Tag Archives: illiterates

  our nation's greatest legislators

Spelling on Chuck Grassley’s Twitter Finally Improves After Being Hacked

WOAH HEY, how did an intelligible phrase sneak into the stream of notoriously incomprehensible re-imaginings of the English language that we are usually treated to on Senator Chuck Grassley’s Twitter feed? Did science up and find a cure for “teabagger?” Kind of! It’s known in this case as “hacking.” Read more on Spelling on Chuck Grassley’s Twitter Finally Improves After Being Hacked…
  gossip queens

UPDATE: Sad Nitwit Rick Perry Also Tricked By Occupy Toronto Parody

Oh for god’s sake. The fictional Occupy Toronto protester quote we posted about this morning also got snared in Rick Perry’s crippled reality-detection filter via some huffy wingnut spam his son forwarded him, so here Perry is righteously sermonizing about the terrible tale of sloth-monster protester “Jeremy, 38 years old” before concluding with a snicker, “I guess greed just makes you work hard.” Which is, what, the moral of the story for why Rick Perry is running for President? Read more on UPDATE: Sad Nitwit Rick Perry Also Tricked By Occupy Toronto Parody…
  flotus files

America Reacts to New McDonald’s Happy Meals on Photoshop

It appears that this country might actually continue to exist for a little while, so our FLOTUS Michelle Obama will probably come out of hiding now, to politely suggest that everyone wipe their tears, put down the anusburgers and jump on a treadmill. Of course, America never likes these sort of suggestions from the First Lady, and she knows it. Last week, she sort of acknowledged McDonald’s for deciding to reduce the calories of its Happy Meals, and some people lost their cool. Fox News must either order a lot of these Happy Meals or really hate apples (probably both, because apples are elitist), because the Crazy really kicked into high gear. Deranged photo contests ensued. Read more on America Reacts to New McDonald’s Happy Meals on Photoshop…
  win of the afternoon

Words of So Hateful Tone: ‘You Talking About Kill and Insults?’

There’s nothing quite like finding a bizarre, illiterate comment in the moderation queue and having no idea what it’s referencing. In many ways, this is the greatest part of being a Wonkette editor: being pummeled by random waves of anonymous insanity, wondering if these people live nearby, or if they’ve figured out where Washington is, in relation to the Rite-Aid where they pick up their insulin and oxycontin. Today’s winner, for example, would like to lecture Wonkette on the topic of “you talking that he’s to start something and you talking about kill and insults,?” Read more on Words of So Hateful Tone: ‘You Talking About Kill and Insults?’…
  MovmentOn.org

Tea Party ‘Movment’ Ready To Mov America Forward

The teabaggers are putting the “red” back in “lobster” here at the Maine Lobsterback Festival! Sadly, they are taking the “e” out of “Movement,” because the letter E is brought to you by Socialism. Thanks to Wonkette operative “Ablington,” who says, “I am half hoping that the guy at Kinko’s who made their banner did this on purpose, but the Maine Tea Party is just probably that stupid.” Read more on Tea Party ‘Movment’ Ready To Mov America Forward…
  everyone loves to shit on detroit

Today In Tragicomic Third-World Anecdotes From Detroit

Kind of feel sorry for this guy, who seems nice and energetic and whatever, and is good at math, but still: the president of the Detroit school board may be functionally illiterate. No, really: it took him 10+ years to get his college degree because he kept failing an English proficiency exam, the requirement for which he eventually got dropped, like last year. He had a .98 GPA in high school. He loves typing e-mails, though! Mass e-mails, to colleagues: “If you saw Sunday’s Free Press that shown Robert Bobb the emergency financial manager for Detroit Public Schools, move Mark Twain to Boynton which have three times the number seats then students and was one of the reason’s he gave for closing school to many empty seats.” Eh, still better than the average Politico commenter. [Detroit News via Byron Crawford] Read more on Today In Tragicomic Third-World Anecdotes From Detroit…
  exodus

David Frum Leaves ‘National Review’

Have you ever been at a party and had a swell time drinking fancy drinks with nifty folks and suddenly you look up, it’s 3:30 in the morning, all the cool kids have gone home, and you’re stuck on a pee-stained couch drinking vodka and milk cocktails with a pimpled, silent loser pawing your knee? That is the story of the National Review, where David Frum says he’ll no longer be writing. (In this somewhat tortured metaphor, Frum is actually one of the “cool kids,” the party is over, and you have to give Kathryn Jean Lopez a ride home and hope she doesn’t vomit in your car.) Read more on David Frum Leaves ‘National Review’…
  misspent youths

John McCain, Gentleman Scholar

Here is a video clip of John McCain declaring that he graduated fifth from the bottom of his class in the Naval Academy. This is supposed to make all you elitists turn purple with rage that such a terrible slacker would ever dare to run for president, when in fact it just shows that John McCain was cool, once: too cool for school, in fact, in the years before school was officially invented. The bit about his wife having to turn on his computer for him is just embarrassing, though. [YouTube via AmericaBlog] Read more on John McCain, Gentleman Scholar…