Tag Archives: huma abedin

  so long farewell

A Children’s Treasury Of ‘Normal Real Person’ Michele Bachmann

She's real something all right
Photo by Beth Ethier While watching soon-to-be-former-Rep. Michele Bachmann tell the Values Voter Summit Friday morning that she is a “normal real person,” the sense of just how great a source of comedy we are losing with her upcoming retirement really hit home. Is there even a reason for Wonkette to go on existing once old Crazy Eyes walks off the House floor for the final time and flies back to a life of hot dish suppers and plagues of foster children? We’re going to mention this to the Editrix if she ever surfaces from her long sex tour of the West Coast. Read more on A Children’s Treasury Of ‘Normal Real Person’ Michele Bachmann…
  A regular Walter Winchell this one

White House Staffer Fancies Himself Another Wonkette, Now Has Plenty Of Time To Prove It

It looks as if beloved “comedian” and derp volcano Steve Crowder is not the only hacky jokester hitting the unemployment line this week. Yesterday a reporter for the latest casualty in Tina Brown’s long war against successful media properties broke the news that the White House has fired one Jofi Joseph for the crime of being a total smartass on Twitter. Hey Jofi, you should really leave that kind of bold career to professionals like Wonkette. Jofi had what sounds like an important job. He was a director of the nuclear non-proliferation staff of the National Security Council, where he worked on negotiating with Iran over its nuclear program. In his spare time, he apparently liked to blow off steam by going all Mean Girls on Beltway figures. Jofi’s tweets, posted under the handle @natsecwonk (he deleted the account last week), read like what the Heathers would have written if they had all survived high school and moved to D.C. to work as Congressional aides. Naturally, people inside the Beltway loved it. Read more on White House Staffer Fancies Himself Another Wonkette, Now Has Plenty Of Time To Prove It…
  you're fired

Today’s Totally True Story From The New York Post: Hillary Clinton To Huma, ‘It’s Weiner Or Me’

The New York Post, in its continuing quest to out-do its most obvious competition, has the scoop of all scoops from the Hillary ’16 killer campaign machine. Huma Abedin has got to get rid of that Weiner she’s been dragging around, or else get on up out of Hillary’s face. Because if there is one thing Hillary Clinton can’t stand, it’s some chick standing by a man who has publicly humiliated her with a bunch of other women. Read more on Today’s Totally True Story From The New York Post: Hillary Clinton To Huma, ‘It’s Weiner Or Me’…
  nothing but flowers

Perfectly Believable Gennifer Flowers Says She And Bill Would Be Sweetly Married Today If Not For That Hellbeast Chelsea

In an exclusive interview with the Daily Mail, Gennifer Flowers reveals that Bill Clinton was the “love of her life,” that they’d be married and living it up today if not for Chelsea, and that Clinton confided to her that Hillary is definitely bisexual. And would you believe this incredible interview just happens to coincide with the launch of Flowers’ new job as a sex columnist? Talk about lucky timing! Read more on Perfectly Believable Gennifer Flowers Says She And Bill Would Be Sweetly Married Today If Not For That Hellbeast Chelsea…
  don't stand so close to close to me

Sydney Leathers’ New Boobs Bounce Importantly Into Anthony Weiner’s Concession Speech

While we are all very busy remembering to never forget, let us take just a moment for A Very Important Think Piece on Sydney Leather’s new boobs and their appearance at Anthony Weiner’s NYC mayoral concession speech. (He lost big time.) Cause oh yeah, she got some, and boy, they are not real and we are not so sure they are spectacular, but we will stay tuned for whatever porn she says she is definitely not doing, for which she used (we are sure) some guy’s money to buy them. To flash around. At a concession speech. Like a lady. Read more on Sydney Leathers’ New Boobs Bounce Importantly Into Anthony Weiner’s Concession Speech…
  journamalism

Fox News Explains It Is Hard For Weiner To Get It Up For Terrorist Wife

In an attempt to out-stupid MoDo’s claim that Huma stays with Anthony because she’s just too Saudi Arabian to know better, Fox News would like to dumbsplain to you that though Huma is bitterly clinging, Weiner does not want to tap that ass anymore because of how she’s a Muslin who wants to destroy ‘Merica. Smart take! Read more on Fox News Explains It Is Hard For Weiner To Get It Up For Terrorist Wife…
  stop trying to make fetch happen

