This fantastic McCain Campaign fire sale doesn’t just provide gadgets and office supplies on the cheap — you can also buy enough Republican VIP personal information and incriminating emails to run your own failed presidential run! Local teevee station Fox 5 sent somebody over to the Everything Must Go sale, and while most of the good stuff was gone, there were still 10 Blackberry fancy-phones selling for $20 each. The teevee reporter bought as many as she could afford (two?) and raced back to the newsroom. MORE »

Well, we had to do this post at some point (not really!). Thank you to The Smoking Gun for providing this juicy excerpt from the FBI’s affadavit re: the various stupid crimes of Illinois Governor Rod “Blaggy” Blagojevich in his attempt to sell a United States Senate seat for a cushy job, a cushy job for his wife, or just some cold motherfuckin’ cash, preferably from Warren Buffett, who has lots of it. MORE »

Every day is Good Friday in the Wall Street Journal, because Friday is Peggy’s Day, and this week her wonderful Declaration is right there in the headline, “At Least Bush Kept Us Safe.” Wait, what? Let’s just ask the old Internets here and double-check, because it is so hard to remember, say, when TERRORISTS BLEW UP MOTHERFUCKING MANHATTAN, WITH JETS, WHICH RUINED EVERYTHING FOREVER. MORE »

Mysterious Wonkette Texas operative “The Doctor” (RP?) has forwarded us a delightful e-mail (s)he received this morning, probably from a great aunt or uncle, that thoroughly explains how Texas has the resources it needs to secede from the Union, which it should do immediately, “since B. Hussein Obama won the election.” Silly sheeple, only now they get it; the Paultards have been lobbying for this since January or August or whenever it was that Ron Paul stopped running. *FACEPALM* MORE »

The government rescued insurance giant AIG from its own wretched, greedy incompetence by giving the evil company $80 billion $150 billion of your tax dollars. With this insane reward for being an epic failure, AIG was supposed to rebuild its core business — which is insurance, not gambling like a drunken fool and destroying the entire global economy in the process. Instead, AIG is burning through its bailout cash by sending absurd emails to political-comedy blogs demanding clarification on whether the $125 million of taxpayer dollars AIG is spending on English football sponsorships is simply a continuing waste of taxpayer millions or a renewed waste of taxpayer millions. MORE »

Dudes… she is a gem. Sarah Palin. She gave a press conference yesterday — her first national press conference, ever — as part of the Republican Governors’ Association conference in the latest move for her nascent 2012 campaign. MORE »

Poor Ben Porritt. The other night this tragic McCain spokesflak was on David Shuster’s show, trying to explain Sarah Palin’s latest stupidity about how the First Amendment should protect her from being criticized by the press, and it was very clear that this sad young douche needs a vacation. But with only a few days and eleventy states left for John McCain to campaign in, Ben Porritt has no time for sleep, or for saying things that make sense. Instead he had this bit of weirdness to say about Joe Biden this weekend: MORE »

We are going to promote this goddamned thing, in the tank, etc., because everybody wanting to do the voting would like the voting thing to work out. So here is the press release. And here is the Google Maps thing, by Google’s Brittany Bohnet, and Voter Suppression-dot-net, via Reno and its Discontents.

Could they just be competent for maybe one hour of a single day? First, we laughed as McCain called out in vain for his savior of the week, the utterly random showboating jackass “plumber” in Ohio, then we learned this Samuel “Joe the Plumber” Wurzelbacher eventually showed up at a later rally and refused to endorse McCain, and now CNN is reporting that this bald-headed rat-eyed fame-crazed serial liar is publicly feuding with the McCain campaign, using the usual McCain campaign system of internal disputes: Blabbing to the press. MORE »

Even though the Obama campaign is notoriously well organized and “on message,” can you imagine the in-box of ideas for these web commercials? Basically, every time Sarah Palin opens her mouth — or briefly closes one eye — it’s comedy gold. [My Barack Obama]

This is painful: Chris Matthews spends nine minutes trying to get a straight answer out of McCain spokeslady Nancy Pfotenhauer — she of “Real Virginia” fame. And Nancy makes a fool of herself, because the only other option is to say, “Yes, Chris, for fuck’s sake, we all know Palin’s an idiot, so can we move on? Is it Election Day yet? Can I have my cocktail now?” [YouTube/DailyKos]