Wonkette

Everyone’s favorite Muslims at the Islamic Fiqh Academy in India recently decided that health insurance is not simply a bunch of baloney, but it’s also a sin and immoral. “Representatives from around 300 Madrasas, including Darul Uloom Deoband, Jamiat Islami participated in the three-day meet, where they reached a conclusion that seeking insurance cover was only another form of gambling,” and this is why Barack Obama cannot bring himself to offer a universal plan. [Economic Times] MORE »

America’s Princess Diplobot had a busy end of March: She celebrated 4,000 troop deaths in Iraq, reminisced about slavery, and reignited vice presidential rumors all by herself, by doing nothing more than talking to a friendly bear. Way to go, girl! Catch up with Condi after the jump!

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Americans in the Greater Brackish Waters Of The Chesapeake/Potomac Region have joined many other states in throwing their collective panties at Barry Hussein! With Obamamentum gaining speed, the left needs to ask itself what it always asks itself when it comes time to make important decisions: “What do filthy foreigners think about this?” Fortunately, the aforementioned Foreigns are willing to talk about it, at great length, on the Internet! Also, is Barack Obama secretly Iranian, too? MORE »

As the title of this feature tries so valiantly to assert, we don’t think that the Foreigns are really that different than from us. Sure, they jabber in weird languages and wear funny clothes, but when it comes right down to it, we all have the same basic set of human needs: we all want to get high, to have sex while we’re supposed to be working, to fake the deaths of our political enemies, and, of course, to live forever by extracting the organs of the healthy and powerless. MORE »

Greetings, fellow Americans! Here in America, we have finally reached the point where candidates begin running for president even before the fucking mid-term elections, so we basically have political campaigns going on all the time. The one saving grace, of course, is that the public face of these campaigns is run by America’s graphic designers, video editors, and advertising copywriters, whose skills are unparalleled. America may not grow or make and assemble or process or understand anything anymore, but if you want shit — or shitty people — sold to you, the US of A has still got it. But what of The Foreigns? When they run for president or chancellor or king or whatever, who designs their posters? The answer, sadly, is: more Foreigns! They’re often not as good, though as you’ll see after the jump, there are certain flashes of brilliance. MORE »

Those damn call center employees in India aren’t just taking away the livelihoods of dozens of flat-voiced Nebraskans away by working for pennies and successfully imitating our accents so callers don’t know that they’re Indian, they’re successfully mimicking American obesity! The Washington Post reports this morning to millions of cookie- and pie-addled readers that Americans aren’t alone in our cheerful and unhealthy fatness anymore, now that Indians sit around all day on their butts in front of their computers talking to us.

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If you’re an American and you read this site, you are almost certainly embarrassed by this nation’s government. Was it for this, you wonder, that our forefathers pledged their sacred honor to fight the tyrant British, or rose up to free themselves from bondage and discrimination, or travelled across the ocean with nothing but the clothes on their backs: so that we could live under a government where venality and corruption are the order of the day, where criminals make war for profit and a surprising number of powerful individuals use their influence to procure the favor of teenage boys? Wouldn’t we better off living somewhere, anywhere, but America? Don’t foreigners have it better than we do? MORE »

The slippery slide towards terrorists winning just got a little slippier! Just kidding. But still, some dude in India did marry a female dog (”bitch”) Sunday to atone for stoning two other dogs to death. I don’t know what that dumb bitch was thinking, marrying this ‘bag. MORE »

In October, the deputy mayor of New Delhi fell to his death in a monkey attack because monkeys? Not always cute. In fact, federal lawmakers demanded protection from the monkeys in May (because their government is possibly as ineffective as ours!) but no one is willing to run roughshod over the very religious Hindus who consider them sacred or the animal rights activists — except the monkeys, of course. Deputy police commissioner Jaspal Singh told the AFP, “As police we’re not experts in dealing with monkeys. We can deal with mad bulls but monkeys are more difficult.” I’m not sure I’ll find a better news quote today. [Yahoo News]

Meet the new Lou Dobbs: He’s still a smug, loud-mouthed Mexican-hating phony, but he’s also a Bangalore call-center worker. And instead of orange hair, he’s got normal brown hair. And he’s got an Indian accent — just listen to him roll those R’s when he says “America’s Broken Borders” 39 times per broadcast. MORE »