Tag Archives: hypocrites

  bundles of joy

Get Ready For Your Close-Up, Tea Bag Pro-Life Congressman Who Pressured His Mistress To ‘Bortion His Baby

Bitches. All you’re trying to do is treat their foot fungus or whatever, and they hold you down and rape you probably, and then they tell you they are on the Pill or something, and then they get your sperm all up in them and it makes a little tiny baby! Obviously it is their fault your wife divorces you after initiating divorce proceedings two years prior when she found out about your first affair (of four). What can a future Tea Bag pro-life Congressman do but record himself on the phone pressuring the succubus-raper to get a ‘bortion of his tiny little Gift from God? Tennessee Congressman Scott DesJarlais, you are a walking Good Decision! Read more on Get Ready For Your Close-Up, Tea Bag Pro-Life Congressman Who Pressured His Mistress To ‘Bortion His Baby…
  tucker up buttercup

Tucker Carlson’s ‘Daily Caller’ Does Yeoman’s Service In Refuting Dumb Right-Wing Freakout — UPDATED!

UPDATED! CORRECTION BELOW! Perhaps you were alive and sentient and cruising around stupid hack rightwing websites sometime in the last few days when you noticed that they all lost their collective shit because totally un-American (Yellow Peril) Secretary of Energy, Nobel Prize winner, and flat-out adorable munchkin Steven Chu admitted before Congress that he DOES NOT OWN A CAR. What’s that, Google? “steven chu doesn’t own a car = about 80,100 results”? Who ever would have thought! It’s almost like he’s one of those Elites who live in high-rises and ride the subway! (Jews.) For shame, adorable Steven Chu! What a shanda for the Goys! Read more on Tucker Carlson’s ‘Daily Caller’ Does Yeoman’s Service In Refuting Dumb Right-Wing Freakout — UPDATED!…
  his case was different somehow

Santorum Wants Malpractice Award Caps For Everyone Except Himself

Barely tolerated busy-body Rick Santorum may be running a distant 148th or whatever in Florida, but his website remains a strong competitor for numero uno in terrible ideas. Among the collected abominations is the promise to reduce medical costs by enacting “meaningful medical liability reform.” Okay, ha, no one thinks that would actually help. But credit where credit is due: in 1994, Santorum did, in fact, sponsor the deceptively helpful-sounding Comprehensive Family Health Access and Savings Act, which would have capped awards for medical malpractice at $250,000. Interestingly enough, in his own 1999 malpractice lawsuit, Rick and his wife sought $500,000 for a back injury she suffered. Which is, students, exactly twice what Rick thought other people might deserve. Aren’t numbers crazy? Read more on Santorum Wants Malpractice Award Caps For Everyone Except Himself…
  fat armchair surfing fools

Lazy Jerk Newt Gingrich Refused To Get Job While Studying

Turbo edition ridiculousness machine Newt Gingrich is terminally unable to shut up about his “wait why is this even a fake issue?” theory that America’s disadvantaged students are incurably lazy — first it was elementary school students, and this weekend he delivered a diatribe excoriating the current generation of university students for expecting “free money” to go to school and refusing like a bunch of snot-nosed ninnies to get part-time work study jobs. (That seems like pretty much every college student you know, right?) Of course Newt SURELY speaks from experience, having diligently worked his way through school? Read more on Lazy Jerk Newt Gingrich Refused To Get Job While Studying…
  saturday night dead

The Best of Saturday’s Painful GOP Idiot Debate (VIDEO)

The whole debate, in a minute! That’s as much time as anybody should really have to spend thinking about the latest Republican Dimbulb Derby, which was broadcast on Saturday night to an audience of people who were unable to find the remote. At least everybody piled on the fat crying amoral jewelry-debt baby Newt Gingrich, who was probably divorcing his latest wife via text message live on teevee. What else did the numbnuts say during Saturday’s GOP debate? The answers may repulse you! Read more on The Best of Saturday’s Painful GOP Idiot Debate (VIDEO)…
  time to kill the internet

Congressional Support Grows For Bill To Shut Down Any Website

There’s suddenly a whole lot of “bipartisan support” for a supposed anti-piracy law that will actually let the U.S. Government force American Internet providers to shut down all access to any website immediately. Why might that be a popular idea, in Congress, right about now? And why are these anti-government Republicans like Congressman Lamar Smith of Texas behind such a heavy handed Big Brother off-switch on the entire Internet? And why is Joe Biden apparently strongly against such legislation, even though the Obama Administration supports it fully? Oh, right, because Biden is talking about how other countries shouldn’t do what the United States is about to do. Read more on Congressional Support Grows For Bill To Shut Down Any Website…
  the mexican karl marx

Rick Perry Proposed ‘Bi-National’ U.S.-Mexico Obamacare Before 9/11

Rick Perry had a grand idea, just days before Muslim Terrorists attacked the United States on 9/11/01: Mexico could join together with the United States to provide free socialized health care for everyone, Mexican and Texan alike! This is how Rick Perry spent the days before 9/11, trying to give our capitalist freedom to a bunch of Mexicans all wrapped up in a nice RED box called “Obamacare.” And you thought Perry supposedly quit being a Democrat after working for Al Gore’s Democratic campaign for the presidency in 1988, or maybe that he quit supporting Hillarycare/Obamacare after he wrote a 1993 mash note to First Lady Hillary Clinton, begging her to please bring Washington’s socialized medicine to the millions of poor, uninsured Texan individualists who just want another handout from Nurse Perry. No. Not even on the Eve of 9/11 could Rick Perry stop trying to give our corporate freedoms to socialists and Mexicans. Read more on Rick Perry Proposed ‘Bi-National’ U.S.-Mexico Obamacare Before 9/11…
  kegger at the Capitol!

