In the wake of the massacre of children at Sandy Hook Elementary (as well as the alarming violent trend in its aftermath), you’re probably thinking to yourself, “Hey, I really need a gun.” Or you already exercise your rights to the fullest, and you’re thinking, “Hey, I really need more guns.” Either way, you’re sick […]

Some cancers get big fancy races on the National Mall, the support of the NFL, full rights over a color, and the satisfaction of raising millions of dollars for education and research. Some cancers even get the support of the brothers Koch, which is morally confusing. Other cancers, though, have to settle for the donations […]

Thursday, November 18 through Sunday, November 21: Provided you survive your touchy-feely airport experience, a week from today you will be eating cranberries from a can and watching teevee footage of large floats wandering the streets of New York, to give thanks for smallpox blankets and other Important things. Prepare for the Fun that is […]

Pig Roasts: So what the economy is terrible, what really matters is that Washingtonians always, ALWAYS have an opportunity to eat pig.  Oh look, here are a few of the thousands of upcoming pig-centric events: Pig-a-Palooza at Jackson 20 Restaurant on Wednesday, September 22 ($35 for all you can eat pork, ribs, potato salad, cole […]

Wednesday, April 29: For those of you who weren’t able to get a free cone from Ben and Jerry’s last week (damn long lines), Baskin Robbins is giving you the opportunity to have almost free ice cream: tonight you can enjoy a small scoop of any flavor for just 31 cents and the proceeds go […]