Hero Senator Burris Will Not Be Accused Of Perjury
Friday, June 19th, 2009
Not enough evidence, apparently: “Sangamon County State’s Attorney John Schmidt said that while some of Burris’ statements were vague, they wouldn’t support a perjury charge.” Illinois Senator Roland Burris, who at first appeared to be just another grandstanding egomaniacal doofus with a mausoleum fetish, has navigated the halls of the Senate — to say nothing of the vagaries of the Law — with catlike grace, and has made everyone from Harry Reid to Chris Matthews look like an asshole (maybe not so hard?). Anyway, three cheers for Roland Burris. [Washington Post]











Who says nobody needs yesterday’s news and a bunch of old wire stories and couch ads thrown in your neighbor’s bird bath at 4:15 a.m. every day? The Chicago Tribune, one of our nation’s leading bankrupt newspapers, today offers this Roland “Pinocchio” Burris paper doll, so your poor kids can have something to play with — it’s kind of like a Star Wars action figure, but it’s free! And it teaches kids an important lesson about black senators from Illinois. [
OMG IT IS NEWS, TODAY, BUT NOT ABOUT TEA OR BAGS.
“obfuscator” sends word from the Baggers Convention in beautiful Springfield, Illinois, “on the very steps of the same capitol building which served as the the launchpad for Barry Hussein Nobama’s political career or was that William Ayers’ terrorfag breakfast nook? Lolwut. Enjoy. (There was also a guy wearing a sandwich board that simply said ‘BUY GUNS’. He was handing out dvds that ‘explain how the government is trying to kill us’. I was scared to photograph him oh well.)” Thank you obfuscator for nearly getting murdered by a gun nut!
EXCITING NEW PROFILE OF THAT CONGRESSMAN MEGHAN McCAIN
It was a nail-biter, folks! Illinois’ 5th District held a special election after Rahm Emanuel left his post to go whisper evil imprecations in the ear of our malleable and naive young king, Barack Obama. Two contenders emerged: Cook County Commissioner and known Democrat Mike Quigley, and the deranged Freeper Rosanna Pulido. Ms. Pulido put up a valiant fight, but without national Republican support could not prevail over the Democratic Machine, which decided to put Quigley over the top with oh like 70 percent of the vote. What is this, Russia? [
Early this morning, in 
Ha! We get a tip that says “oh, good grief” with a link to some page called “Support Burris,” and we figured it was just some dumb petition to try to keep Roland Burris in office even though his 15 minutes as Senate Clown from Illinois are up. But no, Roland Burris’s ambitions appear to extend far beyond maintaining the most tenuous of grips on his two-year Senate appointment.