Tag Archives: india

  nice time!

Kick-Ass Teenager Wins Nobel Peace Prize. What Have You Done With Your Life?

Ok, people, time to turn the snark off for just a little bit. We have some GOOD news to report. The Nobel Peace Prize winners were announced. We’re guessing that recent events took the Palin family out of consideration, so the Nobel Committee decided to honor the most amazingist 17-year-old on the planet, Malala Yousafzai: Read more on Kick-Ass Teenager Wins Nobel Peace Prize. What Have You Done With Your Life?…
  Here have some news n stuff

Starbucks To Be Even More Triple Grande Nasty-atto Now

Exactly
Image by Stuart Caie via Flickr As if Starbucks hasn’t already turned “coffee” — that beverage you pour into a mug in the morning, maybe add milk, maybe add sugar — into a joke so bad it hurts our feelings, now there’s a new not-coffee “coffee” drink on the way, for those of you who would mainline your sugar fix but are afraid of needles, we guess. It’s called the Dark Barrel Latte, and it sounds disgusting, and shame on all of you, you crazy kids with your crazy “coffee”: Read more on Starbucks To Be Even More Triple Grande Nasty-atto Now…
  florida man does congress

New Florida Congress-Idiot Thinks State Department Officials Are From India

Can we have some cooperation?
Curt Clawson, the Tea Party doofus who replaced coke-fueled cokehead Trey Radel, is doing his best to preserve Florida’s reputation. At a House Foreign Affairs Committee hearing Thursday, he mistook two senior U.S. government officials for Indian diplomats, because they’re brown and have those funny foreign names, and went on at great length about how cool he thinks India is before expressing his hope that our two countries will continue to have good relations. That’s one way to get name recognition, we suppose. Read more on New Florida Congress-Idiot Thinks State Department Officials Are From India…
  the next billboard will have idris elba

Who Among Us Has Not Erected A Giant Billboard Honoring Nelson Mandela And Accidentally Used A Picture Of Morgan Freeman Instead?

It’s easy to get your famous people confused. For the last week, we’ve been having to play the “ZZ Top or Dudes from Duck Dynasty” game like once a day, until we remember that ZZ Top did not say some fucked up racist bullshit (well, depending on just how fucked up and racist you think this is) and therefore is probably not on our teevee and our twitters every day right now. That being said, we’d prolly make sure we were using the right famous person picture before we put up a ginormous billboard honoring someone: Read more on Who Among Us Has Not Erected A Giant Billboard Honoring Nelson Mandela And Accidentally Used A Picture Of Morgan Freeman Instead?…
  hindus buddhists and other muslims

Michelle Obama Now Ruining White House With Foreign Godless Pagan Un-Christian Hindu Festival Of Light

Namaste! And Happy Hindu Festival of Lights, or Diwali, Wonketteers! Did you even know that Diwali is a thing that you are missing right now if you are not of the Hindu persuasion, or maybe Michelle Obama? Because Michelle Obama, Lady of all things First, knows it is Diwali, and is hosting a ceremony today, in yet another endeavor to ruin the White House forever and ever, with her multi-culti tributes to things that are not about being a proper First Lady, like this is a country with all kinds of faiths and beliefs and diversity or something dumb and ridiculous like that. Read more on Michelle Obama Now Ruining White House With Foreign Godless Pagan Un-Christian Hindu Festival Of Light…
  rape rape

Comments From Indian Gang Rape Defendants’ Lawyer Unlikely To Win New Fans For Lawyers

We, as sinister far-left liberals, tend to believe in “fair trials,” “right to an attorney and due process,” “innocent until proven guilty” and all that other ACLU crap. Why, we even believe a lawyer must represent his clients to the best of his ability even when those clients are sickening monsters! Like, blah blah blah “liberal”! But sometimes representing your client to the best of your ability is best-served by keeping your damn fool mouth shut. Ladies and gentles, meet Manohar Lal Sharma, who represents three of the six men who have been charged with raping an Indian woman to death on a bus. Read more on Comments From Indian Gang Rape Defendants’ Lawyer Unlikely To Win New Fans For Lawyers…
  Crisis? What Crisis?

