Tag Archives: hypocrisy

  Yet Another 'Another American Revolution'

Ted Cruz Supports Gun Control, To Protect Ted Cruz

Be vewwy quiet. I'm hunting Dewegates!
Hey, Ted Cruz, what’s your next cool fundraiser idea? Wow, a chance for some lucky gun-humping donor to go shootin’ with the senator? That sounds like more fun than staying up all night playing RISK with Rand Paul! Funny thing though; the contest requires that the winner be able to pass a background check. It’s in the fine print, which specifies that the “Sponsor” of the sweepstakes — the Cruz campaign — must verify that Ted Cruz will be at least nominally safe with his brand new huntin’ buddy: Read more on Ted Cruz Supports Gun Control, To Protect Ted Cruz…
  redemption stories

Huckabee: That Duggar Boy Made A Mistake, Just Like When My Son Murdered That Dog

You STAY in her lap, where you're safe.
Expressions of wingnut support for Josh Duggar and his molesty past are starting to drip in, now that they’ve remembered that the focus of the narrative is REDEMPTION, because they have Jesus and you don’t. They are saved, you are going to hell. They can fuck kids, and you don’t fuck kids in the first place, but they said sorry to God, so ALL BETTER. Read more on Huckabee: That Duggar Boy Made A Mistake, Just Like When My Son Murdered That Dog…
  Wonksplaining why making gay jokes about Schock IS TOO okay

How We Stopped Worrying And Learned To Love Gay-Baiting Aaron Schock

The internet is abuzz with the resignation of fresh-faced congressbottom Aaron Schock, mired as he has been in allegations of ethics violation after ethics violation after gay ethics violation. We are sure we will find out more in coming weeks about exactly why he resigned now, as things continue to fall out of the closets of his Downton Abbey office, and we will write words about it when that happens. Read more on How We Stopped Worrying And Learned To Love Gay-Baiting Aaron Schock…
  The Wonder Years

Joni Ernst: Let Them Wear Bread Bags

NEWS FLASH: You can afford these shoes on $7.25 an hour
Sen. Joni Ernst did her best in her robotic SOTU response to let us know that she empathizes with folks facing hard times: You see, growing up, I had only one good pair of shoes. So on rainy school days, my mom would slip plastic bread bags over them to keep them dry. But I was never embarrassed. Because the school bus would be filled with rows and rows of young Iowans with bread bags slipped over their feet. And thus was born the #breadbags hashtag: Read more on Joni Ernst: Let Them Wear Bread Bags…
  Next Time Just Stick To Gluttony And Sloth

Pervy Nonagenarian Televangelist Did … Oh Jesus Christ

Now grab the back of your TV set...
It’s been a while since we’ve heard from the faith-healing ministry leader and televangelist Ernest Angley, who was also the the real-life inspiration for Robin Williams’s classic “Reverend Earnest Angry.” Until 35 years later, when Monday we read that Rev. Angley is doing his very best to out-Bake Jim Bakker and Out-Swagger Jimmy Swaggart. Those chumps may have been satisfied with mere sexxytimes shenanigans and fraud (Bakker), and sad masturbatory prostie visits (Swaggart), but by Crom, no way were such penny-ante scandals going to be enough for Ernest Angley. No, he’s going to close out his 60-something-year career with accusations of full-blown cultism, complete with creepy control over his flock’s sex lives — forcing men to have vasectomies and women to have abortions — and to top it off, several years of unwanted laying on of hands on a former pastor and allowing sexual abuse of boys in the church, allegedly. Read more on Pervy Nonagenarian Televangelist Did … Oh Jesus Christ…
  this whole blog can be shipped to afghanistan no one has lost any

Figures: Stupidest Man On Internet Disgusted That Obama Would Abandon Bergdahl, Rescue Bergdahl

