Tag Archives: internet

  Meanest dad ever

Tyrant Dad Barack Obama Won’t Let His Girls Text At Dinner Table, IMPEACH!

No fair, why does HE get to use his phone and we can't? MOM!
BARACK OBAMA IS THE MEANEST DAD IN THE WORLD, YOU GUYS. Why? Uh, because his daughters are never going to be popular, like ever, because what if Chrissy texts one of them like “Hey Malia we’re nominating you for the popularity contest but you have to respond to this text within 10 minutes, otherwise we’re nominating you for the dork contest and you win LOL emoji emoji emoji,” but mean President Dad says no phones at the dinner table, GOD DAD, MY LIFE IS RUINED FOREVER: Read more on Tyrant Dad Barack Obama Won’t Let His Girls Text At Dinner Table, IMPEACH!…
  Error 404 Truthiness Not Found

FCC Approves Obama’s Secret Plan To Keep Internet Pretty Much The Same

I'm sorry, Dave, I see Google is your default search engine. Have you considered Bing? You really should consider Bing, Dave. Do you want me to switch you to Bing?
The Federal Communications Commission voted to uphold Net Neutrality today, guaranteeing either that Internet Service Providers can’t charge content providers different rates to transmit their data, or possibly that Freedom is Dead Forever, again. House Speaker John Boehner didn’t exaggerate the seriousness of the vote a single bit: Read more on FCC Approves Obama’s Secret Plan To Keep Internet Pretty Much The Same…
  Flow My Tears Said The Bitcoinman

Jerk Baby Billionaire Renounces U.S. Citizenship To Skip Taxes, Cries Tyranny When He Can’t Come Home

I really want to read that Heroic Dog Story
Let’s all have a good sympathy cry for Roger Ver, a squintillionaire investor scumbag who decided to put his Ayn Rand fantasies into action by renouncing his U.S. citizenship so he wouldn’t be oppressed by taxes. He took up residence in the tropical paradise (and tax haven) of St. Kitts, but when he tried to visit the U.S. of A for some tech-asshole conference, his visa application was rejected. Ver took to the Twitter machine to whine about tyrants and post Darth Vader pictures. Read more on Jerk Baby Billionaire Renounces U.S. Citizenship To Skip Taxes, Cries Tyranny When He Can’t Come Home…
  Your Morning Maddow

Morning Maddow: Paris Attackers Didn’t Just Come Out of Nowhere, Imagine That (Video)

Friday’s Rachel Maddow Show led off with the kind of reporting you don’t see enough of, but that you’d think 24-hour news would be ideally suited for: a fairly in-depth look at the modern history of terror by Islamic radicals in France (which is also wrapped up with that country’s former colony, Algeria), and how it connects to the attacks in Paris last week. As it turns out, two of the terrorists in that attack were involved in a failed 2010 prison break plot to free one of the perpetrators of a 1995 train station bombing in Paris. It’s fascinating stuff, and a reminder that terrorism and terrorists don’t just come out of nowhere. And no, Fox News, knowing the history and motivations is not “making excuses” for terrorism. Read more on Morning Maddow: Paris Attackers Didn’t Just Come Out of Nowhere, Imagine That (Video)…
  The First Amendment Will Be In its Bunk

British Nanny State In Spot Of Bother At Freak Mustachio-Ride Skinflick Demises

Didn't they send all the Puritans over here?
British porn fans are about to see some changes in the material available for their wanking pleasure — or at least in the domestically produced stuff. Last year, the Conservative government banned rape porn — not in-real-life rape, which is of course evil and already illegal, but the pretend fantasy kind, involving well-paid consenting actors, which some people are into, we have been told. Now, under the guise of making porn safer for those involved in the business, the government arbitrarily banned a whole slew of sex acts (and this is where we probably should remind you that this article will name some of them, but not include any illustrations, so depending on where you W, what follows may be NSF that place). Read more on British Nanny State In Spot Of Bother At Freak Mustachio-Ride Skinflick Demises…
  That's Not What We Meme At All

Texas Congresstwit: Study Of Internet Spam Is Secret Obama Plot To Silence Conservatives

