Racist television goblin Lou Dobbs revealed a very scary story earlier this week on his radio show (he’s on the radio, too?). Three weeks earlier, he claimed, his New Jersey mansion was shot at while his wife was standing outside, and this came after “weeks and weeks of threatening phone calls.” Never one to rush to judgment about anything, Lou Dobbs… immediately started freaking out about Mexicans and Mexican-supporting liberals again, adding, tastelessly, for ratings, “if anybody thinks that we’re not engaged in the battle for the soul of this country right now, you’re sorely mistaken.” We don’t really know how some douche or another hitting Lou Dobbs’ mansion with a bullet is indicative of a “battle for the soul of this country,” but we do know that “battle for the soul of this country” is not very tension-defusing rhetoric. Especially when there are still many, many questions about the nature of the incident! MORE »

Well it’s fall. Summer was fun, but, hey, it’s gone, and now it’s fall. Fall brings pretty leaves, perhaps a political affair (nesting occurs more during these months), maybe a public option, and who knows what else! And for you, there is so much fun to be had in fall. MORE »

A local politician who is not Marion Barry claims DC will be invaded by “same-sex marriage” in the very near future. The last time our capital faced such unspeakable peril was during the War of 1812, when the Redcoats goose stepped down Pennsylvania Avenue and nicked James Madison’s Beanie Baby collection (and then torched Adams Morgan, just for good measure). [Washington Times] MORE »

Who twitters for Metro? Tolstoy? You cannot write long-winded descriptions of the Great Steppe of Russia, where the peasants are honest and work with their hands (and the Metro stop has no working escalators). Sorry Leo, there’s a 140-character limit. [Unsuck Metro DC]
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Black Irish immigrant leprechaun Patrick “Sinead” Buchanan knows what kinds of immigrants he hates: all the ones who showed up after his ring-kissing potato-drunkard parents were dumped by the British in New York Harbor as a final retaliation for the American Revolution. That’s why Buchanan and his wacky white-supremacist friends are, these days, mostly concerned with keeping the Puerto Ricans out of our nation’s courtrooms — them don’t speak good English! Also, these lamers failed to notice their own “The American Cause” conference banner does not spell “conference” correctly, but at least it’s not a dirty, dirty Mexican. [Think Progress/Shakesville]

Everyone’s favorite racist presidential candidate from Colorado, Rep. Tom Tancredo, is responding to the Pope’s Tour d’America by… well how is he responding? Let’s do the math: Tom Tancredo’s only issue is illegal Mexicans; illegal Mexicans are Catholic; Catholics perform Pope’s bidding… The Pope’s bidding is telling the Mexicans to enter the United States. Tom Tancredo hates the Pope! [Denver Post]

Way back in the Fifth Century, Eliot Spitzer took a “white slave” to Ireland. After many years of imprisonment, Little Saint Patrick escaped back to England, which was part of Rome at the time, and he remembered his Irish slavery so fondly that he vowed to return and destroy Paganism. It only took another 1,500 years for Ted Kennedy to drunkenly crash his car off a tiny bridge and drown his girlfriend. Learn more about St. Patrick’s Day, after the jump. MORE »

A potential disaster was averted by quick-thinking border guards at LAX as they revoked the work visa for diminutive British pop star Lily Allen. Thanks to red tape and foreigner-coddling laws passed by the liberals in Congress, they weren’t able to evict the sinister pixie from the country altogether, but without her visa she will be unable to infect American minds with her ultra-catchy brand of reggae-infused pop. MORE »

Whoever is responsible for this (the URL at the end is Rudy’s actual site) has our undying, eternal respect. Hell, maybe it’s legit. If so, we will actually vote for Giuliani. What’s a couple dead or violated immigrants when you’ve got a President who can laugh at himself? Before shooting and violating you, obv.

* If all goes well, Iraq will be able to end just as well as Nicaragua, El Salvador, and Vietnam. [WP, NYT]
* Kyle Sampson sticks to the truth like stink on shit. [WP, NYT, LAT]
* John Edwards is the internet. [WP]
* Cabinet Secretary Judy Giuliani. [WP, NYT]
* Arresting illegal immigrants is so fun everyone should do it. [USAT]
* Guantánamo Bay II now selling, brand new cells will be walking distance to interrogation centers and hiking trails. [NYT]

* Donald Rumsfeld looks forward to criminal prosecution, hopes to be the Tim Robbins character when he finally gets to jail. [The Carpetbagger Report]
* Stay tuned to Comedy Central for his cell mates bios and an interactive prison yard game. [Comedy Central Insider]
* Angry Democrat mob chases well paid assholes, looks to jam things up their well paid assholes. [Whiskey Bar]
* Conservatives looking to find a new bogeyman to inspire fear and loathing in Middle America, turn to the gay illegal Mexican immigrant. [Boozhy]
* Ballot counting in unresolved Ohio race on hold till after the Ohio State-Michigan football game next week. [Think Progress]
* Market efficiencies allowed the business lobby to already be puckered and ready for Democratic ass kissing. [The Hill Blog]
* Happy Veteran’s Day: “The Marine Corps Rules for Gun Fighting.” [The Evangelical Outpost] MORE »

Representative Steve King (R-Iowa), ladies and gentlemen, with our bad metaphor of the day: MORE »

Looking for a reasonably-priced bedroom on Capitol Hill? This one doesn’t sound bad:
Pretty good price, good location, and the best part is, you’d get to live with Congresswoman Ginny Browne-Waite! Yes, that’s her ad, as an operative found out after expressing interest in the room. Trawling for roommates on craigslist — can there be any lingering doubt that House members are basically college students with slightly better wardrobes? MORE »