WASHINGTON, DC, 05:16 AM, MON NOVEMBER 9 | Advertise on Wonkette | tips@wonkette.com | SUBMIT A TIP | RSS

Posts Tagged ‘hurricanes’

SECRET SERVICE HELLO??

Mean Old Hurricane Bill Trying To Kill Obama

Wednesday, August 19th, 2009

The festering hot death-waters of the tropical south Atlantic Ocean are trying, as is their annual ritual, to kill the humans with their hurricanes. And this one, Hurricane Bill, is a real heifer. Category 4! According to this important Weather.com projected path, Bill will strike the coast of Massachusetts sometime this Sunday. And according to the much less important Politico, Obama is expected to start his family vacation in Martha’s Vineyard — ALLEGEDLY OFF THE COAST OF MASSACHUSETTS — on “August 23,” which a few back-of-the-envelope calculations reveal to be the same thing as “this Sunday.” Why is racist Hurricane Bill planning to kill Barack Obama? Is this a money/ransom thing? [Weather.com, Glenn Thrush]


DEATH AND DESTRUCTION

Back To Your Regularly Scheduled Hurricanes

Friday, September 5th, 2008

Hanna Montana.Good Morning, America! Did you love your two weeks of political conventions and soaring (or lame) rhetoric? No? Well, Allah has a treat for you! A million more hurricanes are headed to America, to kill everyone. Hanna will destroy wealthy white coastal regions of Georgia and North Carolina and Florida. [AP, CNN]


NEW YORK TIMES

Rudy Collapse Continues To Get Funnier

Thursday, January 24th, 2008

This guy, Giuliani. I’m going to be sad when he gets third or fourth or ninth or whatever in Florida, a.k.a. “Rudy Country,” as Rudy named it. He’ll probably have to drop out or something when he loses, and that means an end to the constant development of new ways to reference 9/11. Here’s a notable line from a New York Times piece this morning: “On Tuesday he suggested that Florida with its hurricanes and New York with its terrorist attacks are brothers in disaster.” Hey Rudy — I have nothing to eat for lunch, does that mean we are brothers in disaster too? [New York Times]


REPUBLICANS

Rudy Looking To Win Porn Star Hurricane Vote In Florida

Wednesday, January 23rd, 2008

Rudy’s new ad isn’t quite Mike Gravel-strange, but it is very terrible. Floridians, who get shat on yearly by devastating monster storms from the sea, enjoy few things more than doctored horror images of their crumbling houses and forsaken livelihoods. One of these few things, however, is when ’70s porn music soundtracks said horror images. Rudy really does have a death fetish, doesn’t he? [Rudy Giuliani]


AL GORE

Al Gore Will Have His Revenge On Florida

Friday, June 1st, 2007

Guess what just popped up in the Gulf of Mexico on the first day of Hurricane Season 2007. That’s right, a tropical storm named “Barry Hussein Obama.” And guess where it’s headed. MORE »


POLLS

Daily Briefing: New Poll Finds Poll Results Ambiguous

Thursday, September 21st, 2006
  • NYT/CBS poll finds “marked disenchantment with Congress” with only 25% of respondents approving of them. 25% is also the number of people who think Bush is “mostly lying when talking about the war.” [NYT]

  • Other polls confirm: “Bush has gained ground, but his standing is weak by historic standards.” [LAT]
  • Maryland considers switching back to paper ballots for the general elections as Governor Ehrlich worries about electronic machines’ “susceptibility to tampering.” [WP]
  • Hewlett-Packard confirms giant evil companies are as giant and evil as you thought. [WP]
  • Bill Frist gives “thumbs up” to a 700 miles fence along border with Mexico. [NYT]
  • Alberto Gonzalez has a hard time keeping all the different abductions and torturing straight, it’s too much to remember really. [NYT]
  • Superdome in New Orleans to reopen Monday for Saints/Falcons game that’s generating “Super Bowl-like buzz.” [USAT]

DC

Daily Briefing: Some Say This World of Trouble Is The Only One We Need

Wednesday, August 30th, 2006
  • Parades, prayer, music mark Katrina anniversary. Bush admits “government at all levels that fell short of its responsibilities.” [WP, NYT]

