Tag Archives: hurricane sandy

  magickal incantations

Romney Crowd Will Defeat Hurricanes With Chants Of U-S-A! (Video)

Here is Mitt Romney tryna be all “MESSAGE: WE CARE” when something unexpected happens. A middle-aged white man yells “what about the climate?” (instead of the obviously more important “what about your gaffes”) and unfurls a banner explaining, DERR climate change is creating bigger and more dangerous “weather events,” and we will all just have to get used to it. Silly white man! “The climate” did not cause Killer Sandy! And if it did, why, a rousing round of “U-S-A” will defeat it once and for all! Why didn’t Michael Bloomberg just think of that? [Youtube] Read more on Romney Crowd Will Defeat Hurricanes With Chants Of U-S-A! (Video)…
  rush limbaugh expects an apology

Rush Limbaugh Thinks Chris Christie Is A Big Fat Fool

Oh ha ha ha, this is delightful! Two days ago, Chris Christie basically told Romney to go eat a dick because he wasn’t interested in prancing around with Mittens, looking for photo ops, while half of New Jersey’s coastline was still underwater. So today, Rush Limbaugh has decreed that Chris Christie is “fat” and a “fool” for daring to look after his state instead of Mitt Romney’s presidential ambitions. Doesn’t Chris Christie know that it’s Mitt’s Time?? Read more on Rush Limbaugh Thinks Chris Christie Is A Big Fat Fool…
  halliburton's got you covered

Mitt Romney, With A Week To Think About It: Only A Crazy Person Would Try To Privatize FEMA!

His Lord High Hairgel Mittens of Romney, having had a week to formulate an answer to a rather pertinent question that stupid “reporters” just would not stop asking him, has finally decided what his stance on FEMA is. Are you ready to guess? Here are your options: He is for it; he is against it; he is both for and against it. OK, are you ready to test your Romney IQ? Read more on Mitt Romney, With A Week To Think About It: Only A Crazy Person Would Try To Privatize FEMA!…
  Department of Strategic Asshattery

Michael Brown On Sandy: Why The Big Hurry? It’s Only A Hurricane, Not Benghazi

Yes, yes, we know: this story, like so much hurricane wreckage, is starting to grow mold already. But let’s pause a moment to give incompetent former FEMA director Michael Brown his due: with his insanely stupid suggestion that the Obama administration was responding too quickly to Hurricane Sandy, he pulled off a fairly adroit bit of political jujitsu. By saying something so comically dickish and painfully ironic that no media outlet could possibly resist “poking the fun” at it, he got the chance to advance the right’s maliciously dickish narrative about Obama’s supposed mishandling of the attack on the U.S. Consulate in Benghazi. Read more on Michael Brown On Sandy: Why The Big Hurry? It’s Only A Hurricane, Not Benghazi…
  sorry megs mccabe you're still dead to us

Megan McCain Wants to Know if Her Party Will Betray God, Acknowledge Existence of Climate Change

Here’s an interesting question: what if one of America’s oldest and greatest cities was covered in ocean water and subjected to a once-in-a-lifetime style weather event because the moon happened to be full when a tropical hurricane drifted north and collided with an arctic storm? If that happened, do you think that the GOP might want to stop pretending that climate change doesn’t exist? This is what “political analyst” Megan McCain wants to know. (Yes, the Hill actually refers to her as “political analyst” Megan McCain.) Anyway, can we stop pretending we don’t believe in anthropogenic climate change, GOP, is what she wants to know? And the answer is OF COURSE NOT, DUH. Read more on Megan McCain Wants to Know if Her Party Will Betray God, Acknowledge Existence of Climate Change…
  gucci mang

