Tag Archives: immigration

  It Don't Really Matter To Him

Rand Paul, Stupid Man

Somewhere somehow somebody must have kicked him around some. Maybe in the head.
Rand Paul is at it again, pretending to be mystified that the USA is accepting Iraqi refugees, because after all, we won the war. Oh, hell, it’s Rand Paul, so who knows, maybe he really sincerely believes it. Anyone who’d find Ayn Rand an impressive economic thinker, and who could claim to be both a libertarian and “pro-life,” probably has no difficulty at all “remembering” all the parades in Iraq where grateful Iraqis threw flowers to the American troops. For all we know, he remembers seeing the black and white newsreels of the wild crowds at Baghdad’s Arc de Triumph, jumping up on jeeps to kiss the victorious GIs. He said the same dumb thing on an Iowa radio show in May, and repeated the claim this week on Boston Herald Radio, according to Think Progress, as part of a larger argument that America takes in too darn many refugees to start with, especially from the Middle East, because those people are crazy terrorists: Read more on Rand Paul, Stupid Man…
  Soon To Be Part Of Donald Trump's Platform

Texas Tells American Babies To Go Back To Mexico

Considering that's an 1861 flag, maybe we should just let the little Timelord stay
You have to hand it (“it” in this case being a flaming bag of dog poop) to the Great State of Texas: When it comes to finding new ways to be total dicks, the creativity and imagination of Texas government is almost boundless. The newest nomination for the Asshole Hall of Fame goes to officials in at least two Texas counties who have decided to take on the issue of “anchor babies” by just plain refusing to issue birth certificates for American-born children of parents whose immigration status the clerks aren’t happy with. Wingnuts have been screaming for years about the urgent need to modify the 14th Amendment to prevent the horror of birthright citizenship, so instead of holding more hearings about it, why not just ignore the parts of the Constitution they don’t like? Read more on Texas Tells American Babies To Go Back To Mexico…
  A Really Smart Person

Donald Trump Wishes We’d Invaded Mexico For Doing 9/11, Maybe

Feel free to take a swing too
The Great American Hairball, Donald Trump, reportedly offered an amusing variation this weekend on his longstanding view that the Iraq War was a huge, not-classy mistake. At a meeting of the conservative Hollywood group “Friends of Abe” (Lincoln, not Vigoda), Trump explained what George W. Bush got wrong in the years after 9/11, according to LA Weekly: Read more on Donald Trump Wishes We’d Invaded Mexico For Doing 9/11, Maybe…
  Wonkette movie review

A Story About Mexican Drug Violence Donald Trump Is Too Weak To Tell

Donald Trump has become persona non grata among decent people these days, because he said Mexican immigrants are “bringing drugs, they’re bringing crime, they’re rapists.” Sure, he allowed that some Mexicans are just the sweetest, except for the rape. Thursday, former Arizona Gov. Jan Brewer affirmed that she thinks Trump is completely right, that illegal immigration is out of control, and that the desert in Arizona is literally impassable these days, due to all the headless corpses. However, underneath xenophobic, racist, hateful, broad-brushing, nativist remarks like these, is there a grain of truth? Is there a story to be told here? Did you idiots even watch “Breaking Bad”? Read more on A Story About Mexican Drug Violence Donald Trump Is Too Weak To Tell…
  Borderline paranoids flock together

Former AZ Gov. Jan Brewer Off Meds Again, Thinks Trump Will Pick Up All Those Headless Corpses In Desert

She has a few words for Donald. None of them make sense
Former Arizona Governor Jan Brewer, who seemed so sane for a little while there as her term ended, has apparently gone off the rails again, the poor dear. Remember when she was hallucinating piles of headless bodies in the desert that simply weren’t there? They’ve apparently started talking to her, only now they all have Donald Trump’s voice, and they’re saying “Join me, Jan! We’ll build a wall together! Nobody can build such a YOOGE CLASSY WALL like me!” And so, Wednesday night on CNN, Brewer cheered on Donald Trump and his insistence that Mexico is sending us a lot of drug dealers, rapists, and murderers. Read more on Former AZ Gov. Jan Brewer Off Meds Again, Thinks Trump Will Pick Up All Those Headless Corpses In Desert…
  elp elp e's being repressed!

