Tag Archives: immigrants

  If it sounds too good to be true

Nice Time! New York Gov To Save Manicurists From Your Spa, We Mean ‘Sweatshop’

Fancy ain't free
Do you live in New York and love getting your nails did, but for real cheap, like $10.50? Sure, it’s SUPER awesome that you can pay practically nothing for someone else to spend an hour scraping off your callouses and massaging your aching joints and painting your fingers all pretty, but on the other hand, according to a series of reports by the New York Times — and also math — that bargain price means the person beautifying you all up, often an undocumented immigrant with zero protections, is getting paid practically nothing, or even literally nothing, or even literally negative dollars, since she actually paid her boss to let her work there. Plus, also, they are working with hazardous chemicals 27 hours a day (for real, salon owners make them work pretty much every hour of the day, every day of the week), suffering from respiratory problems, higher risks of miscarriage, and god only knows what else because there has been little research on the effects of long-term exposure to the chemicals used in nail salons. So maybe, like, not so super awesome for them? Read more on Nice Time! New York Gov To Save Manicurists From Your Spa, We Mean ‘Sweatshop’…
  It happens to all guys seriously

Ben Carson Prematurely Ejaculates Presidential Announcement

Ben Carson is only doing this because people are BEGGING him to.
Dr. Ben Carson, who is very good at being a neurosurgeon but doesn’t seem to have other strengths, officially announces his candidacy to lose to Hillary Clinton in Detroit today, but whoops, guess he couldn’t keep the “secret” any longer, because he “leaked” the news to WHAM ABC 13 in Rochester on Sunday. In the interview, Carson sleepily says that he is “willing to be part of [that] equation,” presumably the equation required to save America from all the economic growth and healthcare wrought by evil Obama’s reign of terror. Therefore he will run for president! Hurray, is 2016 over yet? Read more on Ben Carson Prematurely Ejaculates Presidential Announcement…
  Reality Be Damned

Tennessee Republicans Solve Pressing Problem Of Muslim No-Go Zones. In Tennessee.

A Tennessee representative has introduced a bill to outlaw those Muslimy “no-go zones,” which you may remember are not actually real. Of course that doesn’t much matter, because never let reality get in the way of a good dog whistle. The bill was introduced by state Rep. Susan Lynn (R-Fox News), and defines a no-go zone as: Read more on Tennessee Republicans Solve Pressing Problem Of Muslim No-Go Zones. In Tennessee….
  Steve King sees what Steve King did there

Rep. Steve King Loves Americans From All Planets Except The Messican Ones

Bible's a pretty cool guy. eh saves aleins and doesn't afraid of anything
Oh, Rep. Steve King’s Iowa Cow-Tippers For Freedom convention has been going so well! The space between Donald Trump’s hair and his flag pin told the audience that he woulda beat that Barack Obama in 2012, and how he will beat everyone in 2016 because he’s got that year free on his schedule, and they clapped because they are stupid. Read more on Rep. Steve King Loves Americans From All Planets Except The Messican Ones…
  A Sojourner In A Strange Land. A Very Strange Land

Obama Said Words From The Bible, Is That Even Allowed?

He's stealing our worship words!
Newest Rightwing Butthurt: In his speech on immigration reform, Traitor Usurper Friend Of Lawbreakers Barack Hussein Obama, who never mentions Jesus on Easter or Christmas, actually referenced the Bible, and now that’s a terrible thing. As part of his address, Obama said, Read more on Obama Said Words From The Bible, Is That Even Allowed?…
  Core Principles

GOP Aims To Expand Base With Key Wealthy Overseas-Tax-Cheat Demographic

“We need to do a better job of appealing to women, minorities, and young people,” said every self-aware Republican after Mitt Romney and a bunch of other 2012 GOP candidates fed themselves feet first into the great wood-chipper of American Democracy. From “self-deport” to “binders full of women” to “who let the dogs out?”* with a big assist from “legitimate rape,” “very little tolerance” for students worried about their loans, voter suppression, and trans-vaginal ultrasounds (“legitimate rape”), Republicans running for office in 2012 alienated and mortified key constituencies in word and deed. But they learned their lesson! At the RNC’s winter meeting, the party “is expected to approve a resolution […] calling for repeal of an Obama administration law that is designed to crack down on offshore tax dodging,” reports Reuters. And probably something about women, minorities, and young people too, right? Sure, whatever. No. Read more on GOP Aims To Expand Base With Key Wealthy Overseas-Tax-Cheat Demographic…
  spittle flyin'

