It was not easy getting to this Inaugural Parade late in the day, yesterday, what with the monstrous piles of trash and dead bodies and fences seemingly blocking all pedestrian paths. But we did it for you, the dear reader, and stayed for like a whole five minutes before getting cold and running away forever. Click the clicky for pictures of warfare, orcs, Indians, and more black presidents. MORE »

This is the Bondage Room in one of John McCain’s nine homes (seriously, NINE), this one in Phoenix. Lucky Architectural Digest did a whole tour of the house and you can view their slide show here. Now it’s quite possible that John McCain has never been inside his Phoenix home, and who can blame him? That’s some scary, macabre shit! JUST LOOK at that thing to the right of the big cigar store Indian’s head. What the fuck! It’s like the deformed offspring of Beetlejuice and dead Heath Ledger’s Joker, wearing a brown lunchbag diaper and carrying a gay umbrella. What the fuck!!! [Architectural Digest]

SINGLE TEAR SHED ON ROADSIDE: “Colorado Tribes Perform Native American Blessing To Mark One Month Until The 2008 Democratic National Convention.” [DNCC]

Yesterday, Barack Obama visited Montana’s Crow Nation of Native Americans, or as the Republicans call them, “Mexicans.” He spoke to about 4,000 folks, and this happened: “When he took the stage, Obama announced he was proud to have been adopted — in Crow tradition — by the Black Eagle family. And he was also given a Crow name, which translates as ‘That Person Who Goes Throughout Our Land And Tries To Help People…’” Sounds like the name-inventor is some kinda liberal. It was all Hopeful and shit for a while… until they cursed Obama, with their spells. MORE »

The Bill Richardson campaign announced today that it has secured the endorsement of the All Indian Pueblo Council, who made their tough decision around a campfire one night with Survivor’s Jeff Probst overseeing. The Council can’t endorse any of the WASPy candidates, obviously — they’re still grumpy over that whole colonization thing, what with the biological decimation and all. And while they appreciate Obama’s fetching swarthiness, they like Richardson most for his Mexican heritage; they want a president with whom they can converse about the Spanish “Black Legend.” (Oh, also because Richardson promises to make an Indian Affairs cabinet position.) They make a fitting pair: both Bill Richardson and Native Americans have done a lot of service for the white man, only to see the white man not give a shit.

[Richardson for President]

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As we continue honoring the birth of Richard Milhouse Nixon, let’s take a look at his liberal credentials.

If you only know “Tricky Dick” for his dictatorial presidency that very nearly ended two centuries of American democracy and first elevated amoral criminals such as Dick Cheney and Donald Rumsfeld to the White House, then you’ll surely be surprised by all the stuff we’ve hidden after the jump.

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The National Journal’s Hotline has posted a video of Joe Biden at his Bidenest, spreading good cheer to all the delightfully-spotted foreheads in his neighborhood:

In thanking a young Indian-American man for the support of his Indian-American group, Sen. Biden touts how Indians are the fastest growing immigrant group in Delaware and says, “You CANNOT go into a 7-11 or a Dunkin Donuts without an Indian accent.”

And it’s not on the video, but we imagine that Joe went on to claim, “I also love that one god of yours, the one with all the arms… the elephant one? What’s his name? Baba Ganoush?” And his sure-to-be successful campaign for the presidency marches onward to the strains of a thousand sitars all playing in unison. MORE »

Softball Season means the putting aside of political difference to come together in a celebration of drinking and pretending you’re still in college. It doesn’t necessarily mean the putting aside of other predjudices, as this email from an LA to Senator Larry Craig shows.

Since the team moniker was “The Tribe,” I just assumed that [AIPAC] meant “American Indian Political Action Committee.” But when The Tribe took the field, there were no war cries, no war paint, and they were wearing baseball jerseys instead of bird bone body armor and buffalo-skinned loincloths. Instead, there were semi-nerdy folks of all shapes, sizes, with little battle preparation. I soon learned that “AIPAC” really stood for “American-Israeli Public Affairs Committee.”

Haha, good one! Hope you got out of there with your scalps still attached! Hey guys, who brought the twelve-pack of firewater?

Oh, wait, they were Jews? There wasn’t any money on the game, right? ‘Cause good luck collecting from them!

Full email, after the jump.

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