The hottest topic among nerds in recent weeks/years has been that of Net Neutrality, the backers of which would like consumers to have free reign over the Internet as opposed to, say, telecom companies determining what shit you get to look at, for how much, and at which speeds, forever. The FCC is moving forward on preparing new rules preserving Net Neutrality, which has made the telecom lobbyists FURIOUS, meaning it’s probably a good thing that the FCC is making these news rules! The lobbyists have found as their spokesman on this issue a certain John “WALNUTS!” McCain, who knows most things about the Internet and insists that these new regulations will be bad for ‘Merka. He has introduced a bill called the “Internet Freedom Act,” which would keep the Internet free for poor corporations, as opposed to those well-moneyed “average consumer” special interests. MORE »

Wonkette new media operative “Will C.” points out the very tech-savvy Washington Post coverage of a shooting. Liveblogging, Twittering, videos of unemployed chicks singing in the bathtub about murder, it’s all there. Things haven’t been this exciting since the midnight launch of Windows 95. [Washington Post]

This video is a couple of years old and maybe some of you YouTube trolls have seen it, but you must watch this early ’90s report on the sensation of “Internet.” What ever happened to it? And focus on the part starting around 2:15, when our Internetter explains how polite everyone is on it: “There’s not screenfuls of, you know, ‘GO TO HELL,’ it’s surprising.” [Matt Yglesias]

The Internet has hurt the important feelings of the important “Joe Lieberman Liberal” New Republic political pamphlet’s important legal scholar Jeffrey Rosen, whose very important 1,000+ word front-page non-blog journalistically reported “The Case Against Sotomayor”-titled news article — which quotes various important anonymous ex-clerks calling Sotomayor dumb and mean and friendless and annoying — has of course become the GOP’s principal anti-Sotomayor talking points memo. This is not what he meant. Fuck the blogs! MORE »

• TUCKER CARLSON TO SAVE THE INTERNET: Check it out, a fancy new clicky-clicky! “Pundit Tucker Carlson publicly announced Tuesday that a right-leaning news site resembling the Huffington Post he’s been planning will go live within weeks … ‘Tell the truth, and be accurate,’ Carlson said of the venture’s goals. ‘It’s very important to live up to the basic standards of journalism.’” Doesn’t making something explicitly “right-leaning” or “left-leaning” in and of itself make it impossible to be an important journalistic news site? Anyway Tucker’s thing will be called hcsfjm.com. [The Hill]

Many blame last week’s Chrysler bankruptcy on the fact that Chrysler is a shit company. They are wrong! It was really a group of hedge funds, holding large swaths of Chrysler debt, that rejected the administration’s settlement offer of a 33 cents-on-the-dollar payout and thus threw the company into its current quickie “nooner” of a Chapter 11 filing. These twenty-ish hedge funds — who call themselves, retardedly, the “Chrysler Non-TARP Lenders,” making them Moral — are trying to score a better deal in bankruptcy court. These terrible people! SO TERRIBLE are these people that they filed a motion in court to have their names sealed, because apparently, what’s this, the public is mad at them for bankrupting a massive company out of greed? They’ve received death threats! And as the Non-TARP Cocksuckers’ court motion reveals, the threats have come from… dumb slob commenters on the Washington Post website. MORE »

We’ll just throw all of these pictures in and not bother with the one-liners this time, because this is Art and must be respected. Here are some important themes, motifs and keywords though: Star Wars, furries, whores, the boardwalk, YouTube Thomas Paine impersonator as Big Brother, French aristocracy, CNN, Osama, Obama, media saturation, Adolf Hitler, attractive hobos, homosexuals, racism, black people, vulgarity, cancer, testicles, death, sadness, misery, failure, and gonorrhea. MORE »

Here’s your tech nerd President Barack Obama on the YouTube, most likely reading off a TelePrompTer so as not to send Wall Street the wrong signals. He tells the Internet that it can send him questions to which he will respond, in Internet video form, during a Thursday morning pornographic feed. MORE »

A smart person at the RedState blog has discovered an article on the secret website “CNET” about how Barack Obama plans to capture the Internet and run it, more or less. “Total control is their only goal,” warns the intrepid Kenny Solomon. “The uber-geek-lib-techies under the spell of President TelePrompTer will do anything asked of them, legal or not and probably are already anyway. This will just make it all nice and legal-like.” Obama knows nothing about the “law” anyway, unless it comes from his teleprompter, haw haw haw. (Fortunately Mr. Solomon also provides two bits of comic relief to soften this terrifying piece of news. “Snarky note number one” is the funniest fucking thing ever.) [RedState]

Goddammit are rich people still getting rich these days? Observe: Google’s top four executives received million-dollar-plus bonuses last year — a truly repulsive amount when everybody else in the country is starving. Wait, what’s that you say? They haven’t asked for a bailout yet? WELL BUT STILL. [AP]

It appears that Joe Biden’s comical inability to name his administration’s major new website is rooted in a far more fundamental technological illiteracy: he cannot tell the difference between the Internet and a telephone. [YouTube via Daily Intel]