illinois
Unemployed Loser Ex-Congressman Joe Walsh Goes Back To What He’s Best At: Not Feeding His Kids
In the case of one dumb, defeated ex-congressman, Joe Walsh, being booted out of office after one term surprisingly did not provoke him into carefully reevaluating his beliefs and approach towards life. Instead, he quadrupled down on what he is best at: being a deadbeat motherfuckin’ dad. Now that he has no job, the former [...]
Idiot Defeated Congressman Joe Walsh: Why Does Michelle Obama Hate Black Kids Who Die By Guns?
Chicago is a mess of kids murdering each other with guns. Hundreds of children, each and every year, and it does not get the attention it should because the murders are of black kids by black kids. We are all aware of this, right? Well idiot defeated congressman Joe Walsh is aware of this too, [...]
This Freaky-Deaky Priest For Pope
We do a lot of joshing with the Catholic Church, mostly because we do not particularly care for how Pope Nazi personally defrocked Jean-Bertrand Aristide, or the way he treats nuns (WE LOVE NUNS), or the protection racket the Church has got going on for its cavalcades of boy-diddling priests. (When your Editrix was a [...]
Chicago’s Favorite Underage-Sexytime Congressman Wants Jesse Jackson Jr.’s Job Please
Yr. Wonkette was recently distressed to hear we’d be losing Rep. Jesse Jackson Jr. because of first world brain problems (and maybe also because of that federal investigation?), but it’s time to relax and breath a huge sigh of relief. Guys, Mel Reynolds is running to fill Jackson Jr’s empty seat! Perhaps you don’t remember [...]
Loser Congressman Joe Walsh Predictably Refuses To Go Away, Weighs Run For Senate Or Governor Or DWTS Or Something
Check your betting slips, kids! Who had Joe Walsh (R-Camp Crystal Lake) in the betting pool for “first defeated douchecanoe to announce they’re running again”? The deadbeat dad and shouty pantsload won the honor of leading off our “Pantheon of Fallen Heroes” series last week, and now he’s pursuing the coveted Not Quite Dead status [...]
Pour A Little On The Ground For America’s Greatest Deadbeat Dad, Hero Congressman Joe Walsh
Today we remember our fallen heroes, a pantheon of peerless fighters like Allen West (probably) and some other ones. But first among equals must always be hero congressman and deadbeat dad of the decade one Mr. Joe Walsh. Let us have a moment of silence for the man whose big GOTCHA in his first debate [...]
Soon We Will Not Have Joe Walsh To Kick Around With Tammy Duckworth’s Mechanical Feet
You know, we were sort of toying with live-blooging the last Duckworth-Walsh Illinois congressional debate, but then we were like, eh, maybe Tammy Duckworth will be kind of boring, and surely Joe Walsh is too much of a pussy to offer her a Purple Heart band-aid for her kickass robot legs to her face? But [...]
America’s Favoritest Deadbeat Dad Joe Walsh Wins Re-Election With Spy Photo Of Opponent Picking Out Dress
Sorry, guys, but GAME OVER. Illinois Congressman and paragon of personal responsibility Joe Walsh has handily defeated his opponent even with four weeks or whatever left to go. How did he do this? By holding up, during their debate, a photo of his opponent picking out a dress to wear at the Democratic National Convention, [...]
Finally, A Way We Can Just Pay Our Taxes Directly to the Job Creators and Cut Out the Middle Man
Greetings, Incorporated Americans, how may we best serve you today? Oh, just by paying a tithe for the privilege of enriching corporate coffers, that’s all, no big deal. According to investigative journalist and author David Cay Johnston, you might already be doing so without even knowing it, which he seems to think is bad, but [...]
Everyone In Congress Choking Lindsay Lohan
Bad news, Illinois Republican Rep. John Shimkus. One of your staffers had kind of a bad weekend. Even worse news: Lindsay Lohan is involved. The GOP’s interaction with Lohan had been thus far limited to exempting her from the War on Drugs and in getting uncomfortable when Mitt Romney laughs at the wrong parts of [...]
Deadbeat Congressman Joe Walsh’s Simply Cannot Stop Mocking Double Amputee Tammy Duckworth’s Military Service
Oh yeah, he’s at it again. At what again? Paying his rent? Or his child support? HAHA DON’T BE RIDICULOSE! No, deadbeat congressman Joe Walsh is once again sneering at his opponent, Tammy Duckworth, who lost both her legs flying a helicopter in Iraq and now works in Veterans Affairs. Here’s what Walsh said last [...]
Illinois GOP Lawmaker Arrested in Animal Feed Bag-Related Incident
Illinois crazytime state lawmaker update alert newsbreak: GOP state Senator Suzi Schmidt, the curiously thrilled human pictured at left, was arrested for, uh, “damaging” an animal feed bag belonging to the neighbors and was later served with an “emergency stalking no contact order.” This is the same Suzi Schmidt who last year preemptively phoned 911 [...]
Mob Offers Free Club Sammich To White Supremacists
Tinley Park IL – Tinley Park is a small community that has a way of making anyone who visits feel right at home. It’s a place that allows people to know one another, shake hands with an old friend while walking down the main road and gather nightly at local restaurants sporting a ‘come one, [...]
This One House Republican Really Loves Planned Parenthood
Well how about that, a freshman House Republican, Illinois’ Bob Dold, is going to sign his death wish this week. Not only does he plan “to introduce a bill Wednesday that would ensure Planned Parenthood’s access to federal funding,” but he’ll announce it at a press conference alongside Planned Parenthood. Total mindfuck. Does Dold walk [...]
blog advertising is good for you
