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Tag: indictments

Art swiped shamelessly from the incomparable Bill Griffith. OK, with some shame.

Head Foot-The-Ball Guy Resigns In Huge FIFA Scandal We All Care About Very Much

Wow, have you been following the incredibly fascinating FIFA scandal as closely as we have? As sports-related fuck-tussles go, it's like the Chicago Black Sox times DeflateGate plus BENGHAZI! It's all about corruption and bribery in the governing body...

US Department Of Justice Indicts Those Riddler And Penguin Dicks, Thanks Batkid!

The United States Department of Justice has some shit to say about the Riddler and the Penguin and how they are NOT AWESOME, and also how they are indicted, thanks Batkid! (Anyone who wants to bitch about how Eric...

John Edwards About To Be Indicted, If Obama’s DOJ Will Pull Trigger

Famous 2008 presidential sex-haver John Edwards is probably going to be indicted very soon for violating campaign laws in how he covered it all up, NBC News is reporting. "Son of a mill worker!" Edwards cursed to himself upon...

Baseballman Actually Indicted For Lying In Dumb Congressional Hearing

In 2008, the Committee on Oversight and Government Reform decided it would grandstand on the use of steroids in baseball, because what else were they going to do? Their jobs? (NO.) So this was a little circus for a...

Hilarious Monica Conyers Could Be Indicted Today, DEMANDS People Pray For Her

Unbelievably batshit Detroit City Council member Monica Conyers, comparatively young wife of old Congressman John Conyers, may finally go to jail for being an insane, violent criminal. She "has received a pre-indictment letter from federal authorities who have given...

THE CHICAGO INDICTMENT IS JUST SOME BORING ALDERMAN: Patrick Fitzgerald you are a loser. Your Wonkette editors had prepared for the worst regarding this impending indictment of an elected official in Chicago, "joking" that it was "probably just some...

FITZGERALD GOING NUTS AGAIN: Breaking news from Chicago! According to the Chicago Breaking News Center, "The U.S. Attorney's Office in Chicago said it will hold a press conference at 2 p.m. today to announce public corruption charges. Sources...

OH AND HERE'S SOME ACTUAL NEWS: "Blagojevich, 52, was indicted on 16 felony counts, including racketeering conspiracy, wire fraud, extortion conspiracy, attempted extortion and making false statements to federal agents. He allegedly abused his office in numerous matters to...

Dick Cheney And Alberto Gonzales Indicted For ‘Prison Profiteering’

Well, it would be nice if these guys ever went to jail for anything, but it seems unlikely that they will go to jail for this. A grand jury in South Texas handed down indictments against various current and...

More On Ted Stevens Being Screwed For Life

Today, a federal grand jury indicted Alaskan Sen. Ted Stevens on seven counts of "filing false financial disclosures." Stevens is the biggest catch in a four-year-old corruption investigation involving pretty much all Alaskan politicians, one that's complicated not because...

SENATOR TED STEVENS INDICTED: The elusive Alaskan snow leopard who brought you "a series of tubes" has been indicted by a federal grand jury in relation to a year-long corruption investigation.

Mexicans Are Murder