Anchor Baby Michelle Malkin So Mad About Immigrants For A Change

Anchor baby Michelle Malkin is flabbercensed, y’all, about the Associated Press changing its stylebook to avoid namecalling immigrants who don’t have all their paperwork in one sock put the final nail in the Lamestream Media’s coffin. Not only has the AP decided to stop calling these terrorvaders “illegal immigrants” (because, so mean!), but they’ve also dropped “undocumented immigrant,” which really burns Michelle’s bacon. Read more on Anchor Baby Michelle Malkin So Mad About Immigrants For A Change…
  takers and makers

Prepare For Your Newest Reason For Getting Laid Off, America: You Just Got Insourced!

Well, it’s finally happening to non-Poors too: high-income IT workers are now being replaced by Indian workers who will agree to work for less pay and no benefits. Welcome to the future, where the only jobs left will be upper upper management, service, and court jester crap (i.e., Louis C.K., Lady Gaga, Girltalk, etc). Read more on Prepare For Your Newest Reason For Getting Laid Off, America: You Just Got Insourced!…
  flotus files

Michelle Obama Invites Awesome Haitian Lady To SOTU FLOTUS Box

Your FLOTUS correspondent can smell an ABC Family original movie a mile away, and this one smells like some combination of Ruby Bridges, that documentary about the choir for elderly people, and scallions. It is the story of Desaline Victor. Who is Desaline Victor? “At age 102, it’s possible Desaline Victor is the oldest guest ever to attend a State of the Union address.” We are apparently not one hundred percent sure that she is the oldest, but we will run with it! Desaline Victor is also “an immigrant, former farm worker, and respected elder and minority from one of the poorest parts of South Florida.” Naturally, she will be sitting with First Lady Michelle Obama during the State of the Union as part of the all-important Second Term Agenda Item Dream Team. As both an immigrant and victim of Florida voting procedures, Victor brings age and experience to a guest box that will also include military families and victims of gun violence. Read more on Michelle Obama Invites Awesome Haitian Lady To SOTU FLOTUS Box…
  how a bill becomes a law

Vengeful God, Iowa Rep. Steve King, Will Smite Every Bill Obama Ever Signed Into Law

Oh hi Steve King (R-His Own Sphincter), what paranoid delusional BS are you blabbing about today? You will remember Steve King as the gentleman who advocated for the legality of animal cruelty because of the theoretical legality of a VERY detailed scenario (fantasy?) involving abducting a 13 year old girl from a swing set, raping her, taking her across state lines to give her an abortion to “hide the evidence,” transporting her back across state lines, and depositing her safely back at the swing set from whence she had been abducted. Now he has used his slippery grasp on “law” to consider the introduction of an amendment that would repeal everything Obama has signed into law. Everything! This is just retaliation for Obama being insufficiently cruel to undocumented immigrants who were brought to this country as children: Read more on Vengeful God, Iowa Rep. Steve King, Will Smite Every Bill Obama Ever Signed Into Law…
  congresswomen gone wild

Eagle Forum Pretty Sure Rape Victim Congresswoman Is The Real Rapist

What is this stupid Violence Against Women Act, and why do all these whining, lying women think it is up to “the law” to protect them from their meathead husbands’ flying fists? And while the Eagle Forum is wondering, why is some stupid congresslady bitching about how when she got raped, and her attacker was put on trial, she kept getting asked about, like, why she was a single mom, and why she was dressed so slutty, and didn’t she seduce her attacker by being a slutty-dressed single mom? Why wasn’t she on trial for raping her fine upstanding gentleman, by forcing him to rape her? Sorry, Joe Biden, but Eagle Forum has just CRUSHED your precious VAWA, with LOGIC, why don’t you GET SOME? Read more on Eagle Forum Pretty Sure Rape Victim Congresswoman Is The Real Rapist…
  everywhere around the world they're going from america

Immigrant Kids Are So Over This Place

Have you ever met an immigrant? They are so interesting, these people, with their foreign customs (cherry blossom festivals, moon worship, human sacrifice) and rituals (throwing salt over one shoulder for good luck, dancing for good luck, beating their wives for good luck). Liberals greatly enjoy prattling on about how immigrants and their children add a lot to our culture, sometimes even by joining our military industrial complex and fighting on behalf of our oil companies, or perhaps simply by getting into better schools than their fat, slovenly American-born counterparts. Read more on Immigrant Kids Are So Over This Place…
  it's morning in america

Keith Olbermann To Join Al Gore’s Adult Entertainment Channel?