Stupidest Man On Internet Delighted: 175 Cold-Weather Deaths In India Mean That Climate Change Is Fake

Jim Hoft, who has reclaimed his status as the stupidest man on the internet after a brief hiatus, has determined that the continued existence of winter disproves global warming. Northern India has been hit with a cold spell that has killed 175 people, which kind of sucks for them, but more importantly proves that there is no such thing as human-caused climate change. Hoft happily marshalled the 175 dead foreigners as avatars of climate denialism one day before the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration announced that 2012 was the hottest year on record in the contiguous United States. Read more on Stupidest Man On Internet Delighted: 175 Cold-Weather Deaths In India Mean That Climate Change Is Fake…
  zip it up she's just a slut

Have You Heard The One About The Woman Who Wasn’t Raped ‘Cause She Isn’t Married?

We heard such a good joke last night, you guys! Some real Absurdist Andy Kaufman-style next-level shit! It goes like this: so this chick is sleeping, and when she wakes up her boyfriend is making sweet love to her, all kissy and lovey with his penis in her vagina. Then she sees that it’s not her boyfriend and she screams and fights him off. Wait, wait, here’s where it gets good! We can’t even … laughing so hard … ok, ok, so … the court says she wasn’t raped because based on an 1872 California law, you can be raped by “fraud” if someone impersonates your “husband” but not your “boyfriend” NEW TRIAL haha lolololol OMG! Can you imagine! What a slut! Read more on Have You Heard The One About The Woman Who Wasn’t Raped ‘Cause She Isn’t Married?…
  Part 7: All About The Empire -- But not a single Star Wars reference

Sundays With The Christianists: The Sun Never Sets On This ‘World History’ Textbook For Home-Schoolers

Huzzah! We’ve reached the Victorian Era in our 10th-grade World History textbook, World History and Cultures In Christian Perspective. Funny how so much of the best world history in this book just happens to be British history, isn’t it? We’ll assume this is simple Anglophilia on the part of the editors, with no theological implications, but who knows! Last week we covered the happy-go-lucky job creators of the Industrial Revolution, and this week, it’s on to other notable achievements of Victorian England, such as Victoria herself, who was the Bestest Monarch Evar, and Imperialism, which brought the blessings of civilzation and the Gospel to undeserving savages around the world. Read more on Sundays With The Christianists: The Sun Never Sets On This ‘World History’ Textbook For Home-Schoolers…
  History Is Written by the Whiners

Fun With Christianists: Things You Can Learn in a Christian ‘World History & Cultures’ Textbook (Part 1)

You know the drill by now: Every Sunday, we visit Christianist America, where Jesus delivered the Constitution to George Washington but now Christians are somehow a persecuted minority. This week’s travelogue comes courtesy of World History and Cultures In Christian Perspective, 2nd Ed. (A Beka Book, 1997), a 10th-grade history text which the publisher’s website says “stands on the conviction that God is the Creator of the world and the Controller of history.” You get a good sense of World History’s agenda from the table of contents. “Asia and Africa” are dealt with in the first 6 chapters — “The Middle East” and “Egypt” each merit their own chapter, because Bible, duh. And then the entire history of these two continents, which account for 75% of the planet’s population, is polished off within 40 pages, in chapters imaginatively titled “Other Asian Cultures” and “Other African Cultures” (Actual section heading: The Dark Continent. This is not inside ironic quotes). Most chapters and sections have the bland, utilitarian headings of any high school text — but then there are the subtle reminders that this is a fundamentalist Christian textbook: Rome: Preparation of the World for Christ Unbelief and Revolution in 19th-Century Europe Concepts in History: Why Communism Kills Twentieth-Century Liberalism; Retreat from Authority and Responsibility Concepts in History: Environmental Extremism Read more on Fun With Christianists: Things You Can Learn in a Christian ‘World History & Cultures’ Textbook (Part 1)…
  surfing the himalayas

