If the Midwest felt especially blessed yesterday, it’s no doubt because the entire state of Iowa was basking in the smug satisfaction of a “day of prayer, fasting and repentance.” Gov. Terry Branstad signed a proclamation back in April designating Monday a special Christian Repentence Day, because he is just like George Washington, and also […]

Who could have predicted this? Joni Ernst, whose adorable PigBalls ad won her Iowa’s Republican nomination for Senate, is also afraid of the United Nations’ Agenda 21, which she is pretty sure is a global environmentalist plot to force everyone to live in cities and mingle with hippies. The Iowa Democratic Party released an ad […]

The unknown mayor of Peoria, Illinois, has gotten the memo: Abusing power is super awesome, so everyone should totes start doing it, RIGHT NOW. Mayor Jim Ardis, whom no one outside of Peoria has ever heard of, would like everyone to know that he REALLY can’t take a joke and that he will send armed police […]

Bob Quast is a man who has experienced tragedy. We don’t just mean he has been victimized by having to pay taxes, we mean that he experienced a real, honest-to-god horrifying loss: his sister was murdered in 1999 by her husband after years of abuse. We aren’t entirely sure, however, that this campaign ad — […]

Rick Santorum, we need to talk about your future. We know you’re having fun playing at being a movie producer, and apparently you like that part-time job enough that you mention it during your trips to Iowa. We don’t know how great that studio of yours is doing, since you still seem to be talking […]

Here is this lady, Joni Ernst. She is a Republican running for the US Senate in Iowa! As she sexplains in her homey, aw-shucks, not-a-witch-she’s-you youtube campaigner video, she grew up castrating hogs. Now she is going to go to Washington and make them “squeal.” Gross, Joni Ernst. That’s just fucking gross.

You’ve probably been wondering what new idiotic “prolife” laws were on the way, since it’s been at least 26 hours since we discussed any here. Maybe even longer; we’re not going to look! The newest brilliant idea is a bill introduced in the Iowa legislature that would allow patients up to 10 years to sue […]

Canteloupe-calved hate machine Steve King told an anti-immigration rally in Omaha, Nebraska, last Friday that illegal immigrants are a murderous mob of murdery evil: Recalling a conversation he had with a former INS agent, Mike Cutler, during a congressional hearing, King said he asked Cutler, “How many Americans have died at the hands of [illegal immigrants] […]

Scott Brown has been wandering the grounds of the Iowa State Fair, telling visitors he is “exploring a possible run” for president in 2016. The Des Moines Register followed him around the fair as he ate a corn dog, “adopted a goofy pose” in front of a prize bull, and introduced himself to voters: ”I’m […]

The next presidential election, in which we will annoint Hillary Clinton to president us — unless RNC Chair Reince “You can’t spell his name without RNC PR BS” Priebus wins his war with NBC or that BENGHAZIIII!!!1 thing ever catches on — is a mere eleventeen bazillion days away, which means it’s time for all […]

You know what is the fucking worst? Your angry uncle/aunt/cousin/dog/toaster/whatever who tries to derail holiday conversations by just dropping into the middle of them with some fact-free racist bullshit. If your toaster got elected to Congress, it would be Steve King. What is Uncle Steve blathering on about this time? The Messicans, of course, and […]

We do not yet know whether Real Christian God whispers secrets in Sen. Ted Cruz’s soul’s ear, like He did our last white president. Nor do we know whether Cruz, who may be legally eligible to become president despite how his dad is not from America and neither is he, will even seek that office. […]

Self-made son of a millionaire Donald Trump — who is only slightly more popular than Congress, which is significantly less popular than head lice — is not finished humiliating himself just yet. True to form, the man whose personal motto is More! Bigger! Tackier! Argle Bargle! is taking his totes real hair to Iowa to […]

Hola dudes, sorry we haven’t rapped at you lately, or uploaded all our pictures of your beautiful faces in Chicago, and Madison, and Minneapolis, and whatnot. We will get on that right away sort of! Are we going to throw a party in Des Moines, Iowa, for you tonight? ABSOLUTELY NOT. Goddamn are we tired. […]

Noted animal-hater and all-around waste-of-space Teabagging Congresstwit Steve King (R-4th Level of Hell) has once again opened his maggot-filled cockholster. He wants you to know that the only reason that Supreme Leader and Great Sun of Socialism Barack H. Obummer got elected was because of all the damn messicans. And whose fault is it that you can’t […]