Tag Archives: inauguration

  Imperial Walker

Scott Walker Would Like All The Money For You To Pray With Him, Please

Hey, what do I know?
Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker got re-elected somehow — mandate of heaven, we guess — and he’s putting together plans for a big inaugural hootenanny. Now, in years past, inaugural events in Wisconsin used to also double as fundraisers for charities, like Boys and Girls Clubs or other worthy causes. But that was merely a tradition, and an apparently outmoded one, so with his 2011 inauguration, Walker turned the admission fees for inaugural events into a Scott Walker/Republican Party of Wisconsin fundraiser, which raised quite a bit of campaign cash and not a few eyebrows. So it shouldn’t be too much of a surprise that for 2015, he’s doing the same thing, raising money for a great Wisconsin charity: Scott Walker. Tell us more, Saul Newton of One Wisconsin Now: Read more on Scott Walker Would Like All The Money For You To Pray With Him, Please…
 

Veep Recap: Heavy is the Head

Selina has to repeat her oath, Jonah’s back in the West Wing, and we finally learn POTUS’ real name on the thrilling conclusion of the two-part season finale of “Veep.” We begin with some montage-y exposition to remind viewers that Selina is now President, including a fake cover of the Washington Post in which we finally, finally learn POTUS’ real name. It is Stuart Hughes, and we are still trying to puzzle out all the inside jokes contained on that fake newspaper front page. Stuart Hughes is a present-day English politician, as well as a well-regarded Canadian actor. We cannot figure out what the other four names at the top of the page mean, but two of them (Alex Boundy and Jake Holdsworth) belong to actors associated with the film Concrete Castles. Is there a larger significance here? We have literally no idea and are not going to waste any more time digging through the Google box. Back to the recap. Read more on Veep Recap: Heavy is the Head…
  Find The Goof And Raze It

Ghost Breitbart Celebrates MLK Day By Trashing ‘Roots’ & Linking To Stormfront

When former (Republican) senator Lamar Alexander quoted Alex Haley, the author of Roots, at the Inauguration yesterday, Breitbart-remnant writer John Nolte knew exactly what was called for! You see, Alexander was a close friend of Haley (despite being a Republican — weird, right?), and invoked the late writer while introducing Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor: “The late Alex Haley, the author of ‘Roots,’ lived his life by these six words: ‘Find the good and praise it.’ Today we praise the American tradition of transferring or reaffirming immense power as we inaugurate the president of the United States.” For Nolte, it was as if the Dick Signal was lighting up the clouds on a moonless night. The minute he heard “Find the good and praise it,” he rushed to the Interwebs of Justice and “tweeted out the fact that Haley’s seminal work was a fraud”: Read more on Ghost Breitbart Celebrates MLK Day By Trashing ‘Roots’ & Linking To Stormfront…
  Wonkette: 20% Nicer Today!

A Children’s Treasury Of Old Handsome Joe Biden Inauguration-Day Greatness, God Love Him

Here is a photo of Joe Biden getting out of his limousine, looking like a Boss (in point of fact, he is only the boss of the Senate). Sunglasses are a very good look for the VP, whose official Wonkette title is now Old Handsome Joe Biden, God Love Him. (By the end of his second term, Mr. Biden’s official Wonkette sobriquet will probably be as long as that of some WWII German rocket-launching tank thing.) And so, with minimal extraneous commentary, here is your gallery of Joe Biden Being Just So Freakin’ Joe Biden. Read more on A Children’s Treasury Of Old Handsome Joe Biden Inauguration-Day Greatness, God Love Him…
  Odds And Ends...Of America!

A Children’s Treasury Of Inauguration-Day Stupids

So we hear that there was some sort of widely-watched event today that did not involve sports! Above, we have Tweetosphere messages from three people who seem not to understand that everyone can see them saying stuff, and that retweets can be directed to @SecretService (as all of these were, for whatever good it does). Or maybe we could talk about the professional trolls at Fox & Friends, who discovered that today, the third Monday in January, is thought by some to be “the most depressing day of the year,” a story that we are certain has absolutely nothing to do with it also being Barack Obama’s second Inaugural. Really, they don’t say there’s a connection! It is too a legitimate news story, so they brought on a motivational speaker to help Fox viewers cheer the fuck up: Read more on A Children’s Treasury Of Inauguration-Day Stupids…
  the enfattening of a nation

