illiterates

WOAH HEY, how did an intelligible phrase sneak into the stream of notoriously incomprehensible re-imaginings of the English language that we are usually treated to on Senator Chuck Grassley’s Twitter feed? Did science up and find a cure for “teabagger?” Kind of! It’s known in this case as “hacking.”

Oh for god’s sake. The fictional Occupy Toronto protester quote we posted about this morning also got snared in Rick Perry’s crippled reality-detection filter via some huffy wingnut spam his son forwarded him, so here Perry is righteously sermonizing about the terrible tale of sloth-monster protester “Jeremy, 38 years old” before concluding with a snicker, […]

It appears that this country might actually continue to exist for a little while, so our FLOTUS Michelle Obama will probably come out of hiding now, to politely suggest that everyone wipe their tears, put down the anusburgers and jump on a treadmill. Of course, America never likes these sort of suggestions from the First […]

There’s nothing quite like finding a bizarre, illiterate comment in the moderation queue and having no idea what it’s referencing. In many ways, this is the greatest part of being a Wonkette editor: being pummeled by random waves of anonymous insanity, wondering if these people live nearby, or if they’ve figured out where Washington is, […]

The teabaggers are putting the “red” back in “lobster” here at the Maine Lobsterback Festival! Sadly, they are taking the “e” out of “Movement,” because the letter E is brought to you by Socialism. Thanks to Wonkette operative “Ablington,” who says, “I am half hoping that the guy at Kinko‚Äôs who made their banner did […]

Kind of feel sorry for this guy, who seems nice and energetic and whatever, and is good at math, but still: the president of the Detroit school board may be functionally illiterate. No, really: it took him 10+ years to get his college degree because he kept failing an English proficiency exam, the requirement for […]

Have you ever been at a party and had a swell time drinking fancy drinks with nifty folks and suddenly you look up, it’s 3:30 in the morning, all the cool kids have gone home, and you’re stuck on a pee-stained couch drinking vodka and milk cocktails with a pimpled, silent loser pawing your knee? […]

Here is a video clip of John McCain declaring that he graduated fifth from the bottom of his class in the Naval Academy. This is supposed to make all you elitists turn purple with rage that such a terrible slacker would ever dare to run for president, when in fact it just shows that John […]