interviews
Todd Akin’s Final Answer: He’s In It To Win It! (Also Too, 9/11)
Vaginal magic expert Rep. Todd Akin has just gone on the Mike Huckabee radio show to announce his final decision before today’s 5:00 drop-out deadline and LOL, he’s staying in. The reason is the same as yesterday: 9/11, and how the first responders wouldn’t want him to quit!…?? Hoo boy. We could see this coming, [...]
Exclusive NYT Interview Indicates That Undecided Voters May Despise Politics Entirely
The New York Times ventured out of the Big City to conduct one of its most ambitious anthropological studies of the election, deep into the virgin forests of Ohio. Veteran Timesman John Harwood was tasked with a mission that no cub reporter would ever have returned from alive: Talking to some lady in Ohio about [...]
Jeb Bush, Liberated By His Own Irrelevance, Says GOP Is ‘Short-Sighted’
Remember a very long time ago, during a Republican presidential debate last August (oh my god, TIME), when one of those moderator fellows asked the candidates whether they would reject a debt deal that required 10 dollars in spending cuts for every dollar in tax increases, and how everyone raised their hand to say that [...]
Hot Gossip Interview With Wonkette’s Own Former Cranbrook Preppy, Kirsten Boyd Johnson
Yesterday we learned all about how young Willard “Mitt” Romney used to terrorize gay people with scissors during his time at the Cranbrook Boarding School For Youths Of A Certain Gentility. And then our own Kirsten Boyd Johnson was like, “Oh yeah I went to Cranbrook.” Jesus Kirsten, ABOUT TIME YOU SAID THAT much? Anyway, [...]
Romney Says He’s ‘Not Concerned About the Very Poor,’ Stuns No One
Mitt Romney, most undeserving and unexcited winner of the Florida primary since at least 2004, was utterly bored out of his skull during his victory speech in Florida Tuesday, though he at least kept up the practice of being EVIL, my friend, and took the Evil Show to a post-results chat with CNN’s Soledad O’Brien. [...]
Rick Perry Pretty Much Compares Himself To Jesus On Teevee
Watch the latest video at video.foxnews.com Here is Sean Hannity interviewing Rick Perry in a moodily lit room full of farming implements, and boy is there ever a lot of sexual tension. Just make out already, you two! But okay okay, if we had to choose our favorite Rick Perry pick-up line from this “gay [...]
Questioning Rick Santorum Is “Bigotry,” According To Rick Santorum
Whiny rodent Rick Santorum has faced a lot of prejudice lately, especially since gay people are out doing jihad to him, every single day. And even the non-gay people are ganging up on him now. Why? BECAUSE THEY ARE BIGOTS, screams Rick Santorum. Presidential candidate Rick Santorum defended his position on gay marriage Tuesday while [...]
Rick Perry Is Now God and Mark Halperin Is His Moses
Unlikable jabbering punditurd Mark Halperin got a very important interview with soon-to-be presidential candidate and wingnut imbecile heartthrob Rick Perry. Mark Halperin named this mammoth journalistic achievement, “He Speaks,” which is also Jesus-talk for “God said something important.” Interesting information! Does Mark Halperin have something to “reveal?” Is Rick Perry God? Does He maybe have [...]
VIDEO: Rick Santorum Was ‘With, Loves’ His Gay Friends
Openly gay CNN reporter Don Lemon was the first reporter we know of to finally ask Rick Santorum a very obvious question: does he have any gay friends? Santorum replied, “Yes, in fact I was with a gay friend of mine two days ago.” And then everyone on earth immediately pointed out that “with” is [...]
Meghan McCain Finally Gets a Job, With Donald Trump
Meghan McCain has interviewed Donald Trump, of course. What else would she do with her days? Here’s how it begins: “So are we doing a radio show?” Trump asks. “No, this is an interview for The Daily Beast,” Meghan responds. “Oh, OK, good,” Trump says. (He’s never been to the Internet and has no idea [...]
Donald Rumsfeld Refuses To Answer Whether Or Not He’s a Lizard Person
ARE DONALD RUMSEFELD AND DICK CHENEY LIZARD PEOPLE FROM OUTER SPACE WHO EAT HUMAN FLESH? For years, this is the one question the world has wanted to ask, as it is the only rational explanation for two beings that look human but in no way acted like it when they were in office. Yesterday, the [...]
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