The Wonkette Geopoliticker: Our Favorite Cold War

Our favorite war right now is definitely India vs. Pakistan up on a glacier in the Himalayas, but it might be coming to an end. For those few who don’t know, India has been actually at war with Pakistan since 1984 (something to tell people when they raise the specter of India and Pakistan ever going to war with each other), and neither side has used any nukes. They’re fighting over a glacier so immense and rad that it’s referred to in geography cliques as the Third Pole. They’re fighting because of cartographic ambiguity and they’re fighting because it’s good politically on both sides to do so, since partition. Since a 2003 ceasefire and because there’s a ‘line of control’ that both sides accept in real terms as a de facto border, this conflict has moved into the truly pointless category. The real battle isn’t India vs. Pakistan anymore, but Each Side vs. the Unlivable Mountain, with its hundred mile an hour winds and negative-50-degree temperatures. The oxygen level is half of that at sea level. You can only hike at night because the sun’s heat makes avalanches more likely during the day. You get to shower once a month in the summer, and never in the winter, so you get lice, you fall into giant crevasses a hundred feet deep and ten feet across and die. And to top it off, idiot talk show hosts come tape episodes and eat all your damn food. Read more on The Wonkette Geopoliticker: Our Favorite Cold War…
  convenient

Nikki Haley First Non-White Governor of South Carolina to Also Be White

Here is what most people know about Indian American governor Nikki Haley: she is the only human on Earth rumored to ever have sex with a political blogger, and she is the only minority female human on Earth ever to be the unfortunate ruler of South Carolina. What is a lesser-known fact about Haley is that she is also a white human! True story! Acccording to the box she checked on her voter registration card, Nimrata Nikki Randhawa Haley is a not-minority white person. Is it just because non-white people are not allowed to vote in the South? No, it is because Nikki Haley acts white and loves her white state of mind and voting like a white person. She is so white, in fact, that she responded to a request by the NAACP to finally get rid of the dumb, racist Confederate flag in front of the Statehouse with a very white-persony, “nah.” Read more on Nikki Haley First Non-White Governor of South Carolina to Also Be White…
  it's morning in america

Idiots Abroad: Palin Freak Show Tours India, Israel

Good morning, warmongers! Sunday marked eight years of Mission Accomplished in Iraq, and also the beginning of a fun new war in a different oil-rich nation, “Africa,” or something. We have been refreshing our RSS feed every thirty seconds for the last two hours, searching for some cheery news — “Barack Obama wins another Nobel Peace Prize,” etc. — but sorry, there is none! If it makes you feel any better, Sarah Palin and her husband went bra-shopping at Forever 21 during a historic visit to one of New Delhi’s most fanciful strip malls. She also told India that “it is time for a woman to become president.” (Why does Sarah Palin want to be president of India? Also: why is Hillary Clinton saying similar things?) Today Palin is in Jerusalem, courting the Zion Elders. Stories about oil spills and U.S. soldiers posing with murdered Afghan civilians after the jump! [The Caucus] Read more on Idiots Abroad: Palin Freak Show Tours India, Israel… Read more on Idiots Abroad: Palin Freak Show Tours India, Israel…
  barry can you hear me?

Obama Hits Weird-Japanese-Commercial Portion of Presidency

This week, Barack Obama went over to Asia to see what happens when a model minority owns an entire continent. He obvs already knew, because his hippie mom made him live there in some off-the-grid shack for a hot minute with a foreign non-daddy, but it was worth another look to see if anything had changed, like if a sizable portion of the population had lost or gained an epicanthic fold. Read more on Obama Hits Weird-Japanese-Commercial Portion of Presidency…
  flotus files

India Names FLOTUS Supreme Ruler of Disco

Last week, our nation endured a great and brutal teabagging, and while Honest Patriots celebrated the victory with liters of corn syrup and victory speeches, the rest of America ran to quickly abort all its babies and hang out with any and all gay Mexican friends, all the while praying that Michelle Obama could bring some reason and clarity to that dark, cold night. What America didn’t know is that Michelle Obama is basically over, because she failed to singlehandedly win every single race in the election. Once upon a time, our FLOTUS was a “rock star” on top of the world. Now, she is a dancing queen, and on the other side of it. Jai ho! Read more on India Names FLOTUS Supreme Ruler of Disco…
  cowboys

Angry Robert Gibbs Nearly Beats Up Indians To Save American Reporters

Some Indian officials working security on President Obama’s foreign trip thought they could restrict the number of White House pool reporters allowed into a photo-op with Obama and Prime Minister Manmohan Singh, lowering it from eight to five, and things predictably got violent. YOU DO NOT TELL AMERICANS THEY CAN HAVE FEWER THINGS THAN THE EXACT NUMBER OF THINGS THEY WANT TO HAVE. USA! USA! USA! Read more on Angry Robert Gibbs Nearly Beats Up Indians To Save American Reporters…
  it's morning in america

