Wonkette

Today, a federal grand jury indicted Alaskan Sen. Ted Stevens on seven counts of “filing false financial disclosures.” Stevens is the biggest catch in a four-year-old corruption investigation involving pretty much all Alaskan politicians, one that’s complicated not because of the crimes committed — lots of bribery, basically — but because there was so freaking much crime to investigate. His indictment comes almost exactly a year after federal agents raided his home, and now he will go to jail and lose his Senate seat and remind everyone how evil the powerful Republicans are. MORE »

• SENATOR TED STEVENS INDICTED: The elusive Alaskan snow leopard who brought you “a series of tubes” has been indicted by a federal grand jury in relation to a year-long corruption investigation. [McClatchy]

You know that congressman from Arizona who brought shame on his family of 12 children when he got indicted today in some very complicated scheme that had, unfortunately, nothing to do with attractive lobbyists or underaged congressional pages? Well, there are two things that make his long-anticipated “fall from grace” hilarious even if this scandal is not terribly sexy, gross, or weird. MORE »

Rudy Giuliani’s best friend, future Secretary of Defense Bernard Kerik, has led a colorful life of being a convicted criminal, New York mobster and sex creep. Bernie also almost got the best mafia job of all, thanks to Rudy: handing out gazillions of federal dollars to “the family” as Bush’s director of the cash-cow Homeland Security Department. And now, once again, Kerik’s going to be indicted — this time by the Feds. MORE »

* Things Mitt Romney also may not think are murder: peanut butter and jelly, basketball, fishing. [ElectionCentral]
* The Iraqi police force is rife with “violent extremists,” making them at least as effective as the LAPD. [The Blotter]
* It’s not the lying or incompetence or the inability to complete a sentence — it’s the goddamned Mexicans the GOP can’t stand. [MoJo]
* Tony Blair is going to spend his retirement beating his wife, an expression of masculinity and control that she herself desires. She’s French. [Passport]
* Indictment isn’t that big a deal. Just look what it did for Tom DeLay. [HuffPo]

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* The sandstone walls at 1600 Pennsylvania are bursting with beauty. We decided to play the wicked stepmother and ask, “Who’s the fairest of them all?” There are fine choices, whether you prefer men or women. In the off chance that you prefer to pass judgment using more than a thumbnail photo, we’ve even provided testimonials: boys here and girls here. Polls close Monday morning at 10, and for God’s sake no cheating please. MORE »

It’s the days when this job’s the easiest that it’s also the saddest. Seriously, a site named “eat crow dot org” and dedicated to clinging desperately to an unlucky guess in the face of all observable evidence could be beaten only by some hypothetical site of rabidly conservative amateurish web video called “Hot Air,” or something. But that would never exist. Right? MORE »

Dammit! Our use of that picture isn’t ironic anymore! MORE »

Dearest Readers: MORE »

So let’s recap: MORE »

* Deep in the bowels of his fortified bunker, devilishly wringing his hands, Hu Jintao channels his best evil scientist: “Yes, yes, my plan is working perfectly.” [Peking Duck] MORE »

C’mon, Pat — just shit or get off the pot: MORE »