Steve King Off Message About GOP’s Specific Plans To Screw Over Disaster Victims

Mitt Romney is the current GOP nominee for president, which means that, for the next six days, he’s the head of the Republican party. We’re pretty sure that’s in the Constitution? Anyway, in the wake of the hurricane that’s crippled New York City (and also exiled Your Wonkette to Tumblr, even though Tumblr is based in New York, hmm), people want to know his position on federal disaster relief aid. He won’t tell you anything about them, but last June he said, “Every time you have an occasion to take something from the federal government and send it back to the states, that’s the right direction.” And this week a spokesperson said “States should be in charge of emergency management in responding to storms and other natural disasters in their jurisdictions … and direct[ing] resources and assistance to where they are needed most. This includes help from the federal government and FEMA.” So there you have it: the feds should give disaster relief to state governments to spend as they wish, which they’ll probably screw up somehow, but at least they’ll screw up on the state level, and the invisible hand of the market will guide you to a better state, unless you die. EXCEPT … what’s that, Steve King? The federal government needs to tightly control how disaster relief money is spent, lest it go to handbags or prostitutes or, worse, disaster preparedness??? Tell us more! Read more on Steve King Off Message About GOP’s Specific Plans To Screw Over Disaster Victims…
  and then he eated them

Nanny State RINO New Jersey Governor Chris Christie Cancels Children’s Holiday, Inpeach!

We told you yesterday about the (currently unlinkable!) terrible, horrible things RINO New Jersey Governor Chris Christie said about His Lord High Hairgel Mittens of Romney. (Namely, he told him to eat a dick, and had “no interest” in hosting him for a natural disaster photo op. Then he ate the dick of Barack Nobummer a bunch for not being terrible at hurricanes.) But what horrible thing has he done now? He has canceled Christmas Halloween! Just because of a little bilgewater/mass destruction! Instead, the poor children of New Jersey will be putting on their scary Barack Obama masks a week later, on November 5 or something — yes, Electione’en! Why does Chris Christie hate the sound of children’s laughter and joy?  Read more on Nanny State RINO New Jersey Governor Chris Christie Cancels Children’s Holiday, Inpeach!…
  failing up

Mitt Romney’s Guide To Flood Management

As Click & Clack will tell you, it’s the stingy man who ends up paying most, and apparently it’s as true of governing as car repairs! And apparently also, Mitt Romney, as governor of Massachusetts, was quite the Scrooge when it came to building levees and other flood control for his state! Here is a nice find from our friends at Slog: In the spring of 2004, Peabody, Mass., got drenched with rain, which flooded the downtown area. After the storm, then-Gov. Mitt Romney asked President George W. Bush to declare Essex, Middlesex and Suffolk Counties federal disaster areas, according to the Boston Globe. That fall, the state legislature proposed spending $5.7 million on a flood prevention project to protect against future floods. Those funds would be matched by $22 million in federal money. Romney vetoed it. Haha, you guys are never gonna guess what happened just two years later, in 1996 2006. Go ahead, try. You’ll never … oh. Yeah, that was it. Read more on Mitt Romney’s Guide To Flood Management…
  important obama endorsements

Mitt Romney Can Kiss Chris Christie’s Fat Ass

A harried-looking New Jersey Governor Chris Christie showed up on Fox & Friends this morning, and the concerned geniuses there immediately got to the important question, while he explained the massive destruction all around him: Would he be having a nice photo op of the devastation of his state with Republican standardbearer His Lord High Hairgel Mittens of Romney? “Hmmm,” said Chris Christie, “no, I think I would prefer it if ol’ Mittens ate a dick instead!” (Direct quote.) Then he gay-married Barack Obama for being awesome at government! Read more on Mitt Romney Can Kiss Chris Christie’s Fat Ass…
  yay

Cindy McCain, Philanthropist & Humanitarian, Simply Loves This Weather!