Obama Begins Two Hundred Million Trillion Dollar Asian Vacation

Barack Obama is fleeing the country for a ten-day “please stop taking our jobs?” tour of India, Indonesia, South Korea and Japan. And there have been many accurate news reports suggesting that Obama is spending two hundred million dollars a day on this Gluttonous Asian Vacation: Our president does not pack lightly! According to Matt Drudge, the White House has been lifted from its foundation and placed on a flatbed truck made entirely out of diamonds, and this diamond-encrusted flatbed truck was placed on the most expensive aircraft carrier — and then this aircraft carrier was put in the cargo hold of a different and way more expensive aircraft carrier. And this aircraft carrier is just one of the thirty-four warships that Obama is taking with him. (The rest of these ships are carrying delicious snacks, like popcorn shrimp.) Talk about splurging! Read more on Obama Begins Two Hundred Million Trillion Dollar Asian Vacation… Read more on Obama Begins Two Hundred Million Trillion Dollar Asian Vacation…
  preemption

India Receives Intel That Terrorist Coconuts Want To Assassinate Obama

President Obama will be embarking on a trip tomorrow to visit his real constituency — the world’s foreigners — to size up, as all American presidents do, potential countries to invade. But recently some local Muslim produce heard about his refusal to wear a Muslim head-covering and became radicalized. Read more on India Receives Intel That Terrorist Coconuts Want To Assassinate Obama…
  indian giver

Obama Cancels Visit To India Shrine: Didn’t Want To Wear Muslin Costume

President Obama is going to India early next month, presumably to tape a cameo on the Bollywood version of MythBusters. Barry was planning on visiting the Golden Temple, a renowned Sikh shrine, while he was there, but then his people heard he would have to wear a head covering to go in there. Whoops! The event is now canceled because administration officials do not want to give Teabaggers a new cover photo for Obama Is a Muslim magazine. But couldn’t he just wear a White Sox hat, you ask? The New York Times heard you. “Baseball caps are not considered appropriate,” they say. This gold mosk hates America. The president of the United States should always let his fear of what mouth-breathing bigots say about him on the Internet dictate his decisions, so this is a good call. Read more on Obama Cancels Visit To India Shrine: Didn’t Want To Wear Muslin Costume…
  impeach obama for this

Did Indian Writer’s Secret Book Create Entire 2008 Election (and Barack Obama)?

How did a humble self-published author from India invent Barack Obama and the 2008 presidential election? He wrote a novel called First Lady President about “Beverly Hilton and an African American man named Charak Sudama a senator from Illinois as serious rival candidates in democratic party, later only to join as the presidential and vice-presidential running mates respectively.” When will Barack Obama admit he is just a misspelled character from a 2003 manuscript written by this creator of worlds, Inder Dan Ratnu? Read more on Did Indian Writer’s Secret Book Create Entire 2008 Election (and Barack Obama)?…
  darling nikki

Nikki Haley Will Get Lucky With All Other S.C. Republicans, Too

Despite detailed accusations that she’s having anti-Republican sexytime with half the Republican staffers and bloggers in South Carolina, Nikki Haley still has a 20-point lead in the polls and should sorta win the GOP primary tomorrow to eventually become America’s Hilarious New Mark Sanford. This is good for Wonkette! And it’s also a weird story, because South Carolina is run by white plantation owners — generally big fat bloated whites-only Country Club types dribbling their “Palmetto Fizz” down their golf shirts — and Nikki Haley is a hot Indian Sikh gal, which makes her both a Minority and a Woman, two things southern Republicans typically despise. What is happening? Read more on Nikki Haley Will Get Lucky With All Other S.C. Republicans, Too…
  rumors on the internets

Barack Obama Enjoys Golfing, Watching Our Troops Die

RedState hacked Harry Reid’s “vBay” account! But will Harry press charges? [RedState] Barack Obama admits he is in an intense relationship with India but declines to say who is the “man” because he doesn’t believe in gender roles. [TPM] Read more on Barack Obama Enjoys Golfing, Watching Our Troops Die…