By the Comics Curmudgeon
Did you know that right now, thanks to some extra-tasty crack that the Gays slipped to the members of the DC City Council, dudes are marrying other dudes in our nation’s capital, and ladies are marrying ladies? This has been happening for about five years, of course, but only in parts of the country like “Vermont” and “Iowa,” which don’t count and may not even exist. But now it’s happening right here in the seat of government! The city where our Founding Fathers gathered to sign the most important documents in our history — the Magna Carta, the Second Amendment, and the Contract With America! MORE »

By the Comics Curmudgeon
Once every a generation or so, it’s important that our comfortable lives are shaken up, so that we can take stock and figure out what’s really important. Sure, economic disruptions are painful, but they can also herald a return to self-reliance and old-fashioned, time-tested values. Unfortunately, our current economic crisis passed that point weeks ago, so now you’re sort of just rubbing it in, Cold Dead Hand of Adam Smith. We promise to stop with the credit cards and the adjustable rate mortgages, OK? Just give us our fucking 401Ks back. Sadly, it appears that our political leaders will be forced to take truly drastic steps to stop our planet from being transformed into a vast hobo jungle. MORE »

Each July, world leaders and captains of industry meet at a beautiful Redwoods-studded campground in Northern California to have fun, make new friends and perform solemn human-sacrifice rituals beneath a giant owl who speaks with Walter Cronkite’s voice. The 2,700-acre compound in question is known as Bohemian Grove, and it’s basically summer camp for war criminals.

What’s this got to do with some 1970s’ UK model? Find out after the jump … if you dare.

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Mayan wizards are furious about Bush’s upcoming visit to the ancient Guatemalan city of Iximche, so they’re going to “spiritually cleanse” the pre-Columbian temples and palaces after Stinkoman leaves. Why so angry? Because they’re a bunch of libtard hippies, that’s why!

“That a person like (Bush), with the persecution of our migrant brothers in the United States, with the wars he has provoked, is going to walk in our sacred lands, is an offense for the Mayan people and their culture,” Juan Tiney, the director of a Mayan nongovernmental organization with close ties to Mayan religious and political leaders, said Thursday.

We don’t want to make a habit of defending our crappy president, but the dude has hardly persecuted the migrant brothers. Dude is basically merging Mexico with the United States, and the Bush Family is actually becoming Latino so they can rule the New Demographic, too. MORE »