important programming announcements

Hi, it’s me, your Editrix! How are you? TERRIBLE? Are you TERRIBLE because we have soooo many ugly ads on this page, and they are ugly? Fuck dudes, that sucks, and I am sorry. NOW CAN YOU PLEASE STOP YELLING AT ME ABOUT THE ADS. Go click on Breitbart, or Daily Caller, or even our […]

Ladies and gentlemen, wonkers and wonkarinas, we are very pleased to announce that we have hired your comrade ShyPixel to fix all the shit at this here computery site. He will fix it all, the plaguey performance issues, the 2000 pounds of shit I stuffed into a five-pound website, and all the other things we […]

Today we at Wonkette received a very important question that was very stupidly sent to our tipline, to which we can’t actually reply as it is anonymized, so we figured instead of responding to the asker, which we can’t, we would respond to all of you. That question is, “How do I cancel my subscription?” […]

Hey fuckers. You may think that just because you “read our blog” and “send us money” and maybe “make the funny in the comments” that your work here is done. INCORRECT. Your work here is just beginning. Many of you, you CLAIM, are computery techish elvish folk, by which we mean NERDS. Your mission, should […]

Ahem: Mediaite has learned from a senior source in the cable news industry with knowledge of MSNBC’s programming that actor Alec Baldwin is getting his own weekly show in MSNBC’s primetime lineup. According to our source, the so far untitled show will air Fridays at 10 p.m. ET and will feature a large dose of […]

In a valiant effort to undo one of the regulatory fuckups that led to the 2007-08 financial crisis, a bipartisan group of senators has introduced a bill that would reinstate some of the provisions of the New Deal-era Glass-Steagall Act, requiring banks to separate their retail banking functions from their riskier investment activities, essentially forcing […]

Remember, Miami-area Wonkaloos, that tonight is your very own special edition of the Wonkette Orgy And World Tour! Be there or David Caruso will throw his sunglasses at a puppy, or something! YEEEAAAAAAHHH! Yr Editrix will be “buying scorpions” (we are unsure whether this is a drink or an offer to distribute actual arthropods — possibly […]

So remember how we said we were NEVER THROWING ANOTHER PARTY AGAIN, EVER, and in fact did you notice that we still have not put up our pictures from our Norman, Dallas, and Austin Wonk Your Face Off Drinky Things and Orgies? They were 17 years ago now, and we are still tired. WELL NOW […]

And you still have OVER FOUR HOURS to buy his book and read at least part of it! That is what we did yesterday — up to Chapter Seven, bitches! — as did Doktor Zoom, when both of us were all HEY, ISN’T THE DAN SAVAGE LIVE CHAT TOMORROW? And then Doktor Zoom thought there […]

You know, in case Senator Staple-Crotch* decides to go Full Custer. (YOU NEVER GO FULL CUSTER!)