Tag Archives: illuminati

  Now with 50% more con artists!

Snake Oil Bulletin: Health Guru ‘Cures’ Cancer With Diet And Detox (And Not Having Cancer)

Salutations, Sailors! Welcome back to the Snake Oil Bulletin, your premium blend of all the latest and greatest in quackery, hackery, and general chicanery. We’ve got a full schedule ahead of us, so let’s nose dive right in to it with some cancer woo. Read more on Snake Oil Bulletin: Health Guru ‘Cures’ Cancer With Diet And Detox (And Not Having Cancer)…
  Get rapture ready

The Snake Oil Bulletin: Let’s Read Bible Prophecy Porn Together!

Well how-dee, folks! Glad to see you made it back to the Snake Oil Bulletin, your weekly round-up of the best in quacks and quackery this side of a Duck Tales marathon. We’ve got a full schedule of charlatans, dupables, and some good old fashioned End Times Bible porn (just like Grandma used to read) to sate our wanton lusts. Let’s hop right in to it with a visit from our old pals, our friendly neighborhood homeopaths. Read more on The Snake Oil Bulletin: Let’s Read Bible Prophecy Porn Together!…
  the superb owl is not what it seems

Another Super Bowl Halftime Show, Another Coded Illuminati Message

You may be amused by the nine minutes of pure weirdness in this here exposé of the Secret Illuminati Symbolism in Bruno Mars’ Sportsball Halftime Extravaganza. Apparently, all SportsBowl halftime shows — like last year’s, with the Beyoncé — are simply shot through with Illuminati messages, because in addition to secretly running the world, the Illuminati just can’t seem to stop themselves from sending messages coded in the rhythmic language of dance. Happily, if you’ve read lots of children’s books like Redwall, you are really good at seeing secret messages sewn into banners and tucked away in the details of architecture. So what are the hidden Illuminati messages of Bruno Mars and his Spiders From Ziggy Stardust? Read more on Another Super Bowl Halftime Show, Another Coded Illuminati Message…
  misty watercolor memories

Larry Klayman Was Very Excellent At Being Larry Klayman In 2013: A Retrospective

Did you know that when Yr Wonket counts its blessings, we count Larry Klayman first and always? You probably did not know this, but it is god’s own truth, because if there were no Larry Klayman, there would be so much less Wonket. For real, we wrote about Larry Klayman like a dozen times this year, and that only includes the times that Larry Klayman was the subject of the post rather than a bit of derp in passing. He’s a one-man litigation tornado whirlwind hurricane force of nature, and he has the great good fortune to behave remarkably stupidly even when he is not lawyering. Let’s take a fond look back at the year in Larry, shall we? Read more on Larry Klayman Was Very Excellent At Being Larry Klayman In 2013: A Retrospective…
  you know who else loved hitler?

Tila Tequila Doesn’t Hate Jews, She Just Loves Hitler And Would Like Some Attention, Is That So Wrong?

Hey man, Tila Tequila (you don’t know her; she’s this girl) does not hate Jews okay, she does not know how many times she has to say it, she is totally cool with Jews and would probably not genocide them or even murder them and this one time she even felt sorry for WWII prisoners of war so obviously she can never be anti-semitic, she is just asking questions, well she is not so Read more on Tila Tequila Doesn’t Hate Jews, She Just Loves Hitler And Would Like Some Attention, Is That So Wrong?…
  perfect day

Deleted Comments Of The Day: I Guess This Is Your Idea Of ‘Creative Writing?’

Can anyone doubt that Wonkette’s Own Gary Legum has earned himself an appointment to the Jim Newell Memorial Chair in Peggy Noonan Studies? Apparently, someone can, and that someone is irate Accipitriform-American reader “HMichaelHAWK,” who had this to say about our most recent foray into Noonanlandia: I guess this is your idea of “Creative Writing?” It’s fairly boring in its extreme bias and Ad Hominem attacks. I guess when you have no substantive argument, you write something like this. Anyway, I doubt Peggy feels threatened by what you have written, since you record of intelligent composition is not even a “Mini-Me” of what she has accomplished. But it was fun to read the drivel you create. Dear God. If there’s anything more terrifying than the idea of a Noonan homunculus out there, guzzling gin and slurring its paeans to Ronald Reagan, we do not want to know. Guess we won’t be sleeping tonight. Happy Halloween to you, too, HMichaelHAWK. Read more on Deleted Comments Of The Day: I Guess This Is Your Idea Of ‘Creative Writing?’…
  New World Ordure

