Wonkette

And South Dakota Clinton supporter Cheryl Chamberlain takes the lead in the “Small Town Voters Who Shouldn’t Ever Talk To The Media” contest: “I won’t vote for Obama… You go on the Internet and see him associated with that church, with the Koran. He won’t wear a flag pin. … After 9/11, there is absolutely no way I’d support someone who is associated with the Koran. I won’t support terrorism.” In case you don’t get it, that mental leap chain is: Obama –> Internet –> Church –> Koran –> No Flag Pin –> 9/11 –> Koran –> Terrorist. [LA Times]

Sweet Japanese Jesus: “A Japanese civil servant was demoted for logging more than 780,000 hits on pornographic Web sites on his office computer over nine months, an official said Friday.” 780,000, divided by nine months, divided by 22 workdays in a month… carry the zero… he looked at four billion Internet pornography boobs a day, every day. [AP/Raw Story]

George W. Bush recently found a home for his $250 million library on the campus of Southern Methodist University in Texas. But where to live on the scarce Internet market? At one point, the library foundation owned the domain www.GeorgeWBushLibrary.com, which sounds simple enough for no one to care about. But now they have lost it because of some damn hippies: “But whether on purpose or because of an oversight — foundation spokesman Taylor Griffin wasn’t sure — it lost that domain name last year. Illuminati Karate, a Web company in Raleigh, N.C., picked it up for less than $10.” It is very likely that the Internet will never allow George Bush into its house. [Dallas Morning News]

We got a preview of this concept with that scary new McCain Debates website, but here is the full .GIF of the geometric relationship between letters “M” and “W”! About damn time, liberal Internet. Be sure not to stare at this for too long, as the Internet will be proudly flaunting it on various dumb blogs until November. [via Crooks and Liars]

Hip young Democratic newcomers like Hillary Clinton have mastered the art of fundraising over the Internets, while Republicans continue to raise campaign contributions in gold dubloons via Pony Express. Massive citizen participation in their hopeful quests has allowed Democrats to forever unshackle themselves from The Special Interests, big business, and The Lobbyists. How long will it take Republicans to catch up with these innovative fundraising techmologies? MORE »

The Liberal Internet is exploding with war, famine, and dueling factions of anonymous diarists who type different words about politics. The pro-Clinton diarists at Daily Kos, the famous Netroots blog, launched an Internet Boycott Strike over the weekend, citing the “double standards, the distortions, the hateful, irrational, personal attacks, and the lies about Hillary and her long and distinguished record of public service” at Daily Kos. This is the most Internetty thing to ever happen, and it is appropriately taking place at the scariest website ever. [Daily Kos]

Here’s something that should cheer up the Paultards: while President Obama may continue destroying the Constitution, it could be worse — Iran’s government actually plans on turning off the Internet. As you may recall, this is the Paultards’ worst fear. According to Iranian news outlets, the government may block private access to the Internet during the nation’s legislative elections on May 14. They are worried that political parties could abuse it to spread “news information,” a recent evolution from the Internet’s original purpose, showing pictures of naked ladies. MORE »

Hillary is up to her same old self-serving Rovian tricks, and the Internet is furious. She had the gall today to lead new polls in Ohio, where it’s starting to look like she’ll pull off a victory. Can you believe she would do this to Barack Obama? Take a poll that he was probably winning by 30 points, hack into the survey database with bribes, and readjust it to show herself winning? This Clinton will stop at nothing to continue running for president, even if it means taking the lead in a poll. Fortunately, some bloggers will not sit quietly and watch democracy fall apart like this. MORE »

Over at our favorite place on the whole Internet, Ron Paul Forums, they are very worried: MORE »

Hey, so here’s something fun to do this Monday morning: Go to either presidentbillclinton.com or williamclinton.com. You know, like Hillary’s husband. At either you can read all about… Barack Obama?! Indeed, as of now, these two URLs redirect to BarackObama.com. The President Bill is not going to be pleased with his Internets.