Sunday Bloody NYT Sunday, Maureen Dowd Is Eternally Terrible Edition

We didn’t really think about what we were getting into when we suggested that this “Reading the NYT with Yr Wonkette” thing happen. Key piece of information overlooked: we would actually have to read the thing, often during peak “recovering from hangover” time. We are A Idiot. But enough about us. What’s up with this week’s Sunday New York Times? Read more on Sunday Bloody NYT Sunday, Maureen Dowd Is Eternally Terrible Edition… Read more on Sunday Bloody NYT Sunday, Maureen Dowd Is Eternally Terrible Edition…
  stand by your man

Anthony Weiner Lets It All Hang Out

The New York Times Magazine gets the fascinating in-depth interviews with disgraced former Jockey model Anthony Weiner and his lovely and graceful wife, Huma Abedin. At the end of May in 2011, Clinton joined President Obama for an official trip to London, ending with a state dinner at Buckingham Palace. “And for some unbelievable reason,” Abedin says, “the White House included me not only in staying at the palace but also in the dinner with the queen. . . . I remember sitting in this spectacular room in the palace at my little desk, writing a note to Anthony saying, ‘I cannot believe what an amazingly blessed life that we live, these incredible experiences we’ve both had.’ ” She went on to Pakistan and then Washington, where they landed very late. “The next morning he had left me a message: ‘My Twitter was hacked. When are you going to be here?’ ” Read more on Anthony Weiner Lets It All Hang Out…
  keeping us safe

Michele Bachmann Still On House Intelligence Committee

Did you feel safer sometime around 11 a.m. Eastern on Friday? Almost as though someone (or someones!) very capable was keeping an eye on our enemies, both foreign and domestic? Of course you did, this is because John Boehner has put Michele Bachmann on the House Intelligence Committee again. Aren’t we lucky, Amercia? USA! USA! No, the demands to have her removed aren’t because she is stupid, because there are plenty of other stupid people doing incredibly important things these days, (see, for example, most of the people on the Committee on Science, Space, and Technology), and this is the new normal. Stupid people doing important things are all the rage these days, no one can be bothered about it. No, that’s not it, people are upset about this particular stupid person because she has made “controversial” statements, which has made “some people” have some “concerns:” Minnesota Republican Rep. Michele Bachmann has been reappointed to the House intelligence committee despite concerns about some of the controversial statements she has made. Read more on Michele Bachmann Still On House Intelligence Committee…
  twinkle twinkle

Texas Congressman Louie Gohmert Casts Aspersions On Potency Of John McCain’s Scrotum

Yes, you are the newest supernova in the Wonket Cavalcade of Stars, Texas Rep. Louie Gohmert, but are you burning too bright? Having just in the past week joined in Michelle Bachmann’s search for Arabs under the bed, and then gotten it just right with his explanation that Aurora was caused by Jealous Jeebus, Louie Gohmert is now calling out John McCain for not hating Muslins enough, and questioning the fullness of his sac full of swimmers. But at least he has not called for McCain to take “a final dirt nap” — you know, a dirt nap OF VOTES! Read more on Texas Congressman Louie Gohmert Casts Aspersions On Potency Of John McCain’s Scrotum…
  derp

Calm, Judicious Tea Partier Seeks Total Recall Of Traitor Muslim-Lover John McCain

O HAI JOHN MCCAIN! Sometimes you seem to understand that your party (AND YOU) have thrown in your lot with a bunch of neo-Nazi troglodytes of terror. And then usually you go right back to cynically exploiting these dumb biddies and their lunatic leaders for your own political gain. Hey that’s just how it is, Jake, it’s POLITICSTOWN. But this week, there was a nice and pretty damsel being Arab-baited by a cabal of nutballs in the actual Congress, and you did the right (and so gallant!) thing and thundered against it in your wavery old man voice from the Senate floor. Well, that was your first mistake, as now your bosom buddies are stomping and slavering and banging their feet. They are calling for your recall — your TOTAL recall, if you will, the kind that happens with a “final dirt nap.” Uh. Read more on Calm, Judicious Tea Partier Seeks Total Recall Of Traitor Muslim-Lover John McCain…
  rino

