Tag Archives: immigration

  Another Prick With A Wall

Donald Trump’s Analogies Not Making America Great Again

We didn't say you have simply tons of ideas, Donnie. We said you had the ideas of a simpleton
We didn’t say you have simply tons of ideas, Donnie. We said you had the ideas of a simpleton Just in case you had any doubts that Donald Trump is the smartest, YOOGEST, most knowledgeable security expert running for president, we bring you this thought about border security from his Twitter feed, which belongs to him and is his: Read more on Donald Trump’s Analogies Not Making America Great Again…
  Man Who Won't Be President Makes Desperate Bid For Attention

Chris Christie Wants Barcodes For Foreigners, Just Like You Know Who

When You Absolutely, Positively Need To Improve Your Poll Numbers Overnight
When You Absolutely, Positively Need To Improve Your Poll Numbers Overnight Sad Bayonne hound Chris Christie offered a novel way to crack down on illegal immigration, which the 2016 Republican primary voters all agree is the greatest crisis in the world (apart maybe from Benghazi). Oh, sure, maybe a 300-foot wall built out of sharks and tigers, with drones and lasers and exploding anchor baby birth certificates is a good start, but how about the people who fly over the wall on an airplane (even if Donald Trump doesn’t believe in their existence)? In a speech in New Hampshire, Saturday, Christie explained that since the private sector is so good at keeping tabs on the location of packages, maybe we should get FedEx to keep track of all the foreigners in the country, so that when some Messican from Guatemala overstays their visa, we can easily send them back to the Amazon for a refund (little South o’ the Border joke for you there). Read more on Chris Christie Wants Barcodes For Foreigners, Just Like You Know Who…
  Here's a neat idea!

America About To Fall In Love With Scott Walker, Says Scott Walker

This will probably be news to you, America, but you are nanomilimicroseconds away from falling head over heels for Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker. True, you don’t love him now, and you’ve been liking him less and less all year, but that’s about to change. How do we know? Not because it says so on his hat, but because he said it, which pretty much makes it a fact. So, BOOM, ta da, and case closed. Read more on America About To Fall In Love With Scott Walker, Says Scott Walker…
  Making America Grate Again

Donald Trump Fanboy Can’t Believe Univision Anchor Even Allowed In White People’s America

That's one Ugly American there
So here’s a charming addendum to Tuesday night’s Donald Trump presser in Dubuque, Iowa, when the Human Flannel Moth deported Univision news anchor Jorge Ramos for being out of line. Once Ramos was out in the hallway, an as-yet unidentified Trump wannabee decided that it was time to give the veteran newsman a good talking-to. Not that the guy knew Ramos was a veteran newsman; all he could see was an uppity foreigner who needed to “go back to Univision.” Read more on Donald Trump Fanboy Can’t Believe Univision Anchor Even Allowed In White People’s America…
  Wow So Yooge. Much Classy. Wow.

Trump Shows America How He Will Deport Mexicans, On Live TV!

Simian challenge display #6
Donald Trump won himself even more love from the We Hates Foreigns crowd Tuesday as he ignored questions from Univision news anchor Jorge Ramos at a press event, told him to go back where he came from (Univision), and had a security guard escort Ramos from the room. After a while, Ramos was allowed back in; while Trump talked over and avoided answering Ramos’s questions, at least he ignored the man face to face. We can hardly wait for President Trump to address the United Nations and tell the delegates to go the hell back to whatever stupid countries they came from, because nobody’s ever even heard of them. Read more on Trump Shows America How He Will Deport Mexicans, On Live TV!…
  Oooh snap!

Donald Trump Finds New Creative Way To Pick On Poor Stupid Jeb Bush

The true face of feminism.
Clearly not a fence We are having ourselves a glorious time watching Donald Trump beat the ever-lovin’ guano out of “low energy” weak-ass whimpering coward man-child Jeb Bush, are we not? It’s enough to make you almost feel sorry for poor Jeb, who has proven that he is so jaw-dropping terrible at running for president, we have collectively agreed that drooling idiot Big Brother Dubya, who sometimes forgets to chew his food before he swallows it, is the smart one after all. Read more on Donald Trump Finds New Creative Way To Pick On Poor Stupid Jeb Bush…
  Cool position bro

Scott Walker Not Too Scared To Say All Muslims Are Bad

He’s just not very good at this Gov. Scott “Look at my big Reaganesque balls” Walker has been having a hell of a time trying to figure out where he fits on the Republican spectrum of hating brown American citizens. In the span of a week, he was against birthright citizenship, guaranteed in the 14th Amendment. Then he was “not taking a position,” and now he’s come around again, and he is definitely opposed to changing the Constitution, at least until lunchtime tomorrow, at which point, who even knows? Read more on Scott Walker Not Too Scared To Say All Muslims Are Bad…
  Make America Great Again Before It's Too Late

Donald Trump Gives YOOOGE Boner To Stupid Racist Americans

You know you want it Donald Trump held a rally in Alabama on Friday, a real classy event, the biggest one yet, with tens of thousands of people in attendance, all of them terrific — even the one dude at the rally who shouted “White power!” Because if there’s one place in U.S. America where you should be able to proudly express yourself, even if your self is a white supremacist dickbag in Mobile, Alabama, it’s definitely at a campaign event for the presidential candidate who claims in every speech, “It turned out I was right” to accuse Mexico of importing rapists and murderers to America, all the time, every day, because someone is doing the raping, and, Trump has insisted, it’s not him. Read more on Donald Trump Gives YOOOGE Boner To Stupid Racist Americans…
  Questions are mean