Wingnuts Furious: Hypocrite Obama Not Serving Sprouts With Side Of Sprouts For Inauguration Lunch

Inauguration scandal! Obama is eating lunch today, and it is not half a grapefruit, with water and a side of sprouts! From the Washington Times, covering Their Watergate: The ceremonial lunch President Obama and his former congressional colleagues are eating Monday tops out at 3,000 calories, according to a website that has tallied up the luxurious menu of lobster, bison and apple pie. HealthyFoodRecipe.net posted the full menu, complete with its calorie count, and said it was “unsatisfactory” to see such an unhealthy spread, given first lady Michelle Obama’s push for healthier eating. Unsatisfactory, Mr. President. Your inaugural luncheon is obviously used as the model of American lunches everywhere, and now everyone will think it is healthy to heat lobster, bison and apple pie every day. You might as well just hook up a lard IV to all patients receiving Obamacare. Read more on Wingnuts Furious: Hypocrite Obama Not Serving Sprouts With Side Of Sprouts For Inauguration Lunch…
  gather ye libtards

Live-Blogging Whatever Is Pre-Empting ‘The Price Is Right’ Today

Sorry, Barker’s Beauties and the teevee viewers who love them, looks like your ass got pre-empted again! Will Barack Hussein Obama’s tyrannies never end? (Spoiler: no!) The rest of you, who for some reason are NOT outraged that your usual morning television viewing has been replaced with unending tracking shots of Jimmy and Rosalynn Carter looking AMAZING, and Hillary looking sort of carelessly coiffed (which is our favorite Hillary, because she’s got shit to do that does not involve a wash and set), may gather here and begin imbibing your celebratory libtard speedballs (because you are a drug addict, or at least on welfare). Read more on Live-Blogging Whatever Is Pre-Empting ‘The Price Is Right’ Today…
  do not pass go

Plagiarizing Cast Of Glee To Perform At Inaugural Ball, Turn Nation Gay

Well this is a fine how do you do! The cast of Glee, which turns teenagers gay, will be performing at some innig inaugural balls alongside such nobodies as Brad Paisley and Alicia Keys, even though they stole their Baby Got Back arrangement from this guy, who stole it fair and square from Dynamite Hack! Let us examine the evidence. Read more on Plagiarizing Cast Of Glee To Perform At Inaugural Ball, Turn Nation Gay…
  how many chickens?

For Just $50,000 Mitt Romney Will Throw In An Invite To His (First) Inauguration

Presumptive Republican presidential nominee and man-shaped pile of hair gel Mitt Romney needs some more scratch, fellows, and so his surrogates are passing around a nifty Kickstarter-style menu of fabulous prizes you could get if you had 50,000 clams that for some weird reason you did not need for shelter, food, or four months worth of healthcare premiums. The campaign is asking people who are able to make a $50,000 contribution to do so today and become a “Founding Member” of Romney Victory. These donors will be invited to a special retreat with Governor Romney in late June in California and will have preferred status at the first Presidential Inaugural retreat as well as yet to be determined access at the Republican National Convention in Tampa in August. But wait! There’s more! Read more on For Just $50,000 Mitt Romney Will Throw In An Invite To His (First) Inauguration…
  metro section

Barry’s Next Inauguration Will Be BYOB

Hey if your Verizon phone and the people responsible for its maintenance have been terrorizing you logistically and emotionally, you just earned Ten Recession Dollars. [WTOP] Read more on Barry’s Next Inauguration Will Be BYOB… Read more on Barry’s Next Inauguration Will Be BYOB…
  but hurricane katrina was so funny!

Hilarious Racist Email Gets GOP Official Fired

One thing Republicans like to do is send racist shit to each other, whether funny black-face minstrel songs about the “magic negro” (the president) or funny newsletters about the watermelon and fried chicken certain black people (the president) always consume, or especially funny racist jokes about how black people are so lazy but they sho’ nuff gets to shufflin’ mighty quickly comes ta pass a colored (the president) becomes the president. Read more on Hilarious Racist Email Gets GOP Official Fired…
  hooray 4 america

Happy First Week of the Obama Administration!