Convict James O’Keefe: Help, I Am Being Treated Like A Convict!

Look, we just don't want any rubber masked terrrorists getting in.
Oh, look at the violence inherent in the system. Just shocking. Oh, oh so sad. The American government is oppressing a crusading journalist, just for making the government look bad. Thanks to the dumb stunt where he waded across the Rio Grande wearing an Osama bin Laden mask, Great American Journalist James O’Keefe is now subject to additional scrutiny whenever he flies into the USA from abroad (no, he’s not actually on the No-Fly list). As we all know, that video proved that America has completely open borders, and further journalisming by O’Keefe proved that we’re also subject to attack by Ebola-carrying Ninjas. Read more on Convict James O’Keefe: Help, I Am Being Treated Like A Convict!…
  If You Strike Him Down He'll Become More Powerful Than You Could Possibly Imagine

Donald Trump Fires Macy’s For Letting Mexican Rapists Into America

Gonna buy Mexico too probably
Trumpendammerung 2015 continues today, as Macy’s becomes the latest of the Great White Shart’s branding associates to say “Adios, puto!” After Trump’s assertion that Mexico is “sending” a whole bunch of rapists and murderers and, he assumes, “some good people” across the border, it’s as if the Trump magic has worn off, and a whole bunch of businesses have sleepily rubbed the gold-leaf fairy dust out of their eyes, wondering why they ever hooked up with that asshole in the first place. And now, all the gold accents in the world won’t help Trump, because nobody likes gilt by association. Read more on Donald Trump Fires Macy’s For Letting Mexican Rapists Into America…
  She used to be someone

Won’t Some Nice White Person Please Give Ann Coulter A Hug?

Sad Ann Coulter is sad
Ann Coulter is not doing so well. It’s been a rough ride for the original Blonde Conservative Chick, who’s looking a little past her pull date, if you know what we mean. (We’d apologize for sounding sexist and ageist, but she’d hate that, so we won’t.) She used to be a novelty, but now there are dozens of younger, blonder, leggier, dumber, smilier, crazier conservative chicks. She is nothing special. She’s this close to being an answer on “Jeopardy!”: Born in 1961, this conservative columnist and commentator used to regularly appear on television and in newspapers, before she was deemed too toxic even for most conservatives. Who is Ann Coulter? And does anyone care? Alas, no. Read more on Won’t Some Nice White Person Please Give Ann Coulter A Hug?…
  So long farewell aufwiedersehen fuck off

Let’s Remember 11 Times Rupert Murdoch Was A Giant Cretinous Sh*thead

Don't get your old dick caught in the door on the way out.
The day you all feared would come is nigh, Wonkers: Rupert Murdoch is stepping down as CEO of 21st Century Fox and giving the company to his son James, though he will reportedly still be executive chairman of the enterprise and, according to CNBC, will likely “still have the final say on whatever goes on at Fox.” WE KNOW, dry your eyes. So many questions! Will Roger Ailes still have a job? Will Fox News continue to suck so hard? (The answers are “probably” and “definitely.”) Read more on Let’s Remember 11 Times Rupert Murdoch Was A Giant Cretinous Sh*thead…
  It's gonna be YOOOOOOOOOOOOGE!

President Donald Trump Will Build YOOOGE Gold-Plated Fence To Keep Out Messicans

Gonna buy Mexico too probably
Obviously, you are already voting for Donald Trump for president, because he is the bestest, most qualifiedest, most expertest, most EVERYTHINGEST guy who is not running for president but just might this time, maybe, we’ll see! But in case you are some kind of idiot who is not already begging Donald Trump on the Twitters to please save America and the world, with presidenting, his immigration policy — which he unveiled in an interview with David Brody, the Christian “reporter” in charge of doing softball interviews with Republican candidates for CBN News — ought to persuade you: Read more on President Donald Trump Will Build YOOOGE Gold-Plated Fence To Keep Out Messicans…
  Nobody Said The Law Has To Be Equal Did They?