Scott Walker Wants To Be President Without The Tricky Questions, Please And Thank You

Don't badger me for more details.
Oooh, that Scott Walker, he is so tough. He will bust those stupid unions and slash those stupid pensions right in the nuts, and then he will do the same thing to ISIS. That is how tough he is. Exactly like Reagan Sir Ronald, Patron Saint of Big Swingin’ Dicks. We are talkin’ BAD MUTHAFUCKA tough, all you all. Read more on Scott Walker Wants To Be President Without The Tricky Questions, Please And Thank You…
  You May Not Say He's A Dreamer

Jeb Bush Asks Media For Help Slurring Brown Babies

Might need changing, might just be gassy
Might need changing, might just be gassy Jeb! Bush continued a family tradition this week: say something stupid, then say something even MORE stupid in an attempt to explain the first stupid thing. Read more on Jeb Bush Asks Media For Help Slurring Brown Babies…
  Pretty talk

Bobby Jindal Happy To Call Brown People Names If He Can Be President

Bobby Jindal’s offical portrait. Yes, really. Louisiana Gov. Piyush “Bobby like the Brady Bunch” Jindal is the spittin’ image of racial transcendence. He doesn’t see race, even when he looks in the mirror, because he is a proud American, from America, raised by American immigrants who came to America, so that’s THAT. He is not Indian-American because he doesn’t believe in that sort of radical leftist divisive nonsense, and he’s “done with all this talk about hyphen-Americans.” And he’s so proud of his born-and-raised-right-here-in-America heritage that he’s willing to invoke laws that do not even exist to ensure that his state forever worships the Confederate traitors who declared war on the the United States and tried to leave it. Ah, patriotism. Read more on Bobby Jindal Happy To Call Brown People Names If He Can Be President…
  MAN she wants to be his running mate

Sarah Palin Likes Her Men Dumb And Drunk, Like Donald Trump

The blouse really complements her derp.
Sarah Palin loves Donald Trump, because he’s a BIG PICTURE, Joe Six-Pack kind of pompous billionaire asshole HERO, who doesn’t get mired down in little details like “policy” and “actual opinions” about stuff and things. And you know how Joe Six-Pack is, he’s a regular guy who just downed a six pack of Keystone Light and now he’s telling you what he thinks about America and you betcha, we need more people like like Joe Six-Pack, who is Donald Trump. Donald Trump! Read more on Sarah Palin Likes Her Men Dumb And Drunk, Like Donald Trump…
  As Constitutional As They Wanna Be

GOP Candidates Take Knife To Messican-Loving Parts Of Constitution

Considering that's an 1861 flag, maybe we should let the little Timelord stay
Considering that’s an 1861 flag, maybe we should let the little Timelord stay You old folks may remember a time when it was actually controversial, back in 2010, when Iowa congressmelon Steve King wanted to trash the 14th Amendment and its guarantee of birthright citizenship, so Our Nation wouldn’t sink to the sea floor under the weight of all those “anchor babies” the illegals were having. Since then, though, a whole bunch of other Republicans have become quite open to throwing the 14th Amendment right out the Overton Window. You see, while some amendments are holy and can never be restricted — like the Second, which preserves all the others at the mere cost of 30,000 dead Americans annually — others have unintended consequences that simply can’t be tolerated, like how the 14th lets Messicans from all over Latin America come here and pop out a bunch of new citizens who have to be treated as if they had rights or something. Read more on GOP Candidates Take Knife To Messican-Loving Parts Of Constitution…
  Unfair!

Donald Trump Copied Scott Walker’s Immigration Homework, Says Scott Walker

As we already told you (sheesh, do you people EVER listen?), Donald Trump released his terrifically detailed immigration policy, and it’s terrific. And classy. And beautiful. And tremendous. And the most brilliant policy you ever did read. And in case you didn’t bother, it goes something like this: Read more on Donald Trump Copied Scott Walker’s Immigration Homework, Says Scott Walker…
  But Is It Tough Enough?

Donald Trump Has Detailed Plan To Kick Mexico’s Ass Now, And It’s Terrific

President Trump will pay for the wall with a 5000% import duty on these things.
Looks like we all have to start taking Donald Trump seriously now, because his campaign has posted a very serious position paper on immigration that explains how Donald Trump would make all the scary immigrants go back where they came from and never rape and murder us anymore like they have been, and he finally revealed how he would make Mexico pay for The Wall. Also, it would Make America Great Again, which is an important component of the plan’s inevitable success. Read more on Donald Trump Has Detailed Plan To Kick Mexico’s Ass Now, And It’s Terrific…
  It Don't Really Matter To Him

Rand Paul, Stupid Man

Somewhere somehow somebody must have kicked him around some. Maybe in the head.
Rand Paul is at it again, pretending to be mystified that the USA is accepting Iraqi refugees, because after all, we won the war. Oh, hell, it’s Rand Paul, so who knows, maybe he really sincerely believes it. Anyone who’d find Ayn Rand an impressive economic thinker, and who could claim to be both a libertarian and “pro-life,” probably has no difficulty at all “remembering” all the parades in Iraq where grateful Iraqis threw flowers to the American troops. For all we know, he remembers seeing the black and white newsreels of the wild crowds at Baghdad’s Arc de Triumph, jumping up on jeeps to kiss the victorious GIs. He said the same dumb thing on an Iowa radio show in May, and repeated the claim this week on Boston Herald Radio, according to Think Progress, as part of a larger argument that America takes in too darn many refugees to start with, especially from the Middle East, because those people are crazy terrorists: Read more on Rand Paul, Stupid Man…