Some people say...
It must be difficult to live in a world where dark conspiracies are always seeking to destroy America and crush freedom. And lord knows, Our Government has certainly done some seriously nasty stuff! The thing is — and we’re only telling you this because we think you can handle it — not everything the government does is aimed at stifling dissent! No, really! Read more on Texas Congresstwit: Study Of Internet Spam Is Secret Obama Plot To Silence Conservatives…
  Inventor Of The DERPAnet

Ted Cruz Invented The Internet

Poor little monopolists
Hey, you know how we predicted that the opposition to Barack Obama’s endorsement of Net Neutrality was going to be loud, annoying, and swift? Case in point, this tweet from Ted Cruz, which is typical of the Doublespeak we’re all going to be hearing a lot more of: Read more on Ted Cruz Invented The Internet…
  This Modem World

Barack Obama To Imprison All Cat Videos In FEMA Camps

Save the Toobz
Barack Obama announced his support for Net Neutrality today, and after slapping a ruler on the desk as soon as everyone’s eyes glazed over, he said he wants the Federal Communications Commission to reclassify internet services as a utility, which would allow the agency to keep internet providers from giving preferential treatment to data from companies willing to pay the highest possible fees. Pay attention! Yes, we know Net Neutrality is not sexxxy, but this is one of those things where you have to stay awake if you don’t want Time Warner or Comcast to win. Read more on Barack Obama To Imprison All Cat Videos In FEMA Camps…
  clipbait

John Oliver Presents The Only Interesting Story On Net Neutrality, Ever (Video)

John Oliver proudly brings you the first story on Net Neutrality that will actually keep the interest of people who aren’t already Net Neutrality activists, and for this, Last Week Tonight probably deserves an Emmy. It helps that Oliver starts off by acknowledging that Net Neutrality is not an exciting, sexy topic, admitting that it’s “even boring by C-SPAN standards” and that he’d “rather read a book by Thomas Friedman” than sit through a hearing on the topic. Or even sit down with his niece and watch Caillou, “a children’s show about a bald Canadian child who lives a life devoid of any interest.” (For our part, we really hope that TV hosts yelling “Fuck you, Caillou!” becomes a trend.) And so yes: Net Neutrality — boring but important. And Oliver even manages to keep the funny going. It helps that his staff found footage of a telecom executive rejecting the idea that ending net neutrality would result in a “fast lane and slow lane” for web traffic, instead claiming there’d be “a fast lane for everybody, and a hyperspeed lane for others” — even on a tech topic, bullshit is bullshit. And it’s kind of cool to see a guy on cable ripping cable companies. Read more on John Oliver Presents The Only Interesting Story On Net Neutrality, Ever (Video)…
  the internet was nice while it lasted

Obama Will Murder All Your Porn And Cat Videos, Too Bad, Suck It

OMG! Did you guys hear that the Internet is being given away? Quick! Download all the dirtiest porn you can, because THE INTERNET IS ABOUT TO GO AWAY FOREVER! YES, GODDAMIT, THIS DOES TOO DESERVE ALL CAPS BECAUSE THE INTERNET WORLD IS COMING TO AN END. At least, that’s what we are hearing. Are you freaking out yet? FREAK OUT, DAMMIT. Wait, we are hearing that there is a small chance of an over-reaction by everyone. Perhaps you should rein it in, Dear Reader, and calm the fuck down. No need to freak out all the time just because some crazy website told you to. Here’s the deal, straight from the Commerce Department, via Media Matters: To support and enhance the multistakeholder model of Internet policymaking and governance, the U.S. Commerce Department’s National Telecommunications and Information Administration (NTIA) today announces its intent to transition key Internet domain name functions to the global multistakeholder community. In non-government speak, the Washington Post helpfully explains, “U.S. officials announced plans Friday to relinquish federal government control over the administration of the Internet.” Apparently, in a transition that has been in the works since 1998, there will soon be a global governing body to help keep the Internet running smoothly and full of all the Interracial Siberian Threesomes your eyeballs can handle. Let’s wonksplore.  Read more on Obama Will Murder All Your Porn And Cat Videos, Too Bad, Suck It…
  someone in congress is wrong on the internet

Texas Rep. Steve Stockman: Why Can’t Obamacare Website Feed Pizza To Ghosts Like Super Mario Bros Or Whatever?

