” who wants us to know that Our Side Lost, and we therefore have no call to question the brilliance of Senator-elect Joni Ernst: Read more on Deleted Comments Of The Week: You People Lost An Election, So Shut Up Now…
  national treasures

God Closes Michele Bachmann Door, Opens Joni Ernst Window

She hearts you 'Merica
Today, in the gloom of the morning after, we must come together to give thanks to our assorted heathen gods for Joni Ernst, Jester-Elect of the United States Senate. Joni Ernst is an anchor for us to cling to in the midst of a turbulent midterm election that saw our electoral expectations decimated all across the country. Kansans, the majority of whom had been demonstrably screwed by Sam Brownback’s interpretive dance of conservative budgeting, at first seemed to poised to sensibly fire him but then rewarded him with another term in office. Massachusetts, having apparently forgotten the hideous ordeal of getting gay marriage and socialized health care under Mittens Romnington, decided to roll the dice with another Republican governor. Read more on God Closes Michele Bachmann Door, Opens Joni Ernst Window…
  the derp is as high as an elephant's eye

Why Does Charlie Pierce Insist On Making Joni Ernst Look Stupid By Making Her Talk?

Joni Ernst abides.
Barack Obama: Is he apathetic or the world’s most insidious dictator? Black or white? Floor wax or dessert topping? Senate candidate and prominent hog de-baller Joni Ernst of Iowa isn’t sure. On the one hand he is cramming Obamacare, the greatest tyranny since Pharoah made the Jews build all those pyramids, down the throats of the helpless American people, an offense which Joni will resist with all her guns if need be. Read more on Why Does Charlie Pierce Insist On Making Joni Ernst Look Stupid By Making Her Talk?…
  won't you be her neighbor?

Tom Harkin Did A Sexism, Oh No!

OMG did you hear? DID YOU HEAR? Tom Harkin, liberal senator from Iowa, DID A SEXISM on the next senator from the great state of Iowa, Joni Ernst, by saying you shouldn’t vote for someone just because she is “attractive” and “seems nice.” OH NOOOOOOOO wait what? Read more on Tom Harkin Did A Sexism, Oh No!…
  your rock and roll fantasy

Screw The Polls, Here’s How Every Democratic Senate Challenger Is Gonna Win

She's got all the goodies
We have told you a bunch of made up reasons why every single endangered incumbent Senate Democratic is actually going to win and Nate Silver can go suck a poll of likely voters. Now let’s examine the Dem candidates for open seats and those challenging vulnerable Republican incumbents. Can we use our powers of wishful thinking and nonsense to conjure an alternate reality in which they, too, will all prevail? We can! Read more on Screw The Polls, Here’s How Every Democratic Senate Challenger Is Gonna Win…
  She makes a bag of hammers look good

Is Iowa’s Lady Wannabe Senator Joni Ernst Stupid Or Just Really Stupid?

Give her a minute she's trying to figure it out
Iowa state Sen. Joni Ernst is definitely not the brightest belle in the drawer. She’s hoping to get elected to the U.S. Senate on a platform of arresting the government for Obamacare, warning the rural folk about Agenda 21’s plot to make them ride bicycles like common Chinese, and also something about castrating pigs. Read more on Is Iowa’s Lady Wannabe Senator Joni Ernst Stupid Or Just Really Stupid?…
  Does this tinfoil hat make her look crazy?

Future Iowa Senator Joni Ernst Will Arrest Entire Obama Administration, For Democracy

She hearts you 'Merica
Joni Ernst is the lovely and super charming state senator from Iowa who would like to be the real senator from Iowa. Likes include castrating pigs and warning about the Eeeevil Agenda 21 plot to seize your farms and make you live in, ugh, “Urban Centers.” As if those were not reason enough to let her join the world’s most exclusive club of decision makers, she will also arrest the entire federal government for you, America. Read more on Future Iowa Senator Joni Ernst Will Arrest Entire Obama Administration, For Democracy…
  2016 training wheels

Mary Burke Just Might Kill Gov. Scott Walker’s Dreams of Losing GOP Presidential Primary

o hai
Scott Walker’s job security as King of Wisconsin and Union-Buster in Chief appears increasingly precarious, even as he is road tripping to push for a promotion to that oval-shaped office in Washington. Marquette Law School just released a third consecutive poll showing the 2016 presidential hopeful in a dead heat for re-election with his Democratic challenger, former state commerce secretary and Trek Bicycle executive Mary Burke. Read more on Mary Burke Just Might Kill Gov. Scott Walker’s Dreams of Losing GOP Presidential Primary…
  things that go bump in the night

Conservatives Cranking Terror Alert Level Up To OMG! WE’RE ALL GOING TO DIE!!!

Wonketteers, we do not wish to alarm you about the threat from ISIS, but you should be SHITTING YOUR PANTS IN TERROR BECAUSE THEY ARE COMING FOR YOU AND EVERYTHING YOU HAVE EVERY LOVED. Or at least that seems to be the conservative talking point for the week after the tragic beheading of photojournalist James Foley by militants in Syria. Which is not to play down the insanity of ISIS at all; it is a vicious bunch of assholes. (Even Peggy Noonan was appropriately clear-eyed about the group in today’s column – pants-shitting terror has a way of sobering up even the most wasted of drunks.) But still, some of this might be a bit excessive. Read more on Conservatives Cranking Terror Alert Level Up To OMG! WE’RE ALL GOING TO DIE!!!…
  clip and save!

Here Is Your Helpful Post About Gay Marriage And Federalism, Just Like You Always Wanted

You know that we are very public service minded here at Wonkette, which is why we’re bringing you this handy-dandy column that you can cut out and put in your wallet for the next 1001th time that some idjit tries to explain to you that they don’t really hate the gays, but they just don’t see a need for gay marriage because you can totally just make a contract for all the rights marriage confers upon you. Next time that happens, and it will happen, because there is no known cure for terminal stupid, just whip this bad boy out and show ‘em whatcha got. Read more on Here Is Your Helpful Post About Gay Marriage And Federalism, Just Like You Always Wanted…
  The Dumb Leading The Blind

NRA Wants To Arm All The Blind People Because They Have Great Hearing

Damn NRA News. Every time it puts out one of these videos, we have to check if our pharmacist replaced our lithium pills with Tylenol the last time we refilled our prescription and we’re now trapped in an animated Escher drawing inside our own head. So it is today, with this charmer of bloated lunkhead Dom Raso, last seen concern-trolling black people about why fighting for gun rights is just like opposition to Jim Crow.  Read more on NRA Wants To Arm All The Blind People Because They Have Great Hearing…