Tag Archives: infighting

  pour one on the ground for our brother who is gone

Bring Your Trumpets, We Are Having A New Orleans Style Funeral For ‘Comedian’ Steven Crowder’s Fox News ‘Career’

We bring you grievous news, brothers and sisters, via the goodly offices of Breitbart.com. They inform us that Steven Crowder, Fox News “comedian,” has been unceremoniously canned by America’s greatest news network, though they do not so much tell us “why,” as report a bit on the fallout: apparently, Crowder has been talking smack about human-shaped tire fire Sean Hannity, and unnamed Fox execs have been firing back! Fox hired Crowder four years ago and gave him a lot of visibility. But the problem was that he was never that funny, and, in addition, he crossed the line more than a few times. So we let him go. It happens. This is a business. But now, sadly, on his way out the door, Crowder is proving his true colors, by being disloyal to the folks who took a chance on him and had him on the payroll for so long. The attack on Hannity only further underscores the wisdom of our decision to part company with him. That is all well and good and stupid and juicy, but what of our hunky hero, the dearly departed? Let us not weep, brothers and sisters, for the death of Steven Crowder’s Fox News career. Instead, let us remember with joy the life his career lived, and the laughter it brought us lo these many years! Read more on Bring Your Trumpets, We Are Having A New Orleans Style Funeral For ‘Comedian’ Steven Crowder’s Fox News ‘Career’…
  and if weapons were chocolate armed forces would hide

Nice Time: Joe Biden Does Thing

Hey friends! Have you been fighting with your fellow commenters, and all your Twitter friends, and every other liberal in the universe over whether ERIC HOLDER NEEDS TO FUCKING GO, or whether if you say the president did a bad thing then you are dumb worse than Mitch McConnell, or whether ERIC HOLDER HAS BEEN A MESS ON TRANSPARENCY FROM THE BEGINNING, or whether saying Eric Holder did a bad thing makes you a naive idiot who is worse than Glenn Greenwald, or whether SERIOUSLY ERIC HOLDER, or whether if Obama does it that makes it perfect and who gets mad over a little bitty subpoena and why do you love people leaking classified information are you for terrorism?, or whether “oh now just because it is happening to journalists now the journalists decide to cover it,” or whether YES THAT’S RIGHT SO? This is called “infighting,” and it is what Democrats used to do, and we all thought we would get to see the Republicans do it this time because it is hilarious how bad Eric Cantor wants to murder John Boehner, but instead John Boehner just went “oh I am no longer a big business country club Republican I will sell out the debt ceiling for two martoonis IMA TEABAGGER NOW SUCKA,” and it is the Democrats who are fighting and we are back to normal. So let’s take a moment to remember what we all agree on: A) WE STILL LOVE OBAMA AND WE CAN SAY HE DID A BAD THING AND STILL LOVE HIM JESUS CHRIST. And B) Let’s all have a warm cup of Joe. He did a thing! Read more on Nice Time: Joe Biden Does Thing…
  fight for the right to your party

Chris Wallace Rumbles With Peggy Noonan For Control Of The Gang

She’d killed him. She’d killed Mitt. She’d stuck her blade between his ribs, counting down from the top to mark where his heart was. (In this story, Mitt Romney had a heart.) And now everyone was going fucking nuts. Twitchy was mouthing off to Big Bill. Chris Wallace was struggling to find the gonads to challenge Pegs for control of the gang. (Nobody cared what Brooksy said, he was a no-account loser who wasn’t really even in the gang. Sometimes they used him to messenger stuff, when there weren’t any grade school kids handy.) “She ain’t no big thing. She ain’t so tough.” Chris Wallace was screwing up his courage. The gang needed a new fucking leader, one who wasn’t constantly murdering them, like she’d done with Bushy, and Mac, and whoever it was who came before that. It seemed like she murdered everyone in some weird communion with Ronnie. Always Fucking Ronnie. It never stopped. Read more on Chris Wallace Rumbles With Peggy Noonan For Control Of The Gang…
  the mexican karl marx

Rick Perry Proposed ‘Bi-National’ U.S.-Mexico Obamacare Before 9/11

Rick Perry had a grand idea, just days before Muslim Terrorists attacked the United States on 9/11/01: Mexico could join together with the United States to provide free socialized health care for everyone, Mexican and Texan alike! This is how Rick Perry spent the days before 9/11, trying to give our capitalist freedom to a bunch of Mexicans all wrapped up in a nice RED box called “Obamacare.” And you thought Perry supposedly quit being a Democrat after working for Al Gore’s Democratic campaign for the presidency in 1988, or maybe that he quit supporting Hillarycare/Obamacare after he wrote a 1993 mash note to First Lady Hillary Clinton, begging her to please bring Washington’s socialized medicine to the millions of poor, uninsured Texan individualists who just want another handout from Nurse Perry. No. Not even on the Eve of 9/11 could Rick Perry stop trying to give our corporate freedoms to socialists and Mexicans. Read more on Rick Perry Proposed ‘Bi-National’ U.S.-Mexico Obamacare Before 9/11…
  growing up