Texas Congressarmadillo Steve Stockman, veteran of such memorable stunts as inviting Ted Nugent to join him for the State of the Union Address and tongue-kissing the Obama Rodeo Clown guy (which we’d somehow forgotten…How did our republic ever weather that crisis?), had this tech-savvy insight today, which an aide probably explained to him as he tapped it out with two fingers. Because after all, rolling out a website that’s supposed to handle the insurance marketplaces for consumers in 36 states isn’t that much different from coding an in-browser version of an 8-bit videogame from 28 years ago, is it? (Not to take anything away from Josh Goldberg, the Rensselaer student who pulled off the game. It’s pretty swell, but it’s not a multi-state insurance marketplace, not even if you et all the coins.) Read more on Texas Rep. Steve Stockman: Why Can’t Obamacare Website Feed Pizza To Ghosts Like Super Mario Bros Or Whatever?…
  GOP outreach fail part 78

Wingnut Texas Congressional Candidate Tries This ‘Reddit’ Thing, Gets Laughed Off Internet

A moment of silent regard, please, for Matt McCall, a “conservative entrepreneur” running against Lamar Smith in Texas District 12. In addition to being a wingnut climate change denier, Smith sponsored the “Stop Online Piracy Act” (SOPA), which was widely despised by your computer geeky types, who partly shut down their interweb sites a while back. Matt McCall is running to the right of Smith — he wants to eliminate the EPA and the IRS, repeal the 17th amendment, all sorts of fun stuff. But there’s one issue he’s pretty sure tech geeks will agree with, and that’s his opposition to SOPA. So he went on the website Reddit yesterday to do one of those “Ask Me Anything” (or “AMA”) interactive things that the kids are so into, with the inviting title, “I am (SOPA-Opponent) Matt McCall, I am Running against Lamar Smith in the Republican Primary in TX-21. AMA!” It did not go well. At all. Turns out that while geeks don’t care for SOPA, they wanted to ask McCall about other stuff, too — the “anything” in that heading — like his opposition to same-sex marriage. They also aren’t big fans of one-line talking points. The questions quickly got pointed, McCall stopped answering, and eventually, he just plain deleted his Reddit account. On the upside, a LOT of people now know who Matt McCall is. He’s the previously obscure congressional candidate who got pwned by Reddit. Read more on Wingnut Texas Congressional Candidate Tries This ‘Reddit’ Thing, Gets Laughed Off Internet…
  Spam By Your Man

Wife of Alabama State Senator Goes On The Face Books To Stop These Lonely Russian Women Emailing Her Husband (Updated)

(See update at end of post) You will be delighted to know that, today at least, the title “Alabama State Senator” is not going to be associated with yet another nomination for Wonkette’s coveted Legislative Shitmuffin of the Year Award. Rather, it is going to be followed by a name, which is “Shadrack McGill,” and then the story of how Shadrack McGill’s wife Heather had a Facebook freakout over all the women she thinks are emailing her husband and trying to destroy her family with their offers of sex and/or surreptitious installation of computer malware. Coming soon from Sony Pictures Classics: The Paranoid Wife of Shadrack McGill. Read more on Wife of Alabama State Senator Goes On The Face Books To Stop These Lonely Russian Women Emailing Her Husband (Updated)…
  the internet is a series of boobs

There Are People In This World Who Simply Do Not Care For Michelle Obama

Internet commenters: they are the suck! (Present company … excepted? Hmmm.) You cannot read any story about any person whose name ends with ‘z’ (‘SPANICS) without getting an eyeful of the most insanely racist shit, the kind that makes your stomach sink into your liver, as if your liver was not having enough problems without a stomach on it! But there is a special alternate universe of Internet comment when it comes to our adored First Lady, Her Hotness Michelle, who is probably the only person loved more in these parts than Old Handsome Joe Biden, God Love Him, and Michelle’s Husband, whatshisname, “The One.” Read more on There Are People In This World Who Simply Do Not Care For Michelle Obama…