Look, when Joe Biden was growing up in Scranton, all the local guys — classy ones, they had CLASS back then — would end their damn websites with the same damn thing, “.com,” alright? They didn’t have any of this pansy ass “.gov” or “.org” or “.edu” or “.whateverthegoddamnthing” monkey business; it was either “.com” or nothing and you sucked it up, took it like a man. JESUS! So don’t go hollering at Joe Biden for referring to “Recovery.gov” as “Recovery.com” in a speech today and thereby boosting some private company’s new project, okay?, because who gives a rat’s ass what the damn thing is, all these sites look the same anyway… MORE »

Senatorial daughter and children’s propaganda author Meghan McCain still appears to be getting paychecks from The Daily Beast for her random thoughts about her dad’s campaign, which most Americans have already forgotten. In today’s blog article, Meghan chimes in on the recent chatter about Republicans trying to carve out their own Internets — be it on Republican Twitter, which will soon replace the entire Main Stream Media, or Michael Steele’s upcoming “off-the-hook” black & Mexican hip-hop torrent hub. Meghan writes that UMM HELLO she *tried* to get these old slobs online during the campaign with her shoe blog, but UMM HELLO they all like hated it?? MORE »

The Washington Times writes with great exuberance today about how congressional Republicans are “winning” when it comes to Twitter, the terrible Internet thing. “Republicans finally get it,” the Times ominously opens, “and have jumped on Internet technology in hopes of dominating it in the same way they used talk radio in the early 1990s to build a following.” Hmm, it’s just not the same if you can’t hear the host’s spittle fly into the mic. MORE »

Sorry dudes all the resumes you sent to the White House this morning were not received, because George Bush broke the emails before he left office. Jesus, nothing in the White House works, nothing! They have to send communications to each other through pneumatic tubes, as was popular in the 50s, and Barack Obama talks on a giant phone when he is not trying to master the mimeograph machine. [YouTube]

The Internet-savvy young Marxist revolutionaries who constitute Barack Obama’s “base” have figured out how to work these comment-forum dealies, oh yes! Just yesterday Change.gov was a showcasing important questions about “natrual [sic] born citizen requirements” that could disqualify Barack Obama from any government position higher than dogcatcher. And yet today the seething hordes have taken advantage of the question-ranking system to stifle dissent! Seriously! MORE »

We read somewhere, here, that Obama’s transition website, Change.gov, was getting pretty Internettish these days. This is Obama’s thing, he does it all the time: using standard Internet crap — stuff that other politicians somehow haven’t discovered — to help his readers connect and engage one another on the issues important to them (and possibly sometimes donate $$$$…) (and also maybe plan to fuck in a motel.) This is all to say that Change.gov suddenly looks a lot like Fark or Digg — long comment threads where you can “tell Obama” your thoughts and respond to each other and even rate each other’s comments. So we headed over there to witness the hilarity one sees on every Internet comment board in the world. But as with all things “Obama,” the discussion is well-written, informed, polite… it is terrifying. This is not the Real American Internet. MORE »

Ceaselessly contrarian Internet magazine Slate has released this election year’s installment of a feature they’ve run every cycle since becoming the first website on the Internet in the year 1542, in which each staff member reveals his or her voting intentions for president, thus putting the site BEYOND CRITICISM. Well, guess what, they are a bunch of filthy liberals. The final vote tally is Obama: 55, McCain: 1, Barr: 1, “Not McCain”: 1 (sounds like they’ve got some wiseass over there), and Can’t Vote: 4. Media critic Jack Shafer is the Barr hobo, and some copy editor gal likes Walnuts. Jesus, even “Somerset Perry, Intern” is going with Obama — we’d always pegged Somerset Perry as a McCain man! Extra tanks are being shipped to Slate HQ to contain the crowded staff, and in the meantime, Slate editor David Plotz has kindly responded to a couple of Important Journalistic follow-up questions we e-mailed him about Slate’s fancy transparency. MORE »

David Brooks allows a made-up reader to address him as “Mr. Kierkegaard” today in his column. Here is what “Existential in Exeter” asks Søren Kierkegaard, who is David Brooks, about Culture: “All my life I’ve been a successful pseudo-intellectual, sprinkling quotations from Kafka, Epictetus and Derrida into my conversations, impressing dates and making my friends feel mentally inferior. But over the last few years, it’s stopped working. People just look at me blankly. My artificially inflated self-esteem is on the wane. What happened?” David Brooks gets high and then answers — oh man, does he ANSWER — this question (which he actually wrote to himself after getting high, too). MORE »

Oh come now, will everyone please stop pickin’ on poor John McCain for his limited knowledge of the future techmologies? This is something that irks political writers on the Internet to a strange degree (probably because it means McCain cannot give them page views.) Even McCain’s best friend Jon Chait of The New Republic has been calling him “President Grampa Simpson,” which is Ageist. While many of us are more concerned about McCain for other reasons — the fact that he is solidly to the right of George W. Bush on foreign policy, for example — we understand how problematic it would be to have a president who uses Yahoo! instead of Google. And yet it’s still hilarious whenever McCain tries to defend his technological know-how to a crowd of nerds, as he did yesterday in liberal San Francisco. MORE »

Since John McCain cannot appeal to America’s Youth in any demonstrable way, he has to rely on the famously hip and “with it” RNC to awaken the young voters’ elan vital. And what do the children like this millennium? The Facebook, of course! And, perchance, would there were a way to use New Yorker Satire to mock Barry Hussein with a Facebook spinoff, on the Internet? One might call it the “BarackBook”! Let’s explore the RNC’s ingenius new “BarackBook,” and possibly not kill ourselves in the process. MORE »

It has been merely a HALF-YEAR since John McCain locked up the Republican nomination, and his team has somehow found the time to develop an online grassroots strategy between those 20-person town halls in nowhere that it holds every other day. From campaign manager Rick Davis’ email client, he writes, “Through the McCain Nation online headquarters you can create events, upload and invite your contacts, send out invitations, get maps and directions, and much more. You can also search for events in your area and ask hosts to attend.” Oh right! Hasn’t that black guy used something exactly like this for the past year or so, to defeat Clintons? Three months should be plenty of time for WALNUTS! to catch up. [John McCain]