Wonkette

ISN’T THAT JUST SOME GAY DISEASE THOUGH?: According to Andrew Sullivan’s gay Congressional ESP, Sen. David Vitter, who likes to have diaper sex with prostitutes left and right, is the “only Senator opposing the removal of the HIV travel and immigration ban” from “The United States President’s Emergency Plan for AIDS Relief,” a.k.a. PEPFAR. What kind of godforsaken world do we live in where David Vitter is the only guy who doesn’t want Americans getting AIDS from these foreign gays who come here and start coughing everywhere? [Andrew Sullivan]

The rampant, raging Absolut vodka controversy took on new dimensions this weekend when a pack of insane nativists vowed to boycott Absolut and demanded the firing of the employee who approved an ad that encourages the Mexicans to take over the Northern Hemisphere. To be fair, it is well known that The Illegals and their cohort take most of their political marching orders from liquor ads. MORE »

Another loser official from the Bush Administration is stepping down to spend time with the family, but there’s something especially funny about the departure of Emilio Gonzalez from the U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services agency — because Gonzalez wrote a big whiny blog post (on the Department of Homeland Security blog, of course) about how the New York Times called him a loser! And then about a million people with varying degrees of English-as-a-Second-Language proficiency left hilarious comments! MORE »

Sweet Jesus, it’s a conservative explaining a non-conservative opinion to crazy conservative wildebeests at CPAC! What is happening to “our Republican Party,” where they need to explain things? This is not America. This is Mexico. This is what the Mexicans do.

Various “Draft Lou Dobbs” web sites have been popping up around the Internets for a while. But will the ascendancy of John “Deport All the Americans and Rejoin the Republic of New Spain” McCain drive patriotic citizens into the ochre embrace of the CNN news anchor? We will find out on November 4, when America elects its first Tang-colored president.

The top US immigration enforcement lady is gearing up to send about 10% of America’s prison population packing this year on account of being criminally Mexican. Julie Meyers, who is an assistant secretary at DHS, has ramped up prison deportations from a puny 64,000 in 2006 to a still-puny 164,000 in 2007, and sees no need to stop there. Many of the foreigns in question lost their legal status as a result of the crimes they committed and have families here and whatnot, but they just should have thought of that before they went and did a bunch of crimes. After decades of overcrowding, there should now be plenty of room for hard-working American felons in this country’s various penal facilities. [New York Times]

We forgot what Lou Dobbs was doing before he became a raving lunatic. We recall his orange hair, with Dobbs beneath it, hosting a show that was about economics or something. Now Dobbs, whose skin has gradually taken on the same light saber-esque glow as his coiffure, has become the of messiah of the anti-Mexican day-laborer movement. Since he’s on teevee and our country is filled with crazy people, Lou Dobbs may just run for president. MORE »

As the national press corps descends on the Iowa caucuses this week, Mormon presidential candidate Romney, Mittens, is leading a secret raid on the magical duchy of New Hampshire, where they are having a less retarded version of voting next week. Mitt received plenty of heat for attacking rival WALNUTS! in a NH ad last week, so this week he devotes like five more seconds towards calling McCain an “honorable man” before hurling pellets of rat shit at him. Also… this Bob Duffy character?

“Terrorist nations,” he says in this flashy new ad. Ahh, finally, some REAL Republican pandering in the post-Tancredo era! Constitution to be saved in 3… 2… 1… [YouTube]

In 9/11’s new ad, the former mayor of Sanctuary City, USA, is racist. That’s really all we have to say. Not like Tommy Tanks-racist, even slightly less racist thank Mitt “Sanctuary Lawn” Romney. Just usual racist.

Mike Huckabee added another star to his endorsement firmament by locking up Jim Gilchrist (and right out from under Tancredo’s trembling nose, too!). Jim is best (only) known for heading the Minuteman Project, which is a group of crazy anti-brown-people activists that sit in lawn chairs with binoculars watching the border and who would never, ever shoot any unarmed illegal immigrants even if they thought they could get away with it. Jim also warned that Congress providing “amnesty” to illegal immigrants might set off a (presumably armed) insurrection, which was totally not Montana militia-y at all. This is expected to help the Huck as he tries to prove that he hates brown people as much if not more than what all the candidates apparently believe is the average Republican primary voter. [NY Times]

Tom Tancredo’s new ad, “Consequences,” is the most ignorant, demagogic, racist, poorly produced and effing hysterical 30-seconds of campaign footage ever. This is really happening! This man is allowed to participate in nationally televised debates! And the Congress thing too! [YouTube]

As has now been widely reported, it turns out that Mitt (and his totally-not-gay son Taggart) continued to use Ricardo Saenz’s lawncare company this year after he promised that he wouldn’t hire any more illegal immigrants. Whoops! Sorry about that loss of business, Ricardo. Despite all that’s occurred, Saenz (a fellow Mormon) told the Boston Globe about Romney, “He’s a man of integrity. He’s a whole man. Morally and spiritually, I find him to be the one who can lead this country.” Wait, do all us non-godly people have to learn a new religious code if Mitt’s elected? Goddammit. [Boston Globe]

Morusa Media announced last week that it has commitment from several (mostly Latino) participants to film six episodes of its new reality TV program “Who Wants to Marry a U.S. Citizen.” Because, truly, there’s nothing more legal/ disheartening to know that not only will women or men make asses of themselves for our entertainment for fame, but to keep from being deported as well.

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