indians
A Special Wonkette Tribute To Fallen Senator Staple-Crotch, Massachusetts’s Own Scott Brown
It seems like just two months ago that we were in Tampa, Florida, hanging out with a bunch of Boston journos who explained, totally matter-of-factly, that it was a foregone conclusion that Senator Scott Brown (R-Playgirl) would handily beat sexy schoolmarm Elizabeth Warren in their #war for the senate. Why did they think that? “Because [...]
Scott Brown: Did I Mention Elizabeth Warren Said She Is Indian?
Massachusetts Senator Scott Brown has a second ad out accusing Elizabeth Warren of being totally Indian or something — we can’t remember quite what the accusation is since we’re still a little gobsmacked that in The Year of Our Lord Two Thousand and Twelve, someone in the US of A is specifically running a campaign [...]
Cherokee Nation Chief Would Like Brown’s Staff To Can It With The War Whoops
Hey, everybody, settle in and let’s hear a story about the great American state of Oklahoma. See, once upon a time there were Native Americans living in the Southeastern United States, and they said, “Hey, these white people moving in have some good ideas about society, maybe let’s live more like them!” And the white [...]
Scott Brown Sorry Elizabeth Warren Forced His Staffers To Do Indian War Whoops By Being Indian
Hey, remember when Scott Brown was all about being a “nice,” “bipartisan” guy, one whom Massholes could send to the US Senate — even though he was a Republican — because when confronted with, say, a starving homeless child, he didn’t automatically light that starving homeless child on fire? Yeah, that’s not really how he’s [...]
RNC Official Furious At New Mexico Gov Disrespecting General Custer, By Meeting Indians
Today is Wonkette Manifest Destiny history day! Well, there was this General Custer once who got himself and all his men killed after killing a ton of Indians himself. New Mexico GOP lobbyist and prominent local RNC official Pat Rogers remembers this well. It sears his every moment of consciousness. And he is absolutely furious [...]
Tokyo Residents Hoard Bottled Water, Instant Noodles?
Growing hysteria about radiation-rich tap water deemed “unfit for babies” (someone’s picky!) has led to a bottled water shortage in Tokyo. And while supermarkets have plenty of vegetables and fine meats, there’s hardly any instant noodles to purchase — not even for ready money. (Similar to a glass of water, a Styrofoam cup of chicken-flavored [...]
10 Fun (Untrue?) Things You Didn’t Know About George Washington
Will this be the last President’s Day/George Washington/Sorta Lincoln holiday in America? Depends how the violent insurrections and crushing poverty and societal collapse go, over these next 12 months! So let’s remember our nation’s “First Dude” by compiling a listicle of 10 Sexy Tips To Drive George Washington Wild In Bed (“3: Somehow make him [...]
AFA’s Bryan Fischer: ‘Pocahontas Shows What Could Have Been’
Woah woah woah, you guys thought Bryan Fischer hates Native Americans? Why would you ever think that? Would it be from all the columns he’s written about how they’re disgusting drunken savages with no morals who don’t deserve to live in this country? You’re an idiot. You know why? Bryan Fischer likes one (1) whole [...]
Bryan Fischer Finally Says Something Terrible Enough To Have Op-Ed Pulled
American Family Association resident expert/terrible human Bryan Fischer decided last week that it was okay for white people to take America from the Indians because Native Americans are savages. He’s a mercantile-charter strict constructionist, in other words. But apparently the Injuns found his ranch house and put their tomahawks to his scalp, because the preacher [...]
AFA’s Bryan Fischer: Native Americans Have Never Had Morals
The American Family Association’s Chief Being Racist Correspondent Bryan Fischer has already warned us about Barack Obama giving America’s lands back to the Injuns. But did you know it never really belonged to them in the first place, because they didn’t have Christian “morals”? “Time eventually ran out for the Canaanites, because they filled up [...]
AFA’s Bryan Fischer: ‘Obama Wants To Give America Back To the Indians’
The American Family Association’s Bryan Fischer writes about important religious issues, so of course his attention today has turned to the heathen American Indians who were righteously defeated by the kind, ethical, Christian cowboys. American presidents have traditionally been pro-cowboy regarding this epic struggle. But then Barack Obama got elected. “President Obama wants to give [...]
David Paterson Tries To Smite Native Americans With Mean Cigarette Tax
Why did David Paterson try to force Native American peoples to pay lots of extra taxes just for selling delicious cigarettes to the white man? Sounds sort of racist and illegal! federal judge temporarily blocked Governor Paterson’s plans to drum up an additional $200 million in state revenue by forcing Native American tribes to pay [...]
L@@K! Palin-Signed Racial Caricature Can Be Yours For Only $5K
Obviously, the most erotic thing anyone could possibly imagine would be actually touching the flesh of Sarah Palin, America’s sex goddess. But only Todd gets to do this, because Jesus united them in marriage and now no man or woman may come between their nude, aroused flesh. The closest a non-Todd person could get to [...]
Nobody’s Bombing Anybody, At Least For Now
The U.S. has convinced its hotheaded friend Israel that it would take Iran a whole year to make a final push for a nuclear weapon, and that everyone would know about it a few weeks into that process; Obama’s top advisor on nuke stuff says “A year is a very long period of time.” Really, [...]
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