This lady, she is just so mean, not giving candy to children who are in the tank. She is the meanest lady ever. What is wrong with this mean lady. [YouTube]

We’ve had a wonderful year with our favorite columns-writer-of, Peggy Noonan — maybe because, in our hearts, we knew this day was coming, this declaration to end all declarations. And here, today, we have our reward, our moment of grace. As usual, as always, our Peggy doesn’t bother with tired old introductions and such — this is, after all, a woman who burst into Bloomingdale’s and demanded pen and paper, one day, when she chanced upon a Mexican. Instead, she drops the bomb we always expected, like this: “The case for Barack Obama, in broad strokes:” And then she makes her case, which contains the most delightfully cruel assessment of John McCain’s delusional character we’ve even encountered. MORE »

Lawrence Eagleburger served as Secretary of State under George H.W. Bush and is a serious, well-regarded Republican statesman — so it should come as no surprise that he is secretly in the tank for Barack Obama. Eagleburger endorsed John McCain for president, as McCain fondly recalled in a meandering interview with Walter Cronkite this past weekend, and yet! This Eagle Burger obviously harbors very sexist feelings toward Sarah Palin, because he had not-very-supportive things to say about her on the socialist ham radio propaganda network, “National Public Radio.” MORE »

Oh look it is your MSNBC friend Chris Matthews, with that dude Craig Ferguson who is very funny but we are asleep (drunk) by then. Matthews is talking about what it felt like to rape Michele Bachmann to death. “Squishy,” he says. “Precious bodily fluids.” Yuck. [Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson]

Oh, it’s “Peggy Day,” meaning Friday, the blessed weekly occurrence of Peggy Noonan’s myriad declarations on the sepia-toned pages of the Wall Street Journal. Your morning editor took a whack at this earlier today, and gave up — “I am not old enuff to understand Peggy Noonan’s cultural references,” she said, lazily. Your afternoon editor also abstained. “You should write about Peggy Noonan,” he whines. “I can’t handle her. I don’t have any speed.” Oh what’s the matter little diaper babies? Did Peggy’s terrifying schizophrenia blow your little pussy minds? MORE »

Joe Killian is an elitist media journalist de politico for a North Carolina newspaper, the Greensboro News-Record. Ooh well isn’t he neat. He was covering a Sarah Palin rally at Elon University yesterday, a radical liberal college, and when he laughed at the college kids fighting with the Palin supporters outside the event, some fat slob kicked him to the ground from behind, haw haw haw. MORE »

Nothing says “I hate Real Americans” like going to a public school, learning how to read and write, and having some basic knowledge of what’s going on in the world around you. That’s why the elitist “schoolchildren” who took part in the Scholastic Election Poll are obviously in the tank for fancy educated smart guy Barack Obama. MORE »

Republican movie actor Dennis Hopper is so Republican that he starred in that shitty wingnut movie not even Republicans bothered to see, An American Carol. But now the hippie icon and Republican-since-Reagan is in the tank for You Know Who, That One, Barack Obama. “I voted for Bush, father and son, but this time I’ll vote for Obama,” Hopper said in Paris, which is also in the tank for Obama. “I pray God that Barack Obama is elected.” [AFP]

Not that it matters, because the modern Republican fat-ass troglodyte with a sixth-grade education and a dollar-forty in the bank is not exactly spending a lot of time reading books, but talented conservative author and essayist Christopher Buckley is now officially in the tank. He is voting for Barack Obama. (Yes, Christopher B. is the son of William F. Buckley, the founder of both the National Review and mid-20th Century conservative intellectualism, which is 100% dead forever now.) MORE »