Tag: hurricane sandy

Oh Look, Another Republican Suddenly Supports Disaster Aid For His Own State

You really gotta appreciate the fiscal conservatism of the Republican Party. Always looking out for the overburdened taxpayer, never wanting to waste a dime on anything as frivolous as healthcare or food for people living in poverty or a...
You shut up, and you shut up, and you shut up

Chris Christie Promises He Will Never Stop Being A Dick

Lovable cuddly soft-spoken goofball Gov. Chris Christie (R-Joisey) appeared on the "Today Show" to vow that he will never give up, never surrender, when it comes to being a raging screamaholic jerk-faced jerk. Matt Lauer reminded Christie of that little...
Oh, PLEASE run for president. Your nation's comedy bloggers need you.

Chris Christie Has Civil Conversation With Citizen, Just Kidding

Ugly bag of mostly bile Chris Christie did some brave yelling at a guy during an appearance in Belmar, New Jersey, to mark the second anniversary of Hurricane Sandy on Wednesday. Where sometimes your Barry Bamz politely says he...
Thank goodness you can't get Ebola from spittle

Chris Christie Wants To Play Doctor With Nurse Lady, Mostly By Yelling At Her

With no teachers immediately available to yell at, New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie has taken up yelling at nurses, we guess. In the latest twist on Chris Christie's War On Health Care Workers Who Volunteer To Fight Deadly Diseases,...

Red Cross Can’t Tell You How They Spend Your Money Because Then They’d Have To Kill You

Unless you have some philosophical objection to reading any news whatsoever about charities, you are likely aware that the Red Cross is sometimes kinda skeevy with the bazillions of dollars they take in, like when they received giant gobs...

Withholding Hurricane Sandy Aid Should Teach Hoboken Not To Take Sides With Anyone Against Chris Christie Ever Again

We're going to have to set up some sort of macro template to write about Chris Christie. It can include the words "bridge" and "corruption" and "investigation widens" and "Hurricane Sandy" and so on. The weekend brought news that...

Rachel Maddow Thinks She Just Heard Chris Christie Drop Out Of 2016 Race. Or Maybe It Was Gas

Hey, kids, this looks like some real news, maybe: Did Chris Christie tip his hand in a speech Thursday that he is not going to run for president in 2016? He just mighta! Here's what Rachel Maddow noticed in...

Chris Christie Spent Extra $2.2M To Ensure Sandy Recovery Ads Featured NJ’s #1 Tourist Attraction Chris Christie

Come one come all! See the incredible Shrinking Governor! Once a monstrous, corpulent troll in appearance as well as demeanor, governor Chris Christie's stature is diminishing by the minute! Who could have known that an appalling surgical procedure intended...

Chris Christie Gobbling Up Federal Sandy Muneez To Make Commercials Starring Him

Chris Christie has released his first wave of campaign ads for the 2016 presidential elections! Oh no wait, no, these are not campaign ads, they are Jersey Shore tourism ads, can't you tell? They are public service ads to...

After Lengthy Downtime, Mitt Romney Powers Up To Explains That Hurricane Sandy Wrecked His Robot Dreams

OK to be totally honest, we'd pretty much completely forgotten about Mitt Romney. Sure, Mittens gave us some high comedy like binders full of women and we couldn't get enough of his failed attempts to behave as a human,...

Christie Says Snooki ‘Not A Jersey Girl,’ Emergency Conference Call To Springsteen, Kevin Smith Imminent

Is "Snooki" still even a thing? We guess maybe Snooki is still a thing. We mean, sure, she's got a pulse and all, which is good for her, don't get us wrong. But even as a punchline, isn't she...

Tornado Only The Third-Biggest Bag Of Wind In Oklahoma This Week

Spackle-brained dick weasel Sen. James Inhofe is bad at so many, many things. He does not understand legally defined standards of treatment for prisoners of war. He thinks he understands science better than actual scientists. He is even a...

AP Scoop: Dominican Republic Hookers in Menendez Story Were Not Trustworthy After All

Like a middle-aged man in the grip of a Viagra-fueled sex spree, this whole “Did New Jersey Senator Robert Menendez (D-Sexytimes) Sex Up Some Underage Hookers In The Dominican Republic” story just keeps on keepin’ on! Just to recap:...

Senate Approves Sandy Relief, Senate Still Littered With Bastards

The United States Senate voted last night to approve $60 billion in relief for communities affected by Hurricane Sandy — money that was evidently counted by hand, because Hurricane Sandy was three stinking months ago. The vote passed with 62...

Gracious House Of Representatives To NJ, CT And NY: Fine, Here’s Your Stupid Hurricane Money

Another guest post from your comrade Fakakta South. The House finally voted Tuesday to graciously give out approximately $50.5 billion to the states hit hardest by the freakishly strong Frankenstorm of the Century, Hurricane Sandy. The measure passed with...

Who Is Barack Obama Raping Today, Charles Krauthammer?

Charles Krauthammer, who is Barack Obama raping today? HA TRICK QUESTION! Barack Obama is raping everybody today, because he is raping our treasury, because Hurricane Sandy. (Also, while we are aware it should be "whom is Obama raping," because...