Glenn Beck’s ‘The Blaze’ Asks Brave Question About Beyoncé’s ‘Illuminati Symbol’ During Halftime Show

Oh, sure, maybe you thought the real scandal about Beyoncé’s halftime show was all the gyrating and unladylike whorish dressing and near-hoo-ha hand motions, but that is because you are shallow. Yes we will say it. You are shallow to let yourself be distracted by these meaningless questions of whether Beyoncé was lip-synching or too bouncy-bouncy or whatever, because to focus on such superficialities is to miss the far deeper worry: Was Beyoncé invoking the Illuminati when she briefly held her thumbs and index fingers in a vaguely triangular shape, and since she obviously was, what are the larger implications for today’s modern American political and economic situation of modern America today? Read more on Glenn Beck’s ‘The Blaze’ Asks Brave Question About Beyoncé’s ‘Illuminati Symbol’ During Halftime Show…
  The Yecchs Files

Creative Unified Obama Conspiracy Theory Designed to Push All Wingnut Buttons At Once

Back in our grad skool Shakespeare class, Professor Kiefer noted that Elizabethan tragedians, keen to keep the groundlings entertained, kept ramping up onstage murders until some plays ended with bodies heaped all over the stage. He linked this to other escalations of sensationalism in popular culture, from the Théâtre du Grand-Guignol to the ever-more baroque car chases and summer-camp slashers of Hollywood exploitation flicks. In all these cases, the lurid action and emotional overkill pile up so high that the productions become more ridiculous than titillating. This inevitably leads us to the Cannibal Holocaust of Obama Conspiracy Theories, as propounded by one Avi Lipkin, who may himself be the Herschell Gordon Lewis of conspiracy theorists. He has concocted a giddy fantasia of paranoia, dubious evidence, and outright bullshit that is brilliantly crafted to zap wingnuts’ basal ganglia into a frenzy of activity. Take a dash of “Obama is a Muslim” and add in wingnut outrage over Obama bowing to foreign leaders, and … hey, what if Obama isn’t merely a Muslim, what if he’s actually a Saudi agent?? Lipkin thinks he’s found the REAL reason for all the saber-rattling toward Iran: I think Obama’s a Muslim, he’s a Sunni Muslim on orders from Saudi and the Saudis are afraid to get their heads chopped off by the Shiite Iranians, therefore the Saudis are commanding Obama to terminate the Shiite regime. Read more on Creative Unified Obama Conspiracy Theory Designed to Push All Wingnut Buttons At Once…
 

America Secretly Ruled By Zombie Pigs and Khazar Bankers, Says Important Book

Free citizens of America! Is globalism grinding you down and burying you in Ameros? Are Obama’s secret police camped out in your driveway, waiting to haul you off to a FEMA camp? Does the NAFTA Superhighway run straight through your teabag sculpture garden? Got a case of the swine flu and aren’t sure which pig is responsible? The Trillion-Dollar Conspiracy: How the New World Order, Man-Made Diseases, and Zombie Banks Are Destroying America by widely-feted conspiracy journalist Jim Marrs will explain how and why! Read more on America Secretly Ruled By Zombie Pigs and Khazar Bankers, Says Important Book…
  but obama's black!

Stock Plunge Continues; What Will Tonight’s Debate Be About?

In just a few hours, the failed pilot and famous celebrity Maverick John McCain will join scary educated Hawaiian Barack Obama for a “town hall” debate, which means extremely regular-looking people who successfully pretend to be “independent” will hog the mic all night with their lame personal stories, and McCain will go “heh heh heh” a lot, and Barack will shake his head in that way, with dignity, and promise to seize McCain’s $100 Million Personal Fortune and redistribute it, to the people at the Town Hall. Read more on Stock Plunge Continues; What Will Tonight’s Debate Be About?…