Hats off to Josh Marshall (and his tipster, “TT”) at Talking Points Memo for this one: Back in October, Stupidest Man on the Internet Jim Hoft was shocked and horrified at the prospect that Barack Obama might abandon POW Bowe Bergdahl at the end of the Afghanistan War. And now that Bergdahl has been brought home, Stupidest Man on the Internet Jim Hoft is shocked and horrified to learn that Bergdahl was promoted while he was in captivity — or while he was definitely teaching the Taliban how to make bombs. Read more on Figures: Stupidest Man On Internet Disgusted That Obama Would Abandon Bergdahl, Rescue Bergdahl…
  georgia is a gunderland

Georgia Says Screw It, Allows Guns In Airports, School Zones, Other Awesome Places To Have Guns

Today, Georgians with a hyperinflated sense of ego-driven invincibility rejoiced as Governor Nathan Deal signed into law a bill that allows them to protect innocent victims virtually anywhere they wish, like when they’re drinking or when someone gives them the sideeye for not putting anything in the collection plate. Georgia Gov. Nathan Deal signed a wide-ranging gun bill into law Wednesday that has critics howling and proponents applauding. House Bill 60, or the Safe Carry Protection Act of 2014 — which opponents have nicknamed the “guns everywhere bill” — specifies where Georgia residents can carry weapons. Included are provisions that allow residents who have concealed carry permits to take guns into some bars, churches, school zones, government buildings and certain parts of airports. What’s best about this list is that they just kept adding new and even more objectionable places to the list to distract from the previous places it made no fucking sense to have a gun. Read more on Georgia Says Screw It, Allows Guns In Airports, School Zones, Other Awesome Places To Have Guns…
  make a run for the border

Florida Rep. ‘Dane Eagle’ Arrested For Drunken Fratty 2 A.M. Taco Bell Run

Raise your hand if you have ever been to Taco Bell at 2 a.m., drunk. All of you, just like we thought. It’s kind of required if you read our mommy/warblog. Now raise your hand if you have ever been arrested at a Taco Bell. Oh, just you South Florida GOP state Representative Dane Eagle, whose manly name of ubermenschenpatriotism we kind of can’t get over yet? Do let us hear more. Read more on Florida Rep. ‘Dane Eagle’ Arrested For Drunken Fratty 2 A.M. Taco Bell Run…
  suck it poors

Oklahoma Gov. Mary Fallin Is A Horrible Person Who Hates The Poor

Liberals, we need to talk. On our pages, we deride Republicans for being anti-poor just because they are always trying to cut food stamps and deny people health care. But are they really that bad? Gov. Mary Fallin of Oklahoma is trying to show us that Republicans aren’t that bad. They’re worse. Per NewsOK: Cities in Oklahoma are prohibited from establishing mandatory minimum wage or vacation and sick-day requirements under a bill that has been signed into law by Gov. Mary Fallin. Wait. So in addition to merely opposing minimum wage hikes, Republicans in Oklahoma are actively ensuring that wages stay where they are, whether localities want to pay their workers more or not. Suck it, local control! Mary “Nannystate” Fallin is here to ram some big ol State Government down your throat! Because some freedom is okay (read: guns), but we don’t want to be as free as a place like North Korea or anything!  Read more on Oklahoma Gov. Mary Fallin Is A Horrible Person Who Hates The Poor…
  sucks lies and videotape

Married Congressman Vance McAllister Fires Lady He Was Kissing On For Being Too Much Of A Slut

Here at Yr Wonkette, we are proud to bring you all the Vance McAllister news you can possibly stomach, which we figure is probably about 600 words and change. McAllister, as you are no doubt aware, is the nice Family Values Christian guy who won Louisiana’s 5th district in a special election last November, then promptly was videotaped getting all smoochyfacey with aide Melissa Anne Hixon Peacock on December 23, because it was the season of giving. Mostly tongue, judging by the video. So what’s up with Mr. “I have done wrong please forgive me and I need your prayers” today? Read more on Married Congressman Vance McAllister Fires Lady He Was Kissing On For Being Too Much Of A Slut…
  Cute

