Wonkette

Time flies when you’re getting jabbered at by a lightly furred ballsack! Wolf Blitzer has apparently been hosting CNN’s Late Edition for ten wonderful years, and this Sunday America will get to enjoy two whole hours of decadent Blitzerian retrospectives. Relive Wolf’s proudest Journalistic Moments, after the jump. MORE »

For some reason, Laura Bush decided to be president today and gave a press conference attacking the Burmese government for the way it handled the cyclone that has killed upwards of 10,000 citizens. Laura Bush said, “Although they were aware of the threat, Burma’s state-run media failed to issue a timely warning to citizens in the storm’s path.” How would the Bush administration have handled a large natural disaster, however? MORE »

As you may have heard, the Pentagon’s space missile successfully hit that broken Satellite of Love last night, and now its poisonous death shrapnel (which has actually been deemed “unhazardous,” by liars) will come hurling into our atmosphere, killing us all. But there is one hope for us in this Armageddon scenario: the Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA), the revered handymen most famous for getting New Orleans back on its feet within 24 hours of the initial Hurricane Katrina strike. Last week, America’s Most Effective Agency released its “First Responder Guide For Space Object Re-Entry,” i.e. “what to do if the poison satellite crashes next to you.” How will FEMA save the world this time? MORE »

Look, it’s the Mayor of Hurricane Katrina, Ray Nagin, showing off the New Orleans Police Department’s new guns! He’s setting a good example for the city he cannot control. [AP Photo]

A Hurricane Katrina victim, who might have seen the Austin Powers movies a few too many times, has filed a $3,000,000,000,000,000 (that’s quadrillion) claim against the Army Corps of Engineers for his/her pain and suffering due to the failure of the levies. That dwarfs the $77 billion claim by the city of New Orleans and, um, the $13.2 trillion gross domestic product of the United States. [Yahoo News]

It’s been more than two years since Hurricane Katrina hit the Gulf Coast and left a shitload of people (many of them poor) without homes and belongings and even some family members. Since then, FEMA and a variety of government agencies have done everything in their power to make things worse for those that couldn’t leave or wanted to come back. But, now they totally have a plan!

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Sometimes it pays to read an article all the way through. This gem was buried deep in a lengthy Times piece about fraudulent claims for Hurricane Katrina relief: MORE »

• Recent good news, including the killing of Abu Musab Al-Zarqawi and the non-indictment of Karl Rove, may lift President Bush’s poll numbers, allowing the White House and the GOP to get off the defensive. [WP; WP]

• Democrats pick Vietnam War veteran and former Reagan Navy Secretary James Webb to run against Sen. George Allen (R-VA). [WP; WP; NYT]
• At the Take Back America conference, liberal activists boo and hiss at Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton (D-NY), after she reiterates her opposition to a timetable for Iraq withdrawal. Sen. John Kerry (D-MA) denounces the war, to cheers and applause. [WP]
• Rep. Patrick Kennedy (D-RI) pleads guilty to driving under the influence of prescription medication, gets a year of probation. [WP; NYT]
• Rep. Alan Mollohan (D-WV), currently under federal investigation, acknowledges numerous mistakes in his financial disclosure forms. [WP; NYT]

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In the words of our tipster: “I’m glad to see they’re getting to the bottom of this.” MORE »

* Senate approves $2.8 trillion budget as the debt ceiling is raised to $9 trillion; House moves ahead on $92b for war and the Gulf
Coast. [WP, NYT, W$J]
* Discontent between White House and Republican lawmakers has been stewing for years. [WP]
* Republican proposal would allow warrantless eavesdropping with added oversight. [WP]
* Some Republicans worry that democracy-building has reduced the overall strength of America. [NYT]
* House approves $4.2b in hurricane relief for Louisiana. [NYT]
* Congressional leaders want to tweak nuclear agreement with India. [NYT]
* Bush selects Idaho governor to lead the Interior Department. [WP, NYT]
* Sen. Frist produces immigration bill without Bush’s guest worker program. [WP, NYT]
* Ashcroft is “setting himself up as something of an anti-Abramoff.” [NYT]