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Posts Tagged ‘interns’

METRO SECTION

Relive The Memories, At Hooters

Friday, August 14th, 2009

August is rapidly deteriorating into September, which means soon there will be no more summer interns to brighten your day, with intern sunshine. Heavens, we’ll miss their shenanigans — who will be here to jam the ATM machines, with red intern badges? Yes, we’ll always cherish the laughs. The tears. The memories that will require massive therapy … Oh heck, one more can’t hurt! [Spotted: DC Summer Interns] MORE »


VECTORS

Senate Pages All Have Swine Flu Pig AIDS

Wednesday, July 29th, 2009

Fo' to feed my swine, fo' to feed my swine ....Considering the way DC interns and pages spend literally every waking hour exchanging bodily fluids and poop with each other and their middle-aged closeted bosses, the only thing surprising about the “Senate Pages Got The Pig AIDS” story is that the number of infected pages is only five. Jesus, about 98% of them already have syphilis and tuberculosis, so a measly five Swine-y flu pages in the nation’s foulest chamber of gross old men doing gross old things to weird children who volunteer for such pedophilia … well, that’s a pretty good argument for Swine Flu being “no big deal.” [True/Slant, KPCC]


INTERNS

Goodbye, Interns! (Here Are Some Places To Take Your Folks Before You Leave Town)

Tuesday, July 28th, 2009

bye-bye!The mass exodus of interns from DC is right around the corner, and it’s often preceded by the obligatory visit from mommy and daddy. Considering that these interns have provided us with numerous entertaining moments this summer, and organized the hell out of file cabinets, and did such an amazing job stapling, we figured we could do at least one nice thing for them before they leave. MORE »


GIVE A HOOT

Wonkette’s ‘Be Nice To Congressional Interns Day’

Wednesday, July 22nd, 2009

This could be your intern!Some intern for Connecticut congressman John Larson is probably being waterboarded right now for posting some frustration on his Facebook page: “One more constituent screaming at me about health care before lunch would be great. Please? No, the government will not invade your house and force you to accept public health care. But we will take your phone.” This is what happens when wingnuts spend all day every day calling their congressperson about whatever they don’t like (health care, black people). Let’s do something nice for these kids, and America. MORE »


METRO SECTION

New iPhone App Helps Marion Barry Pass Sobriety Test

Friday, July 17th, 2009

Experts agree: Sometime between now and 5PM, DC will be ravaged by 70 mph winds, lightning storms, and many inches of rain. And it’ll still be humid as a mofo. Why is Woton so angry with DC? Did a Republican senator elope with Brunhilda? Confess before you get us all killed! [DCist] MORE »


METRO SECTION

‘The Importance of Being an Intern’

Friday, June 26th, 2009

Intern Jack: How can you sit there, calmly eating muffins when we are both supposed to be organizing paperclips?
Intern Algernon: What are American muffins? Do you think they have them in America?
Intern Jack: Fuck if I know. [Spotted: DC Summer Interns] MORE »


METRO SECTION

MTV’s Real World Cast Seeks Internship With Senator Ensign’s Love Sack

Friday, June 19th, 2009

The young intern was hungry for some popcorn, so she put her intern badge in the microwave. Later she spilled some cranberry juice on her favorite pleated skirt, so she used her intern badge to rub the stain out. And after another long day of indexing toenail clippings, the exhausted young intern walked to Metro Center and swiped her intern badge over the SmarTrip reader. Why me? She thought to herself as she took the metro home. Why did God choose me? And for a moment she felt undeserving. [Spotted: DC Interns] MORE »


YOU COULD BE THE NEXT LUCIANNE GOLDBERGS

Don’t Leave, Ensign Interns!

Thursday, June 18th, 2009

A “real life” e-mail sent from John Ensign’s office today:

“Good Afternoon-

This is Jessica from Ensign’s office. I am trying to find out if anyone has any openings for interns. I have some really great interns that want to relocate to another office. If you have anything or know of someone who does please let me know.

Thanks for your help.

Jessica L. Walton
Administrative Manager/Intern Coordinator”

Oh buck up and stand by your man, interns! We guarantee you’ll learn more about Washington than all other Hill interns combined. [The Sleuth]


BETTER THAN IRAN

A Children’s Treasury of Gay Pride DC Parade Photos!

Monday, June 15th, 2009


This is what the Ark would have looked like, if Noah had been an out gay man. MORE »


METRO SECTION

Clever D.C. Intern Uses SmarTrip Card As Fake I.D., Is Bludgeoned To Death By The Management

Friday, June 12th, 2009

“I’m only 19 BUT as you can clearly see from my big red badge, I have an internship yanking the goose hairs off Congressman Blowhard’s back — you know, THE Congressman Blowhard? — So, my friends and I would like a pitcher of Poland Spring Vodka but you don’t need to bring extra glasses, a few straws will be fine. Wait, do you have Crazy Straws? YOU DO?!” [Spotted: DC Interns] MORE »


NOODLEHEADS

Noodles Without Fuss

Tuesday, June 9th, 2009

All the food buzz these days seems to about where the Obamas are eating, or the restaurants to avoid because they’re infested with interns, or where those kids from the Real World are going to eat their first meal in the big city. MORE »