Keith Olbermann is expected to announce his new teevee home base sometime today, and many teevee experts believe he will join Current TV, the “public affairs channel” that Al Gore invented to help spread liberal Sharia. And now that Keith isn’t oppressed by the MSNBC Corporate Yoke, he can finally tell the news the way it’s meant to be told: in the nude, as a CNN hologram. Will Keith’s teevee groupies follow him to this obscure television station? And how many Al Gore carbon credits does it cost to purchase an episode of Countdown with Naked Keith Olbermann, on Pay-Per-View? [NYT] Read more on Keith Olbermann To Join Al Gore’s Adult Entertainment Channel?… Read more on Keith Olbermann To Join Al Gore’s Adult Entertainment Channel?…
  meet your new micks

RedState: It’s Time To Ban Muslim Immigration

RedState has come up with a fun, new, very academic policy idea: Let’s stop letting Muslims immigrate here! That will solve all of the problems on the problems list, such as economy and fetus death. “By now it is evident to all but the most brassbound liberals, incorrigible in their refusal to face hard facts, that Islam contains within it a sizeable faction of determined men whose politics derive from the warmaking doctrines of the Jihad. Wherever Islam is, this faction will be also.” All groups of people have a few bad apples. (Who eventually turn into violent bad-apple cider? Sorry, that’s a dumb cliche.) But Islam’s bad apples are Muslim, so they shouldn’t be allowed to be Americans, according to America’s official blog, RedState. Plus, there are lots of other fun rules the government should enact to control current Muslim Americans! Read more on RedState: It’s Time To Ban Muslim Immigration…
  it's morning in america

Rupert Murdoch Has Fond Memories of Being Illegal Brown Person

Rupert Murdoch testified to Congress about immigration. Are television comedians the only people now who are allowed to testify about Mexicans? Let’s hope so! Anyway, Rupert Murdoch is “pro-immigration,” even though his teevee network is constantly reminding Real America that the brown people are stealing all the white women, and forcing them to eat tacos — tacos that might have “vegetables” in them. (Vegetables!) Rupert is of course an expert on immigration because he was a drug mule once himself, way back when, during the Weimar Republic or something like that. Rupert Murdoch is old. [NECN] Read more on Rupert Murdoch Has Fond Memories of Being Illegal Brown Person… Read more on Rupert Murdoch Has Fond Memories of Being Illegal Brown Person…
  it's morning in america

America Finally Safe From Immigrant Children And Their Immigrant Ways

Yesterday, Senate Republicans — the most sexually secure people in the entire world — filibustered a motion to debate the possibility of maybe repealing Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell. You were probably too busy having a ham biscuits parade in honor of Lindsey Graham, but did you hear about that “other” thing Senate Republicans stalled, like true defenders of the Constitution? The (un-American) Dream Act would allow “children of undocumented immigrants to get on a path to citizenship,” and that is just nauseating and makes us want to vomit in our mouths because it is such a bad idea. And now, thanks to the diligence of Senate Republicans, America is finally safe from the gays and the undocumented babies/future 9/11 hijackers. [WaPo] Read more on America Finally Safe From Immigrant Children And Their Immigrant Ways… Read more on America Finally Safe From Immigrant Children And Their Immigrant Ways…
  where on the doll did the debate touch you?

Traumatized Jan Brewer Not Going To Debate Anyone EVER AGAIN

Jan Brewer does not understand this whole debate thing and the idea that you have to make “opening statements” and have “accomplishments” to talk about in them, and thus she has decided she won’t do one ever again, SO THERE. “She said the only reason she debated him on Wednesday is she had to to qualify for more than $1.7 million in public funds for her campaign.” Change the rules, Arizona! America loves to cringe at this woman! Read more on Traumatized Jan Brewer Not Going To Debate Anyone EVER AGAIN…
  but where's his coverage of carmen sandiego?