Frat Boy Congress Caused Souder-Sex to Happen, Say Bible Ladies

Upon learning that family-values hero Mark Souder had resigned from Congress after admitting his extramarital abstinence, the marriage-sanctifying gals at Concerned Women for America — the Western Hemisphere’s most important public policy women’s organization, after Curves — were in despair, about men. Ultimately they put down their tissues down, though, and brought forth a proclamation in which they blame Souder’s affair on the U.S. Congress, a.k.a. “the frat house on the Hill.” Read more on Frat Boy Congress Caused Souder-Sex to Happen, Say Bible Ladies…
  gross republican cheater version of 'sex tape'

VIDEO SHOCKER: Republican Rep. Mark Souder Made ‘Web Video’ (Against Sex) With His Mistress-Staffer

Tracy Jackson, you have made very poor choices in life. You are pretty and reasonably young. And yet you *allegedly* let this gross old Jesus Freak Republican Family Values Congressman climb all over you and hump on you. Also, Tracy Jackson, Fox News reports that you are *also* married. UPDATE: Oh you think you can take the video down, you vile slob? Well we have found another copy. Read more on VIDEO SHOCKER: Republican Rep. Mark Souder Made ‘Web Video’ (Against Sex) With His Mistress-Staffer…
  republicans in the news

Anti-Gay Bakersfield Republican Spent All His Time Being Gay At Gay Bars

Hahaha: “The owner of Faces, the club where [California state Senator Roy] Ashburn reportedly was hanging out before his arrest, told CBS 13 that he can’t confirm whether Ashburn was there Tuesday night because the club was packed with 400 patrons for a Latin drag queen beauty pageant.” Also, the openly gay mayor of West Sacramento outed Ashburn on Facebook, but nobody noticed. Read more on Anti-Gay Bakersfield Republican Spent All His Time Being Gay At Gay Bars…
 

Do They Really Talk Like This At Fancy Sex-Hooker Businesses?

The grand mystery of Eliot Spitzer’s comically hypocritical whoring is what exactly was being discussed when classy hooker “Kristen” was told by her madam that Spitzer “would ask you to do things that, like, you might not think were safe ….” Although we remain hopeful that it was something really weird and dangerous, possibly involving a trapeze and a velvet hovercraft, the consensus seems to be “He didn’t want to wear a condom.” But why are they speaking to each other in such stilted circumlocutions? We could make up a whole list of similarly pointlessly roundabout talk at the super-premium Brothel of Ambiguity. Let’s do it! Read more on Do They Really Talk Like This At Fancy Sex-Hooker Businesses?…
 

Giant Talking Rabbits Haunt White House

As we know from movie classics such as “Harvey” and “Donnie Darko,” a sure-fire sign of insanity is the appearance of an anthropomorphic giant rabbit. Laura’s got two! Celebrate America’s precious pagan traditions, after the bunny jump. Read more on Giant Talking Rabbits Haunt White House…
 

Daily Briefing: Pride Only Hurts

* Waning paranoia about the Patriot Act goes back up to “red” as the FBI is cited for surfing Americans’ personal information like you surf for porn. [WP, NYT] * If an Iraq War spending plan gets rewritten a thousand times, then vetoed, will Nancy Pelosi cry on teevee? [WP, NYT, LAT] * Alberto Gonzalez has never met a shady “fire ‘n replace” scheme he didn’t like. Arlen Specter has never met an Attorney General that he did like. [WP] * Chuck Hagel asks John McCain, “Must you betray me with a kiss?” [WP] * “Bush Doctrine” of suspicious first-punch throwing will influence the next President, whoever she is. [WP] * Morally unassailable poor kids’ health insurance program woefully under funded. [USAT] * Newt Gingrich: hate him for the hypocrisy, love him for the skirt chasing. [AP] Read more on Daily Briefing: Pride Only Hurts…
 

George Soros Buys 2 Million Shares of Halliburton

Nothing says “Bomb Iran” like markets wizard George Soros plunking down $62 million for a nice chunk of Halliburton stock. The beloved liberal moneybags made the purchase at the end of last year, according to secret public documents revealed by Foreign Policy’s blog. Sure, that’s chump change for the super-billionaire Soros, but the dude didn’t become a super-billionaire by pissing his money away … except for the Kerry campaign, which is pretty much the legal definition of “pissing your money away.” (Soros bought HAL at $31.30, so he already lost about $2 million on the deal.) Read more on George Soros Buys 2 Million Shares of Halliburton…
 

Remainders: General Zod Edition

• Over the next few days, a lot of Congressional allies are going to have the President’s back when it comes to this domestic spying stuff, as others argue in favor of a rule of law, the standards set by the Executive Branch, and who had the legal right to say and do what. It seems only fitting, then, to remember what the same people said once upon a time. [DU] Read more on Remainders: General Zod Edition…