Wanted-to-be-FLOTUS Cindy McCain took a break Monday evening from her important work of being a Humanitarian and Philanthropist who Cares Deeply About Refugees to let us know that she’s having the time of her life in SUNNY SAN DIEGO, YAY!!! Let’s see what other folks were Tweeting yesterday evening… Read more on Cindy McCain, Philanthropist & Humanitarian, Simply Loves This Weather!…
  tales of epic trolling

Cool Republican Bro Had Fun Spreading Dumb Fake Hurricane Rumors Last Night

Good morning, New Yorkers! We hope that you are reading these words right now, because that means you have power and Internet access and probably are in your own home, which we sincerely hope is not soggy and gross! Last night was pretty bad for New York, but we know that not everyone can be out protecting the public or repairing downed power lines or carrying sick babies to safety, so many were at a loss as to how to conduct themselves in this treacherous hour. Some read, or dicked around on the Internet, or Instagrammed pictures of destruction, while others, including an extremely minor GOP NYC luminary who went by ComfortablySmug on Twitter, just stone cold spread a bunch of fake rumors about storm damage, for kicks. Read more on Cool Republican Bro Had Fun Spreading Dumb Fake Hurricane Rumors Last Night…
  running for the moral high ground

Ghost Breitbart Notes Hypocrisy In Lack Of Dumb Political Hurricane Jokes

Guys, you will not believed this, but Joel Pollak, the genius non-email-reading editor in chief at Breitbart.com is very unhappy about the hypocrisy of the left! You see, Mr. Pollak has noticed that even though there were a number of jokes about Hurricane Isaac and the GOP Convention blowing into Tampa, Florida, at the same time, very few people are making political jokes about Hurricane Sandy. In a veritable storm surge of butthurt, he calls attention to this very revealing lack of dumb jokes: In August, the left found it amusing to speculate about Divine judgment when Hurricane Isaac seemed to be approaching Tampa, FL as the Republican National Convention began… As Hurricane Sandy bears down on heavily Democratic mid-Atlantic and northeast states, no one, left or right, is joking. Read more on Ghost Breitbart Notes Hypocrisy In Lack Of Dumb Political Hurricane Jokes…
  Schlock You Like A Hurricane

Obscure Wingnut Preacher: Hurricane Sandy Is God’s Wrath For America Betraying Israel 21 Years Ago (Also: Teh Ghey)

Thank goodness for the internet! Were it not for this near-instantaneous information-distribution medium, Pastor John McTernan would not be able to get international attention for being among the first wingnut preachers to proclaim that Hurricane Sandy is obviously God’s vengeance on America for some perceived sin. In this particular case, the Almighty is going to cause randomized death and destruction along the East Coast of the US to punish random people for a diplomatic conference attended by George HW Bush in 1991: Hurricane Sandy is hitting 21 years to the day of the Perfect Storm of October 20, 1991. I write about this in my book as America Has Done to Israel. [sic] This was the day that President George Bush Sr. initiated the Madrid Peace Process to divide the land of Israel, including Jerusalem. America has been under God’s judgment since this event. But wait! That’s not all! There is MATH!!!! And politics! And Teh Ghey, of course: Read more on Obscure Wingnut Preacher: Hurricane Sandy Is God’s Wrath For America Betraying Israel 21 Years Ago (Also: Teh Ghey)…
  Why Hasn't Obama Stood Up To International Weatherism?

Ghost Breitbart: Romney Wins Crucial First Hurricane Photo Op With Campaign Bus While Obama Is Lazy, Possibly Shiftless

In a post titled “LEADERSHIP: Romney Uses Campaign Bus to Deliver Hurricane Relief,” the independent-minded Breitbart remnant Big Government notes that Mitt Romney’s campaign has “canceled campaign events, commercials, and fundraising appeals in states that will be impacted by Hurricane Sandy” and sent two whole buses to deliver relief supplies in Virginia and New Hampshire, two of the locations along the thousand-mile front of the storm. In contrast, the blog calls out the lackadaisical response of the Obama campaign: The Obama campaign has canceled events, but has yet to announce it have pulled commercials or fundraising appeals from states in Sandy’s path. Romney was also first on the scene when Hurricane Irene struck the Gulf Coast in August, with President Obama arriving three days later after adjusting his schedule. Read more on Ghost Breitbart: Romney Wins Crucial First Hurricane Photo Op With Campaign Bus While Obama Is Lazy, Possibly Shiftless…