Tag Archives: idiots

  A+ for concern trolling

Daily Caller Very Worried Gays Being Treated Poorly At Oklahoma University

Daily Caller newsroom
Never underestimate wingnuts when it comes to concern trolling, and also being dumber than you possibly could imagine. Here’s your basic story: They’re building an LGBT study lounge at the University of Oklahoma. Queer advocates were pulling for a full LGBT resource center, where, as with religious student unions and black student unions and whatever else, there would be resources and community for the LGBT kids, et cetera, yadda yadda yadda. But they got a lounge, which is a good first step. Now, if you didn’t immediately think “but that’s separate but equal!” and “no fair!”, or images of whites-only lunch counters and water fountains didn’t immediately jump through the space where your brain once was, you are NOT a wingnut. Read more on Daily Caller Very Worried Gays Being Treated Poorly At Oklahoma University…
  The Tree Of Liberty Doesn't Need This Much Bullshit

Texas ‘Open Carry’ Loon Ready To Start Executing Lawmakers, Because Freedom Is Why

Fact: The Intenet has as many anime gun girls as Texas has open carry advocates
The bill to allow licensed open carry of handguns in Texas wasn’t slowed down a bit by the shootout in Waco, but it has hit a bit of a roadblock in the state legislature — police groups are lobbying to kill a clause that would prohibit cops from asking to see someone’s license — and so it’s just possible that the bill might not pass before the legislative session ends on June 1. Well, by god, Texas Open Carry advocate Kory Watkins has had just about enough of the Texas legislature’s stomping all over the Constitution of the United States, so he’s calling for some executions. Read more on Texas ‘Open Carry’ Loon Ready To Start Executing Lawmakers, Because Freedom Is Why…
  Remember The Alahomo

Gay-Hatin’ Alabama Chief Justice Roy Moore Ready To Be Martyred At The Straight-People Alamo

Yes, this really exists
Ten Commandments Hero Chief Justice Roy Moore came from Alabama with a Brawndo on his knee t’other day, visiting the Lone Star State Monday to address a very important “Defense of Texas Marriage Amendment Rally,” where he said that he is willing to lay down his very life to stop people with the wrong combinations of genitals from entering into marriage contracts. Also, he is worried about all the hyperbole and exaggeration in the world today. Read more on Gay-Hatin’ Alabama Chief Justice Roy Moore Ready To Be Martyred At The Straight-People Alamo…
  Live Long And Fester

Westboro Baptists Beam Down To Wrong Coordinates, Miss Spock’s Funeral

God hates logic
While Vulcans would never stoop to the human emotional response of laughter, we know that Spock would wryly raise an eyebrow in appreciation of the absurdity (no, not irony, don’t you dare say it was ironic) of the Westboro Baptist Church’s failure to follow through on its threat to picket Leonard Nimoy’s funeral. The Westboros said they just plain couldn’t find the funeral’s location. Read more on Westboro Baptists Beam Down To Wrong Coordinates, Miss Spock’s Funeral…
  All Dots Connected

CA Dad Would Like Anti-Vaxxers To Stop Trying To Kill His Son

It's your right to make everyone around you sick
Not only is refusing to get your kids vaccinated aggressively stupid, it’s also exceedingly selfish, a fact anti-vaxxers will have a hard time dismissing now that 6-year-old leukemia patient Rhett Krawitt has come to national attention. His father is asking the school district to require students to get their damned vaccine shots, unless they have valid medical reasons not to. And “dumb parents just don’t believe in vaccines” is not a medical reason. Read more on CA Dad Would Like Anti-Vaxxers To Stop Trying To Kill His Son…
  Pew pew pew!

Florida Makes It Even Easier To Live Out Your Family-Friendly Gun-Humping Fantasies

Is the guy on the right also the guy in the middle, or do all gun-humpers look the same to Yr Wonket?
Orlando has long been a destination for theme-park enthusiasts, so if you’re planning to bring the kids to see Mickey and Minnie, be sure to swing by Machine Gun America, a brand-spankin’-new theme park that opens Saturday, Dec. 20. If you have to ask what kinds of fun things you can do at Machine Gun America, try saying the name out loud. Are you getting it yet? WTSP explains more. Read more on Florida Makes It Even Easier To Live Out Your Family-Friendly Gun-Humping Fantasies…
  the commentczar's in town

Deleted Comments Of The Week: Why Don’t You People Cover The Important Stories?

Dear Sir or Madame: I am outraged by the lack of variety in the .gifs on this blog!
It’s the weekend, and time to catch up on some vital maintenance — refill the poison rat dick stockpiles, top off the Pony cache, and slop out the comments queue, that sort of thing. And we have some real winners from would-be commenters today, ranging from wingnuts who want to set us straight, to would-be allies who we’d rather not invite into our parlor. Read more on Deleted Comments Of The Week: Why Don’t You People Cover The Important Stories?…
  I Hear America Derping

Facebook Gun Hero Explains Assassinatin’ Beats Voting Every Time

Other than *that* it's a pretty compelling argument
From the Coalition to Stop Gun Violence Facebook page comes the above screenshot of a cheerful Election Day message from a pro-gun, pro-insurrection Facebook thing. The Facebook group is still up, though they’ve removed the image and the accompanying text, which read: Read more on Facebook Gun Hero Explains Assassinatin’ Beats Voting Every Time…
  Nuke The Healthcare Workers From Orbit. It's The Only Way To Be Sure

