Tag Archives: interns

  Old news

Missouri Family Values Republican Sorry For Sexting Co-Ed, Ready To Forget This Ever Happened

He said he's sorry, let it go!
Missouri House Speaker John Diehl — Republican, family man, church-goer, and opponent of marriage equality because “tradition” and “the children” — is very, very sorry y’all found out about his sexxxytime texting with a college freshman and telling her paperback romance novel words like he wants to “leave her quivering” and also looking at pictures of her hot bikini’d bod and such. Read more on Missouri Family Values Republican Sorry For Sexting Co-Ed, Ready To Forget This Ever Happened…
  2 bad 4 u

Family Values Republican Says Marriage Is Only For Straights And Married Dudes Who Sext Interns

Enjoyest thou intern, sayeth the Lord
Oh what have we here? Why, it’s a Republican sex scandal. Our favorite! This time, it’s Missouri House Speaker John Diehl, and he’s been a bad bad boy. According to some ewwww gross texts obtained by the Kansas City Star, Speaker Diehl did all kinds of sexytime talk to a college intern, who was not his wife, Kelly, who is also the mother of their three sons — and no, his office has not yet commented on how will they explain this to THE CHILDREN?! Kelly is not a college freshman at Missouri Southern State University, participating in the internship program, which was suddenly canceled, thanks to Speaker Diehl not keeping his dirty emojis in his pants: Read more on Family Values Republican Says Marriage Is Only For Straights And Married Dudes Who Sext Interns…
  Money is overrated

Justice Department Now Paying Experienced Lawyers With Exposure Bucks, Whore Diamonds

What a tempting offer for our nation’s cadre of experienced lawyers: work for the Justice Department, reviewing applications for wiretaps in major federal criminal investigations. Probably this is pretty easy, given (as we’ve recently learned) that there is no reason NOT to ever wiretap! So if you want something a little more challenging, perhaps you can serve as a special attorney in the Office of Enforcement Operations. But wait! There’s more! Not only could you maybe work for the Justice Department for a year in either of these important positions, you can do it in exchange for absolutely no money! Yes! That’s right! You will get paid in Experience, which, like Exposure, is even better than money! Read more on Justice Department Now Paying Experienced Lawyers With Exposure Bucks, Whore Diamonds…
  breaking: landlords still not accepting "experience" as rent payment

Working Class Hero Judge Rules That People Must Be Paid to do Work

It is a small victory but your Wonkette will take it: U.S. District Judge William Pauley, hero to the working classes, issued a summary judgment this week affirming that people need to be paid for work. Yes, Wonketteers, we are still debating the relative merits and various philosophies behind paying people to do work (see previous iterations of this debate here and here) because this is 2013 and “exposure” and “experience” are the new moneys. This is why Fox Searchlight thought it was perfectly OK to have interns working for free on the set of The Swan, where they got “experience” and learned how to perform complicated tasks like getting lunch, organizing filing cabinets, tracking purchase orders, making copies, and running errands. Read more on Working Class Hero Judge Rules That People Must Be Paid to do Work…
  let them eat exposure

Here, Let the Atlantic Explain At You About Why They Do Not Pay People For Their Work

Ha! Ha! Ha! Here, let us enjoy this fun exchange between a freelance journalist and a representative of the Atlantic, wherein Global Editor Olga Khazan asks a freelance journalist if he would mind, you know, giving her a thousand words? To post on the Atlantic’s website? Which — in case you don’t know — reaches about 13 million readers per month? Oh, and could he by any chance do it for free? Well, not for FREE per se, he will be paid in Exposure, which is almost as good as being paid in actual money. You see, even though the Atlantic reaches 13 million readers per month, they cannot possibly afford to pay him money for his work, that would be SILLY. Read more on Here, Let the Atlantic Explain At You About Why They Do Not Pay People For Their Work…
  rumors on the internets

Celebrities Destroying America, According to Television

According to the news today, the GOP hates celebrities, hates television, and hates words. St. Ronald Reagan would be so ashamed. The GOP doesn’t like it when Obama uses celebrities like Sarah Jessica Parker or Anna Wintour in his campaign, but they all fall over themselves over Donald Trump! See, the real problem is that no one cares about these celebrities anyway. Well, okay. Maybe Carrie Bradshaw, but you know people who watch a TV show about women in New York are a bunch of Obama-lovers anyway. [The Daily Beast] Read more on Celebrities Destroying America, According to Television…
  our flourishing economy

Hot New Trend: Working Actual Professional Jobs For Free, As ‘Interns’