Abortion Rights Group Gives Coat Hanger Pendants To Donors, Furious Wingnuts Don’t Realize Joke’s On Them

The DC Abortion Fund has found a very clever way to trick anti-choice right-wing social engineers into using their outraged Twittering to help DCAF raise some serious cash, for buying abortions! If you give the DC Abortion Fund $10 a month, you’ll get a tiny coat hanger, ideal for wearing as a pendant or neatly storing your pet hamster’s tuxedo, which would also make a pretty cool pendant. Of course, for DCAF’s tactic to work, the anti-choice crowd had to cooperate by totally failing to realize that the coat hanger is a joke at their expense — that if they succeed in banning abortion, the old horror days of coat hangers and tumbles down stairs and thousands of dead women will inevitably return. So did they cooperate? Did they fail to realize that they are the real coat hangers? Oh Twitchy, did they ever! Read more on Abortion Rights Group Gives Coat Hanger Pendants To Donors, Furious Wingnuts Don’t Realize Joke’s On Them…
  congress has 99 bitches but a sink ain't one

Dem Lady Alex Sink Loses Florida Special Election To Some Rich Idiot

From the state that put Allen West on the political map, and sorta-kinda gave George W. Bush the White House in 2000, comes last night’s House special election. The Dems had Alex Sink, a well-respected lady who ran for governor in 2010 and had the full backing of the party machinery. The Republicans had former Washington lobbyist David Jolly who apparently ran a terrible campaign, to the point where there was anonymous sniping in the media leading up to the election, per Politico: Over the past week, a half-dozen Washington Republicans have described Jolly’s campaign against Democrat Alex Sink as a Keystone Cops operation, marked by inept fundraising, top advisers stationed hundreds of miles away from the district in the state capital and the poor optics of a just-divorced, 41-year-old candidate accompanied on the campaign trail by a girlfriend 14 years his junior. And yet somehow Jolly won the race by about 3,500 votes. Oh Florida. Read more on Dem Lady Alex Sink Loses Florida Special Election To Some Rich Idiot…
  every flavor but pinkie

Obamas Have 9 Kinds Of Pie For Thanksgiving, Wingnuts Outraged

We guess Barack Obama must have mentioned God in his Thanksgiving proclamation this year, since we haven’t seen a million angry blog posts bitching about it. (And there it is — “we rise or fall as one Nation, under God” — a blatant attempt to make up for his Gettysburg libel, too.*) Thankfully, even if they can’t trot out the “war on religion” trope, wingnuts can still accuse the Obamas of being Louis XVI and Marie Antoinette, because as has been widely reported, the White House served nine types of pie at Thanksgiving this year — or as the Daily Mail headline put it, “NINE different types of pie.” This is of course the worst sort of hypocrisy, since 1) No other president has eaten well while some Americans were unemployed and 2) Michelle promotes healthy eating, but for a holiday dinner they didn’t eat only kale and rice cakes. Read more on Obamas Have 9 Kinds Of Pie For Thanksgiving, Wingnuts Outraged…
  gay gay gay

Lindsey Graham’s Teabag Opponent Calls Him A Big Ol’ Princess Lady

The 2014 midterm elections are still more than a year away, but the Republican primary races are always more crazy cut-throat fun than a Romanian princess cockfight. And South Carolina being South Carolina, it is rising again to give us all the point-and-laughs we need to get by in the heat of a boring-ass August. Yes, it’s our favorite Lindsey Graham, getting primaried in grand style by some state Senator guy named Lee Bright who allllmost said the oft-vapored Graham has a gay-taint allll over him. In an email sent out to folks he thought might care, Lee Bright holler-whispers: Senator Lindsey Graham is not what he seems. He has been hiding a dark secret from everyone. His friends, his family, voters in South Carolina, Republicans, and all Americans — and it’s finally time he comes out with the truth. He is an Obama-loving liberal. Oh. We thought you were going to say “lebanese.” Read more on Lindsey Graham’s Teabag Opponent Calls Him A Big Ol’ Princess Lady…
  It's Not Socialism If Republicans Like It