John Boehner Also Won’t Defend Michele Bachmann For Randomly Accusing Top Officials of Terrorism

As usual, all your Wonkette had to do was demand accountability in a single post and boom, there it is: accountability. It’s not such a bad gig, being the most powerful blog in the universe. (We would imagine.) Isn’t it a delight to see everyone finally condemn Michele Bachmann for smearing Hillary Clinton aide Huma Abedin, instead of simply laughing this off as one more thing? You’ve got your Walnuts, Ed Rollins, Marco Rubio, some other folks, and now John Boehner, who said today: “I don’t know Huma. But from everything that I do know of her, she has a sterling character, and I think accusations like this being thrown around are pretty dangerous.” You know what else would be pretty dangerous, Boehner? Huma Abedin plotting another 9/11, right now, with Egypt and her husband, Mr. Penis. Read more on John Boehner Also Won’t Defend Michele Bachmann For Randomly Accusing Top Officials of Terrorism…
  arabs under the bed

Former Bachmann Campaign Manager Ed Rollins: Unlike Michele Bachmann I Am Not Evil Or Nuts

Now that Sen. John McCain has put on his biannual Integrity Cloak again, and denounced Michele Bachmann’s Arab Hunt from the Senate floor, a few other people would like to get into the act. One is Bachmann’s former campaign manager, Ed Rollins, who also worked for Reagan and Mike Huckabee and would like you to know that, hey man, just cause he was Bachmann’s campaign manager and tried to make her president of the United States doesn’t mean he too is a dangerous nut! Read more on Former Bachmann Campaign Manager Ed Rollins: Unlike Michele Bachmann I Am Not Evil Or Nuts…
  spies like us

Never Forget: Michele Bachmann Is The Real Victim Of Calling People Muslim Terrorists

Fun times at the Capitol! First Congresswoman Michele Bachmann (who sits on the House Intelligence Committee) released a letter saying Hillary Clinton’s top aide, superhotty Huma Abedin (who is married to Anthony Wiener, known Jew, also) is probably a Muslim terrorist! After all, why is the State Department giving security clearances to people whose fathers once knew a guy who knew a guy who might have given some money to the Muslim Brotherhood, HENGHHH? And then John McCain had one of his biannual decency jags, and went on the floor of the Senate and struck Michele Bachmann across the face with a glove and challenged her to a duel, for Abedin’s honor. And now Michele Bachmann is really, really butthurt that people would be so MEAN as to “distort” her McCarthyite witch-hunt letters, when all she did was call State Department employees part of the cabal of Muslin Satan! HOW DARE PEOPLE SAY MICHELE BACHMANN’S WORDS THAT SHE WROTE? Read more on Never Forget: Michele Bachmann Is The Real Victim Of Calling People Muslim Terrorists…
  crazy batshit nonsense

Anthony Weiner Scandal Caused By His Secret Conversion To Islam

Was anyone else wondering during this Anthony Weiner scandal whether this whole thing was because Jewish Anthony Weiner is secretly a Muslim? Right-wing “Islam expert” Robert Spencer thinks so, because here is what he knows: Weiner is sneaky, exactly like a secret Muslim would be. And he is married to a Muslim woman, which means he automatically converted to terrorism in his sleep right after Bill Clinton married the two of them. Bill Clinton is also a secret Muslim, and Hillary Clinton is a giant lesbian for Anthony Weiner’s wife. What? Oh, fine, Spencer does not exactly say that Anthony Weiner likes to beam his weiner pix all over the Internet just because he is a secret Muslim. This more likely explains the fact that he is a liberal who does stupid things.  Read more on Anthony Weiner Scandal Caused By His Secret Conversion To Islam…
  this week in democrat romances

Secret Weiner-Abedin Engagement Finally Revealed!

Anthony Weiner, the Democrat who infuriated many libtards by refusing to run for New York mayor and saying mean things about Jon Stewart once, can infuriate them all over again by officially taking one of the cutest, most shiny-haired Clinton staffers off the market. He proposed to Hillary Clinton’s best girlfriend Huma Abedin in late May and we just found out about it, because of … secrecy? Anthony Weiner is Dick Cheney in a pantsuit. [AP] Read more on Secret Weiner-Abedin Engagement Finally Revealed!…