immigration
America’s most vocal light bulb sex toy fetishist Rep. Steve King had a hot little pile of mouth poop to share with his constituents regarding his personal vision for doling out U.S. work visas to immigrants, by comparing these humans to dogs: “You want a good bird dog? You want one that’s going to be [...]
Looks like we missed a fiesta grande outside the Supreme Court yesterday, where everyone gathered to gaze in awe at Antonin Scalia as he called your abuelita a bandita. Most of those gathered, according to our spies on Twitter, were just huge Mexicans being a bunch of gangsters whenever they weren’t busy napping under sombreros [...]
What was that question from the dumb Republican debates, about Mexicans… oh yes: How do you “turn off the magnet” that brings all those Mexitrons to the United States? Well, it appears we have our answer: make the United States really shitty. The Pew Hispanic Center has released a new report that shows “the net [...]
Are you tired of seeing immigrants, mostly the illegal ones, rolling around in their garish earth-raping automobiles on their way to and from their garish stucco McMansions filled with, we don’t know, probably a few car elevators even? Did you mainline enough angel dust at breakfast this morning to come to the startling conclusion that [...]
President Obama is having a grand old time this recess! He’s proposing a change to the U.S. immigration policy Friday that amounts him to actually doing something (again!) without the help of the recessing puppet masters. The proposal would allow certain illegal immigrants to stay in the U.S. while they apply for legal residence status, [...]
Immigrants in this country are facing a whole list of problems these days, one of those problems being, of course, the insane people and laws that seek to force them out of their homes. Luckily, the timing on this is perfect, because just as much as immigrants need new, non-threatening places to live, America’s Worst [...]
Alabama is just the latest backwards state to legally codify its crusader witch hunt against the illegal immigrant wizards working their back-breaking field labor black magick on Alabama’s giant agriculture industry, but the state’s recently-enacted set of draconian worst-ever anti-immigrant laws are working a little too fast: zillions of Alabama tomatoes are rotting away in [...]
Old white people in Arizona were warned to unplug their ‘puters Thursday night, because a group of mysterious hackers called “Lulz Security” broke into the state’s law enforcement network and released millions of illegal Mexican computer things into the computer world, the New York Times reports. The virtual Mexicans might somehow get through the Internet [...]
What do we always know about America’s myriad unsolved problems? They are the fault of the illegalz. Recently, the illegalz have been trying to burn down all of Arizona with their chronic pyromaniac ruthlessness, according to senior desert wildfire detective Sen. John McCain. Asked by reporters at a press conference, “what’s the deal and how [...]
Can anyone take a guess as to who Arizona Republicans want to replace Jon Kyl as their next senator? No? Okay, close your eyes and imagine that a scary Mexican man with bloodshot eyes and cocaine pouring out of his orifices is pointing a gun at you and the only way to stop him is [...]
Last year, Lindsey Graham decided to use his formal Ham Biscuit Veto, the constitutional provision that allows closeted senators to block any bill that offends their dainty self-importance, to stop immigration and climate-change reforms from happening, because he was so upset about the health care. But now Lindsey Graham has decided the immigration thing is [...]
Hey, George W. Bush found some people willing to spend time to listen to him. He thinks immigration reform will happen, even though all Mexicans want to come here to sell drugs and gay-marry each other for the government health benefits. But why does Bush want this to happen? He thinks the country is getting [...]
Happy new Congress! First order of bizness: Let’s stop Mexicans from ever having a dream of a better life for their children! “More than a country, America is an idea.” An idea thought up by white people. Nice try, Mexico! The American Dream was thought up by white people, and if you try to have [...]