Republicans Decide Socialism Is Awesome After Obama Proposes Privatizing Tennessee Valley Authority

If you’re looking for an example of how government can help people and businesses by spending money and making stuff happen for them (aka socialism), you could do a lot worse than the Tennessee Valley Authority. Created in 1933 by a Democratic Congress and enthusiastically executed by American Zeus Franklin Delano Roosevelt, the TVA was transformative for people living in one of the country’s shittiest regions during one of the country’s shittiest times, where everyone had malaria and nobody knew how to farm and nobody had the electrick zoom juice, even. So the TVA fixed all that (pretty much) and then decided to keep hanging around and being awesome to this very day. It’s still run by Uncle Sam and still sells electricity to about 9 million customers without costing a cent in taxes. In fact, the company generates hundreds of millions of dollars of tax-equivalent revenue each year! So obviously our right-wing President Barack Obama has proposed selling off the TVA to the private sector in his 2014 budget proposal, and the socialist Republicans in Congress are hell-bent on stopping him! Read more on Republicans Decide Socialism Is Awesome After Obama Proposes Privatizing Tennessee Valley Authority…
  What's a Meta For?

Rhode Island Prof Learns Only Wingnuts Allowed To Use Violent Metaphors

[Updated 12/22/12; see end] So, after the Newtown massacre last Friday, Erik Loomis, a University of Rhode Island history professor, got on the Twitter Machine and expressed the sort of outrage that a lot of people were feeling that day toward the Gun Lobby and its chief: I was heartbroken in the first 20 mass murders. Now I want Wayne LaPierre’s head on a stick. On the internet, this sort of comment is pretty much what you call “mild.” However, Erik Loomis is not merely an academic; he is also a blogger at Lawyers, Guns & Money, and so he is someone whose comments get noticed in the Angersphere. The Daily Caller, for instance, said that Loomis “unleashed a flurry of profanity-ridden tweets demanding death for National Rifle Association executive Wayne LaPierre.” Other wingnuts soon followed in accusing Loomis of making “death threats” against LaPierre, including a genius whose blog breathlessly announced Professor calls for assassination of NRA CEO. And so, it only stands to reason that campus and state police were sent to meet with Loomis after they received multiple reports that he had made death threats; eventually, Loomis began receiving actual death threats of the “I am going to kill you” rather than the metaphorical variety. The university is also receiving many calls and emails calling for Loomis to lose his job — he is not yet tenured. But remember, he started it. Read more on Rhode Island Prof Learns Only Wingnuts Allowed To Use Violent Metaphors…
  punk'd

Romney Advisor Guy Slamming Obama For ‘Leaks’ Was Same Dude Who Leaked On Valerie Plame

Mitt Romney really wants to be seen as a credible candidate on foreign policy, but finds himself in sort of the same bind that Barack Obama did in 2008: He hasn’t actually done much in terms of foreign policy, so he’s hired a bunch of people to help advise him. How about some ambassadors? Ambassadors are probably good, we think, although we haven’t read that much Henry James. So of course it makes sense that, to support his tough-guy speech on the eve of his whirlwind visit to his money in overseas accounts, Mittens would release a ponderous statement of support from one of his ambassadors on retainer. The advisor, former Ambassador to Turkey Eric Edelman, penned a nice boilerplate paragraph about how Romney’s Reno speech was all “Reaganesque” and stuff, blah blah no apologies for America and so on, and then the thing closes by echoing Romney’s VERY SERIOUS concerns that the Obama administration may have leaked information about the Bin Laden raid and drone attacks, back when everybody on the Right was whining and moaning that Obama wouldn’t release any intel about the Bin Laden raid and drone attacks: Read more on Romney Advisor Guy Slamming Obama For ‘Leaks’ Was Same Dude Who Leaked On Valerie Plame…
  Intellectual property is theft!