House Democrats Vote Against Republican-Obama Tax Plan

The House Democratic Caucus voted, in a “virtually unanimous” fashion, against President Obama’s compromise tax deal in a closed-door meeting today, despite the plan being made by and for Republicans. Seriously, what is with House Democrats these days? Did they become the smoke monster? And what if the White House continues to pretend their compromise is perfect, the entire cast of Full House endorses it, and it should never be changed? The Senate seems like they may accept it. But Rep. Peter DeFazio, who sponsored this resolution, says otherwise: “Well, they’re not going to get a bill if they don’t.” Read more on House Democrats Vote Against Republican-Obama Tax Plan…
  needs more ham biscuits

Everyone In GOP Mad At Jim DeMint For Losing Senate

The Republican Party has taken a step back from their sweeping victory in America’s ultimate, #1, super repudiation of big government to wonder why, in fact, they didn’t take control of BOTH halves of our two-headed legislative branch; the answer to this conundrum can only be that Jim DeMint is a stupid face. Jim DeMint, you see, gave out all his money (you cannot beat a Daoist by spending money) to Teabagger candidates who went on to win primaries, and then a whole bunch of these people lost in the general election despite being loveably insane. If the party hadn’t nominated complete crazies in Nevada, Delaware, and Colorado, the thinking goes, they could at least have split the Senate. Of course, the natural response to this argument is that Republican candidates were not crazy enough. Read more on Everyone In GOP Mad At Jim DeMint For Losing Senate…
  failed coups

Colo. GOP Leaders Totally Love Bicycle-Man Dan Maes, Are Begging Him To Quit

Colorado Tea Party maniac Dan Maes managed just barely to win last week’s GOP gubernatorial primary, because his opponent was a plagiarist and because only he dared to tell the truth about the Communist bike-sharing evil that threatens to destroy America forever. With that tough race over, will the Colorado Republican party, led by the by the noble and forthright Dick Wadhams, rally behind their candidate? Sure! Attempting to convince him to quit so they can replace him with someone who will lose not quite as badly counts as “rallying,” right? Read more on Colo. GOP Leaders Totally Love Bicycle-Man Dan Maes, Are Begging Him To Quit…
  the epic struggle of our time

Your Lengthy Guide To The Insane McCain-Palin Cold War

It is 1945 all over again. A major historical War for the White House has ended forever, and the liberals won. The liberals do not usually win these things because they are scared of fighting, so who knows how this happened. Whatever. They can “govern” till the cows come home. The real story now is the new post-election Cold War that’s rapidly developing between McCain aides, Palin aides, conservative bloggers, conservative teevee hosts, conservative columnists… basically any GOP operative with a half-decent Rolodex and a certain moral flexibility. They are all shitting on each other. This is the greatest Cold War we’ve ever had the pleasure of covering. Let’s try to make some sense of it. Read more on Your Lengthy Guide To The Insane McCain-Palin Cold War…
  sexist clothing shenanigans

Nicolle Wallace Will Not Be Thrown Under The Bus

The Republican equivalent of being sent to the gulag is babysitting Sarah Palin, and this thankless task has fallen to former Bush staffer and current McCain employee Nicolle Wallace. What unspeakable sin did Wallace commit in order to be saddled with this terrible burden? Only History will tell. But for now she insists it is awesome to hang out with Sarah Palin all the time, and also she did not buy her all those clothes like Fred Barnes said she did. Read more on Nicolle Wallace Will Not Be Thrown Under The Bus…
 

Mark Penn: I Had Nothing To Do With This Dumb Clinton Campaign

Last week, Clinton senior adviser Harold Ickes ripped chief strategist Mark “Bowser” Penn’s stranglehold over the campaign. By most professional standards, it was very inappropriate. But now the bile and sludge that composes 95% of Penn’s body is boiling to the surface in response. He says he wasn’t in charge of everything, not at all! He was just some outside dude who’d phone in witty maxims and inspirational haiku when Clinton asked. Read more on Mark Penn: I Had Nothing To Do With This Dumb Clinton Campaign…
 

This Week’s Santorumiana

We’ve judged that you’re now just about sick of hearing about the Connecticut Senate race, so let’s move on to Pennsylvania Senate race. The highlights: Democrats say that the petition signatures the Green Party submitted to get its Senate candidate on the ballot include such ineligible voters as Mickey Mouse, Mona Lisa, Woody Allen, Robert Redford, George Bush, Gerald Ford and Lee H. Oswald. The firm that collected the signatures, JSM, Inc., was hired with money from GOP donors. Read more on This Week’s Santorumiana…