Idiots - Wonkette

Bush Fixes Economy Whines About Congress

Dorkus W. Dildo had a press conference today, in his garden. He is very rich and has an entire hospital to attend to him and bombs anything that makes him confused and no matter what crime he does, he never gets sent to prison, so he is exactly like ordinary poor Americans like you. Bush Junior has heard about how maybe the "economic" is a problem, so he told those losers who still have to act like he's important — you know, the White House correspondents — that he "figured out" what was wrong and guess what, it's Congress, which has Democrats. More »

12:30 PM on Tue Apr 29 2008
By Ken Layne
2,800 views, 56 comments

Latest by butster: What did he want Congress to do? Give a fellatio or two to whom and where? Or a wallbanger? A Hersheys? A nation wants to know. What'sthe point of his speech? more »

wrasslin'

Hate TV Wrestling? Then You'll Also Hate Hillary, McCain & Obama

What do poor, stupid Americans love more than anything? Sitting on the couch and eating buckets of fried chicken while watching televised wrasslin', that's what! Here's Hillary promising to "stick it up your ass" if you don't vote for her, and Barack threatening to "send you to white concentration camps" for being so fat and dumb, and John McCain being used as a folding chair to comically knock the teeth out of a wrestler called "WAL-NUTZ Da Destroya." [YouTube]

3:15 PM on Tue Apr 22 2008
By Ken Layne
1,024 views, 47 comments

Latest by Edward Bulwer-Lytton: So. Embarrassing. No. Snark. Just. Shame. more »

walnuts

John McCain Is Still A Dangerous Old Nut

As long as you're on John McCain's side — you know, as long as you're either a journalist or a lobbyist — the old man will charm you with stories of his dirty deeds, and he'll crudely insult the president's daughter, and eat your donuts. But for the people who actually have to work with the elderly opportunist in, say, the Senate, John McCain is a furious stupid monster. Let's review the latest "McCain's a dangerous old psychopath" story, from Sunday's Washington Post. More »

1:30 AM on Mon Apr 21 2008
By Ken Layne
4,775 views, 72 comments

Latest by Baiowulf: Too bad for WALNUTS! that George Lopez has donned the mantle of "America's Mexican." [cdn.overstock.com] more »

don't rock the vote

Obama Girl Doesn't Know How To Vote, Talk

Hey, look, it's what's-her-name, Ashley (?), the famous YouTube star of "Obama Girl." She doesn't vote, or know why people vote, or anything at all. Thanks for another diamond in your crown of hearts, New Jersey. [Why Tuesday?]

4:00 PM on Thu Apr 17 2008
By Ken Layne
1,471 views, 32 comments

reliable sources

Former Ohio Secretary Of State Now Working As 'Black Reporter'

Wonkette receives lots of tips from crazy old cranks who want us to know that the Clintons were mean to their Secret Service detail, and the Likud plotted with China to cover up Nixon's assassination. So it's refreshing to get a relatively straightforward email like the one we got this morning, titled "A Black Reporter's Assessment Of Obama." But you'll never guess who this "black reporter" is! More »

12:11 PM on Tue Apr 15 2008
By saraksmith
2,640 views, 42 comments

bush supporters discovered

Stupidity Shocker: Only 10% Of Voters Think Obama's Muslim

Only one in ten voters thinks Barack Obama is a Muslim, according to a new poll that is kind of encouraging. We figured the number would be closer to 70%, because this is a nation of imbeciles. As we're pretty sure the "Barry Hussein's a Muslim" demographic is unlikely to vote for a black man anyway, the Obama campaign can probably write this news off as an Improbable Victory and get back to shaming Hillary out of the race by saying it's okay if she stays in the race. More »

6:20 PM on Mon Mar 31 2008
By Ken Layne
3,243 views, 77 comments

Latest by Tawmn: @Laura Ingalls Wildest: HEY! That was funny! more »

that's racist!

Barack Obama's John McCain's Crazy Spiritual Adviser Rants About 'Black Genocide' Plot

Oh look, here's another nutty preacher with crazy fantasies about the government plot to exterminate the Negro Race (well duh!). But this time, it is white Jesus nut Rod Parsley, who is the beloved conservative Republican spiritual adviser to John "Mulatto Baby" McCain. Everybody is a crazy racist, the end. [Huffington Post]

3:37 PM on Fri Mar 21 2008
By Ken Layne
1,503 views, 28 comments

sorry everybody

A Children's Treasury Of Terrible Irish Songs For Barack O'bama

Why wait until tonight to get sick of goddamned St. Patrick's Day? Do it now! Did you know there are many "Irish songs" on the YouTube dedicated to the "Black Irish" candidacy of Barack "O'bama" Obama? Well, there are! More »

3:39 PM on Mon Mar 17 2008
By Ken Layne
989 views, 9 comments

dancing queen

Video Proof Of George W. Bush Dancing, Again

Remember the hilarious dance routine Bush did last week to distract us all from his endorsement of Elderly nut John McCain? There is video proof, thanks to the Associated Press! Enjoy this while we wait for the video of Bush's gay-cowboy Broadway debut. [Associated Press]

