Negative Extra Credit For Jeffrey Toobin
Monday, October 6th, 2008
- Hey you teenagers with your HOPE Word Art “screen savers,” today’s the last day to register to vote in all the states in which such a thing would matter. [Matthew Yglesias]
- Jeffrey Toobin is the only person left in America with a job, and yet he would rather watch a baseball game on his laptop than pretend to think seriously about anything Sarah Palin read off an index card at the debate. [Gizmodo]
- McCain might raise a White Flag Of Defeat in Pennsylvania, which is racist. [Top of the Ticket]
- The GOP is trying to make it as difficult as possible for the three black people in Indiana — one of whom is Obama, campaigning — to vote. [TPMMuckraker]
- McCain’s Action! Comeback Plan includes highlighting Obama’s filthy terrorism fetish, something about gang-bangs/crack, and pointing out how Obama raised taxes 94 times, one time for each of his clandestine illegitimate black children with Bill Ayers. [Marc Ambinder]
- Hey you teenagers with your HOPE Word Art “screen savers,” today’s the last day to register to vote in all the states in which such a thing would matter. [Matthew Yglesias]
- Jeffrey Toobin is the only person left in America with a job, and yet he would rather watch a baseball game on his laptop than pretend to think seriously about anything Sarah Palin read off an index card at the debate. [Gizmodo]
- McCain might raise a White Flag Of Defeat in Pennsylvania, which is racist. [Top of the Ticket]
- The GOP is trying to make it as difficult as possible for the three black people in Indiana — one of whom is Obama, campaigning — to vote. [TPMMuckraker]
- McCain’s Action! Comeback Plan includes highlighting Obama’s filthy terrorism fetish, something about gang-bangs/crack, and pointing out how Obama raised taxes 94 times, one time for each of his clandestine illegitimate black children with Bill Ayers. [Marc Ambinder]
NEW STATE POLLS!: From Time/CNN, conducted Sept. 14-16, in Battleground States. Florida: Obama 48, McCain 48; Indiana: McCain 51, Obama 45; North Carolina: McCain 48, Obama 47; Ohio: Obama 49, McCain 47; Wisconsin: Obama 50, McCain 47. Residents of these states should expect to see an steady influx of lawyers over the next six weeks. Lawyers! And awful lawyers at that, shipped wholesale from outer space in toxic cartons of live rats. [
Someone supposedly got a “screen shot” of some CNN article that was “taken down” before anyone could read it. The article relates in terrible, misspelled prose the curious tale of how an aide accidentally pressed the send button rather than the save button on an email announcing Barack Obama’s vice presidential pick. And then that aide put the turkey to bed and put the baby in the oven, and when she woke up a bloody hook was hanging right outside the window. The aide was then murdered for spamming 2 million Obama supporters with her crap. [
This is totally not change we can believe in! Some poor reporter in Indiana followed Barack Obama around all day on a bus and the Obama campaign billed his employer OVER FOUR HUNDRED DOLLARS for that wonderful privilege. Some of the bill applied to transportation and supplies but over $100 was for food — which the reporter ate very little of, because who can work up an appetite for anything except man candy when Our Barry is around? 
Hey gents! Have you ever been hanging out with a dude friend and gone to sleep and then woken up with your sex organ in your dude friend’s mouth? Pretty freaky, right? Well, that is exactly what happened to this one guy who was hanging out with Glenn Murphy Jr., the former head of Indiana’s Clark County Republican Party and chairman of the Young Republican National Federation. So Glenn Murphy Jr.’s victim sued him, and now he has to go to prison for two years and then register as a sex offender forever. 
Cable news anchors, you are all fired, except for Chuck Todd. You freak out for weeks about all the crazy doomsday scenarios in which Hillary Clinton might be able to WREST the nomination from Captain Hope, and finally at 2 a.m. you’re like, “Oh, but the math.” This is a photograph of Hillary Clinton also thinking about math. [
YIKES OBAMA JUST GOT 28,000 INDIANA VOTES. The mysterious “Lake County” just released 20% of its votes … and now the state total is Obama 49% v. Hillary 51%. We will keep updating this. Okay, the gap is now NINETEEN THOUSAND VOTES. All the remaining votes — most of them, at least, according to our Numbers King John CNN King — are in Gary. 
Hey Clinton people, thanks for beginning a serious spamming of our comments (and every other political blog) the second Obama’s huge N.C. win was announced. So, you’re saying now North Carolina and Indiana won’t really count because now Michigan and Florida have to count, but all for Hillary? And that is obviously Obama’s fault, right? Let’s liveblog Hillary’s speech, which is going to not be a thing we are really looking forward to liveblogging, but thank god for wine. 
Indiana is too close to call, and will be too close to call forever, so hoist another drink and let’s figure out what Hillary Clinton will talk about in her loser/possible winner speech, whenever she gets around to giving it. 
Can you imagine waking up in Indiana this morning, eating breakfast, maybe walkin’ the ol’ dog, not showering, getting in your car, driving to the local elementary school to vote in the Republican primary — the party that chose its nominee months ago! — signing in, showing your ID, getting into the booth and pulling the lever for Mitt “Willard” Romney? Can you imagine doing that? Can you imagine being that person, and having to live that person’s life every single day?
Here is your Relief Editor, clocking in one million hours after the polls have closed, and all we know is that Barack Obama won North Carolina and Indiana is filthy with Hoosiers. That pretty much brings us up to speed, right? Let’s LIVEBLOG the speech Barack Obama is about to give, explaining why he does not have “a tone of condensation” (that is what Tom Brokaw called it) when he talks to the Little People. 
…And she’s single! Well maybe not, but Hillary Clinton will soon be single when Bill divorces her and becomes president again on his own terms. Because Hillary is losing her ass off in North Carolina, and will only win by like 5 points or whatever in Indiana (although they haven’t called), and Bill never loved her anyway. Then we can go back to liking Hillary ironically until she dies, in 2209 AD. More liveblogging? More liveblogging! 