Chris Christie Wants To Play Doctor With Nurse Lady, Mostly By Yelling At Her

Thank goodness you can't get Ebola from spittle
With no teachers immediately available to yell at, New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie has taken up yelling at nurses, we guess. In the latest twist on Chris Christie’s War On Health Care Workers Who Volunteer To Fight Deadly Diseases, the New Jersey Department of Health announced this morning that Kaci Hickox, a still-healthy nurse who returned to the U.S. and was clapped in irons for her own good Friday night, would be allowed to return home to Maine: Read more on Chris Christie Wants To Play Doctor With Nurse Lady, Mostly By Yelling At Her…
  Gag Me With A Ballot

Fox News: Young Women Should Go Find Sexxytimes Online And Leave Democracy To Grownups

If it keeps the terrorists from winning, it's still civic-minded.
Fox News hostroid Kimberly Guilfoyle said Tuesday that America would be a far better place if young women would just please stay home and go do their Twittergrams and Tindermatches instead of cluttering up our elections with all their stupidness. She urged the frivolous young things to avoid voting in this year’s midterms and to only return to the polls when they have the maturity to vote like a respectable married lady, preferably one with a good Republican cloth coat and a little dog named Checkers. Read more on Fox News: Young Women Should Go Find Sexxytimes Online And Leave Democracy To Grownups…
  Republican won't let gays get wet

Don’t Feed The Gays After Midnight

No self-respecting gay person would be caught dead driving one of these
Anthony Culler, the Republican running against James Clyburn for South Carolina’s 6th Congressional District, has a few problems as a candidate, according to The Hill. Culler “is not well-liked by the GOP establishment in South Carolina, and has no chance of defeating Clyburn this fall.” So Culler thought it was a pretty darn good idea to post a long dumb rant on Facebook explaining why the Gays and their fake “marriages” will be the ruination of us all, and almost offhandedly mentioning that The Gays are exactly like the critters from Joe Dante’s 1984 movie Gremlins: Read more on Don’t Feed The Gays After Midnight…
  Uterine Clown Car Survivor Speaks Out

Duggars Did A Pretty Good Job Edumacatin’ Their Womb-Fruits, All Right

Just as Darwin Demanded
Reality Teevee show person Jessa Duggar went to the United States Holocaust Memorial Museum in Washington DC, and came away believing that Charles Darwin led directly to the Nazis’ attempted extermination of European Jewry, which suggests that the museum’s docents really need to up their game. Ms. Duggar, 21, explained on Instagram the profound anti-science message that she derived from the historical exhibits: Read more on Duggars Did A Pretty Good Job Edumacatin’ Their Womb-Fruits, All Right…
  'Red Asphalt' Never Covered This

Idiot Idaho Teen Rolls SUV When Idiot Friend Lights Armpit Hair On Fire

S-M-R-T
In what we fear could be the start of a trend, a Boise teenager who is definitely not Kid Zoom or any of his friends crashed a Ford Bronco Sunday after his 16-year-old front seat passenger reached over and set the driver’s armpit hair on fire with a lighter. This sounds like the sort of thing that could become popular as a dare among a certain subset of the high-testosterone/redneck/skoal-chewin’/coal rollin’ set. You know, morons. Happily, there were no serious injuries. Read more on Idiot Idaho Teen Rolls SUV When Idiot Friend Lights Armpit Hair On Fire…
  make me want to holler

‘Black Jesus’ About As Popular With Pharisees As The Original

Wingnuts raised hell in 1968 about this Black Jesus, too.
Hey, did you kidz watch that new show Thursday night, “Black Jesus,” on the Adult Swim Cartoons For Stoned Grownups Teevee Channel? We did not, because we are traveling and without TiVo, and we haven’t watched television in real time for at least five years now, let alone stayed up after 11 on a school night. We are old. Read more on ‘Black Jesus’ About As Popular With Pharisees As The Original…
  And Synonyms Just Make People Sin

Utah Language School Fires Blogger For Promoting Homophone Agenda

And there go a quarter of the comments...
No matter how much we wish this was a case of a paper overselling its headline, it is absolutely true: A social-media specialist for a private language school in Provo, Utah, has been fired because he wrote a blog piece about homophones, which his employer worried would make the school seem gay somehow. You see, Nomen Global Language Center is a school for foreigns learning English, and owner Clarke Woodger was very upset at blogger Tim Torkildson (all names in this story are real, even if they sound like they’re from a Dickens novel set in Lake Wobegon) for using that word. So here’s what happens when you write a Facebook post about words that sound the same but have different meanings, but you work for an ash whole: Read more on Utah Language School Fires Blogger For Promoting Homophone Agenda…
  Both Sides of the Atlantic Do It

British Right-Wing Nutjob Quite Displeased With His Gay Homosexual Dog

British Ben Shapiro doppleganger
The not-at-all racist members of the British National Party are big believers in the “self-deportation” policies championed by one Mittens J. Romneyford, Esq. They also have some interesting views on the gheys, and they do not appreciate it when those views are challenged. Especially when the challenger is a dog. RawStory brings us the raw story. The youth leader of a far-right British political party threatened his dog on Facebook over the animal’s homosexual behavior. “I wish my dog would stop licking the penises of other male dogs,” said Jack Andrew Renshaw, the leader of BNP Youth. “I love you, Derek (my dog) – but – don’t challenge my principles because my principles will likely win,” Renshaw said. Read more on British Right-Wing Nutjob Quite Displeased With His Gay Homosexual Dog…