  • Rumsfeld gives speech calling Iraq war “a series of catastrophes that results in victory,” demands Americans’ unwavering support for more catastrophes. [WP, NYT]
  • Kenneth Tomlinson, still corrupt after all these years, currently being ousted from the Broadcasting Board of Governors after getting the boot at the Corporation for Public Broadcasting last year. [NYT]
  • Richard Armitage finally admits to being “leaker” in Plamegate. [NYT]
  • Census Bureau reports income numbers, showing “glimmer of improvement.” Also shows record number of Americans have no health insurance. [NYT]
  • Burbs of DC, however, are paid out the frame. [WP]

BILL CLINTON

Daily Briefing: Katrina, Ernesto, and AIDS

Tuesday, August 29th, 2006
  • “Rolling Hurricane Revue” tour heads to Mississippi and Louisiana to mark today’s one year anniversary of Katrina. Blame game still on, reconstruction in MS faring better than LA. [WP, NYT]

  • Tropical Storm Ernesto is weak, but FEMA Director David Paulison’s “No More Fuckups” doctrine has an army of personnel in Florida. [CNN]
  • Kofi Annan wants in on the cool kids “disaster touring club,” heads to southern Lebanon. [BBC, NYT]
  • Bill Clinton in Africa visiting AIDS patients, finds warm reception: “George Bush has actually delivered more resources, but Clinton is ten times more popular in Africa.” [NYT]
  • President Nursultan “The Friendly Kleptocrat” Nazarbayev of Kazakhstan to visit White House in September. [WP]
  • Indiana Republican congressman Mike Pence no longer the “perfect conservative” as he tries for compromise on immigration issue. [NYT]
  • Fenty vs. Cropp televised debate yesterday — no steel cage, just a really small table. [WP]

GEORGE W. BUSH

Daily Briefing: Planes, ‘Canes, and Shiny Gold Things

Monday, August 28th, 2006
  • Bush still kicking himself for not standing in the Katrina rubble with a bullhorn. [NYT]

  • On anniversary of Katrina, Gulf Coast to receive massive influx of administration officials touting successful reconstruction efforts, “despite visual evidence suggesting otherwise.” [NYT]
  • Plane crash in Kentucky is first domestic jet accident since November 2001, kills 49. [NYT, USAT]
  • Abortion ban showdown comes to South Dakota, November vote could institute strictest laws in country. [WP]
  • Osama bin Laden never actually charged with 9/11 crimes because of, “the need to be fair to any defendant.” [WP]
  • Baghdad morgue only received 450 bodies this month, down from 1800 last month, Iraqi Prime Minister: ” What you see is an atmosphere of reconciliation.” [LAT]
  • Spending on campaign ads up 45% from 2004 level as candidates and consultants discover cable TV. [W$J]
  • “Ernesto” is first hurricane of the season, batters impoverished Caribbean nations on way to Florida. [USAT]
  • Sad schism between real and fantasy worlds highlighted as “24″ and “The Office” take top Emmy awards. [LAT]

CRIME

Daily Briefing: Don’t Just Do Something, Sit There

Monday, August 21st, 2006
  • The administration moves to reclassify sensitive information on the US’s nuclear arsenal, like how many missiles we had in the 1960’s. [WP]

  • European nations delay committing peacekeeping troops to Lebanon, play hot potato between giant international bureaucracies. [NYT]
  • Only 20 are killed during annual Shiite pilgrimage in Baghdad, leading to praise for “draconian” security measures used to lower the death toll from last year’s 950. [LAT, NYT]
  • JonBenet Ramsey suspect John Karr is flown to LA, no snakes aboard plane. [CNN]
  • Next week is the anniversary of hurricane Katrina. New Orleans is still screwed, and Houston’s getting pissed. [USAT; LAT]
  • As Saddam Hussein’s war crimes trial begins he still refuses to enter a plea or wear a tie. [WP, NYT]

AL GORE

Rumors on the Internets: Expect the Expected

Tuesday, April 18th, 2006

* The ABA likes its lawyers all white and WASPy. [The Volokh Conspiracy]
* Texas just might lasso the next hurricane camped in the Gulf. [Off the Kuff]
* Cross-multiply, carry the 1 . . . yeah, it’s more like 1.9 million children left behind. [Captain's Quarters]
* Gore in ‘08: Pink Lungs For All. [Crooks and Liars]
* What do we want?! Less skewed and sensational presentation of news events! When do we want it?! Eh, slot it after Nancy Grace. [Eschaton]