Rod Blagojevich for the win! The comedy continues, as smirking creep Dick Cheney swears in megalomaniacal Death Monument-builder Roland Burris. This marks the end of racism and the Triumph of the Black Spirit. [AP]

One of the more exciting things we did not tell you yesterday, because Ken was too busy Googling for gifs of John McCain’s three heads licking each other, is that Roland Burris finally TRIUMPHED over the racist Senate establishment and will be seated as “the junior senator from Illinois,” which is to say, “the poor man’s Barack Obama.” MORE »

You people thought we were joking about the random black and crippled guilt-bait Blago brought on stage during his press conference, but here they are, alongside, you know, a DEAD ILLINOIS CHILD to whom Blago had tried to deliver cheap prescription drugs, only to find that the evil state legislature had already murdered the child with ear poison. And they want to impeach Blago for a murder they committed?? [NYT]

RACISTS IMPEACH BLAGO: “SPRINGFIELD—In a historic vote, the Illinois House has impeached Gov. Rod Blagojevich, directing the Senate to put the state’s 40th chief executive on trial with the goal of removing him from office. The vote by the House was 114-1 and marks the first time in the state’s 190-year history that a governor has been impeached…” Well this is just terrible news, isn’t it. But what’s this now? “A spokesman for the governor said he won’t resign.” Hooray! [Chicago Breaking News]

Congrats to Roland Burris, who’s set to become the first African-American officeholder of any kind in our nation’s history. Harry “Jefferson Davis” Reid vowed to stop any black man from having a job on his watch, but Burris stared him down for ~3 seconds until Reid folded, which he does all the time, because he’s a pussy. Burris then gave another one of his fun press conferences! MORE »

Civil Rights hero Roland Burris is still in town, still hanging around Capitol Hill, and it appears his persistence just might pay off — if the racist Dixiecrats decide to let the old colored man become a senator, but only if he promises not to run again, which is called the “poll tax.” MORE »

A black person named Roland Burris — who carries the weight of an entire oppressed race on his shoulders — went to the Capitol today to be sworn into the Senate, just as Rod Blagojevich asked him to. He had his papers all lined up, a sharp suit, a positive frame of mind. It was to be a new day for America’s African-Americans, this day was. But then racist old Harry Reid told the Capitol guards that he didn’t want some colored walkin’ on his shiny marble floors unless he had a mop in his hands. Old Roland has seen this all too many times, over the years. It’s been his life. But it’s the life he’s chosen, you see! Hope for America’s blacks will have to endure yet another sunset, and Burris, yet another sunrise. [MSNBC]

Here’s another brilliant press conference with everyone’s favorite death monument of a U.S. Senator, Roland “Don’t Lynch Me” Burris, who’s talking to the media at an airport shortly before his flight to Washington. Because he’s coming! The reporters ask him questions for eight minutes and he tells them all to shut the hell up, for eight minutes. MORE »

• DUMB RESOLUTION PROPOSED TO DUMB ILLINOIS SENATE PROBLEM: Anybody who saw Harry Reid on Meet the Press this weekend probably noticed two things: First, rimless eyewear has a feminizing effect on the middle-aged male face, and second, Rod Blagojevich has hilariously bent this guy so far over that every time Harry Reid appears in public he is angrily trying to gather up his pants from around his ankles. The problem for Reid is he doesn’t want Blagojevich’s nominee for Senate, Roland Burris, to get the post, on account of the TAINT. But there’s really no LEGAL reason to keep Burris from getting appointed, so instead Reid mutters about the taint and “negotiates” by offering up hypothetical compromises that nobody likes. Such as: letting Burris serve for two years, as long as he promises not to run for re-election. WTF? [Political Ticker]

A SENATE SEAT FOR CHRISTMAS: “There’s one kind of gift America can give no matter how poor we are, and no matter how many families live in boxcars and eat rats for dinner. It’s the greatest gift the Founding Fathers made available to certain Americans: a seat in the U.S. Senate!” [AOL Political Machine]

Wonkette grave-robbing operative “Vasyl” sends us this hilarious bit of information about your would-be new junior Senator from Illinois, Roland “Don’t Lynch Me” Burris: “Just so you know, that nice old black man who is set to become the next US Senator from Illinois is well prepared. He has already built a tombstone — actually, more of a monument — with all his accomplishments listed on it. Planning ahead, he has left extra space for additional accomplishments. Also, Roland Burris’s children? They’re named Roland II and Rolanda. No joke.” HMM… It appears that there is much to learn about this so-called “Roland Burris.” [Flickr]