Brian Ross’ Magical Cell Phone Wrongly Claims Dudes Are Terrorists

Oh, remember that ABC News story from Monday about how terrorists were doing a “dry run” (no semen) on some airplanes? No, you don’t, as Wonkette is your only news source, and we <3 the Muslins, so we can’t report anything negative about them. Well, Brian Ross said two Yemeni-born American residents taped a cell-phone to a bottle of Pepto Bismol in their luggage, as a sort of mock bomb. But it turns out this was just an “unusual set of circumstances,” and authorities say nothing terroristy was happening. But ABC has kept the story up on their website and not edited or corrected it in any way, to make sure these guys’ Google results will forever tell people they’re terrorists. BRIAN ROSS JUST DRY-RUNNED YOUR FACE! Read more on Brian Ross’ Magical Cell Phone Wrongly Claims Dudes Are Terrorists…
  she used the spanish word 'burrito'

Sarah Palin Won’t Stop Talking About Obama’s Genitals

Most of us missed yesterday’s episode of “Fox News Sunday,” because Sunday is the Lord’s Day, the day when you crawl off the couch and dirtbike to church so you can show Jesus the new unregistered semiautomatic you purchased at Walmart. But anyway, back to this Fox News segment: Chris Wallace blurts out something about “the Arab Arizona immigration law,” which is confusing because “Arab” should never be used as a compliment. But that is neither here nor there. The real hot-as-Tim Pawlenty’s-hot-wife scoop is that Sarah Palin was too busy fantasizing about the size of Barack Obama’s genitals to notice that Chris Wallace called Arizona “Arab”. This video is Suitable for Work, but only because Sarah Palin stops herself at the last possible moment from orgasming all over the teevee. Read more on Sarah Palin Won’t Stop Talking About Obama’s Genitals…
  the texas delegation always comes through

Rep. Ted Poe Delivers Insane, Brilliant Rant About Illegal Brazilian Grasshoppers & Mexicans

“Now it seems to me that if we are so advanced with technology and manpower and competence that we can capture illegal grasshoppers from Brazil, in the holds of ships that are in a little small place in Port Arthur, Texas on the Sabine River. Sabine River, madam speaker, is the river that separates Texas from Louisiana. If we’re able to do that as a country, how come we can’t capture the thousands of people that cross the border everyday on the southern border of the United States? You know they’re a little bigger than grasshoppers and they should be able to be captured easier. And maybe we need to make the guy down there in southeast Texas that captured this grasshopper from Brazil, he oughta be in charge of Homeland Security. If he’s able to do this with grasshoppers just think what he can do on the southern border of the United States.” — United States Congressman Ted Poe, Thursday, April 29, 2010. [HuffPo] Read more on Rep. Ted Poe Delivers Insane, Brilliant Rant About Illegal Brazilian Grasshoppers & Mexicans…
  the battle for the soul of this country

Questions Surround Lou Dobbs’ ‘The Taco-Eaters Shot My Wife’ Story

Racist television goblin Lou Dobbs revealed a very scary story earlier this week on his radio show (he’s on the radio, too?). Three weeks earlier, he claimed, his New Jersey mansion was shot at while his wife was standing outside, and this came after “weeks and weeks of threatening phone calls.” Never one to rush to judgment about anything, Lou Dobbs… immediately started freaking out about Mexicans and Mexican-supporting liberals again, adding, tastelessly, for ratings, “if anybody thinks that we’re not engaged in the battle for the soul of this country right now, you’re sorely mistaken.” We don’t really know how some douche or another hitting Lou Dobbs’ mansion with a bullet is indicative of a “battle for the soul of this country,” but we do know that “battle for the soul of this country” is not very tension-defusing rhetoric. Especially when there are still many, many questions about the nature of the incident! Read more on Questions Surround Lou Dobbs’ ‘The Taco-Eaters Shot My Wife’ Story…
 

OMG It’s Fall, Part I

Well it’s fall. Summer was fun, but, hey, it’s gone, and now it’s fall. Fall brings pretty leaves, perhaps a political affair (nesting occurs more during these months), maybe a public option, and who knows what else! And for you, there is so much fun to be had in fall. Read more on OMG It’s Fall, Part I…