Tag: independence day

Jerk America-Haters Won’t Wish Allen West Happy Independence Day

Allen West is here to police your holiday greeting habits.

Nice Time! Gay Syrian Refugee Pretty Darn Happy To Be In Boise. Yes, The One In Idaho

You need to start your Fourth Of July weekend with a happy story. WELL HERE YOU GO.

Lady Beaters, Fetus Shooters And Bar Fights: Your Florida Roundup (Is Extra Violent This Week)

Good morning/afternoon/whenever the Wonkette overlords click PUBLISH! This week’s Roundup is brought to you from our couch, because it is way too fuckin’ hot to go outside. (Bring on the Little Ice Age already.) We are going to spend some...
'Merca!

A Children’s Treasury Of Sexy Fourth Of July Patriotic Musical Videos

For your America Day enjoyment, we proudly present this retread/update of a 2011 post by "Wonkette Jr," whose actual identity is lost to time -- truly, we are standing on the shoulders of an unknown giant. Since not even...
And that's how America was made!

Majority Of Americans Agree God Loves America Best

Here is some interesting news, as we U.S. Americans begin our annual weekend of getting real drunk and shooting off fireworks, due to something we read in a history book about America but can't quite remember. (Muskets were involved.)...

John Oliver Reviews Every 4th Of July Fireworks Show In America (Video)

Last Week Tonight was off this weekend for Independence Day, or as they call it where John Oliver is from, "The Day of Colonial Aggression." To make up for it, Oliver pre-recorded a brief tribute to every fireworks show...

Derp Roundup: Thanks For Keeping America Free, Ted Nugent!

It's a special 5th of July Derp Roundup, bringing you all the Red White and Blue idiocy we could scrape off our browser tabs. Please consume responsibly, and we hope that your pets are finally recovering from the barrage. Your...

Rick Santorum Will Wish You A Happy Fourth Of July Whether You Want Him To Or Not

Rick Santorum manages to go 55 motherfucking seconds without insulting anyone -- like, ANYONE, not gays, not dogs, not even ladies what work outside the home! -- in this nice Fourth Of July message from his family to you....

Adam Kokesh Cancels Big March, Continues Call For Revolution Maybe Next Year, Depending On How Things Go

Good news for anyone planning to spend the Fourth of July sweating in the gaseous humidity of our nation’s capital: gibbering baboon fart and one-time Ken Layne man-crush Adam Kokesh has cancelled his thousand-person-strong march of armed morons who...

Kentucky Tea Party Sells ‘Yup, I’m A Racist’ Fourth of July T-Shirts

OH YEEHAW THA FORF OF JULY, time for the awful racist slobs of Lexington, Kentucky to put on their best "warding off the coloreds and the Muslins" finery in honor of Jesus, Hitler and Thomas Jefferson. Do you like...

A Children’s Treasury of Fourth of July Patriotic Musical Videos

In case you fall off a diving board or something this weekend, and land on your head and forget what country you're in, this is a pretty good weekend, because there will be a hundred or so American Flags...

Celebrate, America! 74% of You Know What Country We Declared Our Independence From!

Marist University saw that the Fourth of July was coming up and decided to commission a poll to show how stupid we all are. The question: "From which country did the United States win its independence?" Marist was surely...

OKAY THAT'S A LITTLE FANCIER THAN OUR FOURTH: "President Barack Obama took his own advice Saturday, relaxing on the Fourth of July with some golf, a cookout and a private Foo Fighters concert in the backyard, capped by the...

Thanks For Ruining the Teabaggers’ 4th of July Party, Palin!

Courtesy of Wonkette commenter Atheist Nun, here's your Fourth of July Blingee, featuring history's lamest whining quitter. Whether Sarah Palin will be indicted and put in prison forever or not, we will always appreciate her, in our hearts, for...

Celebrate America This Weekend, Because That’s What You’re Supposed To Do

Thursday, July 2: To honor America for kicking ass since 1776, Z Burger out in Tenlytown is hosting a hamburger-eating contest starting at noon on Thursday. Whoever eats the most burgers in 10 minutes wins $1,500, among other...