Free Speech Under Siege: Obama’s Nazi Goons Censor Romney’s Dumb Ad

First, the Obama campaign released the Platonic Ideal of a campaign ad, a brief montage of empty factories and headlines about Willard Romney’s vulture-capitalist hijinks at Bain Capital, accompanied by Mittens’ accoustically-finessed assault on “America The Beautiful.” The Romney camp quickly fired back with an ad that was every bit as brilliant, really they promise, which contrasted President Soulful’s actually-good rendition of Al Green’s “Let’s Stay Together” with some headlines about unemployment. But then! In a suprising twist, YouTube pulled the Romney ad in response to a copyright claim by music publisher BMG, possibly because Al Green is a fan of Barack Obama, or possibly because BMG is a giant soulless corporation with a long history of acting like a complete bastard to “protect” its copyrights. The Romney campaign says its use of the clip was “100% proper, under fair use,” and frankly, we agree with them, because come on, the 14-second clip was everywhere, and unlike the zillions of other examples of campaigns using music without permission, no one in their right mind could mistake this use of the tune for an endorsement of Romney. Read more on Free Speech Under Siege: Obama’s Nazi Goons Censor Romney’s Dumb Ad…
  chilling narratives

Latest Obama Web Ad: Bill Clinton Rambles For 90 Seconds

How does Bill Clinton always finagle his way into everything? Here’s an ad for the Barack Obama Presidential Campaign in which we find… Bill Clinton babbling for 90 seconds. Sure, why not. He’s like “Yep’m indeedy, Obama sure killed that Osama feller alright. Would Mitt Romney have done that? Ehh maybe.” Silly Bill Clinton. Don’t you know that Obama and his surrogates are not allowed to mention this popular thing he did in his bid for reelection? Read more on Latest Obama Web Ad: Bill Clinton Rambles For 90 Seconds…
  taking the moral compass for a spin

Shady Santorum Ethics Finally Getting Their Time in the Sun

As Iowa’s near-victor Rick Santorum swans around New Hampshire, giving ten-minute answers that probably don’t make much sense to America and insulting Reagan (THE GALL), the candidate is also getting the opportunity to be taken seriously by people whose job it is to incinerate political ambitions. The latest, but not exactly new, issue coming to light is that Santorum received a very appealing mortgage from a bank that donated to his congressional campaigns. The watchdog group Citizens for Responsibility and Ethics in Washington filed a complaint about that mortgage back in 2006. After aging for six years, it’s time to pop the cork on this thing! Read more on Shady Santorum Ethics Finally Getting Their Time in the Sun…
  trig wearing green visor these days

Sarah Palin’s Evil Socialist State Film Subsidy Funded ‘Sarah Palin’s Alaska’

In case you missed it, small government crusader and Tea Party favorite Sarah Palin’s TLC reality show “Sarah Palin’s Alaska” received a $1.2 million subsidy from the state of Alaska. The show spent $3.6 million on production in the state, meaning that Alaskan taxpayers covered a third of the cost of the show. Read more on Sarah Palin’s Evil Socialist State Film Subsidy Funded ‘Sarah Palin’s Alaska’…
  live under government health care and die or die

Anti-Obamacare Congressman Angry His Healthcare Won’t Start Right Away

Andy Harris is an anesthesiologist and newly-elected Republican member of Congress from Maryland who ran on an anti-health-care-reform platform, but at an orientation yesterday, he got VERY ANGRY that the government will not provide him with free health care instantly after being sworn into office in January. The government is ruining our nation’s health by making it easier for citizens to get health care, and it is also ruining our nation’s health by making it harder for congressional citizens to get health care. Yeah, seems like a pretty consistent, populist position. Read more on Anti-Obamacare Congressman Angry His Healthcare Won’t Start Right Away…