Today your Wonkette visited the grounds of Independence Hall to discover the links between Primary Day, Liberty, Benjamin Franklin and Rock & Roll. In other words, we were looking for Paultards to harass. We didn’t find any for sure, but we found two other things! First, a nice conspiracy theorist who calls Obama a “Martinist.” A Martinist is a Satanist, more or less, because Satan was named after Martin Luther King Junior. This wise fellow is in a Rock and Roll band on MySpace, much like the second figure we ran into: Lee Ranaldo, guitarist for Satanist band Sonic Youth (another member of which we have already harassed). He doesn’t think he is a sell-out, nor does he care which Democrat wins the nomination. But is he a Martinist?

The elitism of Barack Obama has reached new depths. Famous Rock Star Bruce Springsteen, a gay French white wine-sipper, has endorsed Barry on his website, citing Obama’s potential “to lead that project and to lead us into the 21st Century with a renewed sense of moral purpose and of ourselves as Americans.” Blah blah blah, he likes how Hopey is a Communist and that’s all. After the jump, more about Bruce Springsteen’s elitist credentials. MORE »

Every four or maybe eight years, magazines start dressing various famous people in wacky “presidential campaign” costumes and photographing them (surrounded by red, white and blue bunting) for cover stories that may or may not have something to do with the person and/or the campaign. It is one of our most cherished traditions, going back to when Poor Richard’s Almanac had a cover woodcut of Hester Prynne in a red thong, addressing the Constitutional Convention. MORE »

Even though she lost every primary, caucus, and bake-off in the continental United States (and the Virgin Islands!) this weekend, Hillary Clinton has this whole Presidential nomination thing in the bag. Her secret weapon: brave political leader and sometime animated cat dancer Paula Abdul, who effectively gives Clinton the nod in the LA Times. MORE »

Famous black rapper 50 Cent has chosen gender over race and endorsed Hillary Clinton. He says Obama would get shot if he were president, just like 50 Cent, because they’re both… men? Beats me. For one of these reasons, Bill O’Reilly has decided to call him a “pinhead,” which is a decidedly lame insult to throw at someone in 2008. 50 Cent will now shoot Bill O’Reilly, and I will endorse 50 Cent as a write-in candidate. Video after the jump! MORE »

After BET founder and billionaire Robert Johnson supposedly obliquely referred to Obama’s drug use at a Hillary rally Sunday, the Hillary camp caught some heat. Unlike the New Hampshire staffer that got fired for doing it, Johnson simply released a breathtakingly implausible statement that when he made the below quote, he was referring to Obama’s time as a labor organizer, and all was apparently forgiven.

“To me, as an African-American, I am frankly insulted that the Obama campaign would imply that we are so stupid that we would think Hillary and Bill Clinton, who have been deeply and emotionally involved in black issues since Barack Obama was doing something in the neighborhood — and I won’t say what he was doing, but he said it in the book — when they have been involved.”

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At this point, Rolling Stone writer Matt Taibbi’s aping of P.J. O’Rourke and Hunter S. Thompson has moved beyond annoying to being comfortably numbing white noise–like listening to Muzak on morphine. But occasionally he delivers. In his latest piece, the traditionally left-leaning rock mag finds itself dangerously close to endorsing Republican Mike Huckabee. “Hey, this guy doesn’t seem like a total dickhead,” writes Taibbi.” I can almost see him as president. … Huckabee is that good.” Taibbi deadpans: “Make no mistake, Huckabee can win this thing.” It’s definitely cool Huck pardoned Keef Richards and Ronnie Wood for an old reckless driving misdemeanor — if you were driving through Arkansas in 1975, wouldn’t you drive like a bat out of hell? — but when did Rolling Stone start backing Republicans?

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Cheesy, big-haired rocker Jon Bon Jovi is supposedly mulling a run for New Jersey Governor. According to Page Six, the Bon Jovi frontman has moved his family to SoHo in New York, but is keeping his Red bank, NJ to claim state residency should he choose to make a bid for governor of the Garden State. MORE »

Green Day’s Billy Joe Armstrong, who sat down for an interview with Rolling Stone’s David Fricke, sorta, kinda likes Barack Obama because he’s “sick of the religious-figure thing,” thinks the draft is needed to wake up apathetic youth, loves Bill Clinton and still really, really hates Bush. “When you say “Fuck George W. Bush” in a packed arena in Texas, that’s an accomplishment… ” Oh, totes!

Billie Joe Armstrong [RS] MORE »

As usual, all sorts of weird shit is going down with our late, dear friend Hunter S. Thompson. Even in death, the guy can stir stink and raise hell. The rumors, books, family infighting, estate rumbles and creepy accusations of murder all have friends and fans a little edgy. Guess it’s par for the course. Anyway, we sent New York writer Katie Clancy — the daughter of the late, beloved John Clancy, a friend and attorney of Hunter’s — to cover the book party and reading at Sebastian Junger’s Half King Pub in NYC. After the jump, a brief report. MORE »

At Friday night’s YouthAIDS benefit in Virginia, Bono gushed over onetime MILF Speaker Nancy Pelosi. Reports DC Examiner: After telling the crowd about a particular Pelosi motto that resonated with him — “Inside maneuvering with outside mobilization” — Bono said that he has considered getting the phrase tattooed on his derrierr (which would clearly give new meaning to the phrase ‘bumper sticker politics’).” MORE »