Tag Archives: hurricane katrina

  a greeter in every camp

Fox’s John Stossel Will Turn Over All Disaster Relief To Our Benevolent Walmart Overlords

always with the props, dude
Insipid Libertarian Mario Brother John Stossel once again showed why he sits at the Smart Kids’ table on Fox News trips to Dave & Busters’. Speaking to Frozen Meatloaf scion Tucker Carlson, Stossel made the case that we’d all be much better off with a government small enough to drown in a bathtub, especially if our compassionate brothers and sisters at Walmart Inc. were tabbed to be first responders for all future drownings. Read more on Fox’s John Stossel Will Turn Over All Disaster Relief To Our Benevolent Walmart Overlords…
  Misty Watercolored Memories Of The Way We War

Brian Williams Takes Break From Nightly News, Will Try To Remember Not To Show Up Anyway

Williams definitely remembers that trench coat
After apologizing for saying he’d been aboard a helicopter that was hit by a rocket-propelled grenade in 2003, Brian Williams announced this weekend that he is taking himself off the NBC Nightly News for several days because “it has become painfully apparent to me that I am presently too much a part of the news, due to my actions.” Yes, maybe just a little. Our favorite part of the whole brouhaha is seeing Williams called an outrageous liar by rightwing blogs that have spent years insisting Barack Obama is a probably-Muslim illegal alien who instituted a socialist government takeover of health care that includes death panels. The real question, of course, is whether it was Brian Williams who gave the stand-down order in Benghazi. Read more on Brian Williams Takes Break From Nightly News, Will Try To Remember Not To Show Up Anyway…
  Don't believe the lies -- or the snow

Rush Limbaugh: Big Government Nanny State Controlling You Through Weather Warnings

His weather is just fine, thanks
While conservatives usually love a good snowstorm because it proves global warming is a hoax and Al Gore is fat, truth-seeking climatologist Rush Limbaugh is too smart to buy into the lies of such lefty media outlets as AccuWeather and the National Weather Service. He’s heard about this so-called Worst Snow Storm Ever, but he’s got a brilliant question about that, which you know is brilliant because he says his own self that “it is a brilliant question.” Are you ready for some brilliance? Brace yourselves: “How in the hell can a snow storm that hasn’t happened be historic?” Read more on Rush Limbaugh: Big Government Nanny State Controlling You Through Weather Warnings…
  same as it ever was

Bobby Jindal Sorry God Had To Punish Gays With All Those Tornadoes

Which Bobby is he today?
Louisiana Gov. and would-be Republican presidential candidate Bobby Jindal is getting ready for a great big prayer rally in January, featuring a whole bunch of top-flight fundagelicals who also showed up at Rick Perry’s major Pray-a-Palooza in 2011. Among the Fun Dementalists attending will be anti-gay activist David Lane and Doug Stringer, who organized Rick Perry’s event a few years back. (Right Wing Watch points out that Mr. Stringer likes to call himself an “apostle” and once explained that God did 9/11 because America stopped believing in Him.) Read more on Bobby Jindal Sorry God Had To Punish Gays With All Those Tornadoes…
  Omission Accomplished

Sundays With The Christianists: American History Textbooks That Kept Us Safe From Terrorism

He Kept Us Mostly Safe Kind Of
Well, fans of Christianist textbooks, just like in 1989, we’re just about at the end of history once again, or at least the end of our two rightwing Christian textbooks, almost. Last week, our 11/12th-grade textbook, United States History for Christian Schools (Bob Jones University Press, 2002), closed out* with a discussion of the 2000 election, so this week, we’ll rely solely on the the most fanciful textbook we’ve ever seen, A Beka’s 8th-grade America: Land I Love (2006), which advised us that George W. Bush’s “most important” qualification was that he “unashamedly identified himself as a born-again Christian” who “took a bold stand against moral evils such as abortion and gay rights.” And his presidency was almost as wonderful as Reagan’s, we learn, largely because Dubya rescued us from the horrors of the Clinton years. Read more on Sundays With The Christianists: American History Textbooks That Kept Us Safe From Terrorism…
  nobody could have predicted

Louisiana Republicans On Federal Response To Hurricane Katrina: Thanks, Obama!!!1!

More Louisiana Republicans fingerpointblamegame Barack Obama for the feds’ poor response to Hurricane Katrina than fingerpointblamegame the actual president at the time, George W. Bush. We imagine this new and intriguing take on “facts” was first promoted by Eric Golub and Jim Hoft. Read more on Louisiana Republicans On Federal Response To Hurricane Katrina: Thanks, Obama!!!1!…
  he likes sports america

Obama Holds Important Meeting With Football Team

Every year, the President of the United States has to entertain the winners of that year’s Super Bowl, which is an annual contest of America’s real (white) sport, American-football. And so today they showed up at the White House and provided Obama his very own jersey, which he will then hang in his closet with other such jerseys, unlike George W. Bush, who has taken to making these jerseys his everyday retiree wardrobe. But this event was treated as sort of IMPORTANT, because of George W. Bush’s Katrina, Hurricane Katrina. Read more on Obama Holds Important Meeting With Football Team…
  horrible national embarrassments

Buy One Of FEMA’s Toxic Slimy Death Cubes For Super Cheap! BUY TWO!

Residential real estate is back! “In a giant auction, the federal government has agreed to sell for pennies on the dollar most of the 120,000 formaldehyde-tainted trailers it bought nearly five years ago for Hurricane Katrina victims… Besides formaldehyde, units may be plagued by mold, mildew and propane gas leaks, FEMA acknowledged.” Well, our dizzying, oddly-vented shower unit that says “Auschwitz” on the side keeps erupting into spontaneous blue fires, only a few years after buying it at that underground German government auction. So maybe this FEMA thing is a good opportunity for your Wonkette to buy some new office space, no? [Washington Post] Read more on Buy One Of FEMA’s Toxic Slimy Death Cubes For Super Cheap! BUY TWO!…
  why did we stop boycotting them?

