The grand mystery of Eliot Spitzer’s comically hypocritical whoring is what exactly was being discussed when classy hooker “Kristen” was told by her madam that Spitzer “would ask you to do things that, like, you might not think were safe ….” Although we remain hopeful that it was something really weird and dangerous, possibly involving a trapeze and a velvet hovercraft, the consensus seems to be “He didn’t want to wear a condom.” But why are they speaking to each other in such stilted circumlocutions? We could make up a whole list of similarly pointlessly roundabout talk at the super-premium Brothel of Ambiguity. Let’s do it! MORE »

As we know from movie classics such as “Harvey” and “Donnie Darko,” a sure-fire sign of insanity is the appearance of an anthropomorphic giant rabbit. Laura’s got two!

Celebrate America’s precious pagan traditions, after the bunny jump.

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* Waning paranoia about the Patriot Act goes back up to “red” as the FBI is cited for surfing Americans’ personal information like you surf for porn. [WP, NYT]
* If an Iraq War spending plan gets rewritten a thousand times, then vetoed, will Nancy Pelosi cry on teevee? [WP, NYT, LAT]
* Alberto Gonzalez has never met a shady “fire ‘n replace” scheme he didn’t like. Arlen Specter has never met an Attorney General that he did like. [WP]
* Chuck Hagel asks John McCain, “Must you betray me with a kiss?” [WP]
* “Bush Doctrine” of suspicious first-punch throwing will influence the next President, whoever she is. [WP]
* Morally unassailable poor kids’ health insurance program woefully under funded. [USAT]
* Newt Gingrich: hate him for the hypocrisy, love him for the skirt chasing. [AP]

Nothing says “Bomb Iran” like markets wizard George Soros plunking down $62 million for a nice chunk of Halliburton stock. MORE »

• Over the next few days, a lot of Congressional allies are going to have the President’s back when it comes to this domestic spying stuff, as others argue in favor of a rule of law, the standards set by the Executive Branch, and who had the legal right to say and do what. It seems only fitting, then, to remember what the same people said once upon a time. [DU] MORE »