1:06 PM on Mon Mar 10 2008
By KLayne
1,171 views, 33 comments

he 'hopes' you'll be his valentine

Republicans Begin Hilarious Anti-Obama Campaign

For the past 72 years, the Republican National Committee has been preparing for Hillary’s 2008 presidential run. A vast warehouse of anti-Hitlery clip art and dumb slogans was ready for General Election warfare. But now it seems young & hopeful Barack Obama might end up as the nominee. What will they come up with to go against Mr. Inclusive “I Like Reagan” Obama — especially when he already willingly admitted his Ivy League dope fun in a book? The answer is “complain that he hasn’t been in Washington long enough.” [RNC Valentine]

11:02 AM on Mon Feb 11 2008
By KLayne
4,327 views, 61 comments

Latest by butster: The Masai genome will out, you know. He's tall and skinny and probably lactose tolerant. I think the world will speculate about the length of his dick, but that's a good sign. We need some huff and puff more »

nation of retards

Kansas Newspaper Sort Of Regrets Calling Obama A Muslim Fanatic

The Ottawa Herald (of Franklin County, Kansas, not Canada) became a national sensation this morning when it taught us that Barack Obama is actually a dangerous Muslim extremist who will destroy our precious values with his “change” and “hope.” But now the paper seems to be meekly backtracking from the crazy-ass ignorant rant written by the paper’s own printing-press operator! More »

4:50 PM on Thu Feb 7 2008
By KLayne
6,407 views, 62 comments

one man's opinion

Brave Newspaper Press Operator Will Stop 'Muslim Fundamentalist' Barack Obama

At the Ottawa Herald of Franklin County, Kansas, even the guys who work the newspaper printing press can write a column for the “op ed” section. And proving once again that small-town papers are like blogs without the quality control, pressman Gary Sillett contributed a terrific “community viewpoint” about the upcoming presidential election.

“To elect Barack Obama to the highest office in the land would be nothing less than spitting on the graves of the victims of 9/11,” Sillett wrote last week. You know you want to read the rest. More »

12:53 AM on Thu Feb 7 2008
By KLayne
19,296 views, 169 comments

Latest by Baiowulf: @TONY THE TIGER: OMG JUST LIKE ISRAEL LOL! YOUR ACT IS STARTING TO GRRRRRRRRATE! more »

but iran is still very evil!

'Filipino Monkey' Nearly Tricks America Into World War III

It was so scary when little Iranian motorboats did loops around American warships in the Persian Gulf last week. The U.S. ships were apparently seconds away from blasting the tiny speedboats, all because of a threatening radio message assumed to be from the scary Iranians. Now the Navy says the scary transmission could have come from a well-known “radio prankster” called the Filipino Monkey. More »

11:22 AM on Mon Jan 14 2008
By interngreg
3,400 views, 34 comments

domestic violence can be funny

George W. Bush Is A Battered Spouse

Admit it: You see your president on the teevee, and you want to hit something — him, actually. You would like to hit him with a frying pan, perhaps, or a comical ACME anvil. Now, imagine having to share a house with George.

According to journalistic newspaper sources, George’s long-suffering wife Laura is basically beating the hell out of him all the time, and his face just a big scratched-up bruise. No wonder he ran off to Israel or Kuwait or wherever!

First Lady Laura’s Bloody Fight With Boozing Bush [GLOBE/Eschaton]

5:42 PM on Fri Jan 11 2008
By KLayne
3,288 views, 55 comments

Latest by aperfectbob: well, i don't believe the stuff i read here. what i do know is that bush progeny is scum at least back to prescott... ...of course, h.r.1955 i dont want to change anything or nuthin... wouldn't it be nice if there was more »

american idiot

George W. Bush Also Solves the Holocaust

JERUSALEM (AP) — President Bush had tears in his eyes during an hour-long tour of Israel’s Holocaust memorial Friday and told Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice that the U.S. should have bombed Auschwitz to halt the killing, the memorial’s chairman said.

Umm, Mr. President? Wouldn’t that have a detrimental effect on, uh, all the Jewish prisoners inside?

Bush: US should have bombed Auschwitz [AP]

1:29 PM on Fri Jan 11 2008
By KLayne
2,127 views, 81 comments

our great nation

TV Reporter Proves Political Viability With Stupid, Pointless Stunt

Meet Dale Cardwell. He was on the teevee in Atlanta, as a “news reporter.” Now he’s running for the U.S. Senate against Confederate Sen. Saxby Chambliss. And that’s why Cardwell spent a week sleeping on a scaffold atop a 320-foot-tall tower … you know, so people would take him seriously. [46 News Atlanta]

1:45 PM on Tue Jan 8 2008
By KLayne
490 views, 31 comments

ice capades

Romney Goons Attack Helpless Old McCain Signs!

This is a thousand times worse than whatever happened in Kenya that was so terrible! Look at these people, wearing their snow gear, walking carefully through the frozen muck, and then brutally removing the honest, maverick signs only to jam heartless corporate wrong-Jesus signs into the same ice holes. This won’t stand!

Bad Sign For Romney [Political Machine]

10:58 AM on Mon Jan 7 2008
By KLayne
907 views, 44 comments

Wonkette

Somebody Painted Their Car To Look Like Hillary Clinton

Posts Tagged “Idiots”