Jesus Christ…

Has anyone else had recurring nightmares about being forced to read this exact PoLiTiCo article over and over, for eternity? You wake up in sweats, trembling. You have just experienced the nearest thing the political Internet can offer as an equivalent to the Sisyphean Task. Just as you reach Peak Politico, it rolls back and starts anew. Read more on Jesus Christ……
  this guy

JOE BIDEN WILL THROW DOWN ANYWHERE, ANYTIME: So Barack Obama wanted to get rid of Joe Biden for the day and settled on sending him to Georgia, to say “hi” to the flood victims down there. Immediately after arriving, Joe Biden addressed the local disaster relief officials and proclaimed, “They’re all doing one heck of a job.” Ha! Was he being intentionally ironic? No, because that requires the ability to be intentionally ironic. [Ben Smith] Read more on …
  schizophrenic egocentric paranoic primadonnas

Now The Popular Car Program Is Our Katrina

There may be some economic problems with cash-for-clunkers, like how it only subsidizes those who’ve purchased lousy, obnoxious automobiles in the past, but here is some strange NPR lady on the television dabbling in monstrosities: “Cash for Clunkers is like a mini-Katrina here. I mean it’s not good to start a program and not be able to execute it.” Hmm. We think she is confusing “a mini-Katrina” with “the Holocaust.” Try that out: “Cash for Clunkers is like the Holocaust here.” That’s better. [ThinkProgress] Read more on Now The Popular Car Program Is Our Katrina…
  denver parties

James Carville Reeks Of Alcohol At His Offensive Cajun Party

Last night, your “Polaroid Liz” Glover went to some party in Denver called like, “James Carville’s Cajun Bayou Bash!” No but really: it was some hokey New Orleans stereotype-athon, hosted by James Carville, to show support for HURRICANE KATRINA. Here’s how Liz describes Carville at his own creepy party: “I got a contact high from the bourbon coming out of his pores.” And here they are in gritty ’70s porn lighting. Read more on James Carville Reeks Of Alcohol At His Offensive Cajun Party…
  venerable beards

Wolf Blitzer Celebrates Glorious 10th Anniversary

Time flies when you’re getting jabbered at by a lightly furred ballsack! Wolf Blitzer has apparently been hosting CNN’s Late Edition for ten wonderful years, and this Sunday America will get to enjoy two whole hours of decadent Blitzerian retrospectives. Relive Wolf’s proudest Journalistic Moments, after the jump. Read more on Wolf Blitzer Celebrates Glorious 10th Anniversary…
 

Bush Administration Scolds Another Government For Not Dealing With Natural Disaster Effectively

For some reason, Laura Bush decided to be president today and gave a press conference attacking the Burmese government for the way it handled the cyclone that has killed upwards of 10,000 citizens. Laura Bush said, “Although they were aware of the threat, Burma’s state-run media failed to issue a timely warning to citizens in the storm’s path.” How would the Bush administration have handled a large natural disaster, however? Read more on Bush Administration Scolds Another Government For Not Dealing With Natural Disaster Effectively…
 

FEMA’s Tips For Encountering a Poison, Crashing Satellite

As you may have heard, the Pentagon’s space missile successfully hit that broken Satellite of Love last night, and now its poisonous death shrapnel (which has actually been deemed “unhazardous,” by liars) will come hurling into our atmosphere, killing us all. But there is one hope for us in this Armageddon scenario: the Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA), the revered handymen most famous for getting New Orleans back on its feet within 24 hours of the initial Hurricane Katrina strike. Last week, America’s Most Effective Agency released its “First Responder Guide For Space Object Re-Entry,” i.e. “what to do if the poison satellite crashes next to you.” How will FEMA save the world this time? Read more on FEMA’s Tips For Encountering a Poison, Crashing Satellite…
 

A Hurricane Katrina victim, who might have seen the Austin Powers movies a few too many times, has filed a $3,000,000,000,000,000 (that’s quadrillion) claim against the Army Corps of Engineers for his/her pain and suffering due to the failure of the levies. That dwarfs the $77 billion claim by the city of New Orleans and, um, the $13.2 trillion gross domestic product of the United States. [Yahoo News] Read more on …
 

FEMA Figures Out a Way to Help Katrina Survivors

It’s been more than two years since Hurricane Katrina hit the Gulf Coast and left a shitload of people (many of them poor) without homes and belongings and even some family members. Since then, FEMA and a variety of government agencies have done everything in their power to make things worse for those that couldn’t leave or wanted to come back. But, now they totally have a plan! Read more on FEMA Figures Out a Way to Help Katrina Survivors…
 

What’s In a Name?

Sometimes it pays to read an article all the way through. This gem was buried deep in a lengthy Times piece about fraudulent claims for Hurricane Katrina relief: One Louisiana Department of Labor clerk, Wayne P. Lawless, has been charged with issuing about 80 fraudulent disaster unemployment benefit cards in exchange for bribes of up to $300 per application. Mr. Lawless, a state contract worker, announced to one man he helped apply for hurricane benefits that he wanted to “get something out of it,” the affidavit said. Read more on What’s In a Name?…
 

Daily Briefing: A Rising Tide?

Recent good news, including the killing of Abu Musab Al-Zarqawi and the non-indictment of Karl Rove, may lift President Bush’s poll numbers, allowing the White House and the GOP to get off the defensive. [WP; WP] Read more on Daily Briefing: A Rising Tide?…