Prosecutor Says Latino Wife-Beaters Are Cool, As Long As They Beat Their Own Kind

Because there really aren't any funny illustrations for this topic
Back in 2000, Congress did a good thing. It made it possible for undocumented immigrants who were victims of domestic violence to get a special visa — called “U visa” — to encourage victims to come forward and get help. It’s a pretty smart program, except it has one little problem: Local prosecutors decide whether to process the victim’s applications, and some local prosecutors are assholes, like the district attorney for Gaston County, North Carolina, who has the Ultimate Southern DA name of Locke Bell. Mr. Bell decided, all on his own, to reject a U visa application from a pregnant woman whose boyfriend punched her in the stomach, and he offered this flawless reason: He’s pretty sure the law “was never intended to protect Latinos from Latinos.” Why, that’s just silly — only commies think illegal immigrants are real people. Read more on Prosecutor Says Latino Wife-Beaters Are Cool, As Long As They Beat Their Own Kind…
  Just needs a little fixin'

Republican Congress Does Not Care For All These Anchor Babies, Picks HOLY F*CK RACIST To Testify

Still stoked that Chris Hayes used this back in February.
Always searching for the next great idea to keep America the pristine for-white-Christian-straight-dudes-only nation Jesus intended, Republicans in the House and Senate are pushing for a law to tweak the 14th Amendment just a tad: Read more on Republican Congress Does Not Care For All These Anchor Babies, Picks HOLY F*CK RACIST To Testify…
  We Watch So You Don't Have To

The Fartknocker Report: Sarah Palin To Save All The Anchor Babies From Mean Obama, Wait What?

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report, Presented By Fartknocker
Let’s see, which warmed-over, 30-day-old story should we choose for this week’s Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report, Presented By Fartknocker? Oooh, this one looks fun! It’s a video about “maternity hotels,” which are places in U.S. America where THE YELLOW MENACE comes to pop out their job-stealing anchor babbies. The Tundra Grifter is right to point out that this odious practice ought to be banned, and you’d think she’d be pleased to hear that President Nobummer raided 37 “maternity hotels” in California last month. Ha ha, the idea that Sarah Palin would give Barack Obama credit for doing what she said he should do, this is famous joke among Yr Wonket’s people. Let’s go to the tape! Read more on The Fartknocker Report: Sarah Palin To Save All The Anchor Babies From Mean Obama, Wait What?…
 

President Scott Walker Will Overwhelm ISIS With Sheer Weight Of His Flip Flops

flippin' ain't easy
Scott Walker, Wisconsin’s governor and yet another 2016 presidential hopeful, is once again groovin’ to the sweet sounds of the Immigration Metronome. According to the Wall Street Journal, while at a private dinner with a group of New Hampshire Republicans, Walker floated the possibility of a path to citizenship for illegal immigrants. If this is really the case, it could be a pretty bold move for a Comic Sans candidate who, as recently as this month, is on the record against “amnesty” in any form. Read more on President Scott Walker Will Overwhelm ISIS With Sheer Weight Of His Flip Flops…
  Next: The Inevitable Drunken Make-Up Sex

Glenn Beck Breaks Up With GOP, Won’t Return Any LPs They Bought Together

Who'll get custody of the Butthurt?
Oh dear. This is going to make for some awkward Thanksgiving dinners, we bet: Glenn Beck is done with the Republican Party because he just can’t stand how they keep cheating on him. On his radio programme Wednesday, Mr. Beck told the GOP that it’s not him, it’s them: Read more on Glenn Beck Breaks Up With GOP, Won’t Return Any LPs They Bought Together…
  she's still got it

Michele Bachmann Tattles On Illegal-Lovin’ GOP To Her Friend, An Invisible Lion

She tried to warn us
Have you been missing former Rep. Michele Bachmann since she retired to be president of the United States of Cheap Gas? Us too! And it seems she might be regretting her retirement, because hoo boy, those morons in the House are absolutely lost without her. In an EXCLUSIVE! interview with WND, Bachmann predicted that the 2016 presidential election has already been lost, thanks to those know-nothing turncoat Republicans who sold out their party and America. No, no, she’s not talking about the traitorous love letter to Iran. Don’t be silly! Read more on Michele Bachmann Tattles On Illegal-Lovin’ GOP To Her Friend, An Invisible Lion…