Wonkette

It looks like Cindy “Cougar” McCain tapped into the campaign funds, got high as fuck, and created the latest ad for dear husband WALNUTS! This is really a great ad — equal parts Stanley Kubrick, Teddy Roosevelt, Winston Churchill, all wrapped up with that Cougar Touch. Will British Winston save the girl in the blueberry fields from the descending galaxies of WALNUTS? Find out for yourself, after the jump! MORE »

As you may have heard, the Pentagon’s space missile successfully hit that broken Satellite of Love last night, and now its poisonous death shrapnel (which has actually been deemed “unhazardous,” by liars) will come hurling into our atmosphere, killing us all. But there is one hope for us in this Armageddon scenario: the Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA), the revered handymen most famous for getting New Orleans back on its feet within 24 hours of the initial Hurricane Katrina strike. Last week, America’s Most Effective Agency released its “First Responder Guide For Space Object Re-Entry,” i.e. “what to do if the poison satellite crashes next to you.” How will FEMA save the world this time? MORE »

We hope that in some small way, our mention of the Paultarded World of Warcraft march helped make the event such a blowout success. Dozens or even hundreds of Paultards lent their fantasy-realm personas to the cause of Ron Paul for President, which, we think, is the best idea these people have had yet. The thing took place either yesterday or maybe the day before and a we are so thrilled to present you with this video of the event, courtesy of a tipster and our very own Eric Brewer, video-maker extraordinaire. Please watch it. Please. And make sure to notice all the character names!