As America and the Entire Industrialized World dips into the second act of our 21st Century Greatest Depression, workers and employers are developing new skills to cope with the complete lack of money. In the Los Angeles City Attorney’s office, for example, about a hundred actual qualified lawyers have worked in the “reserve” program, meaning that they work full-time and prosecute cases and shuffle papers for 10 hours a day like any paid city attorney, minus the “pay” part. Los Angeles is one of the richest cities in the world, with 45 known billionaires and 268,000 millionaires — more millionaires than anywhere else in the nation, and America has the most millionaires of any nation on Earth. Anyway, it’s a hot new trend, having degreed professionals work full-time without any pay at all. Because there are no jobs! And the governments are all broke, because the billionaires and millionaires don’t pay any taxes. No wonder rich people love America so much, as a legal address! Read more on Hot New Trend: Working Actual Professional Jobs For Free, As ‘Interns’…
  parting is such sweet sorrow

Farewell Interns: You Will Be Missed?

Oh the interns! They were everywhere, but now they’re leaving, so it’s time to say goodbye to DC’s Summer Slave Class. They came, they stapled, threw up on bars, ran around half–naked, and accomplished … nothing. And so, Interns, as you put the final touches on your collages, or whatever you did for your One Summer Project that no one will ever, ever care about, it’s important to remember that sitting in an office all summer making no money didn’t make you any more employable, not by any means. But, no, really, we thank you for your service to DC, and mostly for doing the work junior staff hates doing. Read more on Farewell Interns: You Will Be Missed?…
 

Food Options For Beautiful People

If you make it through even a little of the “50 Most Beautiful People” on the Hill list — especially the moving prose — you will learn that the people on this annual summer-gimmick list made it there because of the ability to survive on a diet of cheese nips, pasta, and Diet Mountain Dew. Do these people not know that the Hill is home to some of the best restaurants in DC? As service-y journalists, we hope to help this confused and hungry group of “attractive for DC” people navigate their local eating options. Read more on Food Options For Beautiful People…
  did you know interns 'rock'?

Intern ‘Appreciation’ Week: Rewards For Excellence In Stapling

They’re everywhere by now. The interns. Stapling, filing, eating, breathing, doing things that only they think are important. But being in intern is hard — Intern Riley worked for this four-star publication and even he barely made it out of DC alive. But what if the 20,000 or so of them who flock to DC every summer actually rock. As in, internsROCK? Well, someone decided that they do, and now the little bitches get discounts all over DC from June 11-18 for being so, useful? Read more on Intern ‘Appreciation’ Week: Rewards For Excellence In Stapling…
  summer sexytime

The Oil Spill Will Never End, But Summer Will

Our fallen heroes were honored yesterday, and summer was officially born. This means that in just 12 short weeks it will be Labor Day, the slightly less morbid three-day cluster of BBQs and booze that will mark the end of summer. Now, if 12 weeks is enough time to clean up an inconvenient oil spill, it’s also plenty of time to take advantage of summer in DC, which, don’t let anyone convince you is not great, because it is. Read more on The Oil Spill Will Never End, But Summer Will…
  washington's inept slave-labor force

The Interns, They Have Returned

It’s the middle of May and school is out for the summer, which can only mean one thing: It’s Intern Season again in DC. Summer marks the glorious time in DC when young ‘uns from far and wide come to the District and wow us with their incredible ability to lick envelopes, file paperwork, answer the phone, and feel extraordinarily powerful because of that nifty badge they get to wear. Interns are going to be everywhere, EVERYWHERE, and as much as you may want to hurt them, you cannot legally hurt them. Read more on The Interns, They Have Returned…
  this friggin' guy

Joe Wilson Hiking Appalachian-ish Trail With Intern Babe

Ooh, an outdoor adventure for shouty South Carolina Congressman Joe Wilson. If anyone deserves it, it is him. Maybe he is taking a few days to “write something,” like his state’s governor did when he went hiking. Who is this “Maryanna Lynch” though, like his wife or some such? Maybe she had a career? And didn’t change her last name? Hmm? Read more on Joe Wilson Hiking Appalachian-ish Trail With Intern Babe…
  metro section

Relive The Memories, At Hooters

August is rapidly deteriorating into September, which means soon there will be no more summer interns to brighten your day, with intern sunshine. Heavens, we’ll miss their shenanigans — who will be here to jam the ATM machines, with red intern badges? Yes, we’ll always cherish the laughs. The tears. The memories that will require massive therapy … Oh heck, one more can’t hurt! [Spotted: DC Summer Interns] Read more on Relive The Memories, At Hooters… Read more on Relive The Memories, At Hooters…