What, exactly, has White House photographer Pete Souza captured in this shot? Maybe it’s after the last of the 10 dances at 10 inaugural balls. White tie, who even approved that? Anyway, here is your new president, handsome and smiling some 12 hours after he took the (first) oath of office. Read more on Happy First Week of the Obama Administration!…
  celebrity town

AMERICA’S NEW CAPITAL: “Like most everyone in D.C., I haven’t exactly been following the news since Tuesday. When you’re having sushi and champagne for breakfast, with Beyonce, you’re not really going to be checking up on Wolf Blitzer or Andrew Sullivan or whatever.” [AOL Political Machine] Read more on …
  metro section

Obama’s Unpopularity Has Cost Him The Presidency

In-the-tank National Park Service is reporting that 1.8 million people attended Barry’s Inauguration, but some people think the real number was closer to 1 million, meaning Obama is not even technically President. [DC Examiner] Read more on Obama’s Unpopularity Has Cost Him The Presidency…
  new ways to reject obama!

Did Yo Yo Ma Make Barack Obama’s ‘Inauguration’ Illegitimate, Also?

Look. We all know that Barack Obama is not an American human anyway, so he’ll never *really* be president if you care about, oh we don’t know, FACTS. But the sheeple have accepted him and so we must find other “mainstream” ways to have him ousted from office, at which point Ron Paul’s reign will finally be recognized for eternity and he will give us all Gold. The “flubbed oath” thing seemed like a good angle — clearly John Roberts was trying to tell us something about this man — but then Nobama’s goons eliminated that. So here’s the latest thing we’ll try: it turns out that the “live music” performed at Inauguration by Yo Yo Ma and Itzhak Perlman was in fact recorded, because they were worried their precious fingers would freeze and they’d screw up. And now Obama’s not president! Read more on Did Yo Yo Ma Make Barack Obama’s ‘Inauguration’ Illegitimate, Also?…
  peggy's world

Peggy Noonan Flew On An Aer-Plane With Africkans!

A fortnight or deux hath passed since our last installment of “Fridays with Peggy,” for one must endure days of insomnia and procure a boat-ship‘s worth of les stimulati — what they in the Scientific Trade know as Amphet-a-Mines — to pen an adequate Noonington critique, and it hath taken many a seven-day to locate a sufficiently inventoried Medick. Let us not waste Reagan’s dear time today, then, to reach the so-called “heart” of the matter. In today’s Opinion-Editorial for the plutocratic Wall Street Journal banking pamphlet, Mme. Noonanshirehobbit discusses the Africkan who now controls the military, and other less important levers of power, of l’Empire Amerique. Mme. herself flew on a mechanical falcon, or Aer-Plane, to attend the Africkan’s coup. And once she veritably boarded the Aer-Plane, it was as if she had in fact veritably been transmitted by Iehovah to the Ebon Heart of Rhodesia — for she found herself surrounded by even more Africkans! How didst our Princess escape this JUNGLE? Read more on Peggy Noonan Flew On An Aer-Plane With Africkans!…
  but does he like balls?

Liz Glover Talks Politely With Adrian Fenty!

Hey look our Liz Glover is all growed up! Now that she works for the Moonie Times her interviews have to be “serious,” so whereas before she might have asked the mayor some obnoxious question like, “Do you like balls?” she instead asked him how much money Washington DC made off the inauguration. Journalism! [TheNewsRoom] Read more on Liz Glover Talks Politely With Adrian Fenty!…
  wtf?

It’s A Political Comedy Video With All Of Your Favorite People!

We have no idea who the people behind “Funny or Die” are… but apparently they are very well connected in Hollywood and Washington? This thing has its moments, such as Mike Gravel quietly reading the Pentagon Papers and Madame Peggington Noonanshire simply showing her Shining face. [via Fishbowl DC] Read more on It’s A Political Comedy Video With All Of Your Favorite People!…
  nation of illiterate stutterers

Here’s Obama’s Secret ‘Real Oath’ That Never Took Place Because This Picture Is Fraudulent & Communist

Oh, well this could be a picture of ANYTHING. Obama is still not president, everyone. You can’t have your official witness of a second oath be a painting of television’s Patrick Duffy. (He frequently lies.) [NYT/White House] Read more on Here’s Obama’s Secret ‘Real Oath’ That Never Took Place Because This Picture Is Fraudulent & Communist…