Hilarious Monica Conyers Could Be Indicted Today, DEMANDS People Pray For Her
Tuesday, June 16th, 2009
Unbelievably batshit Detroit City Council member Monica Conyers, comparatively young wife of old Congressman John Conyers, may finally go to jail for being an insane, violent criminal. She “has received a pre-indictment letter from federal authorities who have given her until the end of today to reach a plea deal or they will proceed with possible criminal charges against her.” Conyers is famous for threatening people with guns, getting into a shouting match with the Council president — while in session — during which she called him “Shrek,” getting into another shouting match with another Council member during which she “made fun of his hearing, his lack of college degree and started rumors that he has cancer,” and most importantly, in one of the best YouTubes your editor can recall, losing a debate to an 8th grader and getting pissy about it. Will you pray for her today? MORE »
THE CHICAGO INDICTMENT IS JUST SOME BORING ALDERMAN: Patrick Fitzgerald you are a loser. Your Wonkette editors had prepared for the worst regarding this 
Well, it would be nice if these guys ever went to jail for anything, but it seems unlikely that they will go to jail for this. A grand jury in South Texas handed down indictments against various current and former public officials connected with wrongdoing in private prisons — including, most notably, Dick Cheney and Alberto Gonzales. The prison company, The GEO Group, was charged with three counts of murder and manslaughter. This is an ugly, complicated story, so let’s cut to the chase: how many South Texas prisoners has Dick Cheney had shipped up to his basement dungeon in the Naval Observatory for experiments? 
Today, a federal grand jury 
You know that congressman from Arizona who brought shame on his family of 12 children when he got indicted today in some very complicated scheme that had, unfortunately, nothing to do with attractive lobbyists or underaged congressional pages? Well, there are two things that make his long-anticipated “fall from grace” hilarious even if this scandal is not terribly sexy, gross, or weird. 
Rudy Giuliani’s best friend, future Secretary of Defense Bernard Kerik, has led a colorful life of being a convicted criminal, New York mobster and sex creep. Bernie also almost got the best mafia job of all, thanks to Rudy: handing out gazillions of federal dollars to “the family” as Bush’s director of the cash-cow Homeland Security Department. And now, once again, Kerik’s going to be indicted — this time by the Feds. 
