independence day

Last Week Tonight was off this weekend for Independence Day, or as they call it where John Oliver is from, “The Day of Colonial Aggression.” To make up for it, Oliver pre-recorded a brief tribute to every fireworks show in America, forever, explaining that in America we have a natural love for fireworks, since “they’re […]

It’s a special 5th of July Derp Roundup, bringing you all the Red White and Blue idiocy we could scrape off our browser tabs. Please consume responsibly, and we hope that your pets are finally recovering from the barrage. Your Inderpendence Day lede: Ted Nugent’s WND column for July 3 explained that he “celebrates Independence […]

Rick Santorum manages to go 55 motherfucking seconds without insulting anyone — like, ANYONE, not gays, not dogs, not even ladies what work outside the home! — in this nice Fourth Of July message from his family to you. But how high are his bookend sons? (Answer: THEY ARE VERY HIGH.) Also, the Crying Girl […]

Good news for anyone planning to spend the Fourth of July sweating in the gaseous humidity of our nation’s capital: gibbering baboon fart and one-time Ken Layne man-crush Adam Kokesh has cancelled his thousand-person-strong march of armed morons who love the Second Amendment so much they just can’t shut the fuck up about it, ever. […]

OH YEEHAW THA FORF OF JULY, time for the awful racist slobs of Lexington, Kentucky to put on their best “warding off the coloreds and the Muslins” finery in honor of Jesus, Hitler and Thomas Jefferson. Do you like seeing the hate-bomb that is puking all over the American flag, on this man’s t-shirt? Does […]

In case you fall off a diving board or something this weekend, and land on your head and forget what country you’re in, this is a pretty good weekend, because there will be a hundred or so American Flags wherever you look. Approximately 235 years ago today — the exact date has been lost to […]

Marist University saw that the Fourth of July was coming up and decided to commission a poll to show how stupid we all are. The question: “From which country did the United States win its independence?” Marist was surely expecting only 2% of Americans to know the answer. was also prepared for the results […]

AT LEAST HE WASN'T USING TWITTER  7:46 pm July 5, 2009

by Ken Layne

OKAY THAT’S A LITTLE FANCIER THAN OUR FOURTH: “President Barack Obama took his own advice Saturday, relaxing on the Fourth of July with some golf, a cookout and a private Foo Fighters concert in the backyard, capped by the annual fireworks show on the National Mall.” [Baltimore Sun/Flickr]

Courtesy of Wonkette commenter Atheist Nun, here’s your Fourth of July Blingee, featuring history’s lamest whining quitter. Whether Sarah Palin will be indicted and put in prison forever or not, we will always appreciate her, in our hearts, for ruining the teabaggers’ big plans to have all 500 teabaggers meet in a park somewhere to […]

Thursday, July 2: To honor America for kicking ass since 1776, Z Burger out in Tenlytown is hosting a hamburger-eating contest starting at noon on Thursday. Whoever eats the most burgers in 10 minutes wins $1,500, among other prizes. Registration is already closed, but you should for sure go and watch the spectacle. Nothing says […]